Welcome to the last month of 2023, friends! I’m grateful to be here. Between Thanksgiving, the anniversary trip for my parents, the (very soft) launch of The Connected Family, a particularly sad+thrilling week with Articles Club that I hope to tell you a bit about in the future, and, last but not least, the everyday magic of writing by the light of our Christmas tree with a fun holiday weekend ahead – how could I feel anything but?
And thank you again, friends, for your warm and excited support of my new venture. I shared that my subscriber goal for this week was 50, and we’ve now topped 350 – plus several pledged subscriptions, which I truly did not expect at this point at all. I’m sure we will unpack all the feelings at some point, but suffice it to say I know that this community is a big chunk of my “new” one, and I couldn’t imagine better gals to have along for the ride. You’ll see several TCF-related goals on my list below – excited to keep you in the loop as things progress!
A quick snap of my favorite shoes at my dear friend Libby’s brand-new play cafe in Raleigh! Triangle friends with littles, you must go visit!
On my calendar: — Dinner out with John for our 2023 review and celebration. — Hosting my family for Christmas. Truly an honor (and big responsibility) to orchestrate magic for a group! — A trip to California for Christmas with John’s family. It’s been four years since we’ve been out to visit my sister- and brother-in-law and we’re excited!
What I’m loving right now: — Copyright issues notwithstanding (?), this audio track of The Grinch is fun to listen to around the Christmas tree or on a holiday road trip! H/T to my friend Bethany for unearthing it. — This little flocked Christmas tree has been sold out for years and they finally brought it back! It’s the one we have in June’s and Shep’s rooms, and this year I bought two more to flank our front door. It looks delightfully full once fluffed! — Late breaking to this year’s stocking stuffer post, but if you have Squishmallow fans in your house, this mini set is genius. I’m planning to put one in each kids’ stocking, share some with my sister, and save the rest for Easter baskets or friend birthdays throughout the year. Perfect to go in on with a friend!
As a reminder, you can find allll the things I’ve loved over the last few years neatly organized right here!
What you’re loving right now:
This is where I highlight a few items here that have been popular in the last month with fellow readers, based on my analytics. Here’s hoping this will help you find something you’ll love!
Plus lots and lots of orders for Christmas books – makes me so happy!
What I read in November: — Welcome Home | This home decorating and hosting book – based on the four seasons – was on my 2023 reading list. Though I enjoy the Nester’s style and home/decorating philosophy (and enjoy her newsletter!), this one was a DNF for me. It wasn’t offering me much new info and when I continued to reach for other titles, I knew it was time to return it to the library! — A Light in the Window | Another book in the Mitford series, the coziest story set right here in the mountains of NC. — The Wishing Game | This was a debut novel that felt a bit like a debut novel. Good, not great! It’s a sweet story but was just missing a little spark in the plot and life in the lines for me. — China Rich Girlfriend | I read the first in the trio a few years ago and when a community group friend was offering this one up, I snagged it! Again – the writing is not necessarily going to win any awards, but it was a fun, quick read that kept me turning pages.
Revisiting my November goals: Submit all passport paperwork for the kids’ passports and my renewal (Nope, absolutely no progress on this, ha!) Tackle Shep’s closet Finish writing and design the Articles Club guide and list it for sale (Very close! Just need to finish the design!) Finish our 2015-2019 photo album (Determined to finish this in December!!) Design and order our Christmas card and newsletter Edit Sheptember, Volume 5 (Halfway done!)
December goals: — Finish our 2015-2019 photo album (gotta do it, it’s one of my 2023 goals! ;)) — Prepare well for my family’s visit. With such a large group, I’ve learned that advance (somewhat intense) planning is key to being able to fully enjoy our time together. Rereading my own post from last year to brush up! — See what I can do to continue to customize The Connected Family’s home on Substack – it is pretty bare bones currently! — Plan out content for Q1 of TCF, including brainstorming at least 100 newsletter ideas — Tackle our laundry room… — …and our downstairs linen closet, the very last space to complete my 2023 goal! — Savor the Christmas season by focusing on loving the ones I love most, and loving those who need it the most. Even to me this sounds somewhat trite, but also the best way I know to celebrate the arrival of a tiny baby king who did the same.
Wishing you the merriest December, friends! Please feel free to comment on anything I’ve mentioned here, or anything else on your mind.
I had actually prepped the chocolate chip cookie recap earlier this week, but after the feedback on gift guide timing, I figured I’d swap this one in instead! (No worries – the cookies will be making their way to a blog near you soon!) You all were VERY enthusiastic about the idea of gift guides, which I love – we all want to delight our people with thoughtful gifts! Today, I’m sharing a few things on my personal wish list, as well as a few other items I own and love that you might want to add to yours. Let’s go!
On my wish list:
—A new set of mixing bowls | The glass set of 7 bowls we took with us when we moved to North Carolina is down to three. This pretty set would be even better for all the little bakers joining me in the kitchen these days. (There’s also this set of 3 in a similar lovely green!)
— The sweetest library bag | We visit at least every other week, and our arms are always overflowing.
— A cozy blanket | It’s hard to choose from all of their patterns, but I think my favorite is the Harbor Herringbone in Cornflower. Use code HOLIDAY20 for 20% off.
— A fun tennis bag | Could double for pickle ball, too :)
— Shearling slippers | At hours-of-wear, this item of clothing would probably clock in at the top of my wardrobe – they’re my go-to from when I walk in the door to hopping into bed. My current pair has multiple holes after several years, so it’s time for a replacement.
— Sneakers | I desperately need new sneakers for actual athletic pursuits! Everywhere I turn it seems people are wearing On Clouds – thoughts? Any others to recommend?
— White dinner plates | We have 8 dinner plates in our everyday white china from our wedding registry, and I’d love to add four more. With Articles Club and hosting family, they’d all get used!
— Joggers | I don’t actually own a pair of joggers?! How is this possible in 2023? I’ve heard nothing but good things about these ones – I like the navy heather, lake heather, or stormy heather colors!
— The prettiest white sweater | The embroidery! The daisies! The white-on-white! Gah, I love it.
— Liberty track shorts | Divine. I have to ask for these as a gift because I’d never be able to choose a pattern on my own.
And now, here are a few things I own and love that I think are worthy of adding to your wish list – or considering for your loved ones!
Clothing:
— A wool coat in a fun color | My parents generously gifted a version of this coat to me last year (in punchy pink!), and it is SO fun to wear! This season’s green is gorgeous. — A tennis dress | One of my favorite new things I tried this year was taking tennis lessons, and I wore this dress (in green) almost every time. The dark periwinkle color is really pretty, too. — A soft, chunky sweater | I bought this on Black Friday last year and it is one of my favorite things in my closet. It’s easy (and so comfortable!) to wear, but looks really refined. The green is so good! — Clementine shorts | Made for athletic pursuits but they look cute enough to wear out and about with a tee. My favorite colors right now are the Zinnia, Rosewood, and Pistachio. — Kule tee | My favorite striped tee. I have the Classic in cream and navy, but it reads black and white to me. — Summersalt swim suit | I have the Sidestroke and the Oasis and I LOVE them both. I would order up at least one size, as I think they run small. Very fun one-pieces and they’re always getting compliments from other mamas at the pool! — Lake Pajamas | It’s been approximately five years since I’ve worn any other pajamas (and in fact, still wear my original pair!). I wear the long-longs year-round and they feel so cool and silky. (And you know I have my sights on a holiday pattern!)
Shoes and Accessories:
— Maylis shoes | I own and adore the Ella heels (in cream) and the Catherine loafers (in Maylis blue). Both pairs are comfortable, beautiful, well-made, and required almost no breaking in. Still in awe one of my bestest friends has seen a dream come to life in this company! — Tree Skippers | These shoes are incredibly comfortable and cute to wear with everything – dresses, shorts, jeans. Just make sure to wear no-show socks with them, as they are a bit prone to holes. — Ugg Classic Mini II Bootie | I was dubious about adding these to my wish list a few years ago, but I am fully converted. Priceless for staying warm in the winter, especially with walking June to school and hanging with friends and neighbors outdoors. — Hunter Play Rain Boots | I used to own tall Hunter boots and almost never wore them, because they were uncomfortable and hard to take on and off. I received the shorter version for Christmas a few years ago and ADORE them! Perfect for rainy walks and school pick-ups. — Julie Vos Penelope Demi Studs | I wear these 99% of days. Classic pearl studs with the loveliest gold-rim upgrade.
This post is already long, so I’ll save the non-clothing ideas – many of which feel more fitting for gifting to others – for early next week! I also have posts in the hopper for grown-up and kid stocking stuffers as well as everyone’s favorite post: what we’re actually giving our kids this year! AND, I’m going to try something new for the much-requested Yoto review – stay tuned! :)
In reflecting on this month, one thing rose to the surface: I get by with a little help from my friends. Katie hosted our chocolate chip cookie party. Stephanie stepped in last minute to help me set the Articles Club table, and she, Pressley, and Stacy are writing sections of the Articles Club guide. I think asking for help makes a lot of people uncomfortable (my husband included!), but for some reason, I enjoy receiving help almost as much as I love giving it. (This is even more unusual because I’m an introvert and an Enneagram 5, types that often prefer to go it alone!) I’m rolling some thoughts around and have a blog post in the works on this topic, but in the meantime, let’s take a look at November…
A bag o’ library books riding shotgun for my bookworm. I think it might be time for another installment of June’s Favorites, yes?
On my calendar: — Voting, always. — Thanksgiving in the Florida Keys with my side of the family! This is a belated 40th anniversary trip in honor of my parents, and we are all very excited. — Beginning my 2024 PowerSheets. I chose Jade!
What I’m loving right now: — I made a quick mention of this in a past post, but if you have kids and a road trip in your future, I want you to know about The Night Train, an audio story our family listened to this summer and loved. The older two are quite excited to listen to The Merry Beggar’s other long-form story, their version of A Christmas Carol, this Advent. (My vision is for them to cozy up and listen to it around the fire while I cook dinner – we shall see how it pans out! :)) — I read this essay (Atlantic gift link) by Colin Campbell, about losing his two teenage children and how we can better respond to our own grief and the grief of others, and knew I wanted to share it with you. Then this expansive interview with Colin on one of my favorite podcasts brought it to mind again. So, take your pick – essay, podcast interview, or the full-length book. — I’ve been making my Black Friday shopping list, and am hoping this sweater will be on sale. It is so lovely! Also eyeing these holiday Lake Pajamas. If they’re sold out, I may just go with these ones!
As a reminder, you can find allll the things I’ve loved over the last few years neatly organized right here!
What you’re loving right now:
This is where I highlight a few items here that have been popular in the last month with fellow readers, based on my analytics. Here’s hoping this will help you find something you’ll love!
What I read in October: — Morning Star | The conclusion to the Red Rising trilogy. I’m glad I finished it! Tons of battles, lots of twists and turns, and a satisfying conclusion. However, it was QUITE the contrast with my next read… — At Home in Mitford | …this one. I first read a Mitford novel back in high school, because my grandmother loved them. My pal Stephanie reminded me of the series (she reads them every year!!), which inspired me to put one on my 2023 reading list. I picked it up a little early in honor of our trip to the Boone area, since the series is set in a town inspired by Blowing Rock. — The Vanderbeekers Lost and Found | I just love these books. This was one of my favorites in the series so far, even though it has some sad moments. I appreciate that the author doesn’t shy away from including the hard, but instead shows us how a family can move through it.
Revisiting my October goals: Write and design the Articles Club guide (I made an outline and handed out assignments to willing members. Grateful to make this a collaborative project!) Edit Sheptember, Volume 5 (I chose a song :)) Host the chocolate chip cookie party (Done! It was sweet. Recap to come soon!) Tackle Annie’s closet Organize the gift storage Send care package to our college babysitter (Yes! See last year’s here.) Finish our 2015-2019 photo album (Progress! I finished years 2015 and 2016. It is slow going!!) Execute an extra-special setting for the 8th anniversary of Articles Club (Yes! See it here!)
November goals: — Submit all passport paperwork for the kids’ passports and my renewal — Tackle Shep’s closet — Finish writing and design the Articles Club guide and list it for sale — Finish our 2015-2019 photo album — Design and order our Christmas card and newsletter — Edit Sheptember, Volume 5
Gift guides are on my mind! I’m planning to write posts about what we’re actually giving our kids this Christmas, what’s on my wish list, and stocking stuffer ideas for kids and grown-ups. I know they’re not for everyone, but if they’re for you, is there anything else that would be helpful? And what’s your preference on timing – ASAP? Or closer to Black Friday? Beginning of December? Feel free to share your thoughts below or anything else that’s on your mind!
The world would be a better place if everyone had a friend like Ginna. She’s kind, she’s wise, she’s generous, she’s humble. But perhaps my favorite thing about her is that she has this incredible gift of living in and ably navigating the real world, with all its brokenness and ugliness, while also faithfully looking toward the kingdom of God – and drawing the eyes of everyone around her to it, as well. I am easily a better friend, mom, wife, neighbor, and follower of Jesus because I get to walk alongside her.
Ginna has some powerful, wise words to share with us today. This is a lengthy post, and I hope it blesses you like it has me!
Just a note: if you haven’t read the intro post yet, start there!
Tell us about yourself and your family.
Hello, EFM readers! My name is Ginna and I live in Durham, NC, with my husband, two daughters, and dog. My oldest daughter is 7, in second grade, and my youngest is 6, in kindergarten. My husband is a software engineer and I run a bookkeeping company. You can find me @ginnaneel on Instagram. I know Emily through Articles Club and we have talked about this topic many times over delicious dinners!
Why are you choosing public school for your family?
The choice of where to send your children to school is really a pretty recent concept, since up until maybe 60 years ago, for most people, there was only one school choice based solely on your location. Now, there seem to be endless options! This can be helpful, especially if you need an alternative learning style for your child, but having so many options can also make the decision challenging.
As we were approaching the elementary years and having long (looong!) conversations about where to send our kids, we ultimately decided on public school.
I never felt called to homeschool, so we were left with the choices of private, charter, public, or moving to another district.
Historically, our county has a reputation for “bad schools.” In fact, just a mile away in Wake county, the same layout of our house would go for $50k+ more simply because it’s in a different school district.
When I asked around about the school we were assigned to, I heard a lot of, Oh I would never send my kid there… heard bad things… low-scoring school… kids from bad homes… etc. After pressing a little bit more, I learned quickly that the school was generally dismissed before taking a tour, trying it out, or hearing any first-hand experience from parents whose children had attended recently.
I finally got in touch with a friend of a friend who attended our church and sent their children to the school. She had nothing but amazing things to say about the teachers, the staff and her kids’ experience there.
Aside from a few personal reviews from other parents, the other reasons we chose our public school were:
1. The diversity of public school gives our children the opportunity to become friends with people who do not look like them or come from the same social-economic background.
2. Financially, it just made more sense to our budget.
3. We really wanted our children to be close to home and did not want to spend a lot of our time driving to/from school, like many of the charter schools would have required.
4. We knew that since they were not getting a Christian education at school, it would require my husband and I to be vigilant about instilling in our children a Christian worldview at home.
5. And finally, we believe that all children have the right to education, and feel that our educational system needs more believing Christians entering into it and not fleeing from it.
Now, this topic of school choice is a fiery one, and I totally get it! I still feel a lot of insecurity about our choice, even though it’s going well. I feel like each individual family needs to make their own decision on what is best for their child. I grew up going to a Christian private school and loved that experience! It was the coziest, loveliest school, and I have some of the best memories and friends from my time there. I also know so many friends who are homeschooling and doing it beautifully!
But ultimately, we decided to enter into public school and take it year by year, child by child.
What has been your experience with public school so far? Give us an overview.
We are starting our third year in public school and love it! My oldest entered in fall 2021 (bless those who sent their kindergarteners a year prior!) and last year my youngest and our former foster son were in the public pre-k program at the same school.
Academically – the reason they are there, after all! – it has been great. I am so impressed with all that they have learned so far. They both arrived at school after years of preschool and in some cases are more advanced academically than some of their peers, and the teachers do a great job of tailoring their work to their academic level so they are not bored.
We receive information from the teachers on a regular basis on their progress and behaviors. I have the personal cell phone for each of the teachers, receive updates and announcements through a private class app, and receive emails and phone calls for any county-wide or school announcements. Each quarter we have a check-in with the teacher on their progress, normally through phone, Zoom or in person.
Aside from academics, I think the key to a happy kid at school are good teachers and positive friendships, two things that are kind of outside of your control no matter the school. But so far we have had some amazing teachers and great peer friendships.
What has been one of your favorite parts about your school experience so far? Has anything been challenging?
The school community is great. Any time we’ve had a school-wide event, the staff, parents and students are all so friendly and I have gotten to know many of the other parents in our class through volunteering and chaperoning field trips. The cost is pretty sweet – you can’t beat free! And public schools are given a lot of state resources and programming that other schools are not afforded.
As for challenges, because it is a large county school, we have a lack of control over classroom or teacher choice, like you may in other schools. Because the system is large, sometimes making a change can be time consuming. For example, I tried to get my former foster care son occupational therapy at school, but due to the case load and some details needed by social services, it took longer than we’d like.
The only other challenge is that kids are assigned laptops to occasionally watch educational videos. I haven’t see any negative effects to them socially or academically, but it is certainly more screen time than they ever have at home (which is very minimal).
What do you wish other Christians knew about your life as a faithful family in public school? What might surprise people about your journey in public school so far?
Believe it or not, there are other Christians in public school! I think there is a Christian subculture misperception that public schools are full of evil, secular people, but that is not the case. I have met a handful of other parents and teachers who are Bible-believing, church-attending Christians.
Another surprise is that everyone seems to know my kids! I thought we would lose out on the coziness of a private school, but just the other day we had open house and so many teachers recognized my kids by name.
I was also delighted to find out how deeply these teachers love the kids. I’m sure that’s not the case for every teacher, but the ones we have go above and beyond to make sure their kids are happy, healthy, learning, and invested in their growth – not just academically, but also in their character. (Let’s push to increase teacher salaries, shall we? :))
What does faith formation look like for your family outside of or alongside school? How are you helping your kids to know and love God and their neighbors?
Because I know the kids are not getting a foundation of a Christian worldview in their school, it has really challenged me to step up our faith formation at home. This has been such a blessing!
We are not perfect at this, but our regular home life includes prayer before meals, reading Bible stories and books that share our faith, weekly church services, devotional journals, and they attend Awanas near our house for worship and bible memory. I try to reinforce that our faith is not just with our immediate family, but that there is a whole community of believers in our extended family, neighborhood, and city.
At the end of the day, though, I know more is caught than taught, and modeling the behavior I want them to emulate speaks more than any teaching I can do. This challenges me so much to model the values we believe to them – serving each other in our home, offering an apology and repentance when we fall short, and modeling what it looks like to be the hands and feet of Jesus to the least of us in our community through foster care.
What are your hopes for your kids and their education? What’s the best-case scenario?
My deepest desire is for my children to grow to love and serve God. My hope for their education is that they learn in a safe environment with teachers who inspire them, peers who bring them joy, and that they graduate high school as students with a strong foundation to enter adulthood with wisdom and discernment, ready and equipped to bring joy and healing to this broken world.
Do you plan to continue with public school indefinitely, do you plan to change course in the future, or do you hold it with open hands?
We are holding our kids and our decisions with open hands, trusting God will provide us with guidance along the way. As long as we feel like our kids are learning and safe, we will stay the course.
Anything else to add?
I want to encourage those who are in the middle of their decision-making to ask yourself whether you are making a decision out of prayer or out of fear.
The American Christian subculture has a strong bias against public school in favor of home school, private school, or some moderation between the two. If you are a Christian parent, then you no doubt have seen it, heard it, and probably believe it. (I certainly did!) The messaging is strongly encouraging parents to protect your child from the secular world’s evils and give your children a secured environment that not only teaches them academically, but also the foundation of God’s truth.
But this narrative, I believe, is actually bad theology on two fronts.
First, by this logic, we are telling ourselves and teaching our children that God is only God for the rich. Because to have a choice at all in education is a great privilege: only the privileged in time can have one parent home to homeschool, and only the privileged in money can pay to send their child to private school. And even though many middle class parents could probably decrease their lifestyle to afford such privileges, there are so many lower-income families working minimum-wage jobs who simply cannot, nor will ever, have any choice for education except public.
Secondly, if we think that in order to be a believing, God-fearing adult you must grow up in a fully-sheltered Christian environment, that is limiting God’s power. We are called to be good stewards in raising our children, but ultimately salvation belongs to the Lord.
So my encouragement to you, as believers in a world full of many messages, is to pray and use the Holy Spirit to be your guiding light when you make this decision, not what the latest podcast or Christian influencer is sharing. You are the very best parent for your child and are equipped with all you need. I switched preschools for my oldest a few years ago because I just had a feeling that I should. It didn’t really make a lot of sense! But I am glad that I went with my intuition and felt a great peace with that switch.
I hope this has been helpful! Please take my experience as one of very many out there. As a private school graduate (who adored the whole experience, truly), a friend to so many fabulous homeschooling moms, a neighbor to many charter school attendees, and a fellow public school parent in the trenches at the PTA meetings, I see you all and your hard work and love for your children. I pray that God will give each of us wisdom and strength as we parent this next generation. And thank you, Emily, for the chance to share my experience!
Ginna, you are a gift to me and to many! Thank you for taking the time to share your family and your thoughts with us – it truly means so much.
Friends, please feel free to respond to anything Ginna mentioned in your usual kind and thoughtful way. Grateful for you! Next week will be our final post in this series as I share my thoughts to wrap things up.
