For me, one of the delights of getting older is having the opportunity to model what a loving, generous, thoughtful grown-up life can look like to the kids and teens around me. Obviously, it must be said that I DO NOT do this perfectly, not even a little bit – but it is something I think about often. What messages am I sending to the younger people around me about what it means to be a grown-up? From looking at me, will they think it’s fun? A privilege? Something to look forward to? Or will they think it looks like a drag, something to be delayed as long as people?
And how about marriage? What will they think about marriage from watching and listening to me? Will they think it’s something that holds me back? That exasperates me? That erases me? Or will they sense it’s something that delights me, nourishes me, and challenges me to be the best version of myself?
In addition to my children, some of the people I am most aware of having the opportunity to influence are our babysitters. I think about it so much! At a time in their lives when, psychologically, they’re pulling away from their parents and looking more to their peers and social media, how interesting is it that they can come into our home environment – a somewhat neutral space – and (hopefully!) see the beauty and allure of something beyond high school or college life, or the shiny facade of social media. In the smallest of ways, I hope being welcomed into our lives expands their perspective of what matters in the big picture, and maybe gives them something to look forward to when school or their social life feels hard. (Or even when it feels like the opposite – like high school is the MOST FUN they’ll ever have in their life, and everything else will be downhill from there).
Or maybe they’ve literally never had these thoughts once, ha! But I suspect they have, because I remember having them when I was their age. In high school, I had teachers and other mentors who sparked my interest in grown-up life and inspired the direction I wanted to grow, and I am SO grateful for that.
All this as long-winded intro to sharing these “boxes of sunshine” that we sent to our two babysitters who started college this fall. June and I cruised the aisles of Target to select goodies for them; everything fit surprisingly neatly into fig bar boxes from Costco :) A little yellow tissue paper and curly ribbon brought everything together! Here’s what we included in our college care packages:
Scarecrow Crunch trail mix (one gal said this was her favorite item in the box and it really does look delicious)
And a note from me, a letter from June, and a drawing from Shep. Of course, it must be said you could literally put any one of these items and a heartfelt note in a mailer and ship it off to an 18-year-old and it would bring a smile to their face, but we had fun putting these together.
I would love to hear if you ever think about the messages you’re sending to the younger ones around you! If you do, what’s the message you hope you convey?
Well, 40 comments later on my first post about working part-time as a mom and – if nothing else – I think we have answered the question of whether or not this topic is interesting or helpful for anyone :) As always, you are my people: here for a thoughtful discussion, generously sharing your own experiences, and offering up insightful questions.
Today we are going to chat about why we chose me over John to shorten a work week, why we chose shortening a work week over other solutions to our pain points, and a bit about how we handled the financial impact.
Part One: Background on my work history and some reasons (or not) for shortening my work week
A mostly-unrelated photo of my beautiful Catherine loafers on a recent work day at the office!
Why did we choose me over John to shorten a work week?
Per usual, there are some very simple and straightforward reasons, and then there are some squiggly ones :)
First and most pressingly, John’s job adds significantly more to our family’s budget than mine does, so cutting back on his hours would have taken a much larger chunk out of our family budget. He has not always made more than me: for our first year in North Carolina, he was unemployed, and then he made less than me, then we made about the same, then he made more than me, and now he makes way more than me, ha. This discrepancy is almost entirely a reflection of choosing jobs in very different industries at very different companies – though both, thankfully, jobs we love. It does not bother me, and it doesn’t change how we spend our money: for us, all money coming into our family is funneled into the “income” side of a single budget for which we make joint decisions based on our shared goals and dreams.
Second, there is no one in his role at his company that works part-time (that we know of). And he works for a very large company. Is it possible? Anything’s possible, but it would have required far more hurdles to jump and novel permissions to receive to even get to the starting gate – whereas at my job, the organization is far smaller and all kinds of special arrangements and flexibility already exist (including in my own role).
Third, my role lends itself to our reason for shortening a work week. John spends his days meeting with clients, so his schedule is an interesting combination of fairly flexible in advance (he can block off, change, or add available appointment times as needed) and fairly inflexible on short-notice (i.e. we try to avoid having him cancel on clients without ample notice). My work, on the other hand, can generally flex into the evening as needed without inconveniencing anyone. Now, if I need to switch my day off to accommodate a sick child at the last minute, that’s generally not a problem.
Fourth, not only my role but I, myself, am better suited to our reasons for shortening a work week – I am both more skilled and more interested in the type of work we want done: I am a noticer. A recorder of stories and history. A browser of gifts. A decorator of surfaces. A maker of lists.
I am also the social connector in our family. As a duo, John and I live with a tension-filled reality: we are both introverts, and yet we value community. Part of the way I spend my time on my days off is maintaining and deepening connections with friends. It is a joy, but it also takes time and energy: delivering meals to families with new babies. Texting people to check in. Hour-long phone calls. Meeting up for a walk. Choosing a date to have friends over for dinner and then preparing for that meal. Buying and shipping birthday gifts. All of this is both work and fun for me in a way it wouldn’t necessarily be for John. The actual socializing? Sure, in most cases (ha). The planning and much of the relational building? No, not as much.
Finally, though it’s fair to say these things were all reasons to have me cut back, it’s also not complete to end this section without saying I wanted to do this. It sounded like a delight to me. I enjoy my job and believe it brings value to the world, but offer me the chance to have a day where I get to decide how to spend it? Doing things that bring me joy, make me feel productive, and serve my family? All while listening to podcasts along the way? :) What a dream! John, for his part, does not have the same interest.
As the very smallest of tangents, I think it’s valid to recognize that as a girl and then a woman, I was likely encouraged to find value and grow skills in these areas. Some might view that as unfair or wrong, but I do believe it’s helpful to have specialization in a marriage partnership. The specialization doesn’t always have to line up along “traditional” gender lines; to me, it’s also okay when it does.
Why did you choose to drop a work day over other solutions to your pain points?
First, I will say I feel like we already maxed out many possible solutions over the last several years. I dropped a few hours at work. We hired a monthly cleaning crew. I haven’t written here as much. We’ve resisted buying a bigger home. I’ve optimized our grocery shopping. A robot vacuum cleaner zooms around our downstairs every night. We’ve simplified and systemized all kinds of things in our life, from gift buying to budgeting to kid sports to socializing.
The next obvious tier to access is more tech-forward, and predictably, that’s where I balked – for two reasons. First, because technological or outsourcing solutions require their own time and maintenance, and two, because they don’t always lead to the kind of life I value living.
Let’s take the example of grocery shopping. Could we opt to do grocery pick-up? Yes. However, there would still be a need to meal plan, to place the order, to text with the shopper, to receive the groceries when they arrive home. And besides, as strange as it might sound, I enjoy and value the warmth, texture, and even the occasional grit of pushing my cart up and down the aisles. I like smiling at people, and responding to a fellow shopper’s quip about what’s in my cart, and chatting with the check out clerk. I like seeing what other people in my community are buying and what they’re wearing and how they’re acting.
At the risk of extrapolating too far, I believe these tiny interactions have an outsized effect on the knitting together of a community. Yes, they take more time. Yes, they can occasionally be annoying. But joking with my post office clerk and exchanging pleasantries with the crossing guard at June’s school and smiling at the Costco receipt slasher makes me feel connected to my community. It makes me care more about my community. It makes me act differently toward my community.
In today’s world, these are all things that could be hired out or outsourced. And to be sure, we choose the less personal or the tech-forward solution in some cases! All of us here will make different decisions about what is valuable, what is possible, where we want to go analog, and where we choose the fastest, easiest solution. Please don’t feel any judgment if you’ve chosen differently than us in some way (basically all of my friends think I’m nuts for not doing grocery pick-up, ha!). It just took me awhile to put all of the pieces together about why I felt the way I did about certain mundane tasks that brought me into the community (it was really COVID and the loss I felt during shut-downs that brought it home!), and I wanted to share.
What has been the financial impact of one parent working part-time?
Because we were able to make my progression to part-time over several years, the financial shock was greatly lessened. The lessening of my income also coincided with increases in John’s income. And with a few of my reductions in hours, my boss kindly kept my same salary and considered it a raise, for which I am very grateful.
Another factor is childcare. Reducing my hours from 9-3 coincided with June entering public elementary school, and so before Annie began daycare we enjoyed a few months with reduced childcare expenses. She will also be moving in the new year from daycare to Shep’s preschool, which has shorter hours and is less expensive. All of these things have helped to balance the budget through these transitions.
Finally, and humbly, we strive to be in tune with what is “enough” for our family – in both saving and spending. We have had seasons of sprinting (like paying off debt, when splitting a Chipotle burrito was a treat) and we are also grateful to recognize when it would be better for our family to collectively walk at a more leisurely pace. Basically, it is really easy to always want or feel you need more, more, more or need to save more, more, more. Consciously recognizing and resisting that urge in different ways over the years has helped us be able to take this time in this season, and for that I am grateful.
Whew!! LOTS to discuss in this installment, so please, join me in the comments! Thanks to your excellent questions, next time we’ll talk about a few work-focused things: how I negotiated this arrangement, the challenges of working part-time and how I manage them as an employee, how my job has changed over the years to make this possible. As always, please leave your comments below, too!
Part One: Background on my work history and some reasons (or not) for shortening my work week Part Three: My role, negotiation, and how I structure my time at work Part Four: What my days off have actually looked like (so far)
I am particularly excited about my plans for this Friday. In truly original fashion, I’m calling it Christmas Friday, and here’s how it’s going to go: I’m going to put on Christmas music, and then I’m going to do all the Christmas prep possible in six hours. An incomplete list: gift planning and buying, ordering Christmas cards, designing our Christmas newsletter, figuring out Christmas Eve outfits, filling out gift info for both sides of the family, making our end-of-year dinner reservation, looking up holiday dates and making sure they’re on our calendar, and reading through the family Advent devotional we’re planning to use. In previous years, I’ve sprinkled these tasks over many evenings and weekends; this year, I’m grateful to get a jump start on a very festive Friday.
Here’s what else is on the docket this month!
On my calendar this month: — Voting. I have never voted a straight ticket in my life, so researching the candidates and issues is so important (and truly a privilege). — Thanksgiving with the Thomas side of the family! Planning to make the pumpkin pie from our favorite kids baking book. — Beginning my 2023 PowerSheets. I chose Bluebird!
What I’m loving right now: — Have you ever shopped the flash sale site Zulily? I most often snag Boden and Joules pieces, but saw they have a great book offer right now! I grabbed the Penderwick boxed set for June and a cousin but they have LOTS of our favorites – Sophie Mouse, Critter Club, Magic Tree House, Little House on the Prairie. A great chance to snag some early Christmas gifts! — I know Halloween is over, but we can still have pumpkin things, right? These pumpkin chocolate chip pancakes are SO good. So moist, so fluffy! I doubled the recipe and it made a huge batch that we’ve been pulling out of the freezer for school mornings. — This song has captivated my whole family’s heart. Reading the lyrics makes me teary every time, as does belting it out in the car.
As a reminder, you can find alllll the things I’ve loved over the last few years neatly organized right here!
What I read in October: — Crossing to Safety | Finished it! Again, this book felt categorically different than most modern novels. Published in 1987 by a writer and English professor with characters who are writers and English professors, it felt literary from top to bottom – but it was still an engaging story of friendship over many decades. — Skincare | Caroline is apparently a big deal online, though this book was my introduction to her. I learned some new things, especially about the order to apply products, and though I very much skimmed, I enjoyed her fun and irreverent vibe. — The Rose Code | I put this book on hold at my library in January when I put it on my 2022 reading list, and I was number 600-something. Well, 8 months later, it showed up on the holds shelf and friends, it was worth the wait! It was a great example of a very popular genre: World War II stories centered around women – this time the code breakers at Bletchley Park. If you loved The Nightingale, you’ll love this one!
Revisiting my October goals: Organize our garage (I made some progress, but there’s more to do! Most significantly I took a load to the dump with some old paint, a pallet, and a broken trike, which made a dent in clearing things out.) Sew the Christmas tree for my Advent calendar (I made great progress!! I sewed all the sequins around the edge of the tree, which was painstaking but a huge win to complete.) Join Ben’s October challenge for a little Peloton pick-me-up (Ugh. The flu and travel totally derailed this.) Send care packages to our college babysitters (Yes! Such a joy.) Finish final kitchen details once work is complete (Everything is back in cabinets and feels great, and I narrowed down a rug for the kitchen, artwork for the bathroom, and a dining room light fixture to pull the trigger on BFCM. Want to vote on a rug? Pick from the Cambria, Serina, or Sarrah!) Edit Sheptember, Volume 4 (No progress… moving to next month!) Create our family Halloween costumes (Yes! At the beginning of the month we were on a Beauty & the Beast track, but pivoted halfway through when it began to feel overwhelming. I loved where we ended up, as seen above :))
November goals: — Sew the tree onto the backing for my Advent calendar — Finish organizing the garage — Edit Sheptember, Volume 4 — Complete Christmas Friday! — Cull and organize six months of my 2021 photos — Order final kitchen details on BFCM and stick a fork in this project!!
As a reminder, many of these are drawn from my 2022 goals!
Feel free to leave your rug opinion or chat about anything else on your mind! Happy November!
