Our trip to Florida was wonderful. It was many things – a spring break getaway, a warm-weather delight early in the season, abundant cousin time, a chance to eat more frozen bananas and return to one of our favorite idyllic spots – but mostly, it was time together to honor my in-law’s fifty years of marriage. I would love to share a bit about our celebration today!
First, though, the rest of the trip: it was a dream. We had near-perfect weather, with nary a drop of rain until we drove out of town: it was mid-70’s and sunny or partly cloudy most days. Like last time, we rented a large home in Watercolor and rode our bikes and the included golf cart all over the community.
We ate the aforementioned frozen bananas, we played pickleball and tennis, we went to the beach, we worshipped at the Seaside Chapel on Palm Sunday.
We went to all three pools (Camp Watercolor, the Frog Pool, and the beach club), we set out in a flotilla of paddle boards and kayaks, we cooked lots of meals, we played lots of cards. We took many evening walks, and I even finished two books (this one and this one!).
We also took a jaunt one evening to North Beach Social, a bayside restaurant with outdoor tables, a kids’ area, and live music. We had a blast and it was the perfect spot to celebrate my nephew’s fourth birthday (complete with a Publix cake, a Florida classic!).
It was particularly fun to watch Annie enjoy herself, as she was just two months old when we visited in 2021. She was ob-sessed with the big waterslide at Camp Watercolor and belly-flopping into the pool; took a hilarious and inexplicable disliking to her Uncle Seth, who is a reliable kid charmer (he won her over by the end of the week!); loved riding in the Bee alongside a cousin; and enjoyed being the only kid to accompany her mama and aunts on a shopping trip one morning.
I was a poor influencer on this trip, as almost all of my camera roll is filled with smiling family members instead of scenic hot spots. If you’re interested in a few more details about what there is to do and see in Watercolor, my post from 2021 might help!
What I would love to go into detail on, though, is how we celebrated my in-law’s wedding anniversary. As we all know, celebrating well usually takes a lot of intentionality and forethought. I’ve missed opportunities to do so many times! As a group, I think we pulled together a really sweet and meaningful evening, and I’d love to share what we did in case it helps one of you with your own celebration.
First, it’s worth mentioning that my in-law’s graciously footed the bill for the majority of the house rental. On the one hand, this is kind of funny – we were celebrating them! On the other, when I think about myself and John (should we be lucky enough to celebrate 50 years of marriage and have the means to do so), there will likely almost nothing else we’d rather spend money on than bringing together our kids and grandkids for a week. So yes, I totally get it. We are incredibly grateful they chose to help make this week happen for all of us.
Most of the week was a fairly typical vacation (see above), but Wednesday was set aside for the official celebration. A couple of months before, we had booked a private chef to come to the house and prepare dinner. This ended up being a fantastic decision. We were visiting Florida during spring break week, and it was busy. If all 15 of us had tried to go to a sit-down restaurant for our special dinner, it likely would have been a) chaotic, b) loud, c) challenging to be present while managing small children, d) expensive, or e) all of the above.
Instead, we had a peaceful, delicious dinner in our lovely rental home where we enjoyed conversation and our kids enjoyed themselves, too. For four courses, we paid just over 1,000 for 15 of us, which included tax, service fees, gratuity, the private chef, and a server. We booked through Swiftly Catered and would recommend them!
A few other intentional details and highlights of the night:
We tidied the downstairs before the chef arrived. Of course, we tried to keep the common areas clear throughout the week, but things pile up with so many people staying together. We cleaned off surfaces, tucked away pool bags, and scooped up board books and crayon pouches. This made a huge difference!
We dressed for the occasion. From grandparents to preschoolers, we all chose a more formal outfit for the evening’s festivities. Since we weren’t transitioning to a new space as in a restaurant, this helped it feel more like an occasion. Everyone looked lovely :)
The kids dined separately. While we enjoyed the hors d’oeuvres course, the kids were busy upstairs (more on that below). For the rest of the meal, they were seated on the screened porch while the grown-ups (and Annie, in a high chair), ate in the dining room. This was how we ate most dinners, and it was perfect: we could see them clearly, but could not hear them, ha. Once the kids finished their meal (much more quickly than us!), we settled them in with a movie upstairs and enjoyed another hour of conversation.
The kids stole the show. At least one of the cousins has a theatrical streak, and somehow the 7 of them decided to write and perform an original song. And so they did :) It was, you know, not the MOST musically advanced, but they knew their audience and the grandparents loved it.
We asked questions. With my brothers-in-law leading the way, we used our dinner table conversation to guide my in-laws into reminiscing about their 50 years together. We talked about how they met, their first date, what attracted them to each other, their engagement and wedding, their hardest and best years of marriage, and more. It was funny and sweet and I think it meant a lot to them to get to share. (And of course we all loved it.)
We wrote notes. Some of the family is more reserved, so emotional, long-winded toasts aren’t really the group’s vibe. Instead, each child + spouse pair wrote a note in advance to share with the parents. This was quite meaningful to me, and John’s parents reflected that it was meaningful to them, as well. Just as John has been with me for more than half of my life, so have his parents. I was grateful to have a reason to share with them again my gratitude for the gift that their son is to me and our children, for all that they sacrificed to give me that gift, to thank them for specific moments in our past, and to share what their marriage and role in my life has meant to me. I’m tearing up just thinking about it! It can feel strange to be so vulnerable, but it is always worth it.
We played the not-so-newlywed game. To finish the evening, we pulled out two white boards and a prepared list of questions and compared their answers to questions like “do you have a song?” and “what was his/her first job?” We laughed, we learned a few new things – a perfect cap to the evening.
Something else we talked about at dinner: our memories of our grandparents’ 50th anniversaries. Both John’s and his sisters’ Dad’s parents and my Dad’s parents were lucky enough to reach 50 years of marriage, and we all remember the celebrations – in their case, a party in the church basement, and in mine, a party on the church lawn :) All happy memories. I hope our children will have the same many years from now.
I’d love to hear: do you have memories of celebrations for your parents’ or grandparents’ milestone anniversaries? Did you do something memorable to celebrate? Please share!
The parenthetical portion of this post’s title felt important, because though this is a solid overview of what constitutes “family goals” in the life of our family right now (with a 7-, 4-, and 1-year-old), I guarantee they will evolve. Right now, our family goals are almost entirely parent-directed, but over time, I look forward to folding our kids into the process. And you know we will be encouraging our kids to set their own goals once they’re a bit older :)
But that day is not today. So let’s dive into what family goals look like for us right now!
How do we come up with our family goals?
At our end-of-year celebration dinner, one of the questions John and I discuss (after reviewing what went well and where we struggled in the past year), is “what are our goals for the year ahead?”
I’m usually in the middle of completing my PowerSheets Prep Work and finalizing my personal goals when we have our celebration dinner; all that the PowerSheets process has stirred up is fresh in my mind, and inevitably comes to bear on the conversation. In this way, though John and I don’t fill out PowerSheets together, they definitely play a part in our family goal setting.
Unlike my personal goals, which I land on after many hours of reflection and sometimes extensive hemming and hawing, setting our family goals is simple: we generally leave dinner with them in hand.
How do our family goals differ from my personal goals?
Our family goals are things that matter to both of us that we’d like to complete, achieve, or focus on in the year ahead. They fall into a few categories most years:
— Natural next steps of long-term goals we’re working toward — Goals that John and I both feel led to pursue and that we will be pursuing jointly — Goals that will have a noticeable impact on how our family spends our time — Household “to dos” that will require our effort, money, or time. (Think: not particularly visionary or exciting, but they need to happen.) — Fun things we want to prioritize that need extra visibility to happen. (Maybe we’ve struggled to follow through in the past, or they require more planning.)
We also usually throw John’s personal goals onto the family goals list, because he only has a few and doesn’t require a fancy planner to make progress on them :)
Overall, our family goals are ones that involve a significant amount of John’s and my, or our entire family’s, energy, buy-in, time, and/or money. My personal goals, on the other hand, mostly involve my own effort and time, and don’t really need anyone else’s buy-in.
How do we stay accountable to our family goals?
While I use a somewhat elaborate system to break down and track my personal goals, we go super simple with our family goals: we stick them to the fridge :) In the days after our end-of-year dinner, I’ll type them up and print them out. (This is a good chance to review them one more time and make sure we didn’t forget anything.) Then, they go on the fridge, where they’ll stay for the rest of the year.
It sounds simple (and it is), but it’s effective. We both see them every day, which keeps them top of mind. We’ll often talk while standing in the kitchen, so it’s easy to chat through a next step or remind each other of a goal that’s coming up since the list is right there. As you’ll see below, our family goals do tend to be more specific, which makes them easy to live out – they either don’t really need to be broken down any further, or the steps to break them down are naturally clear.
Finally, I would add that we take our family goals seriously, but we hold them lightly. Yes, we want them to get done, but neither of us are the type to stress out about whether or not they get accomplished. We know we’re moving in the right direction and that what most needs to get done will get done. Progress, not perfection :)
Are our kids involved in setting our family goals?
At their current ages (7, 4, and 1), they are not – John and I set them on a date night. I fully expect we will involve them more in the future, but for now, it’s just the two of us.
June did peruse the list after it went up on the fridge and let us know she thought they were “good goals,” so at least we have her approval :)
What are our family goals for this year?
I’ve organized them into the categories above and added a little explanation where helpful!
Natural next steps of long-term goals: — Increase giving to Home Free by X amount. “Home Free” is what we’ve dubbed our mortgage fund account. When we set our budget for 2023, we decided to increase the amount we’re transferring to it each month. It’s been three years since I last shared about our mortgage plan and I think we might be due for an update, because we’ve been in talks about changing our strategy…
Joint goals: — Eat more fish. We very occasionally eat shrimp and almost never eat fish at home, and we’d like to change that. Recipe or preparation recommendations welcome in the comments! — Stretch nightly and increase flexibility. We were in a great rhythm of doing a 10-minute Peloton stretch together before we went to bed each night, but John’s injury and Annie’s birth knocked us off course. It feels SO good when we’re consistent, plus it has other benefits, like helping us get to bed on time and at the same time. — Complete 5000/6000 Peloton minutes. After trying out several different strategies over the past few years, we’ve found that tackling our workout goals together – and for the most part, working out at the same time – is most effective for us. Happy to write more about this if it’s of interest!
Goals that will impact how our family spends our time: — Begin piano lessons for June. I am equal parts nervous about and excited for this. I am sure we’ll unpack this on the blog at some point in the future. — Enjoy monthly kid dates. We are scaling up the frequency and scaling down the expense/logistics for these after our inaugural year in 2022. John and I will each take one of the older kids to do something solo each month, swapping kids each month. Think: going on a bike ride, going to get bagels or ice cream. — Swim lessons for older kiddos. — Have a family over for dinner every month. One of my personal goals that will require the whole family’s buy-in! — Adjust to 3 day/week rhythm. We recognize that my shifting time away from work will have ramifications on our family life, and set this goal as a reminder to stay in tune as this change rolls out.
Household to dos: — Paint master bath cabinets. — Pressure wash the patio. — Update our legacy box. This also appears on my personal goals, as the portions that will fall under my purview will require dedicated effort.
John’s personal goals: — Read the Bible. He is followingBibleProject’s One Story that Leads to Jesus plan and usually listens to the scripture/watches the videos while getting ready for bed. — Reach first rung of compensation ladder. This is for his variable compensation at work.
Fun things we want to prioritize: — Camp in backyard. This is super simple, but just complicated enough that it’s easy for it not to happen (and it didn’t happen in 2022, which earned it a spot on this year’s list). — Play more tennis on weekdays. We did this once after my work hours changed, and it was an absolute delight. More of this in 2023! — Go to a Duke game. Because we live too close to Durham for us to have gone so long without seeing a game :)
I’d be happy to answer any questions you might have about our family goals! And I’d love to hear if you set family goals, or your kids set goals, or if you plan to do either in the future.
By now, most of you are probably aware that our tenth-anniversary trip was rerouted at the last minute. With a hurricane bearing down on Bermuda, we booked new flights and accommodations less than 24 hours (!) before departing for Mexico (!) in a grand pivot. Though it was a stressful few days leading up to the trip, it all worked out wonderfully: for our scrambling, we were rewarded with five days of relaxing, enjoying each other’s company, reminiscing, and casting vision for our next ten years of marriage in our own mini marriage summit. It was a true gift. I’d love to tell you about it and share a few photos today!
Before we get to the fun, though, let’s do a brief recap of the stress, ha. Those may look like two happy faces on an airplane to paradise, and they were, but in the week leading up this moment things weren’t quite so happy. About a week before we were due to depart, we began watching the weather (as one does). John also began tracking the weather on various websites and apps (as he does, amateur weatherman that he is). And what did we see? A hurricane headed straight for Bermuda. No worries, we thought: surely the track will change in the next seven days. So every day we checked, and every day… it remained resolutely headed for our island. Five days out… four days out… three days out… still headed straight for Bermuda.
We began to feel more and more nervous. At some point, one of us suggested something about how maybe we should consider alternative options…? To which the other probably said something like, no way! Really? No, we probably don’t need to. Nah…….. but the track continued to not change, and the hour of our departure inched ever closer.
About 48 hours out, we agreed that continuing with our trip to Bermuda was not a viable option for us. The hurricane was scheduled to directly hit the island the day before our departure back to the U.S., and we felt we couldn’t risk getting stuck on the island for days with no power or water and our kids back home. We considered postponing the trip, but agreed we’d rather go forward with a trip of some sort since we had both taken the time off work and my parents had cleared their schedules to watch our kids.
(Side note: We had purchased travel insurance, since we were traveling in hurricane season. However, Bermuda needed to be under a hurricane watch or warning for our insurance to activate. This was challenging, since the hurricane was supposed to hit toward the end of our trip, and watches/warnings are generally only issued 24-48 hours before landfall. We had to make the decision to rebook our flight and accommodations before knowing we would receive a reimbursement for our Bermuda itinerary, which was unnerving, financially.)
With that decision made, John dove into research mode and began obsessively searching for a new destination: somewhere warm, a short and easy plane flight away, and not in a hurricane’s path. Though he considered many destinations, including domestic options, he quickly narrowed in on Mexico, and then Banyan Tree Mayakoba. I wish I could tell you all the details and what about it stuck out to him – it was not on our radar at all before this week – but he handled all of the research and most of the decision-making. I glanced at a few photos before giving it my thumbs up and hopping on the phone to book our room.
And then 24 hours later, we were there! We drove the two hours to Charlotte, then hopped on a 2.5-hour flight to Cancun. (Everything everyone says about flying sans-children being its own vacation is entirely true. Though we were still winding down from the stress and adrenaline of changing our plans and getting out the door, just sitting in the airport reading a magazine and not managing little people was incredibly relaxing!)
But of course, that was only our first taste of what was to come. After making our way through the bewildering gauntlet of taxi drivers at the airport door, we found the driver we’d booked through the resort and made the 40-minute drive to Mayakoba.
The view from the lobby in the main building. Cello is off to the left and breakfast was served to the right.
Once we stepped on property, we never stepped off until we headed back to the airport. We might have done things differently if we had had more time to plan, but we didn’t feel like we were missing anything by staying in place. Mayakoba is a beautiful and unique property. It’s a large natural preserve of mangrove forest set next to the ocean, with canal waterways crisscrossing the property. The rooms are spread out around the acreage, with some at the main building in the heart of the jungle and others near the ocean (our room was on the beach – an oceanfront veranda pool suite). Our room came with bikes to move around the expansive property and our rate included breakfast, too.
It also included fresh salsa, guacamole, and lime-y margaritas as we signed our check-in paperwork, which is a very direct route to my heart.
The margaritas may have made the cost go down easier, too. Because of course, this trip was a splurge – though one we had planned for, saved for, and felt incredibly grateful to experience. The view from our room alone was an embarrassment of riches.
The funny thing about our grand pivot was that in the end, we actually got a more luxurious vacation than we had originally planned: Bermuda is just a generally expensive locale, and we were already planning to splurge there. When we rerouted our budget to Mexico, a much less expensive location, it went further. We soaked up every minute. There are lots of things our money has to go to, but when John and I think about the money we get to spend, there are few things more worthy of celebrating than ten years of marriage to a best friend.
At top is the pool at the Sands Beach Club, close to our room. Below is the pool at the main building.
After exploring our room, we headed out to the beach. We swam in the ocean. We took a dip in our pool. We lounged by the resort pool. We rode bikes around the property. We had more chips and guacamole and margaritas.
It turned out it was totally fine that we hadn’t made any reservations or plans: we were perfectly happy to spend our days with no agenda, moving from one body of water to another.
We anchored our days with big breakfasts at the buffet in the main building and with dinner at one of the restaurants on-property. That buffet, man. We actually had the option each day of a plated breakfast at the beach restaurant near us or the buffet breakfast, and once we had the buffet we never sampled the plated breakfast, ha!
Walking to dinner the first night at the Sands Beach Club
For dinner, the concierge helped us make reservations for the first three nights when we arrived, and then we returned to our favorite on the fourth and final night. We had our choice of times and locations throughout our stay: we were lucky that we were traveling in something of the off-season (September – December and January are their busiest months), so nothing ever felt crowded. In fact, we were often the only couple at the resort pool. Most of the other guests were attending a luxury travel conference, and were in seminars or off-property during the day.
We tried almost all of the on-property restaurants throughout our stay. We had dinner the first night at the Sands Beach Club, a beachfront spot a short walk from our room, which specialized in seafood and local Yucatan flavors.
The second night we ate at Cello, an open-air Italian restaurant in the main property. Cello overlooked the canal that flowed through the main building, and it was so beautiful to watch the boat moving in and out lit by lanterns and candles.
This photo of Saffron is the only one that’s not mine – my photos just didn’t capture the magic!
Our third and fourth nights we ate at Saffron – it was so magical that we immediately knew we needed to return for our final dinner. Built on floating docks over the water, it was an experience.
The Thai food was delicious, yes, but everything from how we were greeted, to the service, to the setting, was just so special. Probably the most magical dining experience we’ve ever had.
This is as good a time as any to mention the service: it was phenomenal – from top to bottom – throughout our stay. The entire staff was so warm and kind, professional, quick to help with anything we needed and eager to make our stay wonderful, especially when they heard it was our anniversary.
One other element I need to mention that added to the magic: our favorite way to move around the resort was actually via the canals, in a boat that ferried us between the beach club and the main property via mangrove-draped canals. For free! We took the boat to and from dinner every evening and it was so lovely.
I mentioned that we didn’t go off-property, and that’s true, but we did have a few adventures on-property.
We rode our bikes on miles of path, we ducked down into a small cenote in the jungle (not one open for swimming), we tried to get close to the little racooon-like animals (coatis!) all over the property, we visited the village center shared with neighboring resorts, and we rented hydro bikes one afternoon for a guided tour through the canals. It was just the two of us and our guide, who told us all about his work as a free diver mapping the hundreds of Riviera Maya cenotes. The water was crystal clear and John was thrilled to see a crocodile.
In addition to these adventures, eating, and relaxing, we had one other priority: our marriage summit. As soon as we decided we were going on this trip, I knew I wanted to use some of our time away to reflect on the past ten years together, and vision cast and dream for the next ten. John and I have realized that our happiness in marriage is fueled in part by gratitude for what we have as well as our shared passion for looking forward with excitement and intention. I knew this was a chance to indulge in both that we could not pass up.
Our summit was nothing fancy, but it was a delight: the quality of the experience was directly related to the conversation and our desire to engage in it, not anything complicated we had planned. To prepare, I spent some time brainstorming a few questions before we left. I wrote each question at the top of a page in a thin notebook; we carried it with us around the resort.
We tackled 2-3 questions a day, while lounging by the pool or the beach or at a meal. Sometimes I’d sit and write while we talked, and sometimes I’d read the question and then we’d talk about it while we waded in the ocean or swam in the pool (and then I’d capture some of what we talked about on the page once we were dry). Some questions were fairly simple to answer, while others generated more than an hour of discussion.
An important note: these questions were designed to help us celebrate God’s goodness in our last ten years of marriage. We were not using this time to problem-solve or give constructive criticism or workshop an issue. Those things are important, and all have their place in our life together, but this was not it, ha. This was meant to be a joy.
I loosely grouped the questions into past, present, and future. Here are some of the questions we used:
THE PAST — What are some of our favorite adventures, trips, meals, and moments from the last 10 years? — Where have we seen God be gracious to us? — What are our keys to a happy marriage?
THE PRESENT — What are our family core values? Our mission statement?
THE FUTURE — What milestones will we mark in the next 10 years? — What adventures do we want to have in the next 10 years? — How do we want to be generous in the next 10 years? — What do we want to be part of our weekly, monthly, or annual rhythms?
The questions that ended up being our favorites to discuss were the keys to our happy marriage and the ways we want to be generous in our life together. I know everyone’s personalities and relationships are different, but I highly recommend trying something like this if you can create time away on a milestone anniversary. The questions themselves and the conversation they generated were wonderful, but just layering them into our days added such a unique and memorable element to our trip. I am so grateful.
And there you have it! A marvelous way to mark a truly marvelous decade of marriage. The decade itself would have been enough, but we are so grateful to have been able to mark it in this way. If you have any questions about our trip or summit or anything else, I’d be happy to help! Thank you, as always, for coming along for the ride!
For me, one of the delights of getting older is having the opportunity to model what a loving, generous, thoughtful grown-up life can look like to the kids and teens around me. Obviously, it must be said that I DO NOT do this perfectly, not even a little bit – but it is something I think about often. What messages am I sending to the younger people around me about what it means to be a grown-up? From looking at me, will they think it’s fun? A privilege? Something to look forward to? Or will they think it looks like a drag, something to be delayed as long as people?
And how about marriage? What will they think about marriage from watching and listening to me? Will they think it’s something that holds me back? That exasperates me? That erases me? Or will they sense it’s something that delights me, nourishes me, and challenges me to be the best version of myself?
In addition to my children, some of the people I am most aware of having the opportunity to influence are our babysitters. I think about it so much! At a time in their lives when, psychologically, they’re pulling away from their parents and looking more to their peers and social media, how interesting is it that they can come into our home environment – a somewhat neutral space – and (hopefully!) see the beauty and allure of something beyond high school or college life, or the shiny facade of social media. In the smallest of ways, I hope being welcomed into our lives expands their perspective of what matters in the big picture, and maybe gives them something to look forward to when school or their social life feels hard. (Or even when it feels like the opposite – like high school is the MOST FUN they’ll ever have in their life, and everything else will be downhill from there).
Or maybe they’ve literally never had these thoughts once, ha! But I suspect they have, because I remember having them when I was their age. In high school, I had teachers and other mentors who sparked my interest in grown-up life and inspired the direction I wanted to grow, and I am SO grateful for that.
All this as long-winded intro to sharing these “boxes of sunshine” that we sent to our two babysitters who started college this fall. June and I cruised the aisles of Target to select goodies for them; everything fit surprisingly neatly into fig bar boxes from Costco :) A little yellow tissue paper and curly ribbon brought everything together! Here’s what we included in our college care packages:
Scarecrow Crunch trail mix (one gal said this was her favorite item in the box and it really does look delicious)
And a note from me, a letter from June, and a drawing from Shep. Of course, it must be said you could literally put any one of these items and a heartfelt note in a mailer and ship it off to an 18-year-old and it would bring a smile to their face, but we had fun putting these together.
I would love to hear if you ever think about the messages you’re sending to the younger ones around you! If you do, what’s the message you hope you convey?
