I can think of few better people to kick off our Marvelous Mama series than my dear friend Samantha Terhune. Of course, I adore all the mamas that will be featured, but to me, Sam is in many ways the quintessential mom – sometimes I even feel like she’s a mom to me! :) She has taken to every stage of motherhood so gracefully, and it’s as easy for me to picture her as a mom of an elementary school student, a high schooler, or someone with their own babies as it is to see her as the mama of the two-year-old she has now! I knew I would love her thoughts on being a mama, and I do – especially what she had to say about “happy tears” and why she was crying them in the days after Perry’s birth. I have already experienced this, too, and though it’s a little heartbreaking, I think it just adds to the preciousness of the whole parenthood experience. Friends, please welcome Samantha!

Photos by Anna Routh

Name: Samantha Terhune
Occupation: I am the associate director of a food studies program at UNC-Chapel Hill. I am also the second half of Graham Terhune Photography, and I accept a limited amount of calligraphy projects throughout the year.
With whom do you live? I live in Chapel Hill with my husband, our son, and our puppy (who is really getting to be quite an old lady, but she will always be a puppy to us). Graham and I were married on June 18, 2011 and we welcomed our baby boy on November 25, 2013.
What does a day in the life look like for you? Our days tend to look quite different depending on the day of the week. Our mornings always start around 6am when either Graham or I head downstairs to get Perry and bring him into our bed. We all enjoy a good family snuggle before carrying on with our day. During the school year I work Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays, and Graham and I spend a great deal of our Saturdays photographing weddings. On the days we work, Perry is in a Montessori school program during the mornings and spends the afternoon with either his grandmother or our wonderful nanny who has been with us for over two years. I always take a break in my day to be the one to pick him up from school. I love chatting with him about his morning, what he had for snack, and his friends. Perry takes a long afternoon nap giving me additional working time or time to clean the house or squeeze in a Pure Barre class. After nap, Perry spends a lot of the afternoon outside building forts, playing in the mud, or throwing rocks into the pond. I always emphasize the importance of family dinners and try to include Perry in part of the cooking process. After dinner, it is bath, stories, prayers, and lights out, and then Graham and I spend some time catching up on our days and finishing any remaining work we have. I always find time to soak in a lavender bath and read a few pages of a book before bed.

Words you live by: My dear friend, Ellie, always says that with parenting, “mothers make the best decisions we know to make with the information we have.” These words give me the confidence to know that my instincts will always be for the good of my family.
What was one of the best things you did to prepare for having kids? We built our foundation by loving each other well and learned to talk with one another rather than at one another. We learned to work through our disagreements and disappointments and understand the importance of cheering one another on in all things.
What is something you were not at all prepared for? Everyone always told me that it takes a village to raise a child, but I think deep down I had this fear that if there were too many people to love on my child, then perhaps my love would get lost. I’ve realized now that there cannot be too many people who love your child. Our village of family, friends, babysitters, teachers, and random people who smile really do make an impact on the way Perry views the world as a place where he can feel safe to learn and thrive and grow. This realization has allowed me to graciously ask for help and accept support in many different facets of our life.

What is your parenting philosophy? This is a short season of our lives and I am doing my best to embrace every day and every new milestone. Some days feel really long and hard, but for the most part, I spend my time thinking how special this time in our life is and I know that one day when our children are grown I will look at these messy years of life with stars in my eyes. Anyone who knows me knows that I am a big worrier and I ask a lot of people for advice when I make a decision, but I’ve completely surprised myself with how relaxed and confident I am with parenting. I tend to let Perry have a lot of personal space to figure out things on his own and I think that level of mutual respect has really worked for our relationship.
Where do you go for parenting advice? I always talk to my mom, who is a super listener and great at only giving her advice when I ask. She has an amazingly calm approach to parenting. I also ask my mother-in-law who has raised boys and always has thoughtful wisdom, and my sister who is currently pregnant with her fourth little girl! We are also a recent Montessori school family and therefore I spend a lot of time reading Montessori articles.
Best tip for a new parent? I have two. Take time to write and preserve your memories. The weeks pass by with record speed and little ones grow and do new things all the time and as much as we think we will remember, unfortunately, we do not. Second, learn to accept free advice graciously. It will be given to you, and sometimes it will make you want to scream, but try to accept it from a place of love and not view it as an attack on your parenting.

Tell us about a few of your favorite family traditions. We love family dinners and treating each day as a celebration. We love talking about our days, singing our family prayer, and saying a cheers. We also love hosting people in our home for meals. We love celebrating Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter with special morning breakfasts and long family walks. We love traveling together and exploring different places. We keep a family journal when we travel so that everyone can add their thoughts along the way. And when we travel, we try to spend a lot of time outdoors, eating delicious food, and soaking in all that a place has to offer. It has certainly been more work traveling with Perry, but the experiences have been so worth it.
What is your favorite part about having children? Many, many, things, but if I had to pick one I would say that staying up late on Christmas Eve with my husband and doing what parents do to prepare for Christmas morning has been one of my favorite parts so far. It seems to summarize how I feel about being a parent and encompasses my delight at doing something purely out of love that will make their corner of the world safe, happy, and magical.

One thing you are doing the same as your parents and one thing you are doing differently: My parents divorced when I was very young and it certainly shaped the way I grew up. I’m grateful I was always given an incredible amount of freedom to make my own choices, and I hope to empower Perry with the tools he needs to be autonomous and make good decisions, too. With that, I think one thing I will do differently is never waiver in my commitment to being a united team with Graham. Although we’ve only been parents for a short while, we’ve learned so much about each other and the things that matter to us most about parenting. There have certainly been times where I would have handled a situation differently, but the bottom line is that we are always seen as a united and supportive team to our children.
One thing that has fallen by the wayside since having kids and one thing you’ll never compromise on: I used to care a bit more about my appearance before I left the house, but this has fallen a bit by the wayside. It’s a luxury to shower, wash, and dry my hair, and I often leave the house feeling less put together than I would like; however, I think in a way it has helped me become more confident with who I am and understand that everyday I put on my “mom uniform,” and it is the greatest one I get to wear. I do try and find a quiet time once a day to take a lavender soak bath, which helps me relax and gives me time to reflect. It also eases achy muscles from carrying a toddler!

Photo by Meredith Perdue

How do you keep communication lines open with your partner? I’ve been thinking about this particular question a lot lately as Graham and I are entering into a phase of parenting requiring a bit more thought concerning Perry’s behavior. Graham and I often differ in the ways in which we would handle particular situations, but what we’ve learned is that you have to take time to discuss the things that matter to you most. For example, Graham gets frustrated easily by messes, loudness, and throwing things in the house. Those are his non-negotiables, and I have had to learn that although they aren’t necessarily the behaviors that irk me the most, I have to respect that we are a unit and must function as a team on all levels. I think it’s good to have upfront conversations about particular behaviors that you want to keep out of your home. Often parenting seems to be about picking your battles, and we’ve found that setting clear boundaries together partner helps this tremendously.
Tell us about a lesson you’ve learned since having kids. In the early and very emotional days after we brought Perry home from the hospital, I spent a lot of time crying tears that I declared happy tears. However, I was actually crying because I was mourning the loss of a day with a tiny baby that was aging beyond my control, due to my obsession with not wanting Perry to change or grow but stay my tiny newborn forever. It sounds a little silly as I type, but at the time, it was a very real challenge. I talked to many people who told me that “it just keeps getting better,” and finally, as my hormone levels evened out and my emotions came under control, I realized that that is the truth. A very wise friend also told me that God does this amazing thing when we have children: he erases a little bit of our memory of each previous phase so we don’t dwell on missing it and instead can love the current stage.

Thank you so much, Sam! We love you!!

P.S. If you’d like to hear more from Sam, I loved her interview on Map & Menu about traveling with kids!

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Most of mine and John’s conversations about our girl’s impending arrival revolve around the fact that we have NO IDEA how our lives are going to change once she’s born (only that they certainly will!). Everyone’s experience with a newborn seems so different that it’s hard to know just how much time we’ll have to eat, sleep, shower, or do anything else. Knowing this, I thought it might be wise to prepare a few posts in advance for EFM, just for my own peace of mind… and that’s where the idea for my Marvelous Mama series was born!

But the truth? I’m doing this as much for personal reasons as I am for blog ones! I wanted an excuse to pick the brains of my absolute favorite mamas, and this series gave me the perfect opportunity. It has been a joy, a comfort, and a delight to read their answers as they trickled in over the last few months, and I can’t wait to share them with you so soon.

Oh hey, Ayer family! That’s my mama on my right and my older sister (another great mama!) on my left.

So who are these ladies? Many of them are related to me! :) A few you will likely recognize right off the bat, and longtime readers will recognize a few more. They have children ranging in age from younger than six months old to older than sixty years old. Some have only children, and one has six children. Some are self-employed, some are full-time employees, and some stay at home full time. A few have blogs or Instagram accounts, but several do not. They have different faith backgrounds and political beliefs. What they all have in common is that I think they are doing a wonderful job raising their children, and I wanted to learn from their wisdom as John and I begin to navigate our own way. Whether their names are familiar to you or not, I hope you’ll find some nuggets of wisdom in their answers, too!

Marvelous Mama interviews will start appearing weekly on the blog once our girl arrives. In the meantime, I would love to hear: if you wanted to glean the wisdom of your favorite mama, what questions would you ask her?

P.S. I’m so excited for this!!

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Friends, ten years ago to the day I wrote my first ever blog post. You can still view it here, just like every other post I’ve written since — posts about weddings, mostly, at first. A heck of a lot of inspiration boards. Little bits of lovely before Pinterest came along. Funny DIYs :)

And then, here and there, a more personal post. Longer ones. A few poems, so close to my heart. A new name and site design.

A turning point. Another one. Another one.

A passion project begun. Scary posts to write and sad ones and the most joyful. So many adventures, so many anniversaries, so many goals.

Posts on this blog have changed my life. Some of you have been kind enough to write that they’ve changed yours, too.

Sneak peek of our newborn session with Graham! :)

Even aside from catapulting blog posts, a lot changes in a decade. You’ve graciously watched me become a college graduate, a North Carolinian, an editor, a first-time-apartment dweller, a fiancee, a wife, a homeowner, a person-who’s-been-to-Europe, a mama, and a mama again. And all along the way, writing this blog has not only been a place to capture those changes, but a cause of them.

Because before I was any of those things, I was a writer. Writing is the way I’ve processed, held myself accountable, and grown since I was young. Writing is a way of becoming, for me. “In the end, people don’t view their life as merely the average of all of its moments — which, after all, is mostly nothing much plus some sleep,” wrote Atul Gawande in Being Mortal. “For human beings, life is meaningful because it is a story.” Yes.

I have shared many times about the importance of the narratives we create and believe about ourselves. Writing here invites me to make meaning out of my days, to decide what I believe about the things I do and the things that happen to me, the person I was and the person I am becoming. That person matters. She shapes generations. (You, of course, do as well.)

So yes, writing this blog matters deeply to me. This is my story I’m telling, but it’s not just me. It’s mostly my parents. It’s a whole lot my high school English teacher. It’s a heaping portion of John. It’s every wise, kind, talented, thoughtful person I’ve ever come in contact with. And it’s all God.

I hope that you have found something here over the last ten years that has made your life better, and allowed you to be better for other people. I know that I am better for writing here, and for being accountable to you all. If nothing else, blogging has kept the shine in my glittering eyes, seeing magic everywhere I least expect it, and that is a marvelous way to go through life.

Finally, friends, thank you for reading. I began addressing my posts to “friends” in the beginning because it just seemed like that’s what people did. Now when I write “friends,” I picture real people who have encouraged, inspired, and challenged me, even if we’ve never met in person. You all bless me greatly. To ten more years together!

P.S. The history of this blog, and one of my favorite quotes about blogging ever.

P.P.S. I have a MASSIVE anniversary thank you giveaway to share tomorrow – you will not want to miss it!!!

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One of my pet peeves about personal finance is when experts make blanket suggestions on how to save money. I think the way you spend (and save!) should be based on what you value. If you do this, you’ll not only find it easier to stick to your budget, but you’ll get greater pleasure out of the money you DO spend.

Though I dislike one-size-fits-all suggestions, I love being inspired by how others are finding ways to save. I asked six of my savviest friends for their favorite ways they shave their budgets, and added in a few myself — I hope they get your wheels turning!

Saving money on food:

I don’t eat meat during the week. I have a pretty consistent rotation of small and inexpensive meals that I eat for weekday lunches and dinners. Not only does it save me money, but I don’t get decision fatigue over deciding “what’s for dinner?” — Jess Metcalf, Content Manager and newly-engaged gal

We shop almost exclusively at Aldi, which cuts our grocery bill almost in half (compared to name-brand grocery stores). I make a dinner plan based on their weekly specials, which helps us eat in for the majority of the week with plenty of leftovers for lunches. — Samantha Ray, hair and makeup artist and blogger

Food spending has been a challenge for us (to put it lightly) but we’ve made significant progress by switching to getting vegetables from a CSA box and buying meat from Costco (organic meat at normal prices). We get the box twice a month and plan our meals based on what vegetables we receive. This has challenged us to think outside our recipe box/cookbooks and has significantly cut down on the number of ingredients we buy per recipe. — Dave Kirk, finance guy and husband

I can’t even imagine how much we’ve saved over the years by almost never buying alcohol. We don’t hate drinking, but it’s just not something that’s important to us, and therefore doesn’t make sense for us to spend money on! – Em

I use cash and a calculator at the grocery store! It’s our foolproof way to not blow the grocery budget. — Valerie Keinsley, stay at home mama and online stationery shop owner

Saving money on entertainment:

I solely order water at restaurants, unless I’m celebrating something, in which case I’ll treat myself to a glass of wine or a cocktail. My mother used to own a restaurant, so I know the markup on sodas and my beloved sweet tea, and I consistently choose water instead. Unless I’m at Merritt’s, in which case, a glass bottle Cheerwine is calling my name! — Jess

We haven’t had cable for a few years after switching to an HD antenna (works for football and the Bachelor franchise) and Netflix. We recently cut Netflix as well, because you can only re-watch The Office so many times. We’ve replaced watching TV with porch date nights and reading before bed. — Dave

I stopped buying books on Amazon, and I wait for library books now. It’s an exercise in patience, especially for popular titles, but I’m saving money and learning my bookshelves. — Jess

Saving money in your relationships:

We have gotten creative with ideas on how to spend quality time together without dropping so much dough – things such as trying out a new recipe at home, sitting on the porch swing with a bottle of wine, or going out for a beer at a new brewery. These all cost around $10, which enables us to have more date nights since we aren’t dropping $50+ on a dinner out. — Elizabeth Burns, eCommerce gal and house flipper

My love language is gift giving, and I save a ton of money by shopping at the Dollar Tree for all my wrapping paper, tissue paper, and extra giftable goodies like candy, small personal care items, cards, and balloons. — Samantha

Since having our son, we’ve realized how expensive getting a babysitter AND going out to eat is, so now, most of our “date nights” are on our porch with a bottle of wine. It gets us out of the house (if only to the outside of our house), and the only thing we’re buying is a $6 bottle of Trader Joe’s wine, rather than spending $25-30 on a bottle at a restaurant. But, my city-loving wife would be crushed if that’s all we did, so we also plan out special monthly date nights when we do hire a babysitter and actually head out. Scheduling them once a month gives us something really fun to look forward to, and keeps us from being tempted to go out on a whim and spend more than we had planned. — Dave

Since having June, we’ve been very open to borrowing, buying secondhand, or accepting hand-me-downs whenever possible. I think sometimes, especially if folks plan to have multiple kids, they justify buying everything new, but we’ve found it’s just as easy to swap back and forth with friends. We’ve borrowed clothes, a crib, a bathtub, a hiking pack, and so much more! – Em

Saving money on your home:

Target is my budget Kryptonite. I go in for toothpaste and come out with a new duvet, kitchen canisters, boots, and no toothpaste. One thing that has helped me save money is that instead of going into a Target for basics like toiletries, cleaning supplies, pet products, and some food items, I signed up for Target subscriptions. I can have all of these everyday items delivered to my house regularly (free delivery!) and subscription items are discounted by an additional 5%. This way I can still get my favorite Target items without having to actually go into a store and potentially blow my budget on all of the cute stuff I don’t need. — Elizabeth

When our grocery store offers 4x the fuel points on gift cards, we buy gift cards for upcoming projects/gifts – i.e. if we’re planning a home project, we get a gift card to Lowe’s in the amount we budgeted for the project. That way we earn 4x the points, and often get up to $1 off per gallon of gas! It takes some planning, but is well worth it in the end. — Valerie

Many products come in a generic brand version, a refurbished version, or a lightly-used version that’s practically the same for a fraction of the cost. You can often buy floor models for a highly discounted price, too, which we’ve been doing a lot recently as we furnish our new home. And remember, almost everything in life is negotiable – you’ll never know if you don’t at least ask! :) — Robyn Van Dyke, photographer, blogger, and co-owner of a dental practice (with her husband!)

We utilize the Habitat Restore. Since flipping houses is one of our side hustles, we visit the Restore often for anything from exterior doors, shutters, furniture, lighting, and faucets. A lot of big box stores will give donations so you can buy new items for a fraction of the cost while contributing to a good cause. There are also neat antique finds like gorgeous vintage chandeliers and clawfoot tubs. It’s definitely worth checking out if you are sprucing up your home on a budget! – Elizabeth

Saving money on purchases:

Starting around the midpoint of the year, I begin hoarding planned purchases like a fevered squirrel until I unleash them all on Black Friday/Cyber Monday. I keep a list of things I’d like to buy and that might go sale (so far this year’s includes Winter Water Factory dresses for June, her Salt Water Sandals for next year, and Walk in Love tees for the family for next Valentine’s Day). I also, of course, include as many Christmas gifts as I can! To make so many purchases in one weekend is always a bit of a shock to my system, but it’s totally worth it for the savings. – Em

ReceiptPal! My husband found this app where you take photos of your receipts and earn cash back for them, redeemable as gift cards (including Amazon!). We’ve earned over $100 in Amazon gift cards, which we then use for household purchases to save money. He spends roughly 10 minutes a week putting in receipts. It’s slow going — you usually only earn a gift card every four months or so — but totally worth it. — Valerie

Whenever we need or want to buy anything, we wait. This does two things: it gives us time to consider if we really need or want it, and it gives us time to find the best deal. Almost everything has a sale or coupon — it’s just a matter of waiting until the sale, googling for coupons, or even buying a coupon on Ebay! Better yet, wait for the sale AND stack the coupon AND use Ebates! — Robyn

We use a credit card with 2% cash back for almost every purchase, and pay it off twice a month, every single month. I know this might be controversial to some, but for us it’s a no-brainer. We’ve earned hundreds of dollars over the years this way! – Em

Saving money on everything else:

This has been a hard lesson to come by this year, but we’ve learned there are no “sacred cows” in our budget. To accomplish our savings goals, we’ve had to take a hard look at every single budget line and readjust our perspective (and add a heaping dose of contentment and gratitude). We might not be traveling to an international destination every third year like we had hoped, for example, but we still get to spend a week with our beloved families on the beautiful Connecticut shoreline. – Em

We worked to get the “big three” — house, car, and education — right. If you choose to buy these three things below (or well below, or not at all) your means and be content, you’ll have so much more financial margin and freedom. Our first home was tiny and it was subsidized by a non-profit for $115K, and then we recently purchased our current fixer-upper home after lots of negotiation for $200K. Our first car was $5K, and we were a one-car family for a couple years until we bought two new Toyotas for a killer deal by negotiating in cash and utilizing the TrueCar App. Education is a bit harder since much of it is outside our control, but we both chose to go to an in-state university and applied for as many scholarships and grants as we could. — Robyn

I get my hair cut twice a year, and I just get it cut – no dyeing, no fancy treatments. I LOVE my stylist, but she is quite expensive, so I compromise by extending my cut as much as I can. – Em

We keep our recurring bills low and cut where possible. We’ve never had a car payment and we’ve also never had cable. We also have never had an individual phone plan, because it’s so much more cost effective to add lines to an existing plan with a sibling, parent, cousin, or friend. You all save, so it’s a win-win! — Robyn

One big way we save money is by make a monthly budget and using cash only for things like groceries, gas, and household items. It is totally worth the extra time, intentional conversation, and planning – I’d say it has improved our marriage as much as our savings! — Samantha

We intentionally fill our evenings and weekends with everyday adventures so that we’re not tempted to mindlessly browse – either in a brick and mortar or online. I only go to a mall with a specific mission, and being outdoors and together helps keep us grateful, content, and in awe of the world around us. – Em

Friends, please join the conversation: I would LOVE to hear your favorite ways to save money! And thanks to all of the folks above for sharing their wisdom! :)

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