Welcome to the first EFM gift guide of 2024! No better place to start, as there’s no one I know better how to shop for than myself :) And I actually do plan to shop for myself this Christmas, as funny as that might sound. There are a few reasons why…
First, I am committed to a Christmas morning that is not simply my children opening gift after gift. I want them to see other people (a.k.a. me and John) opening and enjoying gifts, too, and understand that this morning is for them, but not all about them.
This is tricky, though, because while John and I try to exercise restraint in our giving, the handful of gifts we select for them are just the start: our kids also get gifts from two sets of grandparents. And aunts and uncles. And great aunts. And their siblings.
Which is so wonderful! But in contrast, John and I get gifts from… each other. Maybe one or two or three. And as both sides of our families have moved to swap systems or exchanged gifts for experiences, the balance of boxes under the tree has become more and more lopsided.
So yes, I’d like to even things out a little, and if I need to buy myself gifts to do so, I’m okay with that: I like getting things that I believe will improve my days or bring me little glimmers of joy, but gifts are not my main love language.
Second, I’m frugal. For years, in our early life together when we were living on less, I built my Christmas list with great care, earmarking things month in advance that I wanted but that simply didn’t fit in our budget. I’m grateful for all the gifts from parents and in-laws and siblings that for years filled in the gaps.
Though our budget has expanded, my frugal ways have mostly stayed the same — it still feels like I need an excuse to buy the special items that add a little joy, delight, comfort, and flair to my days but that I don’t need.
Christmas, then, becomes an opportunity to choose a few items that no one is going to buy for me… but me. (Usually at a discount – thank you, Black Friday!) And wrapping them and putting them under the tree kills two birds with one stone: I get a few things that have been on my wishlist, and my kids are reminded that Christmas joy is for everyone.
Is Christmas all about gifts? Of course not. But I do think the way we handle them in our homes can shape our children’s norms, expectations, and understanding of the world around them, and I want to handle that with care.
Now that we’ve got the (overly) deep discourse out of the way, let’s get to the goods! While these are gifts on my personal wish list, here’s hoping you might find something that would appeal to your sister, mom, mother-in-law, or friend, too. I’ve linked them below and rounded them all up here, if helpful!
On my wish list:
— The prettiest blue floral dress | I’ve been loyal to Lake’s pajamas for almost a decade but have never branched out into their other offerings. This dress looks like such an easy, swingy number to pull on.
— A personalized charm necklace | A dear friend has one of these necklaces and I think it’s an effortlessly chic (and meaningful!) piece. I’ve mocked up the Jane chain with four charms and am hoping for a Black Friday sale.
— A Blackwatch quilted pullover | Is this me embodied in a top? It just might be. I’d pull this on all fall and winter as a cozy extra layer and am always happy for an opportunity to buy from my favorite Maine company.
— A fluted mixing bowl | Our stand mixer is a permanent fixture on our kitchen counter and I think this would be the prettiest upgrade.
— A family snack box | I upped my snack game considerably from our first to second neighborhood swim season but this little guy would take it to the next level, keeping the plethora of fruit, veggies, goldfish, chomps, and treats we pack in place.
— A cozy sweatshirt that gives back | Hope Heals, a camp where families with disabilities experience respite free of charge, is precious and dear.
— A book of poetry | I’d keep Mary Oliver’s Devotions on my bedside table and slice off a poem to savor each evening.
— A family hymnal | I researched many options to find what I was looking for – music and lyrics for a wide selection of favorite hymns – and think this is it!
— A sun hat | I love my current sun hat but it’s not very packable and it doesn’t have a chin strap. A friend has this one and I think it would work well for boat rides and plane trips!
— A block print tablecloth | The loveliest neutral tablecloth that would be on repeat on our table throughout the fall.
— A cozy Christmas puzzle | Though I might have to break this out in advance – I’d rather see it on our table all month rather than under the tree on Christmas day!
And now, here are a few things I own and love that I think are worthy of adding to your wish list – or considering for your loved ones!
Clothing:
— A soft, chunky sweater | I bought this a few years ago and it is one of my favorite things in my closet. It’s easy (and so comfortable!) to wear, but looks really refined. The dark moss this year is so good! — Sleeveless linen dress | My favorite thing to wear in the summer! (Or this dupe, which my friend swears is just as good!) — Clementine shorts | Made for athletic pursuits but they look cute enough to wear out and about with a tee. My favorite colors right now are the Peri and Crushed Ice. — Kule tee | My favorite striped tee. I have the Classic in cream and navy, but it reads black and white to me. — Summersalt swim suit | I have the Sidestroke, the Oasis, and the Marina and I love them all. I would order up at least one size, as I think they run small. Very fun one-pieces and they’re always getting compliments from other mamas at the pool! — Lake Pajamas | It’s been almost a decade since I’ve worn any other pajamas (and in fact, still wear my original pair!). I wear the long-longs year-round and they feel so cool and silky. (I even added a holiday pattern last year!) — Joggers | My one and only pair of joggers, and they are regrettably worth it. I have the lake heather.
Shoes and accessories:
— Shearling slippers | At hours-of-wear, this item of clothing would probably clock in at the top of my wardrobe – they’re my go-to from when I walk in the door to hopping into bed. — Maylis shoes | I own and adore the Ella heels (in cream) and the Catherine loafers (in Maylis blue). Both pairs are comfortable, beautiful, well-made, and required almost no breaking in. Still in awe one of my bestest friends has seen a dream come to life in this company! — Ugg Classic Mini II Bootie | I was dubious about adding these to my wish list a few years ago, but I am fully converted. Priceless for staying warm in the winter, especially with walking June to school and hanging with friends and neighbors outdoors. — Hunter Play Rain Boots | I used to own tall Hunter boots and almost never wore them, because they were uncomfortable and hard to take on and off. I received the shorter version for Christmas a few years ago and ADORE them! Perfect for rainy walks and school pick-ups. — Julie Vos Penelope Demi Studs | I wear these 99% of days. Classic pearl studs with the loveliest gold-rim upgrade. — Bogg bag | Have you been to a public pool in the last few years? You’ve likely seen one of these tall-sided bags. We tote ours daily for neighborhood swims in the summer!
This post is already long, so I’ll save the non-clothing ideas – many of which feel more fitting for gifting to others – for next week! I also have posts in the hopper for grown-up and kid stocking stuffers as well as everyone’s favorite post: what we’re actually giving our kids this year!
Today’s post is just the tiniest hack, but one that’s made a big difference over the years in making the most of my clothing budget. Here it is: at several points in the year, I’ll review my purchases and consider whether they were money well spent — or not.
To back up a bit: like everyone, I don’t want to waste money on clothing. I want to feel great about what I buy, whether it’s a steal-of-a-deal thrift find or a highly-anticipated splurge. I don’t want new purchases to sit in the closet, gathering dust, either because of the material, the style, how they fit, or how they sit on my body. I want to love what’s in my closet and feel good about any money I’ve spent!
But, also like everyone else, I don’t always get it right. Sometimes I think I’ll wear something, but it never ends up being what I reach for — maybe the style feels impractical, the material isn’t comfortable, or I just don’t have the right place to wear it. Occasionally, I’ll get suckered in by a sale price. Occasionally, I’ll make a bet on a final sale piece that doesn’t pay off.
For me, pausing every so often to review my purchases helps me make better decisions in the future. My process is simple: around the turn of fall (late enough in the year that earlier purchases have had a chance to settle!), I’ll open up our budget doc and click to the clothing budget tab. There, I can see every purchase I’ve made this year, laid out plainly in front of me.
(If you don’t keep as detailed a budget as ours, this might be a little trickier — but you could still do a similar audit in your closet! Physically pull out the pieces you purchased in the last few months for consideration.)
Then, I’ll go line by line and highlight the items in green that have felt like great buys: I wear them, I’ve washed them, I love them. I’m so happy I spent money on them.
This, of course, lays bare the items that don’t get highlighted. Though it can be a little painful, I take a look at each line: what about it is holding it back from getting highlighted? Is it the price I paid? Is it the item itself? What insight can I tuck away that might keep me from making the same mistake in the future?
And… that’s it! I’ll do the same thing at the end of the year before I switch to the next year’s budget doc, marking up any purchases made in the last quarter. It’s quick, I try not to beat myself up about misses, but it’s really helpful for me to stop and look for what’s working and what’s not so that I’m not just spending, spending, spending, adding, adding, adding.
To close, here are just a few examples in each category from this year so far:
In the green category:
— These raffia ballet flats. I spent about $150 on them but they’re comfortable, they filled a need in my closet, and I’ve worn them all spring and summer. (And hey, if you like them, you can get them for wayyyyyy less than I paid – ouch, ha!)
— This striped pullover. (They don’t have my exact colorway, but this is the style!) I bought this in person on a whim this spring, and I hesitated over the price (a little under $100) – I hadn’t walked into the shop expecting to buy something like this! But, in looking over the list, this has been my absolute favorite thing I’ve bought this year and I wear it as often as possible. Absolutely worth it.
— A white v-neck tee and a white gauze shirt from Quince. Total workhorses in my wardrobe. I wear both of them most weeks and will year round. And at just $60 for both, a great deal.
— A magenta rain jacket. The rain jacket I’d had for years went missing last year, so I’d been casually on the hunt for a new one. I spotted this one in-store when I was looking for something else and took a gamble on such a bold color. It’s been the nicest splash of color on dreary days and I’m happy I bought it every time I put it on, even though that’s not that often.
And now for a few misses:
— A floral cap-sleeve top I bought from Tuckernuck on final sale. I have worn it once or twice, but probably wouldn’t have bought it if I could have tried it on in person – it’s just a little too fussy for me. And at $75, this one hurts.
— A teal and white striped long-sleeve tee from Alice Walk, also on final sale. While it’s so soft and I like the colors, the round neck is a tad high in a way I don’t love, so I don’t reach for it as often as I thought I would.
— An olive green dress from J.Crew. I did try this one on in-person, and I do like wearing it. But again, it’s a little fussy in the way it lays, so it’s not particularly easy to throw on, so I haven’t worn it much. If I had paid less for it I probably wouldn’t mind so much, but the $100 price tag makes it feel like more of a regret.
There are a few more in each category, but that gives you a taste! And hopefully, you can see how it’s easier to spot patterns that I can use in the future once I sort things into categories.
Your turn! I’d love to hear what your favorite clothing purchase of 2024 has been so far. And, if you’re feeling brave, maybe a miss, too :)
In somewhat surprising news, I’m happy with the way my face looks.
I say surprising, because, as of this week, I am 37, and drawing ever-closer (or perhaps I’m already there?) to the age where panic over the visible signs of aging often sets in. But I don’t feel panicked. In fact, I feel rather pleased. This seems worthy of exploration, and so I’ve been thinking about it quite a bit lately. Shall we explore together?
Here’s why I think I’m content so far with the aging process, and with my particular face — some reasons practical, and some more philosophical.
1. My skin looks objectively better than it did when I was younger. I had some acne in high school and despaired of bumpy, flaky skin on my forehead through much of my twenties. Over time, I’ve learned more about my skin and found products that work for me. (In case you’re wondering, I’d say only two have made an immediate, highly-noticeable difference: this charcoal soap, which evens out my oily/dry skin (I’ve been using it since 2017!), and this toner, which completely got rid of the forehead flakiness and smoothed out my skin overall (in the rotation since 2019).)
When you remember what things used to be like, it’s easy to be grateful for where you are now.
2. The signs of aging my skin does show are palatable to me. I have some serious laugh lines around my eyes. They truly don’t bother me at all – I see them as evidence of a joy-filled life with lots of reasons to smile. Other than that, I think my skin looks… kind of the same as it always has? I attribute this 100% to genetics, fanatical daily use of sunscreen since I was in college, and a penchant for wearing big hats when I’m spending time in the sun. Thank you, mid-aughts magazines, for drilling this into my head.
3. I am frugal. John and I are highly-motivated savers and givers, and I don’t have a ton of extra spending money lying around. Because of my frugality, more invasive (a.k.a. expensive!) procedures have always felt off the table — and so I don’t spend time researching them or analyzing before and after photos or even considering what’s possible. I’ve also never met with a consultant who told me all the things that could be improved, so it’s easier to be content with what I have. Ignorance is bliss :)
4. The faces I look at most are aging naturally. And many of them are the people I admire most. That’s in part because they’re mostly faces in the real world with me, not faces on a screen. My friends and family and the women at school pick-up and soccer and church and in my neighborhood are who I have for companions and comparison, not the cream of the internet.
I also read a lot about how social media, with its filters and ring lights and editing apps, is not realistic. This has inoculated me against the idea that online perfection is something to strive for; instead, I assume it’s artificially enhanced and move on.
5. I’m largely protected from ageism. The world can be a cruel place. I’ve had the same job for 15 years, and for most of that I’ve had only women colleagues. I don’t have to routinely get up in front of a boardroom of men, I’m not in sales, and I don’t often find myself in professional settings where I’m judged on my looks. Ageism and prejudice based on beauty is a real thing, but it’s just not a thing I’ve had to deal with.
6. Beauty has never been my foremost characteristic. To be clear: I could name plenty of things I wish were different about my face. It used to sting when other people’s looks were complimented more than mine, but now I’m grateful for it. From my teenage years, it right-sized my expectations: if I wasn’t expected to be “the pretty one,” it was okay that my skin wasn’t perfect and my face was only “good enough.” And it hurts a lot less to see something degrade or be less valued over time if it’s not something you hold dear.
7. And yet, a good, good man finds me beautiful. And he tells me that often. What more could I want or need?
8. Still, I don’t believe my beauty is a measure of my worth or value. This is beautifully rooted in my Christian faith. What makes me worthy is that I am made in the image of God, as we all are — and that never changes or fades. No matter my age or how I feel about the body God gave me, my value is secure.*
9. I tend to recognize the good old days when they’re here. I won’t look back in twenty years and wish I had appreciated how I looked. I know I have it good right now, which makes the idea of fixing what I have… kind of silly.
10. I am so grateful to be alive. I am grateful to age alongside my husband and children. And aging has a physical component. In this world, that’s just how it is.
This feels like a risky post to write. It could easily be misunderstood or misconstrued, or maybe I’ll look in the mirror in 10, or 20, or 30 years and feel quite differently. But I have achieved a measure of peace in this area of my life that spills out into so many others, and if there’s something about how I’ve gotten here that might be helpful to someone else, I want to share it — because there’s not many other people who will. At the risk of sounding like a conspiracist, a message of contentment in imperfection is not one that many online voices are incentivized to share, since it doesn’t really sell anything (except maybe sunscreen!).
So! I hope you receive this with the heart with which it was intended, and please do chime in with any thoughts of your own. I look forward to reading them!
I had actually prepped the chocolate chip cookie recap earlier this week, but after the feedback on gift guide timing, I figured I’d swap this one in instead! (No worries – the cookies will be making their way to a blog near you soon!) You all were VERY enthusiastic about the idea of gift guides, which I love – we all want to delight our people with thoughtful gifts! Today, I’m sharing a few things on my personal wish list, as well as a few other items I own and love that you might want to add to yours. Let’s go!
On my wish list:
—A new set of mixing bowls | The glass set of 7 bowls we took with us when we moved to North Carolina is down to three. This pretty set would be even better for all the little bakers joining me in the kitchen these days. (There’s also this set of 3 in a similar lovely green!)
— The sweetest library bag | We visit at least every other week, and our arms are always overflowing.
— A cozy blanket | It’s hard to choose from all of their patterns, but I think my favorite is the Harbor Herringbone in Cornflower. Use code HOLIDAY20 for 20% off.
— A fun tennis bag | Could double for pickle ball, too :)
— Shearling slippers | At hours-of-wear, this item of clothing would probably clock in at the top of my wardrobe – they’re my go-to from when I walk in the door to hopping into bed. My current pair has multiple holes after several years, so it’s time for a replacement.
— Sneakers | I desperately need new sneakers for actual athletic pursuits! Everywhere I turn it seems people are wearing On Clouds – thoughts? Any others to recommend?
— White dinner plates | We have 8 dinner plates in our everyday white china from our wedding registry, and I’d love to add four more. With Articles Club and hosting family, they’d all get used!
— Joggers | I don’t actually own a pair of joggers?! How is this possible in 2023? I’ve heard nothing but good things about these ones – I like the navy heather, lake heather, or stormy heather colors!
— The prettiest white sweater | The embroidery! The daisies! The white-on-white! Gah, I love it.
— Liberty track shorts | Divine. I have to ask for these as a gift because I’d never be able to choose a pattern on my own.
And now, here are a few things I own and love that I think are worthy of adding to your wish list – or considering for your loved ones!
Clothing:
— A wool coat in a fun color | My parents generously gifted a version of this coat to me last year (in punchy pink!), and it is SO fun to wear! This season’s green is gorgeous. — A tennis dress | One of my favorite new things I tried this year was taking tennis lessons, and I wore this dress (in green) almost every time. The dark periwinkle color is really pretty, too. — A soft, chunky sweater | I bought this on Black Friday last year and it is one of my favorite things in my closet. It’s easy (and so comfortable!) to wear, but looks really refined. The green is so good! — Clementine shorts | Made for athletic pursuits but they look cute enough to wear out and about with a tee. My favorite colors right now are the Zinnia, Rosewood, and Pistachio. — Kule tee | My favorite striped tee. I have the Classic in cream and navy, but it reads black and white to me. — Summersalt swim suit | I have the Sidestroke and the Oasis and I LOVE them both. I would order up at least one size, as I think they run small. Very fun one-pieces and they’re always getting compliments from other mamas at the pool! — Lake Pajamas | It’s been approximately five years since I’ve worn any other pajamas (and in fact, still wear my original pair!). I wear the long-longs year-round and they feel so cool and silky. (And you know I have my sights on a holiday pattern!)
Shoes and Accessories:
— Maylis shoes | I own and adore the Ella heels (in cream) and the Catherine loafers (in Maylis blue). Both pairs are comfortable, beautiful, well-made, and required almost no breaking in. Still in awe one of my bestest friends has seen a dream come to life in this company! — Tree Skippers | These shoes are incredibly comfortable and cute to wear with everything – dresses, shorts, jeans. Just make sure to wear no-show socks with them, as they are a bit prone to holes. — Ugg Classic Mini II Bootie | I was dubious about adding these to my wish list a few years ago, but I am fully converted. Priceless for staying warm in the winter, especially with walking June to school and hanging with friends and neighbors outdoors. — Hunter Play Rain Boots | I used to own tall Hunter boots and almost never wore them, because they were uncomfortable and hard to take on and off. I received the shorter version for Christmas a few years ago and ADORE them! Perfect for rainy walks and school pick-ups. — Julie Vos Penelope Demi Studs | I wear these 99% of days. Classic pearl studs with the loveliest gold-rim upgrade.
This post is already long, so I’ll save the non-clothing ideas – many of which feel more fitting for gifting to others – for early next week! I also have posts in the hopper for grown-up and kid stocking stuffers as well as everyone’s favorite post: what we’re actually giving our kids this year! AND, I’m going to try something new for the much-requested Yoto review – stay tuned! :)
