Happy early birthday to me! I turn 34 on Sunday, and in honor of the occasion, I thought it might be fun to answer 34 questions from you dear ones. But of course, it wouldn’t be Em for Marvelous if I didn’t go a level deeper than necessary on something as simple and common as a modern day Q&A, would it? :)
Though I adore answering any sort of question (school paperwork, surveys, doctor forms, you name it), I’ve always felt a twinge of unease when soliciting or answering “ask me anythings” on Instagram or here. I suppose it feels presumptive to assume anyone would care about these little personal tidbits in a way that a typical, meaty blog post does not.
“So I ask myself: Is my digital chitchat aimed or is it aimless; thoughtful or thoughtless; strategic for the eternal good of others or wasted on self-expression? …Am I using my digital chitchat as a way to build into someone (or some online community) with a larger relational goal of edification? These questions and others determine whether my text, tweets, and images are thoughtless fragments or purposeful strategies to point others to find their joy, meaning, and purpose in God.”
A personal Q&A might seem frivolous. But I hope, as with all of the posts I share, you’ll find something here that inspires you, reframes a thought, helps you connect, makes you smile, or yes, points you to find your joy, meaning, and purpose in God. If nothing else, it will be a fun little time capsule for my kids one day :)
Let’s gooooo!
1. Least favorite household task? Wiping down the table/placemats/chairs after meals with young kids. I think it is one of the most Sisyphean tasks of parenthood.
2. Favorite poem? Or just one that is speaking to you in this season? I love this question! For those who don’t know, I was an English major with a Poetry concentration, and my senior honors thesis was an original collection of poetry… maybe someday I will share some of it! For years, I shared favorite poems regularly right here on EFM, and those archives are a beautiful collection of some of my absolute favorites. “Indian Summer at Land’s End” by Stanley Kunitz will forever be my number one.
3. Three words to describe high school Emily? I asked John, and he said nerdy, studious, and bookish (thaaaaaaanks). This was tough, but I would choose confident, earnest, and focused.
4. What are some of the big things you’re saving money for? Right now we’re very focused on finishing our house freedom fund. We’re also just about done setting aside money for our “next car” fund (which we hope to not need for a few years!). On a smaller scale, we’re planning to FINALLY buy an actual bed next month after 8+ years of marriage!!
5. What’s on your dream ice cream sundae? Banana ice cream, chocolate sauce, walnuts/pecans/peanuts, whipped cream, and a cherry :)
6. If money was no issue, what hours/job would you work? If money were TRULY no issue, I probably would not have a job, ha! I would send the kids to half-day preschool and use the extra time to write more consistently here! I still wouldn’t aggressively pursue making it a money-making venture, since that doesn’t feel particularly compatible with my content, style, or inclinations, but I might accept a few more sponsorships-in-kind.
On a more serious note, I could NOT be more grateful for my job or the hours I do work (9-4 now, 9-3 starting this fall) and would find it hard to dream up something better for this stage of my life.
7. Favorite Bible verse or most meaningful verse in this season? Oh gosh, so many good ones! Psalm 103:1-2 in the NLT translation comes to mind first.
8. Are you and John planning to stay in NC a long time? Yes! I expect we will be here through our kids growing up and heading off to start their adult lives. Maybe not in our current home, but in the Triangle. At that point, we hope to be near them, so depending on where they end up, we might move to where they are or have a home base on the coast (Beaufort, SC is somewhere we talk about!) and rental properties near where they live? We shall see!
9. What routines help keep you grounded? My bedtime routine! I head to the bedroom for the evening and ask Alexa to play the Jazz for Sleep playlist on Spotify. After showering, brushing teeth, pajamas, etc., John and I do a ten-minute full-body stretch on the Peloton app. Then I hop into bed and read a chapter in my Bible, then 30-45 minutes of whatever book I’m in the middle of. If I’m really lucky, John will want to read me some sort of essay or article or column he’s come across – my very favorite way to fall asleep, ha!
10. How did you and Lara meet and how did you get your start at Cultivate? Cultivate did not exist when Lara and I met! We connected over a comment I left on the Southern Weddings blog my senior year of college, which turned into her comment on my blog, which turned into a letter I sent to her, which turned into a blog post on SW, which turned into an unsolicited job application, which turned into a job at Southern Weddings after graduation. We’ve been together ever since, from SW to Cultivate and 3 team members to our current 13. A wild and very blessed ride, indeed!
11. Are you a chapstick or a lipstick gal? I slather on Aquaphor several times a day. If I’m feeling fancy, I love the Sugar Lip Balm in Rose and have been known to wear a vibrant lip for special occasions (my favorite being Nars Schiap).
12. How did you meet your husband? We met in middle school and started dating our senior year of high school! He asked me on a date in January and by about March I would say I was certain it was a long-term venture. Full story here!
13. Myers-Briggs type? I have tested as an ISFJ, an ISTJ, and an INFJ, but I don’t think any of them quite captures me! I do strongly identify with the Enneagram Type 5.
14. Do you speak any other languages, and if so, can you tell us a story about it? Yes! I speak a little bit of French (I took it in high school and college). I actually convinced John to take French 1 with me our senior year, even though we had only been dating for about a week! We went on to take French together in college, too. One of the only regrets of my life is not studying abroad, though I likely would have chosen England over France!
15. What is the hardest thing about living away from family? First and foremost, it is missing the little, casual, routine moments. Sure, we are able to experience some of those when parents come to visit (often for several days at a time), but there’s no weekly Wednesday breakfast with Dad before work or Sunday dinner tradition or Thursday afternoons with the grandparents. It is an onslaught of togetherness (which can sometimes be overwhelming for this introvert) and then nothing.
Another thing that’s hard is that most of our good friends’ parents do live in the area, because they grew up here. So not only are we set apart because we don’t have the built-in childcare or together time that they do, but their schedules are often booked up because they have more family activities to accommodate. That can feel a little lonely.
16. What is a benefit to living farther from family? I wrote about this here, but I would say the freedom and space to establish our own norms, traditions, and rhythms.
17. What will you ALWAYS order if it’s on a menu? I am extremely susceptible to chicken and broccoli alfredo… but the real answer is any sort of chocolate lava cake.
Stay tuned for part two tomorrow! And thanks for submitting your questions, friends – considering how much I love answering them, it’s really like a birthday present for me :)
I’d love for you to chime in – how would you answer one of these questions? Or what is something we have in common?
How about something a little lighter for todays’ post? :) You may have noticed in my February goals that I’m shining the refresh spotlight on our master bedroom this month. I thought I’d share a little bit about where we are now and where we’re headed, just for fun!
Where we are now: err, here —
Complete with laundry mid-fold. Real life :)
As you can imagine, this room does A LOT. We sleep here, obviously, but it’s also a hub of family activity – it’s where our kids’ clothing is stored, where they get dressed in the morning, and where they pull on their jams at night. It’s also our workout area, where our stationary bike and weights live. It houses a nursing glider. And, for COVID times and the foreseeable future, it’s where John works day in and day out. While it’s a good-size room, again, that’s a LOT.
Despite its centrality in our lives, this space has not gotten much design love. Since moving in eight-ish years ago, we’ve hung the curtains from our apartment and a few things on the walls, hung our framed wedding vows, added a low dresser for me, upgraded to a king-size bed, and switched out our bedside tables.
Knowing that there’s not going to be a magical “after” in our future (there will, after all, still be an ergonomic desk chair and exercise bike in the picture, ha!), I’m hoping to lighten things up a bit. Here’s what I’m picturing:
And here are the steps I’m looking at:
1. Painting the walls. Inspired by Liz’s living room, we’re going with Benjamin Moore Brittany Blue. I painted a test swatch and on our walls it’s actually not that similar to either her photo in the top left or the Ben Moore swatch in the top right – I’d say it’s icier/clearer. It’s pretty, though! We will hire this out.
3. Hanging a grid of family photos. Picturing 9 or so over the low dresser, in gold frames, probably all black and white to keep things unified. I thought it might be fun to try and tell the story of our family across the collection – we’ll see!
4. Buying a bed. For years and years, I’ve held out hope that we’d someday purchase the wooden bed of my dreams, but have finally admitted that at this stage in our life, with the financial goals we have, there’s no way I’m paying $3,000+ for the quality of king-size bed I’d like anytime soon.
After scouring Craigslist and Marketplace for years without success (kings just don’t pop up like fulls!), I’ve decided that an upholstered bed is where it’s at for us right now. I have my eyes on this one and am hoping to snag it soon with the help of some parental birthday money! I think it will look lovely against the blue walls and our existing bedding, and help the room overall look more “finished” and cozy.
I’d love to hear: in your home, has the master bedroom languished, or was it a priority to complete early on? Excited to share more as our plans get underway! (Probably slowly, ha!)
If you are a parent, or have a child in your life you really love, how often do you mourn the passing of time?
Is it rarely? Occasionally? Daily? Hourly? I ask how often, not if, because anyone who has fallen in love with a child has had at least a fleeting twinge of sadness over the thievery of time. Personally, I try not to dwell on it, as the realist in me thinks of it as unproductive, but sometimes it will smack me in the face out of nowhere, like it did on Friday when I read this reader comment on Cup of Jo:
“My three kids are 22, 19 and 16, and if I had one wish it would be for the doorbell to ring and for it to be their little selves standing there, at any given age along the way, with overnight bags packed to spend a day or two with all of us. To relive those moments (to scoop up those little faces that I miss!)… well, just thinking about it makes me laugh and get teary every time.”
This comment comes to us courtesy of a reader named Erika, and Erika, I have to say you are severely underselling the emotional impact this little thought experiment can have on an unsuspecting parent, just moseying along through her Friday blog catch-up. When I initially read it, I tiptoed on by, sensing its power but not letting myself linger. It kept popping back into my mind over the next few days, though (more on that below), and by the time I finally relayed the image to John, I was doing it through copiously-flowing tears.
One-week-old baby June in a ridiculously-oversized onesie, tucked under John’s arm.
If you have kids, please – just stop and think about it for a minute. Ten or fifteen years from now, my precious five- or two-year-old climbing up my front steps, ringing the doorbell, and me opening the door to see them standing on the mat, duffel over their shoulder, ready to spend a day or two with John and me? Their little shining face, their favorite outfit?
Picture ushering them in, squeezing them in the biggest hug, sitting them down on the sofa or at the kitchen table and just staring at them with the goofiest smile on your face. Playing their favorite games, eating their favorite foods, doing whatever they want to do with you for as long as they’ll let you. Likely staring at them some more after they fall asleep.
It is quite literally too much for the heart to handle, hence the overflow of tears. Honestly, I sincerely apologize for putting you in a place of such emotion on a Monday morning.
…But now that I have, let’s backtrack for a bit. Because there’s a reason I don’t tend to dwell on these sorts of thoughts. Sure, that’s exactly what I’d do in this alternate-universe scenario. But in real life, I cannot set aside, well, real life to stare at my child 24/7. There are bills to be paid and dishes to be done and even “selfish” things like blogs to be read. Which is why these thoughts often leave me frustrated and dismissive, because what do we DO with them?!
We can’t use them to be lenient parents, catering to our children’s every whim.
We can’t use them to neglect our responsibilities or our own lives, where, coincidentally, time also keeps marching on.
We can’t use them to live in misery, hating each second that passes.
We can’t use them to dread milestone moments, wishing time would just stop.
Head on the pillow, turning all of this over and over one night this weekend (racking my brain for how I could use this emotional outburst productively), I had an idea, and here it is: Fridays are going to be takeout nights for the foreseeable future. Once I pick up the kiddos from school, I will deliberately set aside cooking, dishes, and all other feasible grown-up concerns in favor of doing whatever they want to do with me for as long as they want to, and staring into their faces.
Time is a thief, stealing past versions of ourselves, days, years, millions of happy moments, but time is a generous giver, too. It gives us those years together and the opportunity to use them wisely with every version of our precious people along the way. If nothing else, I hope today’s post sparks a thought of what you might tweak in your own life to do this even more beautifully than you already are.
P.S. Erika concluded her comment by adding that she hopes this is what being a grandparent is like. I think it might be, which is a comforting thought.
P.P.S. I hope you had a happy Valentine’s Day. I’m sad I don’t have a single photo to remember ours by, but it just felt so full of love. It was a really great day.
P.P.P.S. More thoughts on time here, here, and here. I just can’t quit it.
Welcome to our happy little bathroom, friends! This turned out to be such a fun space and I’m thrilled to share it with you today. Though the major elements stayed the same (layout, flooring, vanity and fixtures), this refresh included several mini projects, so I thought it might be helpful to walk you through them one at a time. But first, let’s look back at where we started!
Since moving in, this upstairs bathroom was almost completely untouched, aside from hanging a shower curtain and occasionally changing lightbulbs :) This room doesn’t get heavy daily use, but eventually will be used mostly by our kids (as they get more independent), as well as guests. I wanted it to feel fun and youthful, but still polished! Here’s the design plan I eventually landed on:
And here’s where we ended up!!
Here are a few more photos, along with brief rundowns of the mini projects, the grades I’d assign them, and any tips I collected along the way!
Paint the bathroom walls Who did it: Our handyman Rating: A Thoughts: In this season of life, I have accepted that painting is something I can do, but is well worth trading my money in exchange for my time. (Don was here for two hours to complete the job, whereas it would have taken us a full weekend!) We also asked him to remove the builder-grade mirror (we were able to give it to someone in our neighborhood!), remove the towel bars (donated those to Habitat!), repair the drywall, and fill in a few places of caulk. The color is Benjamin Moore “Chantilly Lace,” which I think is the perfect white-white without any undertones.
Paint the vanity and change out hardware Who did it: I did! Rating: A+ Thoughts: I loved this project and I’d do it again in a heart beat! I don’t think I’d tackle a project as extensive as kitchen cabinets, but a small vanity like this was totally doable and very satisfying.
I splurged on the Benjamin Moore cabinet paint and it went on like a dream! (I did two layers of primer and two layers of paint.) The color is “Palatial Skies.” The only change I would make next time is to paint the backs of the cabinet doors as well as the fronts. It would have taken a few days longer, but the end result would have been a little more professional, I think! As recommended, we left the doors off to “cure” for about a week before reattaching them and adding hardware – I chose these chrome knobs.
Wallpaper accent wall Who did it: John and I, much to his chagrin Rating: C+ Thoughts: While I still love the pattern (Julia Rothman’s “Daydream” in Sunshine) and am mostly happy with the end result, the application was fairly atrocious. This was our first time with a project like this, so I’m totally willing to take responsibility for my part, but I’m just not sure how we went wrong. Basically, to get the pattern to line up, we had to offset the panels themselves, so there is a half centimeter gap across the middle of the wall on the two outside panels??? We patched it with extra strips of wallpaper, ha! Thankfully, because of the positioning (mostly behind the mirrors) and the fact that the wall is also white, it’s not too noticeable, but still annoying. Even without this snafu, the whole process was just sweaty and fumbly, and some tense words may have been exchanged.
Note: it seems like Hygge & West no longer carries the removable wallpaper we used?Just wanted to note that we used the removable tiles, not the permanent rolls!
Change out light fixtures Who did it: John and I, again to his chagrin Rating: B- Thoughts: This was fine, it just took a couple tries to get the wiring right, which is always frustrating. We used two of these polished nickel fixtures!
Hang new mirrors Who did it: John and I, mostly willingly Rating: B+ Thoughts: Sadly, my beloved round mirrors were too wide for this space, so we went with these narrow silver mirrors instead. They are HEAVY suckers but went up without much trouble!
Add decorative accessories Who did it: I did! Rating: A Thoughts: The fun and easy part! These bathmats were a miraculous Target find (how perfect?!). I added this white waffle weave shower curtain (with these rings), these floral towels and hand towels (on this towel ring), four hooks in the shower room, and June helped me pick out the cutest shark step stool at HomeGoods. While I still love the Serena & Lily beaut, this one was a steal at $16 and can easily be switched out as the kids grow! The tissue box is from Amanda Lindroth.
The last thing I would like to add is framed photos of our kiddos’ sweet faces in the bath, likely in the shower room. Still on the hunt for the right square frames!
So there you have it – our fun little bath refresh! Well under $1000 and it makes me smile every time I walk by. Y’all know it takes me ages to finish a home project (6 months and counting for this one…), so I’m thrilled to finally be able to share with you!
I’d love to hear: are you working on a home project right now? Or do you have one in mind you’d love to tackle next?
