If you are a parent, or have a child in your life you really love, how often do you mourn the passing of time?
Is it rarely? Occasionally? Daily? Hourly? I ask how often, not if, because anyone who has fallen in love with a child has had at least a fleeting twinge of sadness over the thievery of time. Personally, I try not to dwell on it, as the realist in me thinks of it as unproductive, but sometimes it will smack me in the face out of nowhere, like it did on Friday when I read this reader comment on Cup of Jo:
“My three kids are 22, 19 and 16, and if I had one wish it would be for the doorbell to ring and for it to be their little selves standing there, at any given age along the way, with overnight bags packed to spend a day or two with all of us. To relive those moments (to scoop up those little faces that I miss!)… well, just thinking about it makes me laugh and get teary every time.”
This comment comes to us courtesy of a reader named Erika, and Erika, I have to say you are severely underselling the emotional impact this little thought experiment can have on an unsuspecting parent, just moseying along through her Friday blog catch-up. When I initially read it, I tiptoed on by, sensing its power but not letting myself linger. It kept popping back into my mind over the next few days, though (more on that below), and by the time I finally relayed the image to John, I was doing it through copiously-flowing tears.
One-week-old baby June in a ridiculously-oversized onesie, tucked under John’s arm.
If you have kids, please – just stop and think about it for a minute. Ten or fifteen years from now, my precious five- or two-year-old climbing up my front steps, ringing the doorbell, and me opening the door to see them standing on the mat, duffel over their shoulder, ready to spend a day or two with John and me? Their little shining face, their favorite outfit?
Picture ushering them in, squeezing them in the biggest hug, sitting them down on the sofa or at the kitchen table and just staring at them with the goofiest smile on your face. Playing their favorite games, eating their favorite foods, doing whatever they want to do with you for as long as they’ll let you. Likely staring at them some more after they fall asleep.
It is quite literally too much for the heart to handle, hence the overflow of tears. Honestly, I sincerely apologize for putting you in a place of such emotion on a Monday morning.
…But now that I have, let’s backtrack for a bit. Because there’s a reason I don’t tend to dwell on these sorts of thoughts. Sure, that’s exactly what I’d do in this alternate-universe scenario. But in real life, I cannot set aside, well, real life to stare at my child 24/7. There are bills to be paid and dishes to be done and even “selfish” things like blogs to be read. Which is why these thoughts often leave me frustrated and dismissive, because what do we DO with them?!
We can’t use them to be lenient parents, catering to our children’s every whim.
We can’t use them to neglect our responsibilities or our own lives, where, coincidentally, time also keeps marching on.
We can’t use them to live in misery, hating each second that passes.
We can’t use them to dread milestone moments, wishing time would just stop.
Head on the pillow, turning all of this over and over one night this weekend (racking my brain for how I could use this emotional outburst productively), I had an idea, and here it is: Fridays are going to be takeout nights for the foreseeable future. Once I pick up the kiddos from school, I will deliberately set aside cooking, dishes, and all other feasible grown-up concerns in favor of doing whatever they want to do with me for as long as they want to, and staring into their faces.
Time is a thief, stealing past versions of ourselves, days, years, millions of happy moments, but time is a generous giver, too. It gives us those years together and the opportunity to use them wisely with every version of our precious people along the way. If nothing else, I hope today’s post sparks a thought of what you might tweak in your own life to do this even more beautifully than you already are.
P.S. Erika concluded her comment by adding that she hopes this is what being a grandparent is like. I think it might be, which is a comforting thought.
P.P.S. I hope you had a happy Valentine’s Day. I’m sad I don’t have a single photo to remember ours by, but it just felt so full of love. It was a really great day.
P.P.P.S. More thoughts on time here, here, and here. I just can’t quit it.
Welcome to our happy little bathroom, friends! This turned out to be such a fun space and I’m thrilled to share it with you today. Though the major elements stayed the same (layout, flooring, vanity and fixtures), this refresh included several mini projects, so I thought it might be helpful to walk you through them one at a time. But first, let’s look back at where we started!
Since moving in, this upstairs bathroom was almost completely untouched, aside from hanging a shower curtain and occasionally changing lightbulbs :) This room doesn’t get heavy daily use, but eventually will be used mostly by our kids (as they get more independent), as well as guests. I wanted it to feel fun and youthful, but still polished! Here’s the design plan I eventually landed on:
And here’s where we ended up!!
Here are a few more photos, along with brief rundowns of the mini projects, the grades I’d assign them, and any tips I collected along the way!
Paint the bathroom walls Who did it: Our handyman Rating: A Thoughts: In this season of life, I have accepted that painting is something I can do, but is well worth trading my money in exchange for my time. (Don was here for two hours to complete the job, whereas it would have taken us a full weekend!) We also asked him to remove the builder-grade mirror (we were able to give it to someone in our neighborhood!), remove the towel bars (donated those to Habitat!), repair the drywall, and fill in a few places of caulk. The color is Benjamin Moore “Chantilly Lace,” which I think is the perfect white-white without any undertones.
Paint the vanity and change out hardware Who did it: I did! Rating: A+ Thoughts: I loved this project and I’d do it again in a heart beat! I don’t think I’d tackle a project as extensive as kitchen cabinets, but a small vanity like this was totally doable and very satisfying.
I splurged on the Benjamin Moore cabinet paint and it went on like a dream! (I did two layers of primer and two layers of paint.) The color is “Palatial Skies.” The only change I would make next time is to paint the backs of the cabinet doors as well as the fronts. It would have taken a few days longer, but the end result would have been a little more professional, I think! As recommended, we left the doors off to “cure” for about a week before reattaching them and adding hardware – I chose these chrome knobs.
Wallpaper accent wall Who did it: John and I, much to his chagrin Rating: C+ Thoughts: While I still love the pattern (Julia Rothman’s “Daydream” in Sunshine) and am mostly happy with the end result, the application was fairly atrocious. This was our first time with a project like this, so I’m totally willing to take responsibility for my part, but I’m just not sure how we went wrong. Basically, to get the pattern to line up, we had to offset the panels themselves, so there is a half centimeter gap across the middle of the wall on the two outside panels??? We patched it with extra strips of wallpaper, ha! Thankfully, because of the positioning (mostly behind the mirrors) and the fact that the wall is also white, it’s not too noticeable, but still annoying. Even without this snafu, the whole process was just sweaty and fumbly, and some tense words may have been exchanged.
Note: it seems like Hygge & West no longer carries the removable wallpaper we used?Just wanted to note that we used the removable tiles, not the permanent rolls!
Change out light fixtures Who did it: John and I, again to his chagrin Rating: B- Thoughts: This was fine, it just took a couple tries to get the wiring right, which is always frustrating. We used two of these polished nickel fixtures!
Hang new mirrors Who did it: John and I, mostly willingly Rating: B+ Thoughts: Sadly, my beloved round mirrors were too wide for this space, so we went with these narrow silver mirrors instead. They are HEAVY suckers but went up without much trouble!
Add decorative accessories Who did it: I did! Rating: A Thoughts: The fun and easy part! These bathmats were a miraculous Target find (how perfect?!). I added this white waffle weave shower curtain (with these rings), these floral towels and hand towels (on this towel ring), four hooks in the shower room, and June helped me pick out the cutest shark step stool at HomeGoods. While I still love the Serena & Lily beaut, this one was a steal at $16 and can easily be switched out as the kids grow! The tissue box is from Amanda Lindroth.
The last thing I would like to add is framed photos of our kiddos’ sweet faces in the bath, likely in the shower room. Still on the hunt for the right square frames!
So there you have it – our fun little bath refresh! Well under $1000 and it makes me smile every time I walk by. Y’all know it takes me ages to finish a home project (6 months and counting for this one…), so I’m thrilled to finally be able to share with you!
I’d love to hear: are you working on a home project right now? Or do you have one in mind you’d love to tackle next?
Here is a goal success story! And it’s not even one I highlighted on my January list! Actually, you might call it a habit success story. As part of my number one goal for 2021 (making room for God’s presence), I committed to a discipline of “Word before words” – reading something from the Bible before I tuck into my current book at night. Reading before bed is a deeply-ingrained habit and something I look forward to, and when you’re looking for something to tie a developing habit to, this is exactly what you’re looking for. I didn’t fudge a single day!
Consequently, in just a month, I read through the whole book of Mark!! (You may recall it took all last year for John and I to read through Matthew together.) Did I have any major revelations? No. But I believe deposits of scripture like this can and will be used by God, and I am grateful for that. On to Acts!
On my calendar: — Making valentines with June! She has decided we’re going with a bunny theme this year, so I think I’ll add bunny grahams as the treat. — Our Valentine’s Day fun. — Celebrating Chinese New Year! Charnaie has some great book recommendations and we will 100% be eating dumplings. — My birthday! Hoping we get a sunny day so we can go for our traditional walk in my favorite Raleigh neighborhood.
What I’m loving right now: — It feels funny to recommend a podcast I routinely fast forward through 50% of, but here we are! Brooke and T.J.’s casual banter can get a little long-winded (hence the fast forwarding), but I appreciate their takes on topics that matter to me (family life, faith, generosity, marriage, intentional living). They cover topics that many others don’t touch in a way that feels personal and helpful. — I hesitate to recommend skincare because it’s so individual, but this toner is too good to keep to myself! I’ve long struggled with dry, flaky skin on my forehead, and this is the first product that’s ever made a difference. The flakiness is gone, overall my skin is smoother, and I do think my pores look a bit smaller, too! (Fun fact: I discovered this via an online order sample. I don’t try 90% of the samples I receive, and I’m not sure what made me pick this one up, but I’m VERY glad I did!) — After being eh on June’s balance bike, we picked up a different model for Shep, and are loving the Kazam so far! He’s already coasting after just a few weeks!
What I read in January: — Such a Fun Age: Ooooh, y’all, for the most-recommended book, I expected a little more! It did hold my attention, but ultimately left me feeling empty. The snarls of modern life often feel icky and complicated enough in real time, without reading about made-up complications in my leisure time. Plus, Alix was just weird. Am I missing something?? — Oh Crap! Potty Training: I maintain that potty training has so far been the roughest developmental stage because I did not read a book on the subject beforehand. Skimmed this to remedy that before we dive in for a second time… — Essentialism: About halfway through! Will review next month once I’m finished.
Revisiting my January goals: Research all school options for June. Watch the Theolaby bonus materials with John Print our favorite Instagram photos from 2020 Finish culling and sorting 2020 photos (January-June done!) Write our sweet girl a note for her fifth birthday (continuing a tradition) Complete her birthday interview Prep for Valentine’s Day fun Focus on small tweaks and refreshes in our foyer(Magic Eraser-ing made SUCH a difference! I also picked out a pretty linen light fixture but am holding out for a President’s Day sale :))
February goals: — Book our annual camping trip (going in the spring this year – hopefully we’ll avoid the cold weather!) — Book our mountains trip for this fall (places book up SO early!) — Watch the Theolaby bonus materials with John — Focus on small tweaks and refreshes in our bedroom, including a new paint color (!), new curtains, and a new grid of photos. Maybe not so small :) — Finish submitting June’s kindergarten paperwork — Finish culling and sorting the second half of 2020 photos
As a reminder, many of these are drawn from my 2021 goals!
Making travel plans last month for spring break left John and I so jazzed (reminding me that a big portion of the enjoyment from travel is in the planning and anticipation!). In that spirit, I’d love to hear something you’re looking forward to this year, whether travel or otherwise!
Here’s a funny little post for you! Beginning when June was about 9 months old, we’ve participated in research studies at our local universities several times a year. When I mention this to friends, I’m often met with both interest and confusion, so I thought I’d share a bit about it today! Let’s do a little Q&A…
No photos of the studies, so here’s baby June at her first Duke game!
What do you mean by research studies? We happen to live by three major research universities (UNC, Duke, and NC State) and all have thriving research labs with ongoing studies that need an ongoing stream of participants. The studies we’ve participated in have focused on infant and child development – things like social and emotional development and language acquisition.
What is it like to participate? In our experience, it has involved a child and parent pair visiting a research lab and completing a cognitive or behavioral assessment. The labs are very family-friendly (waiting rooms with lots of toys!) and the students have also been very friendly (and grateful for our participation). The whole experience usually takes about half an hour.
We start by filling out some demographic paperwork before moving onto the study itself, which usually takes no longer than 15 minutes. As an example, the latest study June participated in was investigating how young children understand and use the word “we,” so she was shown various groups of kids on a screen and asked questions about them. In the COVID era, we’ve even participated in studies via Zoom!
What else do I need to know? Most labs are looking for kids ages 6 months to 18 years, though individual studies will have narrower required age ranges. In our experience, the scheduling has been very flexible – they usually have slots from 9-6 or so, including Saturdays. We’ve been paid either a small gas allowance or something like a $10 Amazon gift card as a thank you, and the kids have gotten a “junior scientist” certificate and their choice of a small prize. June has always found it to be fun!
How can I participate? Shortly after our kids were born, we received information in the mail about joining the research registries of UNC and Duke, which is how we first got connected. Most of our studies have been through the Duke Child Studies Lab, so if you’re in the Triangle, you can learn more and sign up here! Otherwise, I’d Google the name of your nearest university and “child studies” or “research studies” and see what you can find!
Why bother? Great question! Research studies first came on my radar years ago when a dear friend, working in a research lab as a Yale graduate student, connected with my mom (a preschool director), to recruit kiddos for her lab’s studies. I remember her saying how tough it was to find people to participate, and thought it was neat that they could work together. When I heard about similar studies in our area, I remembered that conversation and liked the idea of being able to help.
In a larger sense, y’all know I love my parenting books – and my favoriteones are chock full of anecdotes and findings from studies just like the ones we’ve participated in. Our individual 15-minute bit might seem small in the grand scheme of things, but it’s part of building a better understanding of behavior and development. Just like democracy, it turns out we all have a role to play in the scientific process! :)
Also, though my kids have only a limited understanding of what they’re doing at the moment, I think these visits will be a neat vehicle to talk to them about research, science, college, our brains, careers, etc. as they get older.
I’d love to hear: have you ever participated in a research study? As the researcher or participant, by yourself or with your child? Have I inspired you to look into options in your area? :)
