There are few things that get me more excited than seeing people excel at something they love. Even better? When that person or thing doesn’t necessarily fit in the box you’d expect to put it in. Such is the case with my friend Allyson. We went to high school together (and were co-editors-in-chief of our news magazine!), and if you had told me at graduation that a few years down the road she would own her own farm in our hometown and be a full time farmer, I would have told you you were crazy (and maybe she would have, too – she started out going to school for a journalism degree, if I remember correctly!). But that’s exactly what she’s doing, and it’s amazing. And from the looks of it, she and her husband are raising two very lucky kiddos at the same time. There are so many sweet thoughts and wise words in her interview that really resonated with me – I hope you enjoy it!

Name: Allyson Angelini
Occupation: Farmer
Who do you live with? Introduce us! My husband, Keith, and I met about six years ago while working on a farm together. We share a passion for good food, laughter, and a love of family, which forms the foundation for our relationship together. But aside from that, we couldn’t be more different! He loves pop culture and baseball and I love doing projects and working outside. We work really well together and constantly help each other to become the people we want to be.

Our son, Henry, is 19 months and pure happiness. He’s been making me smile since the day he was born. I learn something new about him each day, but right now he is passionate about music, trucks, helping me with projects, and the color yellow. And we are expecting a daughter in January! [Updated to add: their daughter, Cora, has arrived, and is adorable!!]

Outside of our home – on our six acre farm – lives our cat Leonard, eight piglets, and several hundred chickens.

What does a day in the life look like for you? As a work-at-home mom running a diverse farm business, my days are never the same, and that’s what I love most about our lifestyle. Our mornings start whenever our son wakes up. I used to love waking up early and getting tons done before breakfast, but becoming a mother has made my fondness for sleep even stronger.

Most mornings we eat a big breakfast together: eggs from our chickens, bacon or sausage from our pigs, and potatoes and other veggies from the garden. It’s our favorite meal of the day (so much so that we served breakfast for dinner for our wedding!) and it’s a nice time to review our schedule and goals for the day before we rush off. As soon as we’re finished eating we head outside to farm chores – which go much faster when we work together. After all of our animals are moved to fresh pasture and are fed and watered, my husband takes our son inside to play while he gets ready for work and I continue working on my list of projects for the morning. When Henry joins me to work again we usually do projects together, or I set up an activity for him to do alongside the work that I am doing.

Running a farm can be a life-consuming job, especially for someone like me who loves to work! But setting a realistic schedule of tasks and accomplishing them on time is a skill like any other that requires practice and diligence. After almost ten years working on different farms and now running my own, I’ve gotten pretty good at estimating how long it takes to do each project and I schedule my week to maximize the time that I have. That way when it’s 11 o’clock and time for a break I’ve usually accomplished what I hoped to for the morning and can enjoy a leisurely lunch playing with Henry and puttering around the house. It’s not always easy, but without that home/work balance I’m not happy, and neither is my family.

After lunch Henry takes a nap and I work on projects that aren’t toddler-friendly – tractor work, hand-weeding the carrots, and anything that I didn’t finish in the morning. Mondays and Fridays are our busiest days, when we harvest produce to feed the 70 families of our MemberShare program. Each week for six months they come to the farm to pick up the ingredients they need to make a meal (all grown by us): chicken, pork, veggies, herbs, eggs, berries, etc. Those are also my favorite afternoons of the week, getting to see all of our families and friends when they come to pick up their farm share.

Evening chores on the farm usually take less time. I try and prep dinner at lunchtime so that we are ready to eat when my husband arrives home from work around 5:30. After dinner we do an activity as a family (take a walk, do puzzles, play trucks) and then tag-team cleaning up the house and preparing for the following day while getting Henry ready for bed. Story time is at 7:30 and bedtime for Henry follows. After that my husband and I finish up projects and usually check emails and do computer work on the couch next to each other until we are ready to sleep. Our days are full, but that’s how I like them.

What do you eat for lunch? Dinner? Lunch is almost always leftovers or something thrown together quickly when we come inside ravenous after a morning of working on the farm. Dinners are often more planned, so that I have an idea of what I need to prepare at lunchtime based on our schedule for the day. Unlike many families who follow a menu plan, I opt for keeping a well-stocked pantry and freezers so we pretty much always have whatever meal we would like on hand. Our weekly grocery list basically includes dairy (milk, yogurt, cheese, sour cream, etc) and starches (crackers, pasta, rice, etc), and the rest of our food is grown on the farm. I despise doing dishes, so one-pot meals are my favorite.
What was one of the best things you did to prepare for having kids? Probably not get too prepared! Getting pregnant right after getting married meant that we didn’t have much time to settle into a lifestyle WITHOUT kids. We didn’t read parenting books or decide on how we would raise our children – conversation usually just wandered to all of the wonderful things we were excited to experience as parents. While pregnant we encountered too many people that made newborns seem terribly exhausting, expensive, and life altering in a negative sense; we did our best to avoid them and their advice and to keep things as simple as possible.
What is something related to kids you were not at all prepared for? Prior to having kids, I lived a very independent life. My husband and I lived together for less than a year before our son arrived, so I was very used to spending nearly all of my day happily in solitude. Several people warned me about how much I would miss alone time once children arrived. But for me, the opposite was true. Now that all of my hours are filled with companionship and a love I didn’t know was possible, I feel a deep loneliness whenever my son and I are apart. Even when he is sleeping in the room right next door or happily playing with my husband while I work on a project, I miss him. I never could have expected that.

What is your parenting philosophy? I have no idea. And my guess is that even if I could articulate it well enough to manifest itself as a true philosophy, it would change as quickly as our toddler’s food preferences. That being said, I believe in the importance of scheduling and routine, and the importance of flexibility and spontaneity. I believe in healthy, farm-fresh food, as well as warm cookies. I believe in always having clean clothes, and constantly engaging in messy activities. I believe in spending as much time as possible with my children in order to inspire independence. I believe in laughter and giggles and always taking time to listen. I believe in constant love.
Where do you go for parenting advice? Most often I go to my own mom. She gives me the confidence to do whatever I think is best, which is really the best parenting advice that you can receive.
Best tip for a new parent: Be mindful of how your own mood constantly affects the mood of your children. There are certainly days when consistent calm, patience, and happiness can be a struggle to maintain, but it’s clearly reflected in how your children will act. Mindfulness will make your life much easier. Having children will make you a better person. Or, if you’re looking for something a bit more tangible, invest in a baby carrier. I still wear Henry often and find it’s the best way to maintain a happy kid while still doing what I need to do. And use cloth diapers! They are adorable, affordable, and so much easier than disposables.
Tell us about a few of your favorite family traditions. Perhaps breakfast occurs too frequently to be considered a family tradition, but it’s almost always my favorite part of the day. We are all full of energy in the morning and so excited to start our day. Plus, we grow delicious breakfast food :) We are fortunate enough to live in a town and be a part of a community with a ton of seasonal traditions (like watching Santa arrive on a tugboat and going caroling at Christmas time). We also live close enough to our extended families that we are able to continue a number of our traditions from childhood, which feels really special.

One thing that has fallen by the wayside since having kids and one thing you’ll never compromise on: I love a meticulously clean house and well-groomed yard, but during the busy farming season those things are no longer top priorities. I’m still learning to not let dusty floors and an overgrown garden not drive me crazy, but as long as things are tidy I’m content enough to fall asleep each night. I don’t ever compromise on cooking delicious food or making sure all of the laundry is clean and folded. We use cloth diapers and spend a lot of time outdoors getting dirty so we make a LOT of laundry, but I always make sure we have a clean start to the day.
Favorite book(s) to read with or to your kids: I certainly don’t have one favorite, but I really adore reading children’s books. Our son would be content reading the same tractor book over and over for hours each day, so I am mindful about constantly cycling through the books we own so that they always feel new and exciting. We purposely don’t own many books because I love to go to the library each week for new reading material.
What is your favorite part about having children? Aside from the constant love and laughter and obvious joys of parenthood? Once I became pregnant with Henry I felt instantly welcomed into the world of motherhood and a community of other mothers. I’m still so often touched at the kindness that comes from sharing a common experience with so many other people. While farming can be a relatively isolating profession, being a mother makes me instantly connected to people that I hardly even know.
One thing you are doing the same as your parents and one thing you are doing differently: Like my own parents, I give my son the space and materials he needs to explore and create. I get so much pleasure out of watching that process. Unlike my parents, I’m raising my children on a farm. That environment affects nearly every aspect of our lifestyle and I hope that one day they can appreciate how we choose to live.

Thank you so much, Allyson!! Y’all can learn more about Full Heart Farm here and visit their Etsy shop here! (And if you’re in southeastern Connecticut, consider joining their CSA program!)

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When I began brainstorming the ladies I wanted to include in my Marvelous Mama series, I had one important criteria (besides the fact that I had to deem each a marvelous mama!): I wanted to know each lady — and their little or littles — in person. I have gleaned so much over the years from reading interviews with those I don’t know personally, but for this series, where I was hoping to get advice about raising kids, it seemed to make sense to actually have MET those kids and to see how the advice played out before taking it!

However, I did make a few exceptions, and today’s mama is one of them. I was already planning to ask Julia Wade to participate, even though I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting her two boys, but was blown away when, unprovoked, three of my other mamas suggested that she would be a perfect person to interview! Done and done. Julia’s warm, generous, and genuine nature clearly makes an impression on those around her (me included!), and it’s perfectly matched by the simple and extraordinary moments she creates with her family. I’m particularly impressed with all the traveling they’ve done together (and, of course, Julia’s beautiful photos of it!). Friends, please say hello to Julia!

Name: Julia Wade
Occupation: mother and wedding photographer
With whom do you live? I live with Jonathan, my sweet husband of 14 years, and my two sons. Quin O’Neal (Q for short) is 5, and Ashton Frederick is 18 months. We also have two cute pups, Maggie and Zoe.
What does a day in the life look like for you? Q is up first at our house, then the dogs, then Ash… then us :) I wish we were morning people, but currently, we’re just not. Mornings are breakfast lovingly made by daddy, morning outings with the boys or preschool for Q, lunch, work in the afternoons while my boys play with daddy, or our sitter.. and then dinner, bed time, work. Repeat. :) Sprinkle in weddings on Saturdays, church on Sundays, shoots and meetings during the week, and you’ve got a very full and rich life.

What do you eat for lunch? Dinner? I feel like our meals fluctuate between completely greasy and indulgent and crazy healthy in a hot minute. It just depends on how busy the day gets. I do try to make a fresh batch of almond milk for the family once or twice a week and get fresh greens, fruits and veggies into the boys every day. And then we’ll religiously eat at our favorite Mexican joint once a week together. Meals are definitely a work in process at our house.
A book you’ve read more than once: I just finished The Alchemist for the fourth time late this fall. The story is so layered and speaks to me differently every time I read it.
Favorite book(s) to read with or to your kids: Reading to our boys is one of our favorite pastimes. We read to both of them every day… no compromises. Q’s (current) favorite books: Winnie the Pooh, The House at Pooh Corner, When We Were Young (A.A. Milne); Locomotive; A Sick Day for Amos McGee, And Then It’s Spring, Sebastian and the Balloon, If You Want to See a Whale (all Erin or Philip Stead); Wild About Books; See Inside Your Body, See Inside Space, and Very First Reading books (Usborne.. great stuff!); The Extraordinary Mr. Qwerty; Anything Dr. Seuss. Ash’s (current) favorite books: The Eye Book (Dr. Suess); Time for Bed; Roadwork; Five Little Monkeys; The Hungry Caterpillar; Polar Bear, Polar Bear; anything Sandra Boynton… The Going to Bed Book, The Belly Button Book, and Doggies are in the rotation right now.
Do you listen to podcasts? If so, which ones, and when? I just recently discovered Otto Radio (do you know it?) which is an app that combines relevant news and interesting podcasts, and I listen to it while I’m out and about in Raleigh. On longer road trips for work, Serial (obviously), This American Life, TED Radio Hour, Invisibilia, and The Boredom Experiment are on my list.

Words you live by: Happiness is at home, right here and right now.
Why did you decide to have children? I’ve always known I wanted to be a mother, but when we were ready to freely and wholeheartedly give to our children, we knew we were ready to have them.
What was one of the best things you did to prepare for having kids? I stopped reading pregnancy and parenting books. I didn’t want to stress about pregnancy heartburn, a crazy labor, or sleep training unless that was going to be my own experience. And now, five years in, I think it was a good decision, because we’ve just tried to figure things out for us and experience what parenting hands us. I didn’t want to have any preconceived ideas of how parenting was going to go and I just wanted to feel it day by day.
What is something related to kids you were not at all prepared for? Definitely the exhaustion, but I don’t for one minute say that in a negative way. Your children will ask more of you emotionally, spiritually, and physically than you ever thought you could give. But you do it. Every day. And having that strength and depth of compassion for these little people is one of the greatest and most unexpected joys of being a parent.

What is your parenting philosophy? I truly believe that my children were intentionally given to me and because of that, I have everything inside of me to be their mother. I just need to learn what that is by listening to my heart every day and being quiet and brave enough to follow it.
Tell us about a lesson you’ve learned since having kids. Kids are people, too :) Even from the moment they are born… they are people. A five-week-old is absolutely allowed to just have a bad day, a two-year-old is absolutely allowed to be frustrated because he can’t express himself or when he doesn’t get his way. I’ve learned that they can’t fit inside my small box of expectations and that I need to allow them the same compassion and flexibility that I would expect as an adult. Both of my boys certainly know that they can’t get away with much at our house, but they also know that they are loved unconditionally regardless.
What is your favorite part about having children? My children are my truest and purest source of joy. Giving to them, and being a family together, has made me happier than I ever could have thought possible. Quin and Ashton came to us loving unconditionally and learning to see through their eyes is exhilarating.
Best tip for a new parent: Feel the joy right now… feel it in the exhausting nights, endless bouncings to sleep, never ending diaper changes, and constant feedings… feel it in the first time you lay eyes on that beautiful babe… feel it in their intoxicating snuggles, their coos, their smiles, their endless love. That joy never, ever runs out.

Can you see why everyone loves Julia?!

Thank you, friend! So glad we are neighbors!!

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In many ways, my older sister Kate and I could not be more different. She is numbers and logic; I am words and instinct. She would always prefer to be in the company of others; I love my alone time. She’ll make peace to a fault; I’ll dig in my heels to a fault. In the classic tradition of opposites attract, however, we’ve been close our whole lives, from playing tigers on our backyard swing set to now swapping recipes and parenting stories. I’ve gotten the privilege of seeing her raise my niece up close (though not as close as I would like – we live many miles apart!), and am proud of the wonderful job she’s doing. As a mama, she is calm, practical, affectionate, resourceful, and thoughtful. I’m so happy to have her going before me through parenthood!

Photo by Nancy Ray

Name: Kate Seely
Occupation: Hospital-based physical therapist
With whom do you live? My husband Cormac (we met in college) and my two-year-old daughter Tegan; also one normal dog, one dog who thinks he’s a person, one normal cat, and one cat who thinks he’s a dog
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What does a day in the life look like for you? I work four days a week, so on those days I wake up at 6:30 am and get dressed, then wake up Tegan and get her dressed. She eats breakfast while I pack a lunch and/or put dinner in the crockpot. Cormac is often already up and working in the home office, so we poke our heads in to say goodbye and then head out around 7:15. I drop Tegan off at daycare (a center close to my work) and I’m at work at 8. I work with hospital patients all day, which is mostly great, and leave around 4:15. I pick up Tegan and we head home. We often try to squeeze in a walk with the dogs or a run before dinner, and then we try to eat dinner all together – it doesn’t always happen, and sometimes Cormac or I just sit with Tegan while she eats and then we eat together later. Then we play for a little while, or sometimes make a trip to the park if it’s nice and there’s time. Every other night is bath night, and we generally start to get Tegan ready for bed around 7pm.  She’s usually in bed by 7:30, and then Cormac and I eat (if we haven’t already), take care of some chores, and try to have a little time to hang out together, watch TV, or do some Sporcles.

What do you eat for lunch? Dinner? I usually bring leftovers or a Lean Cuisine for lunch, and I get a salad from the salad bar at work. I like to cook and I usually make dinner – some tried-and-true recipes, but I love to try new things, too, usually found on Pinterest. But sometimes we just have leftovers, and we probably go out or get takeout once a week. Tegan eats whatever we do. It did take about 9-12 months after she was born for me to start cooking dinner again on a regular basis!
Netflix obsession: I haven’t watched much TV since having Tegan, but we did just watch the first two seasons of The Americans on Amazon Prime – I liked it a lot, but we’re too cheap to pay for the third season :) I did watch all five seasons of Friday Night Lights while I was on maternity leave!
Do you listen to podcasts? If so, which ones, and when? I love Pop Culture Happy Hour from NPR, and my new one (as result of a recommendation from PCHH) is Switched on Pop, which looks at the musicality behind pop songs. I usually listen to them in the car, but only when Tegan’s not in it – she’s not a fan of podcasts yet, and it’s kind of hard to follow along with a yelling toddler in the backseat.
Why did you decide to have children? I don’t remember ever wondering whether I wanted kids; the only question was when, so for me, it wasn’t a monumental decision. I think it’s mostly because I want to be able to give someone what my parents gave me: a childhood full of adventures, learning, and love; the courage and skills to go out in the world on my own; and a continued support system even though we live 1,500 miles apart.

What is something related to kids you were not at all prepared for? How long it is before you get regular sleep. I try to tell all my pregnant friends this (in a nice way!). I don’t want to be a downer, but I was NOT prepared. Everyone knows that you don’t get much sleep with a newborn, but I kind of thought that lasted maybe a few weeks? (I probably should have known better). Tegan is a pretty good sleeper now (Ferber all the way!) but it was months before we got to sleep though the night, and I know we’re not alone. You do adjust and you can get by with less sleep than you thought, but it’s hard, and it’s often hard for a while.
What is your parenting philosophy? I don’t have a strict philosophy; I mentioned Ferber above (for sleeping) and I really like Ellyn Satter’s book about eating. Otherwise, I try to stay calm, give Tegan a choice when there is one, and explain why (at least briefly) when there’s not.  
Tell us about a lesson you’ve learned since having kids. Rubbing alcohol works really well to take the ink stains off a microfiber couch!

One thing you are doing the same as your parents and one thing you are doing differently: Tegan’s not quite old enough yet, and doesn’t have any siblings yet, but I definitely plan to implement the “my day” system my parents used: my sisters and I rotated days, and when it was your day, you had to set the table and do a few other chores, but you also got to sit in the front seat of the car and got a few other privileges. This eliminated a LOT of fights. (As a bonus, it also helped us learn simple division! Since there were three of us, the “day” was determined by dividing the date by three — if it divided evenly, it was our youngest sister’s day; if it divided with a remainder of one, it was the first born’s day; and if it divided with a remainder of two, it was the second born’s day.)

One thing I’m trying to do differently is follow through on promises/threats. I love my mom dearly (I know she’s reading, so hi, Mom!) but she wasn’t always the most consistent about following through with “you can’t go to the party if you don’t do x.” I try hard not to give Tegan an ultimatum unless I’m prepared to carry it out – the other day I caught myself saying “we’re going to leave without you if you don’t get in your car seat now,” which, obviously, I would not do, so I had to think of another tactic.

Favorite book(s) to read with/to your little. Tegan has her own favorites, including a “book of words” and no plot line that is infamous with my family, but my favorites to read are Little Blue Truck, Nancy Shaw’s Sheep series, and Madeline.
What is your favorite part about having children? Right now it’s her running to me when I pick her up at daycare or when I get home from work on the weekends and she’s just so excited to see me. She’s starting to talk more now, so it’s also really neat to start getting some insight into what she’s thinking, and to hear how somebody’s view of the world develops.

We love you, Kate!!

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Today’s mama is very, very special to me. I met Amanda – back then she was Miss Olsen – my first day of high school. She was my ninth grade English teacher, and I was immediately captivated by her. Invariably, I would come home and report some insight she had shared or hilarious thing she had done every night at the dinner table. I had her as a teacher several more times over my high school career (and even “took” English 9 at least twice more as her intern) and am so grateful to now call her a treasured friend. Amanda is without a doubt my most important mentor – there is no one aside from my parents who has shaped my character or personality more than she has. She is funny, fun, extremely smart, a gifted writer, principled, tough, thoughtful, creative, eloquent, and many other wonderful things. I am so grateful for her, and so excited to share her thoughts on motherhood!

P.S. Her “day in the life” is a bit long, but I think one of the most fascinating parts of these interviews is the mundane details about jobs and days – I hope they’re interesting to y’all, too!

From my high school graduation, with Amanda and another dear friend (circa 2005!)

Name: Amanda Fagan
Occupation: High School Principal
With whom do you live? I live with my husband of nine years, Tim, our three kids Boden (7), Declan (5), and Hope (3), plus our big, dumb dog Levi and two beta fish named Rainbow and Bluock. (I know. Bluock??)
What does a day in the life look like for you? My alarm goes off at 5:30am on a typical day. Sometimes that’s when I get up… and sometimes that’s when I begin the process of hitting snooze repeatedly, even though the seven additional minutes associated with each snooze are not really worth it. Shower, get dressed, do make-up, and then bask in the sweet, sleepy kid process of ‘good-byes’ to my babies, all three of whom are still in bed when I leave each day.

They have their own little routines they like to do with me, most notably being Declan, who, as I kiss him and whisper, “Bye, buddy. Have a great day. I love you,” bursts passionately out of sleep and exclaims, “I have to say my things!” His “things” are the following, recited largely without expression but in the same order lest there be a catastrophic meltdown at having forgotten something: “Bye, Mommy. I love you. Drive safely. Don’t let the car bugs bite. Have fun driving. Sweet driving. Have fun working. Sweet working. And can I wave to you from your window?” I back out of the garage, careful to scan all of the windows to look for last minute waving, and if little faces are there, I roll down the window to hear all the “bye! I love you!” exclamations again. I stop by Dunkin for a large tea (two teabags, one equal, and skim milk) and get to school around 7:00am.

My workday is different every single day. In the hallways to greet kids, observing classes, attending or facilitating meetings, answering or composing tons of emails (I spend far more time that I ever expected to, sitting at my desk, typing away madly at my computer), working with guidance or our school psychologists around a student in crisis, working with the Assistant Principals on a disciplinary issue, interviewing students to find out more information about some disruption to the learning environment, planning programs (faculty meetings, leadership team meetings, school-wide assemblies, advisory lessons, etc.), speaking to parents on the phone or in person, signing checks, answering questions from teachers, guidance counselors and secretaries who regularly pop in to my office, and just generally bouncing from project to project to project.

I leave school at 4:00pm and drive to day care (about 25-30 minutes away) to pick up Hope and hear from her and her “daytime Mommy,” Miss Alison, the recap of her day. Sometimes she is delighted to see me and runs, smiling, to leap into my arms. Other times she wants nothing to do with me and must be gently coerced to leave Miss Alison. Together, Hope and I drive to the boys’ school to pick them up from after care. They are typically immersed in some grand Lego construction activity or craft project, so we help them clean up and head for home. It takes me about an hour to an hour and 15 minutes to get from school to home each day with the pick-ups.

Most days, we have an activity to get to after pick-ups are complete. For example, in the fall it was swimming for Declan and Hope on Monday, swimming for Boden on Tuesday, soccer for Declan (and me, his coach) on Wednesday, and soccer for Boden on Thursday. Tim rolls in just after we get home (or we meet at the parking lot of the pool), and we divide and conquer. Usually I do the activity because Tim cooks dinner and packs lunches for the next day.

We eat as a family every night. It’s a priority we hold really dear and hope to be able to maintain even as our children get older and more heavily scheduled. At 7:00, everyone heads upstairs for pajamas and toothbrushing. In the winter, we shower the crew on Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday nights. In the summer, it’s almost every day because they are sweaty, dirty, and covered in sunscreen. We read bedtime books together… and now we are in a place where Boden, who is in second grade, will read the bedtime story to Hope, snuggled into her bed with her. Everyone is in bed with lights out at 7:30.

Once the kids are in bed, Tim and I clean up the kitchen from dinner, finish up lunches, and pack the kids’ backpacks and school folders for the next day. Usually by 8:00pm I can sit down to start whatever work I brought home, and I usually work through until about 11:00. Some nights, I have an event at school, so I don’t come home in between… or I come home to do the pick-ups, get the kids settled with Tim, and then head back to school. Other nights, I don’t work at 8:00, and instead Tim and I watch mindless HGTV until bedtime. Those nights are rare once the school year is really up in full swing.

Amanda is now the principal of the high school from which we both graduated. It has an extensive agricultural program, leading, on occasion, to some unexpected activities for her during the day!

What do you eat for lunch? Dinner? My packed lunch every day is the same thing: Progresso light chicken corn chowder, carrots, grapes, a Dannon Greek yogurt (vanilla or lime), and a kiddie Clif bar. I rarely have time to get to all of that, and certainly not in one sitting. I often eat the little things first because they are quick and transportable. Tim cooks dinner every night (I know; he’s amazing.). We use a lot of Weight Watchers recipes that seem to be heavy on vegetables: chicken stir fry. Beef and broccoli. Garden vegetables in pasta. Grilled chicken or steak with green beans and brown rice.
Netflix obsession: Truly, we are not much into television and go to the movies maybe once a year. This is life with three small kids. I did binge watch the entire first season of Madame Secretary recently. It’s the only show I watch religiously, on time, when it’s aired. While I realize being a high school principal is not exactly the equivalent to being Secretary of State, I really identify with her struggles to balance work and home, to be seen as a strong woman in a man’s world/job, to work through frustration when others who don’t/can’t see the bigger picture criticize decisions, to dare to be vulnerable when she is supposed to be strong, and to solve countless crises (big and small) on any given day.

Words you live by: I’m not sure I have a true life motto. I have different quotes I go to for different contexts. One of my favorites has always been, “What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us.” (Emerson) Another one I’ve adopted recently came from a man named John Driscoll, who is one of Tim’s dearest friends. He was a school administrator and was working as a principal when he was diagnosed about two years ago with glioblastoma multiforme. It’s a terminal form of brain cancer. He is fighting hard and is anchored by faith and gratitude. I don’t know him well, but I admire him tremendously. He was honored by his own high school, St. John’s Prep, where he was later an administrator. They noted that each morning on the announcements, he would always end his remarks with, “Try hard. Have fun. Be nice.” It’s so simple but genuinely distills everything we each need to do every day. I’ve been using it at work and have it posted on the slides that circulate through our TVs in the cafeteria and the main lobby.
Why did you decide to have children? I don’t know. I don’t feel like it was ever a question for me. I was one of four children, and Tim was one of five. I think both of us just associated being a grown up with getting married and having a family. My entire life was shaped by having had older brothers, and I believe many of my best characteristics were refined through my interactions with my family. Resilience. A sense of humor. Silliness. Love. Gratitude. Giving. I appreciate my family even more now that I am a grown up… it’s so neat to spend time with my siblings and their wives and kids now. As much as I mourn the thought of not having my little kids once their grown, I do look forward to interacting with them as adults.

What was one of the best things you did to prepare for having kids? I think the best thing for me was just talking with Tim. We talked about what we were looking forward to and what we were nervous about. That good communication before Boden was born helped us to support one another when we brought him home.
What is something related to kids you were not at all prepared for? Honestly? How mean I can be. How quickly I can be frustrated and lose my temper with the tiny people I care most about in the world. I work really hard to remind myself that they are only 7/5/3, and they are doing their very best. I wish every memory of theirs that is related to me would be positive and perfect and loving, but I fear that they will have semi-comical (in the future) memories of me being nuts.
What is your parenting philosophy? The catchphrase we use with the boys, who are school aged, is, “You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to try your best.” We try to apply that to just about everything: school work, sports, interactions with one another, chores at home.

Tell us about a lesson you’ve learned since having kids. I’ve got two lessons. First, you will become the reflection of your own parents. It’s just a given. All of the things that drove you crazy about them when you were little, you will come to understand now that you are parents yourselves. Second, kids will do as you do, not always as you say. I see that truth reflected in the behaviors—both the sweet and the cringeworthy—of my kids every day. They learn by watching us, which is magical and terrifying at once.
Tell us about a few of your favorite family traditions. My favorite family traditions are continuations of traditions my mother began with me… reading together at bedtime, carving pumpkins, dying (and hunting for) Easter eggs. One that I particularly love is that we burn our letters to Santa after we write them. We always did this with my mom, and I never questioned it. Of course the smoke carries your wishes to the North Pole, and of course the magic of the place reassembles the letters once they get there. In our first house, we didn’t have a fireplace, so we would bundle the kids up and take them outside to our little fire pit, all of us sheltering the letters from the winter wind as Tim lit them to the sky.

Favorite book(s) to read with or to your kids: The Otis books by Loren Long. They are about the cutest little tractor and the things he gets up to with his pals on the farm. The Bear books by Karma Wilson and Jane Chapman. The illustrations are darling, and the stories are really cute. The Elephant and Piggy books by Mo Willem. At first I thought they were annoying and didn’t quite understand the hype, but now that I’ve read them a zillion times and listened to my kids shriek in laughter, I see the draw. Others we’ve been stuck on at times include The Penny, Blueberries for Sal, Corduroy, Harry the Dirty Dog (probably my favorite… I remember it from my own childhood), and Mike Mulligan and his Steamshovel (that’s another one I love from my own childhood). I could go on and on. We have a staggering number of books.
One thing you are doing the same as your parents and one thing you are doing differently: There is much that is the same: sitting for dinner as a family; insisting upon good manners (please, may I, thank you) and good table manners; enforcing an early-ish bedtime; encouraging them to be involved in sports and activities; sharing holiday traditions… As for what’s different, it’s less philosophical than practical. I think Tim and I both are parenting much like our parents did, but there are things that are different because of the changed times, such as our reluctance to just having them go outside and play unattended and out of sight for hours on end, or letting them ride bikes without helmets.

What is your favorite part about having children? Parenting is a tsunami of emotions. I’ve never known such worry, such frustration, such exhaustion or, above all, such love. I think my favorite part, daft though it may sound, is the love. The physical manifestations of it—snuggling them at bedtime or in the morning, feelings their hands in mine, holding their sleeping weight as I carry them to bed, washing them, tickling them, doing Hope’s hair, feeling their feet tucked under my legs as we watch a movie together on the couch, hugging away their hurt feelings or scraped knees—take my breath away. Every night of their lives, I have gone into each of their rooms before I go to bed each night. I listen to their breathing, put my hand on their chests to feel their tiny beating hearts, and kiss their foreheads, thankful each time for the miracle of their lives while whispering my love into their ears. I love hearing them say, “Mommy, I love you so much.” I love it when they run to me at the end of an absence. I love it when I meet their eyes across a room, and they smile. Having children has filled my life with love and gratitude, and that’s a really nice way to live.

One of my favorite lines: “I believe many of my best characteristics were refined through my interactions with my family.” I know exactly what she means, and think the same is true for me!

Thank you, my dear AMOF!!

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