In this month, the first of the year, my attention is narrowly focused. I am aware that the demand of writing weekly on The Connected Family for a paying audience could easily become a stressor if I don’t carefully manage it, and so here at the beginning of the year, I consciously restrained myself on almost all other goals to create the space to start strong and get ahead in this one area. It’s a bit challenging (I’m excited about every one of my goals!), but I know this short-term narrowing will give me the most peace of mind and pave the way to branch out a bit more in the months to come.
Also, while we’re talking about TCF, I thought it might be helpful to do a little expectation setting here at the start.
For the last few years, my intention has been to share two posts a week on EFM. I didn’t always realize it, but that’s been the goal! With splitting my time between two platforms, going forward I plan to share one post on EFM and one post on TCF each week. TCF will be the home for all things family culture, kids + tech, and low-screen living – a deep well, considering everything that feeds into it! EFM will hold the rest: my goals, our travels, personal finance, faith, books, home updates, recipes, etc. My signature deep thoughts will feature on both :)
While this is, theoretically, the same amount of content, I recognize that only paid subscribers will now have access to all of it, and that is a change from the past 15+ years of blogging. I’m grateful to each of you that’s able to take the leap with me on this new venture. I also understand it’s not in the cards for everyone right now for various reasons, and that there might be disappointment that comes along with that. Please know I am very grateful for you and your support, in whatever form it takes.
On my calendar: — Our 19th dativersary! We’re taking a pottery class (part of John’s Christmas present!) to celebrate. — A goals night with our church community group. They asked me to lead a little session and I’m delighted to – it’s always an interesting challenge to translate CWM’s teachings for a new (and guys + gals) audience. — June’s birthday celebrations. She chose a “day of fun” this year (versus a party), and so we’re following her lead to visit the Museum of Life and Science, have lunch at Noodles & Co, play at a ninja gym, and have her very first sleepover with her BFF.
What I’m loving right now: — As a mom who works outside the home, I loved this essay from Coffee + Crumbs – and then one of my dearest friends texted it to me saying it had struck a chord with her, too! — I recently discovered that you can buy Olive & June items at Target. Did you know this? Their cuticle serum and polish remover pots were sitting right there in my local beauty section. Both are items I use and love! (I keep the serum in my bedside table drawer to apply right before I go to bed.) — Alstroemeria. They are not, like, the most beautiful flower God ever created, but they are in every single grocery store flower bin and they last for – I kid you not – a month in a cut vase. Perfect to brighten up cold January days.
As a reminder, you can find allll the things I’ve loved over the last few years neatly organized right here!
What you’re loving right now:
This is where I highlight a few items here that have been popular in the last month with fellow readers, based on my analytics. Here’s hoping this will help you find something you’ll love!
— Heavenly Hunks, and rightly so. — These stretch twill cropped pants in a faded green, one of my favorite purchases of 2023. — The delicious-smelling and effective tangle spray we use for Annie. — My daily face sunscreen! One of the products I MOST love to push on others :) — The snack box June uses for school. I bought one for Shep’s stocking but it didn’t fit, so I just set it aside for his Easter basket!
What I read in December: — The Hiding Place | Essential reading, for Christians and everyone else. The courage and moral clarity of Corrie and her family – who risked their lives to save Jews and underground workers in World War II and were sent to concentration camps for it – is frankly shocking to our modern sensibilities, but so needed. — How to Stay Married | This book was making the rounds of our community group and so I hopped on the bandwagon, too. A (true) tale of a wife’s infidelity and the havoc it wreaked on their marriage, it’s an unflinchingly honest and specific look at what contributed to drift in their marriage (on both sides) and how they fought to stay together. (And, weirdly, it’s funny.) It’s also a window into what the church and community can and must do well to help real people in the very real tragedies of their lives. — The Magician’s Elephant | June passed this Kate DiCamillo book to me after reading it and I enjoyed it! It’s a short, moody tale with poetic language and a happy ending. I’d recommend for third grade-ish.
Revisiting my December goals: Finish our 2015-2019 photo album (Not done yet but I am chugging away! I don’t have the heart to officially put it on my goals list for January, but do plan to continue working on it when I can!) Prepare well for my family’s visit See what I can do to continue to customize The Connected Family’s home on Substack (I did a little more customization but am also embracing simplicity for the moment! Banking on quality content over fancy graphics here at the start :)) Plan out content for Q1 of TCF, including brainstorming at least 100 newsletter ideas (Confirmed I will not run out of things to write about, ha!) Tackle our laundry room Tackle our downstairs linen closet Savor the Christmas season by focusing on loving the ones I love most, and loving those who need it the most.
January goals: — Kick off The Connected Family well with five weekly posts — Write ahead to complete drafts of February’s TCF posts — Complete at least 85 hours of deep work — Send an inquiry to our top builder candidate — Begin the Bible Recap reading plan — Read the first three chapters of Outlive — Take the Birds and Bees course — Prep for our Valentines mailbox
I also am tracking a daily habit of making kid lunches the night before in my PowerSheets, which has been going well so far!
Grateful for you, friends! Please feel free to comment on anything I’ve mentioned here or anything else on your mind!
My goals came quickly and clearly this year. That’s in part because there’s one – number 4 below – that I know will require an incredible amount of effort, diligence, heart, courage, focus, and time to get off the ground, and then continually shape and manage. My other eight goals are slotted in around it, aimed at maintaining or furthering the things that matter most to me.
This is an unusual year of goals for me. It’s more concrete, it’s more public, and it’s easily the most ambitious and challenging list I’ve set in a long while – maybe ever. I feel nervous to share that this is what I’m going after (again, looking at you, no. 4), because hitting “publish” immediately gains me many new accountability partners :)
At the same time, I feel grateful to be in a place where I can set this goal. Many years of goal setting with my PowerSheets have gotten me – and my family – to here, where we have rhythms, routines, and foundations that support what matters most to us. With those in place, it feels possible to move on this one thing that – to me – feels outrageously ambitious.
Without further ado…
1. Recover the armchairs. Let’s start with something simple and straightforward :) Our two cream armchairs, purchased in 2018, are a centerpiece of our main room. They’re comfy, they’re elegant, they’re incredibly well-made. Five years in, however, they’re also… dingy. Despite splurging for Crypton fabric at the start and diligently spot treating them over the years, the wear and tear of three small children and dark jeans, etc. has led to an overall dinginess that I can no longer deny.
So! The plan is to reupholster them in a performance velvet/microsuede/whatever our brown sofa is because that thing looks spotless after more than a decade, likely in a deep blue or soft green. While part of me is mourning the cream, I actually think another tone (and potentially a darker color) will give some more dimension to the overall room. And of course, I’m excited about us all feeling just a bit more at ease in our space.
2. Read through The Bible Recap’s yearly reading plan. The last time I read through the Bible in one go was 2010-2011. I did it on my own, with no guide or study materials, and though God’s word never returns void, let’s just say I probably didn’t get as much out of it as I could.
In 2023, John used a plan from the Bible Project to read through the Bible in a year, and it was incredibly impactful for him. (He followed along mostly on audio, which meant I caught snippets here and there throughout the year!) The BibleProject’s (free! all free!) resources are phenomenal, with great depth of knowledge delivered in a light and friendly way, flawless illustrations and videos — and always designed to point you toward Jesus no matter which book you’re reading.
My original plan was to follow the same plan in 2024, but when John expressed interest in doing another alongside me, we pivoted to The Bible Recap’s plan to give him something new to chew on. We’ve had many friends use this plan and I’m thrilled we’ll get to do it together! This goal is intimidating to me, but I also feel confident that there are few better ways I could spend my time in 2024.
3. Read through and apply Outlive. “For all its successes, mainstream medicine has failed to make much progress against the diseases of aging that kill most people: heart disease, cancer, Alzheimer’s disease, and type 2 diabetes. Too often, it intervenes with treatments too late to help, prolonging lifespan at the expense of healthspan, or quality of life. Dr. Attia believes we must replace this outdated framework with a personalized, proactive strategy for longevity, one where we take action now, rather than waiting.”
John and I bought this book soon after it came out last year, and it landed with a thump on our doorstep – it is a tome. While I’m sure we won’t agree with everything Peter says, we’re excited to work our way through it together and apply what feels right as we go, little by little. Spanning mental health, exercise, nutrition, testing, sleep, and more, I know this goal will likely spin off many action steps over the course of a year.
4. Launch The Connected Family’s audio course. From secret goal to out-in-the-open goal! While the initial forward-facing work of TCF will be delivering on my promise to Substack subscribers, behind the scenes I’ll be working away on our first major offering – an audio course for parents. Eep! (EEP!!!!!!!) This feels scary to say out loud and even scarier to consider actually launching one day, but I remind myself daily to just keep putting one foot in front of the other as I try to make something that might help people.
Speaking of which…
5. Log 1,000 hours of deep work. I read Cal Newport’s Deep Work as part of my 2023 reading list and loved it. As a writer, most of what I do for my job, my main hobby, and now my fledgling business requires me to think deeply and write eloquently. Because of this, it behooves me to aggressively protect my attention span.
Like everyone else, the siren song of a text message, Instagram, completing a quick to-do, or acting on some stray thought that pops into my mind takes effort to resist. For this goal, I’ll track my hours spent doing just that: thinking, writing, brainstorming, or researching with undivided focus. While I can’t call the hours unplugged (since many will be spent tapping away at my laptop), they might as well be.
1,000 hours over a year works out to about 2.7 hours per day, so this is, indeed, an aggressive goal (especially since I’ll log fewer on the weekends).
6. Take the Birds & Bees course with John. This was on my goal list last year and we didn’t quite get to it, though I did purchase it at a discount on Black Friday! I’m considering it healthy background for us as parents and also a case study for The Connected Family – Mary Flo and Megan appear to be doing something somewhat similar to what we hope to do, though on a totally different topic. I’m excited to learn from them in more ways than one!
7. Gut the loft. This is the one space in our home that just bedevils me. I’ve tried to make adjustments here and there over the years, and they’ve been of marginal help, but I know there things that could be done to make this more of a fun space for our kids and less of a maddening space for us parents.
I chose the word “gut” not because we’ll be doing any structural work here, but to reflect that I hope to look at the space with fresh eyes. That was a major lesson from working with a professional for our garage – she had no preconceptions for how the space could be used based on how we had been using it, and we came up with far better solutions by starting from scratch than moving things incrementally.
8. Invite friends over for 12 Sunday night pizza hangs. Our 2023 goal of inviting one family/friend over each month was a smashing success, even if we didn’t quite hit it on the nose. One set-up we ended up really liking: a Sunday night dinner on the earlier side, with takeout pizza, a big salad, and something easy for dessert. Ordering pizza for the main meal is more of a financial stretch, but for me, it almost instantly takes away all the stress of hosting – and in this season of family life, that’s worth its weight in gold. Plus, Sunday night tends to be pretty open for most people, meaning it’s easier to get a date on the books.
I am holding this goal with open hands and knowing it absolutely might evolve as the year goes on – but it feels like a great place to start!
9. Explore the idea of renovating our home. As longtime readers know, the vision for our future where I have felt the most unclear is whether we’ll stay in our home or move (locally). One outcome we’d never really considered was renovating our current home, but it popped onto our radar at the end of last year and has quickly become something we’re interested in exploring.
This goal may go no further than the inquiry stage, or we may end up with a full-blown renovation on our hands – only time will tell!
Thank you, friends. Sharing my goals here, year after year and month after month, is quite possibly the most potent factor in any progress I’ve made, so thank you, as always, for being kind, listening ears! :)
On that note, I’ll be back with my January goals post and my 2024 book list over the next few weeks. Please feel free to join in on anything I’ve written here, or let me know if there’s one of my goals that you’d love to hear more about as the year goes on! OR, tell me what YOU have planned for 2024! Have you set goals yet? I’d love to cheer you on.
Generally, I prefer to look forward. I love to dream and imagine the future, and we’re lucky to have reason to hope for good things ahead.
Looking back can be harder. It’s a reminder of the good things that have happened, yes, but an inevitable reminder of the passing of time, too – and, depending on my mood, that can be fraught. (I know I’m not alone in this!)
Still: looking back in intentional ways has helped me to take what I can from each year, to appreciate what it had to offer, to learn what it had to give, to acknowledge the hard and appreciate the good. Our lives are what we give our attention to, and these posts are my way of giving a little attention to the year of my life I just lived. Thank you, as always, for indulging me!
As always, our year started by celebrating our best big girl turning another year older – this time with a birthday hike on the big day and a petite pottery painting party a few days later. We said goodbye to the CWM commercial office space and I headed to the beach for a weekend with the Articles Club gals. On the blog, I shared my reading list, my goals, and – for the first time – our family goals for the year.
There were more celebrations in February! In lieu of 2022 Christmas gifts, my sisters and I (and husbands) chose to go out to dinner together – not so easy since we don’t live in the same place! – and we were able to make it happen at Kindred over Presidents Day. We also stuffed our Valentine’s mailbox, went to see the Duke basketball team play and Riverdance tour for my birthday (reflections here), finished the first Harry Potter, and started composting (a long-awaited splurge).
We spent lots of time outdoors in March, including on the field and sidelines for another soccer season for June and Shep. I chaperoned my first elementary school field trip (a dream come true, as silly as it sounds!), we replaced our roof after hail damage, and we kicked off our spring break trip with 20 hours in Serenbe, a nostalgic treat from my SW days.
In April, we reached our spring break destination – a return to Watercolor, Florida, to celebrate John’s parents’ 50th anniversary with the whole family! This is where we discovered Annie is obsessed with belly flopping into pools, ha. We celebrated Easter in Greenville, SC on our road trip back (complete with an ER visit after having to administer the epipen.) We took another little weekend trip to Asheville, where we met up with my younger sister to celebrate her paying off her student loans, and I traveled to Texas for work. Whew!! In between trips, we picked strawberries and June had her first piano recital.
With school out for the summer, June swam on our neighborhood team for the first time (and greatly enjoyed learning group dances on the pool deck), the kids played street soccer almost daily with neighbors, and June and Shep camped in the backyard solo. I hosted another book swap, biked the American Tobacco Trail with a dear friend (44 miles!), and we took one of our favorite trips of the year to Beaufort, NC before heading north to spend a week with my parents, sister, and cousins in Connecticut.
We began the month of July in Maine at our island and concluded it with Shep blowing out the candles at home on his fifth birthday. In between, we had a stopover in DC on our road trip south, an insane rash from moths (!), many evenings at the pool, and a joint birthday party with Shep’s best friend at a local park. On the blog, I shared a few takeaways from Habits of the Household, my favorite nonfiction read of the year.
In August, we welcomed two of our nieces and nephews for a week of cousin camp, highlighted by the debut of the Best Friends Snack Shack, hikes, and our nephew learning to ride a bike! We discussed the Barbie movie with an all-pink Articles Club, stayed with John’s parents for a week at their new home in Virginia (so much closer to us!), and kicked off another season of soccer at a field we can walk to. And then school started – second grade for June and a final year of preschool for Shep!
September saw the advent of Team Thomas Tuesdays, a dream many years in the making. It’s been (mostly) a delight! We also organized our garage – a sore spot in our home that had been dogging us for years – with some professional help. In honor of our 11th wedding anniversary, John and I had a special date night to see Wicked and took a quick weekend trip to Charleston (not without its relationship lessons). We led a book study at church onThe Common Rule and I started volunteering weekly in June’s classroom to run a reading group.
We had another favorite trip in October – to Boone, NC – as well as a memorable gathering for the 8th anniversary of Articles Club, a visit to the state fair, our annual camping trip with the Rays, and a chocolate chip cookie tasting party. Sadly, John’s back pain flared up again and he continued to battle it for the rest of the year.
In November, we met up with cousins for a coooold day at the zoo, I biked the ATT one more time, we had friends over for what we hope will be many more Sunday pizza hangs in 2024 (more about that soon!), and we celebrated Thanksgiving in the Florida Keys with my family in honor of my parents’ 40th anniversary. (Annie’s first flight!)
December felt full, slow, and all about community. We fit in lots of beloved Christmas traditions – many with friends or family in tow – but worked hard to keep plenty of white space for playing, baking, and reading books at home, too. Shep started the very lowest-key basketball, a new delight of his life, and at the end of the month, we hosted my family for a few days of Christmas fun and then flew to California to be hosted alongside all of John’s family at his sister’s home for even more.
For us, each year in the life of our young family is a delicate balance – between travel and staying home, between “new” and “the same,” between pushing and choosing rest, between work and play, between freedom and control. We do not get it right all the time, not by a long shot – but we try. We think deeply about it, and pray for wisdom, and act carefully, and adjust as we go. It’s both rewarding and overwhelming to see a year in our life summed up like this, but as always, I’m choosing gratitude. It’s not hard, and for that I am, well, grateful.
Friends, I know I’ve said it before, but I am SO excited for what we’ll discuss here (and elsewhere) in 2024. Thank you for being here, and for sharing so generously with me! It’s one of the delights of my life. Wishing you a healthy, happy, and abundant new year. My 2024 goals are just about ready to share, so I’ll see you soon! :)
I hope you’ve all had wonderful holidays, friends! Our days have been full – hosting family, traveling to see family, and squeezing in some favorite traditions. Still, I’ll always make time for the two posts I have planned for this week: today’s best of and my traditional final post, our year-in-review. They help me count the fruit from another precious year, and that’s an opportunity I’ll fight for even in the midst of these full, chaotic, slow post-holiday days. I hope they can serve as an opportunity for a little reflection on your own 2023, if you haven’t had a chance for it yet! In the comments, please share a few of your best memories, finds, and favorites from 2023, if you’d like. As always, I can’t wait to hear!
Best adventure, travel, or trip: Though there was a lot of superlative travel in 2023, two weekend trips rise to the top in my memories: our Father’s Day trip to Beaufort, NC and our fall break trip to Boone. I’d repeat both of those any day. Though I love to travel with extended family, John and I still find it a bit thrilling to structure a trip around our immediate family’s culture. They feel like a chance to live out what matters to us in a concentrated way. (Yes, cinnamon sugar donut moments included.)
Best trend you tried: Though I maintain a dark skinny jean is still the best and most versatile bottom, I have branched out – particularly with these cropped wide leg pants. The green (“olive oil”) goes with a surprising amount and they’re fun to wear. I take a S.
Best new podcast listen, newsletter subscribe, or blog follow: Even though I’ve admired his work since 2018 (when I first read The Coddling of the American Mind), Jon Haidt’s Substack was a new follow for me this year. If you’re interested in what we’re going to talk about at The Connected Family, you’ll likely want to hit subscribe on Jon, too.
Best book: This was a banner year of reading for me! I read 44 books, significantly more than in the recent past, including 22/24 from my reading list. (Last year, I read 21 books total.) The Maid, Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and The Lincoln Highway took top billing for fiction and Habits of the Household won out for nonfiction. (I shared a few of my takeaways here.) A special honorable mention to the first four books in the Vanderbeekers series, which June and I passed back and forth over several months. Adore!
Best TV show:Slow Horses on Apple TV. We watched three seasons this year! (They’re only six episodes each.) It’s a bit of an acquired taste, what with a central character who gives the word “slovenly” new meaning, but the plots are fantastic. “What makes the series better than virtually anything else on television right now [is] its ability to be both a riveting espionage drama and an absurd workplace comedy, without ever flubbing the mix.”
Best movie:Mission Impossible 6, continuing our tradition of going to the movie theater (almost) only on opening nights for Tom Cruise films.
Best album, song, or artist: If our Spotify Wrapped is any indication, it’s Seven by Brooke Ligertwood all the way.
Best kiddo milestone: After seven years, we finally removed the baby gate at the bottom of our stairs. It’s the end of an era!
Best friend memory: Rewinding to the first month of the year, the first annual Articles Club weekend retreat was, well, a treat. We ate delicious meals, laughed until we cried, and built another layer on our 7+ year friendship. Biking the American Tobacco Trail (twice!) while discussing one of my favorite books of the year with a favorite friend is a sweet memory, too!
Best beauty purchase: My cheeks got a glow-up this year! After being taught the proper order to apply bronzer, blush, and highlighter, I put my newfound knowledge into practice with this, this, and my discontinued BeautyCounter blush. Love them all!
Best faith grower: This doesn’t feel like the “holiest” answer, but I’m going with it: watching the first two seasons of The Chosen, the historical drama TV show based on the life of Jesus. By telling the story through the eyes of those who knew him, layering in prophecy and present, it truly brought the Gospels to life in a way I’d never seen before.
Best new tradition: I’m not sure if this is a tradition or a habit or a little luxury, but I’ll drop it here. Our Sundays really settled into a restful rhythm: for most of the year, we’d attend church, go out to eat, head home so everyone could take a nap (except June, who would read), then tennis lessons for me and June, the easiest and most crowd-pleasing dinner (frozen meatballs, Rao’s, pasta), and finally a little light prepping for the week ahead.
Best habit you created: Driving 20 mph in the neighborhood. After a tragedy struck too close to home earlier in the year, I committed to driving under the speed limit in our neighborhood whenever possible. This feels like the kind of vow I might have made in the moment and then forget in the bustle of life, so I’m grateful to have stuck with it.
Most surprising goal progress: I set a goal to reach 5,000 minutes on Peloton this year and am shocking even myself by rounding the corner to 8,000 this week – a big jump from last year, when I logged just shy of 4,000! I was helped by Peloton adding tracking for outdoor walks and cycling, but I significantly upped my stretching and strength classes, too.
Best mama moment: There were so many favorite moments, remarkable in their ordinariness and preciousness, but reading the first Harry Potter with June is a particularly sweet memory. And, of course, our weekend together at camp!
Best home improvement: Our green bathroom cabinets make me happy every single time I round the corner!
Best little luxury you’ve enjoyed: Hear me out: getting places on time (or even with time to spare). John has many incredible attributes, but getting places on time is generally not one of them. Add in three children, and our default is often a late arrival. When I transitioned from working four days to three days at the beginning of this year, I suddenly found myself arriving places five or ten minutes early on my two weekdays off, and it truly felt luxurious.
As always, I’m ending the year so grateful for the delights, big and small, that filled our year. I’ll be sharing more in my year-in-review post soon, but in the meantime, please do share: what are some of your “bests” from 2023? Can’t wait to hear!
