When we shared a few months ago that Southern Weddings was retiring, I promised that I’d always be available to offer wedding planning advice. After all, weddings are my first love, and I’ll never tire of chatting about them! Today’s Marvelous Money topic is giving me the perfect opportunity, falling as it does at the intersection of celebrations and personal finance. From Judy, the reader who emailed me:

I’m engaged and getting married in just a month, and I’ve been thinking a lot about how the wedding fits into our overall financial priorities. My fiance and I are lucky to share similar views as you and John – pay off debt fast, save a lot, and spend only on things that bring joy. I am so excited for the wedding, but I’ve been having a hard time justifying some expenses in the perspective of our broader financial goals. Should we really pay for several hundred dollars of chair rentals, or just deal with less-than-ideal chair covers? Should I feel guilty about wanting peonies in my bouquet? Will prettier chairs actually be better than putting that money towards a vacation or retirement?!

I would love to hear your perspective on how you decided which parts of your vision were worth it, what you chose to forgo for practicality, and how you dealt with any complicated feelings about spending extra money on a wedding instead of saving for retirement or other more “practical” things. I know weddings are worth spending money on to honor the sacrament of marriage and celebrate with friends and family, but it’s so hard to know what it worth it, and what’s too far!

I love this question, because it has legs far beyond wedding planning — it will come up over and over again for anyone who follows a budget or has big money goals. (For us, currently, it looks like deciding how much we should prioritize making aesthetic upgrades to our living room.) But let’s break down Judy’s specific question a bit:

How we decided which parts of our wedding vision were worth it:

It sounds like a bit of a circular answer, but our spending priorities were the things that brought our vision most powerfully to life. In the first place, we had a very clear vision for how we wanted our easy-elegant-classic-garden party-seaside wedding to feel. From there, we identified the things we thought would add to it most strongly: our location, our tent, our band, and our caterer and chosen method of catering. A view out to the ocean, an airy, elegant tent, a live band playing swing music, and waiter-passed food versus a sit-down dinner: these things were fitting for our story as a couple and created a memorable experience for our guests, and so they were worth spending on (for us).

Don’t get me wrong: the micro decisions, like chair covers or peonies, were in some cases excruciating to make! But circling back to our overall vision always helped us align our priorities.

What we chose to forgo for the sake of our future finances:

We cut back or saved in areas that would not contribute significantly to our vision or the experience of our wedding. We served just beer and wine at cocktail hour, we added no decor to our beautiful chapel, I made our signage with scrap paper and addressed the envelopes myself, we played a custom CD at cocktail hour, we drove our own car instead of renting a vintage one, and I sold my dress to recoup more than 50% of the cost — to name just a few things.

We also knew the exact budget we had to work with, so we knew if we wanted to splurge somewhere, we’d have to cut back elsewhere. A money mindset shift that helped when we were feeling sorry for ourselves: it’s not that we couldn’t afford XYZ, it’s that XYZ wasn’t a priority for us. (This is a powerful shift for all budget followers!)

One major area where we did splurge without regret was our photography and videography. As someone who has consumed wedding images daily for literally decades, I have extremely high standards and very particular opinions. I wanted our wedding captured in a particular way, and I am so grateful we prioritized it – the photos and videos match perfectly with how I remember our wedding, strengthening my memories even six years on.

Why we decided to spend money on a wedding at all:

Our wedding was a magical day, a touchstone we will return to for the rest of our lives. It was a chance to honor and celebrate our community, to paint a picture of the beauty of the gospel, and to say to the world, this is who we are and who we will be, and this is what matters to us.

For all these reasons and more, we placed a high value on celebrating our marriage, and so we made it the first financial priority as we began our life together — as important as saving for a down payment or paying off student loans. Those things were so important to us, too, but only after the most important relationship we’ll have in this life was honored in the way we felt best.

You may or may not feel the same way. (I have two dear friends who chose elopements, and that was the perfect choice for both of them.) This all might sound incredibly silly to you, even!

Though I’m confident we could have celebrated well with a bigger or smaller budget, I don’t regret the amount we spent. After all, the point of budgeting and saving money is to have money for what’s most important to you. As people passionate about personal finance, John and I tend to highly prioritize our future selves. Our wedding was a good reminder that we only get one chance at certain things in life, and they don’t always line up neatly with when we have tons of extra cash lying around. From one frugal person to another: spend on the things that matter deeply to you — you’ll never regret it as long as you only spend money you have.

Friends, I’m laughing at myself because I tried to make this post as concise as possible and it’s still a novel! I hope it’s helpful, whether you’re currently planning a wedding or debating some other noble use for your money! I’d love to hear: if you’re married, what was the best thing you spent money on at your wedding, large or small?

P.S. Our sixth anniversary is on Saturday! I have another wedding-themed post coming up later this week :)

All photos by the wonderful Tanja Lippert

John and I are celebrating five years of marriage this week! (Our anniversary is on Friday!) I have some deeper thoughts coming your way soon, but today, I have a question for you: if you’re married, do your wedding photos look timeless?

I ask because I kind of keep waiting for mine to look dated, but at least to my eyes (and I do admit my eyes could be biased), they don’t. Maybe in another five years?

Maybe. Maybe not. After all, we made a lot of traditional choices: I wore a blusher veil. John wore a black tuxedo. I carried a white bouquet. My makeup was minimal. We were married in a chapel. Our centerpieces were in collected silver. We swayed on a black and white dance floor under a sailcloth tent, to the tunes of a big band.

Of course, there were other details that were more unexpected: we served donuts and cookies as our dessert. In lieu of favors, we made a donation to a pet adoption agency, and shared the news via watercolor portraits of our cats.

Each of those decisions, whether traditional or unique, was carefully considered, and chosen because it felt fitting for our story and relationship. Rooting our wedding in classic style was a way we honored the enduring legacy of marriage in our families. (Similarly, I love how our gold wedding bands link us to some of the treasured people in our lives with beautiful marriages — our parents, our grandparents — many of whom wear gold bands.)

I’m pretty familiar with weddings these days, and from my viewpoint, we are certainly in a “classic moment” (having shifted out of the rustic, shabby chic “moment” that immediately preceded it!). Blame it on the Duchess or Father of the Bride (a millenial childhood staple!), but I hear people talking about wanting to have a classic, timeless wedding a LOT. No one wants to look back on their wedding photos and cringe. While I certainly don’t think it’s a bad thing to have a “classic” wedding (obviously!), I think choosing something simply because it’s classic, not because it’s meaningful to you, is a missed opportunity.

After all, when your kids look at your wedding photos in twenty years and laugh at your choices (because they will certainly find something to laugh at!), don’t you want to be able to tell them why you made those choices? Why they were meaningful to you, why you loved them at the time? And don’t you want a better reason than “because it was trendy”? (Even if, ironically, the trend is classic style?)

Wedding photos looking dated isn’t a bad thing — it just means you’re lucky enough to have celebrated several years of marriage! :)

Alright, getting off my soap box. Friends, I would LOVE to hear: If you’re married, do your photos look “timeless”? Is that something you were striving for when making decisions? If not, what dates them? Do you care?

P.S. I think it can’t be understated that photography makes a big difference in whether a wedding photo seems dated. A big reason why our photos seem timeless is Tanja’s crisp, clean, true color film wizardry. Certain posing styles and processing techniques could make any wedding appear dated!

P.P.S. The best kind of dated wedding photos.

It’s become somewhat of a tradition for me to offer a few thoughts on our wedding anniversary. Year one I shared two things that had changed in our first year of marriage. Year two I shared a few pieces of marriage advice. Year three I shared about serving each other. And on our last dativersary, we talked about marrying the kind one.

This year, I wanted to share some advice from the priest who officiated Lisa and Dave’s wedding.

(Sidenote: Isn’t being invited to a wedding the greatest?! Not only do you get to celebrate with dear ones on one of the most momentous days of their life, possibly see far-flung friends and family members, twist and shout on a dance floor, and get dressed up, but, if you’re already married, you get to be reminded of the beauty and sacredness of your own commitment. And sometimes, apparently, you even get marriage advice!)

Anyway, I took several notes on my iPhone throughout their priest’s homily (which is pretty impressive in and of itself), but over the last year and a half I’ve continually returned to one. I’m paraphrasing, but this was the gist: “Human love runs dry, but divine love never does. Every day, ask for a portion of Jesus’ love for your spouse, and do you think he will give it to you? Of course!” There are several things I love about this advice:

— I love that it reminds me of the great love the Father and Son have for John, and for me. Seeing him through their eyes instead of my own is always a fresh view.
— I love that I have access to a well much deeper than my own. Even if I am predisposed to be grumpy or tired or stubborn or snippety, I need only to ask — and truly want — just a piece of Jesus’ patience, kindness, gentleness, and generous spirit, and it will be given to me.
— I love that it reminds me of the goodness of Jesus, how good his love is, and what a perfect example he is for all of my interactions every day. Just the smallest portion of his love is better than mine could ever be.

Tonight we are heading out for Italian at a newish restaurant in Durham, just the two of us. I can’t wait to get dressed up and spend time with my favorite person, reminiscing over the last four years and dreaming about the next four!

P.S. Should you want to read more about our wedding – you are in luck! It is one of my most favorite topics :) Most posts can be found here, and our (biased, but) amazing wedding film is here.

P.P.S. All of these photos are by Tanja Lippert, from our ceremony. Again, I’m biased, but she actually is the most talented wedding photographer of all time – or at least close to it :)

Friends, we have a wedding album! It’s been a long time in the making (2.5 years!), but it’s here, it’s gorgeous, and I couldn’t be happier.

When we were budgeting for wedding photography, we decided to put all of our resources into purchasing talent, not products. Our “package” only included wedding day hours, not albums or an engagement session or anything else. This was 100% the right choice and I would make the same one again in a heartbeat! Tanja was worth every penny. But, I did want a wedding album at some point – it’s one of my 60 Before 30 goals!

And I didn’t want just any album. We purchased Artifact Uprising wedding albums for our parents, which I loved, but for our one heirloom wedding album, I wanted the works: leather, classic styling, and thick, lay-flat pages.

I looked at Tanja’s albums first. She only offers one option, and it starts at $2,500. As much as I thought her albums were beautiful, there was simply no way that would ever be a feasible option for us. I kept looking, but it seemed like all of the albums I loved were only available through a photographer (not surprising, but still disappointing!). Then, I found Milk Books.

It was as if the angels started singing. Their Cream albums are actually used by photographers for clients, which starts to tell you about the quality. Lay flat board pages? Check. Art paper? Check. White leather, a beautiful presentation box, and simple and elegant layout options? Check, check, check.

Cream albums are still expensive (they start at $595 for a 20-page album), but compared to the options available through most photographers, they are a steal. Also, having been subscribed to the Milk Books newsletter for the past few months, I’ve noticed two nice things – they often run sales up to 50% off (seriously – I’ve seen at least two!), and you can pre-purchase an album at any time (during sales!) and then design and order it when you’re ready. So nice!

The Cream online layout system is good, but not perfect. I wish I had had the option of moving pages around, since it was hard to know how much room to allocate for certain parts of the day right from the start. I loved how simple and aesthetically pleasing the layout options were, though – it would be hard to design an ugly album!

Also: strange to design pages featuring yourself :) But, you know, I figured grandchildren might like to see one day.

Keep in mind, these pages are BIG. That full-bleed photo above measures more than a foot wide, and the wingspan of the open album is a whopping 28 inches!

I think if I had realized JUST how large the photos would print, I would have included a few more of the layouts with multiple photos. Let that be a lesson to y’all! These ended up being some of my favorite pages.

It took about a month for our album to be produced and shipped to us, and we had a mini viewing party when it finally arrived! We haven’t looked at it too often since, but that’s okay – I wanted a real wedding album not because I expected to crack it open every morning, but as an heirloom for years (and people) to come. That’s exactly what we got.

If you’re married, do you have a wedding album? If so, was it included in your photography package, or did you buy it separately? I’d love to hear!!

P.S. More wedding photos.

The kind folks at Milk Books offered me a discount on our album. Regardless, I’m just thrilled to share the best wedding album source I’ve found!