Friends, I have gone back and forth on gift guides this year! On the one hand, they take a lot of time to prepare, they might in the end be only nominally helpful, and the sheer preponderance of gift guides on the internet feels almost distasteful. On the other hand, I genuinely enjoy compiling them, the delight of helping one of you find a perfect gift is intoxicating, and they do contribute to the cost of keeping my internet home online. A conundrum!
One gift guide I knew I’d share? What we’re actually giving our kids this Christmas! It’s been a favorite post since 2019, when we had a four-year-old and a one-year-old. Below, I’ve shared what each of our kiddos will be finding under the tree this year, along with a few suggestions I gave to relatives. As a sort of gift guide compromise, I’ve also listed a few of the very favorite kid items we already own at the bottom if you’re looking for a few more suggestions.
All three kids will be getting a selection of clothes from my favorite consignment sale. When I shopped earlier this fall, I set aside some of my favorite pieces to place under the tree instead of into their drawers! In addition…
June (who is almost seven) will be receiving: — A mama-daughter camp weekend. We have our eye on a particular sleepaway camp for the future (June looooves to watch their promotional video, ha), and thought it might be wise to dip our toe in before committing to a week in the summer. This introvert is a bit nervous, but also thinks it will be SO fun to spend the weekend with just my biggest girl! — The Penderwicks boxed set, because we both fell in love with the first book earlier this year and I know she’ll be excited to unwrap the full set of these sweet modern classics. I snagged mine on Zulily last month for a steal. — Word search and crossword books. June likes to help my Dad with his NYT crosswords when he visits, and she’s expressed interest in having a book of her own. We picked these up at a toy store in Highlands! — Paper Goods Projects + a craft store gift card, because she’s always cutting, taping, and coloring during quiet time. Kid craft books are surprisingly hard to find, but there’s no one I trust more in this arena than Jodi Levine (a member of Martha’s team for 19 years!) — New sneakers, because her old ones are pulling apart at the seams.
Shep (who is 4 1/2) will be receiving: — A fire truck wallet, because the dollars he’s gotten from relatives are floating around his room and he loves June’s. Snagged this on our trip to Highlands, too! — An art set, because he’s always drawing something. (I think he is going to LOVE this. The carrying case! So fun!) — A puzzle table. He requested a table and chairs for his room, but since there’s not really enough space, we thought this fold-up surface would do the trick. And we can slide it under the bed when he’s not using it! — A remote control Batmobile and figurine. This was a direct request :) — A new winter hat, because Annie has inherited his old one.
Annie (who is 1 1/2) will be receiving: — A little plush carrier with animals inside, because she’ll love carrying it around and taking them in and out. — A lunchbox, because she starts preschool soon and will need to pack a lunch!
As the third child and second girl, this gal needs almost nothing and is still so young that gifts won’t make a big impression, so I have very few other suggestions for relatives! The only other thing I’ve seen that looks fun is this color-changing sink :)
A few of our time-tested, very favorite toys and gifts:
— A set of MagnaTiles, because yes, they’re as good as everyone says they are. Played with multiple times a week by all three kids. Definitely add the cars, and remember MagnaTiles and PicassoTiles are interchangeable! — A big box of colorful Duplos (also played with almost daily by all three!). — This ice cream play set, which has provided hours and hours of entertainment. FIVE STARS. — A Micro Kickboard scooter. These are hands-down the best scooters – we’ve gifted them to both of our kids around age 2, and 3-5 is the sweet spot. — A game you can play together: try Cover Your Assets, Ticket to Ride, or Sushi Go Party, all some of June’s favorites at almost 7. (More ideas here!) — A Yoto, for a tech-free audio book player. The radio station is quite good, too! I’d recommend adding the Yoto Club subscription for a year to build up your card collection, and we also have the card binder. We’re all in, ha! — The cutest personalized notepads. BIG favorite with June. — A Priority Start bike. June started with the 16″ at age 4 3/4, and graduated to the 20″ at age 6 (and passed the 16″ to Shep for his 4th birthday!). These bikes are SO well-made and look good, too! :) — Alice & Ames dresses, because they are the twirliest with the best patterns. — A Kiwi Co subscription or Highlights magazine subscription. — The Playmobil recycling truck, which is in constant rotation around our house. I would recommend for 4+, as the pieces are a bit small and finicky.
Whew! I hope that’s helpful! I’ve rounded up a bunch of ideas, but remember, kids don’t need much to be happy – in our family, we’ve actually found that too many gifts can be overwhelming and dull the whole experience. So choose wisely, and with joy – giving our kids good gifts is a really fun part of being a parent! :) And happy Thanksgiving, friends!!
When I started writing this series, I was mainly focused on my reasons for transitioning to part-time work, which were personal, not professional. I was surprised, then (but delighted!), by your many wonderful questions about the work side of this transition, and so it was an easy decision to dive into this angle with an extra post. (We’ll look at how I’m spending my Fridays in the fourth and final post.) Let’s take your questions…
Part One: Background on my work history and some reasons (or not) for shortening my work week Part Two: Why we chose me over my husband to make this change, why we chose going part-time over other solutions, and the financial impact Part Four: What my days off have actually looked like (so far)
Annie’s first visit to the Cultivate office earlier this year
Was your decision influenced by Cultivate’s acquisition?
Those of you who have followed closely may be aware that Cultivate was acquired in June of this year. My decision to go part-time was not in response to the acquisition, but it did put a point on the process. After I went back to work following my maternity leave in late fall 2021, the squeeze at home became more and more apparent. By the spring, I knew going part-time was the right decision, and I was eager to confirm my new schedule before the acquisition closed, knowing that negotiating with a brand-new boss could be far more challenging. The new owners agreed to my hours as part of my signing on to their company despite not having many part-time employees, for which I am grateful.
How did you negotiate this arrangement with your boss?
I remember so clearly the first time I broached the idea of reducing my hours – I was standing in my boss’s kitchen, heating up my lunch :) This was in 2016, when I was pregnant with June, and she had mentioned several times that we should talk about what my maternity leave was going to look like. I was nervous to have the conversation, because I worked for a small company with no clear blueprint for leave – I wasn’t sure where we’d land, and it felt like there was a lot riding on the outcome. I also knew I wanted to ask for a shortened schedule (9-4 versus 9-5) at the same time, and I had NO idea what the response to that request would be.
My boss met my requests so graciously, which should not be a surprise to anyone who knows her. With that first change of hours, my promise was basically that I would continue to produce the same amount of work with five fewer hours by trimming “fat” anywhere I could throughout my days – and that’s pretty much what I did.
When it was time to arrange this most recent transition of my schedule, the situation was very different. I did not feel nervous about approaching my boss – we were both in new places in our lives and in our relationship with each other, and I knew she would immediately support this change, which she did. I also knew that if for some reason my request was turned down, I could walk away and our family would be fine – it wouldn’t be what I wanted, but we were in a very different place financially and in our lives than we were in 2016, and so the outcome did not feel as pressure-filled. What did make me nervous, however, was breaking the news later to the rest of the CWM team, as I worried they might feel I was abandoning them in the midst of the upheaval of the acquisition (they, too, were very gracious).
I recognize that my situation is unique: I’m a key (though not indispensable!) cog with a very niche role in a small business. I had major longevity at the company and had demonstrated long-term loyalty. I work for a business whose purpose is to help customers live out what matters most, and wants that for their employees, too. And most importantly, I had a boss who cared deeply about me as a person and is a woman of great compassion, integrity, and love for God. (I know you’re reading, Lara – what a gift you are to me!)
Is anyone watching the fifth season of The Crown? Towards the end of the first episode, the Queen requests funds for refurbishment of the royal yacht from the Prime Minister. He initially balks at the expense, which prompts a forceful response from Her Majesty: “I hope we can agree that as sovereign, I have made very few requests, let alone demands, in return for the service I have given this country. Perhaps the reason I have held back is in the hope that when I actually do, people don’t just take it seriously, they do as I ask without question.” Wowza.
I’ve talked about this before, but staying at Southern Weddings and Cultivate for as long as I have is not an accident – among other reasons, I hoped my tenure would allow for exactly the flexibility, trust, and latitude it has when I needed it most. Though I would never have spoken with such imperiousness (yipes!), I did recognize a bit of my situation in the Queen :)
What had to change in my role, or what has changed, for this to be possible?
This is an astute question. It’s not possible to go part-time in every role, and even if it is, many roles (and individuals, and company cultures!) are just not suited to it. Though I have worked for the same company my entire life, my role has changed several times over the last decade, and when I look back, I can see the ways I consciously and subconsciously nudged it toward a shape that is suited to part-time hours. Here are a few of those ways:
I am an individual contributor with long-term projects. My main responsibility is devising and writing the content for our printed products (PowerSheets, conversation cards, Reading Journal, etc. – almost everything!). I interface with designers, editors, and occasionally higher-ups, but it’s largely just me at my computer, writing and thinking. I have very few daily deliverables, as most of my projects take several days or weeks to complete. Since the projects are more long-term, I have more choice over how I structure my time each day.
My role is not driven by immediate metrics and generally does not require immediate responses. This is very different than, say, a job in marketing, which has daily data points that might require pivots, changes in strategy, or new initiatives. I also receive almost no email. (Seriously – probably fewer than five emails a month that require responses. I do have Slack to keep up with and chatter in our project management system.) In my Southern Weddings role, by comparison, email was a HUGE part of my job and I responded to (and sent!) hundreds of emails a month.
I have bowed out of managerial responsibilities. Over the years, by choice (and sometimes not by choice!), I have shed my more unpredictable responsibilities – namely leadership and HR roles. This has given me more autonomy and control over my time at work, since I am less buffeted by the needs and whims of other people. It also means I have very few meetings.
And here are a few things I have had to accept to make this work on my end:
I have to look WAY far ahead in our project management system to see what’s coming down the pike for me. I work on big, long-term projects that can’t just be dashed off in a few hours if I didn’t see them coming. With fewer days and hours, I don’t have as much room for error in planning my time.
I live and die by time blocking. At the end of every week, I look ahead at my calendar and in our project management system and block my time in half-hour increments. This is the only way I can be realistic about what I can and cannot accomplish in a week. As I adjust due dates in the project management system, it helps others with expectations, especially since I’m not always available to answer questions. Time blocking also helps me stay on task and avoid distractions during the day, which is always important, but even more so with shorter hours.
I have had to release control. As my hours have shortened, I have had to give up projects to other people. I can’t weigh in on as many decisions. I just don’t have time to have my fingers in all that I’d want to, which can be hard. (But it has been good at the same time!)
I turn off notifications and don’t check Slack (or anything else) outside of my hours. This is counter-cultural in our world and in many workplaces, but it’s a key to actually enjoying the time away from work I have carved out for myself.
I have sacrificed being a star. Though I play a key role and am respected, I am outside the power structure. I’m not a manager, I’m not on the leadership team, my employers know I am not interested in “moving up the ranks,” I have limited hours, I’m not the first one tapped for new opportunities. I don’t think I will ever be the most beloved employee. All of this can be hard, but it’s a trade-off I’m making with open eyes.
How do you structure your six hours on days you work?
I generally block off the first and last half hour as “check in” and “wrap up,” respectively. Because I work shorter hours, there’s usually chatter that I need to catch up on (in Slack, email, and our project management system) that happened while I was out. If a small, last-minute ask comes up, I’ll usually tackle it in those windows, too.
I currently have a one-hour meeting on Mondays, and will occasionally schedule one-off meetings as needed – but other than that, it’s largely up to me how I schedule my time. Depending on deadlines and what I’m working on, I like to have a 2-3 hour block of deeper work – writing a chunk of a longer product or writing curriculum for a class – in the morning, then a break for lunch and a 10-minute walk around the neighborhood with John. In the afternoon, I schedule shorter blocks for blog posts, teaching emails, product descriptions, scripts, and similar tasks. I might use my final wrap-up half hour to finish a task I need a little extra time on, respond to messages, or take care of admin tasks.
I hope this sheds a little light on the other half of this transition! I’d love to hear how our work days are similar or different – it’s always interesting to learn about different experiences than your own!
Part One: Background on my work history and some reasons (or not) for shortening my work week Part Two: Why we chose me over my husband, why we chose going part-time over other solutions, and the financial impact Part Four: What my days off have actually looked like (so far)
I tried hard to get part three of our current series ready for today but didn’t quite get there. Monday! For today, a poem that absolutely delighted me when I saw it in The Atlantic last year. The internal rhyme! The line breaks! I hope you enjoy.
For me, one of the delights of getting older is having the opportunity to model what a loving, generous, thoughtful grown-up life can look like to the kids and teens around me. Obviously, it must be said that I DO NOT do this perfectly, not even a little bit – but it is something I think about often. What messages am I sending to the younger people around me about what it means to be a grown-up? From looking at me, will they think it’s fun? A privilege? Something to look forward to? Or will they think it looks like a drag, something to be delayed as long as people?
And how about marriage? What will they think about marriage from watching and listening to me? Will they think it’s something that holds me back? That exasperates me? That erases me? Or will they sense it’s something that delights me, nourishes me, and challenges me to be the best version of myself?
In addition to my children, some of the people I am most aware of having the opportunity to influence are our babysitters. I think about it so much! At a time in their lives when, psychologically, they’re pulling away from their parents and looking more to their peers and social media, how interesting is it that they can come into our home environment – a somewhat neutral space – and (hopefully!) see the beauty and allure of something beyond high school or college life, or the shiny facade of social media. In the smallest of ways, I hope being welcomed into our lives expands their perspective of what matters in the big picture, and maybe gives them something to look forward to when school or their social life feels hard. (Or even when it feels like the opposite – like high school is the MOST FUN they’ll ever have in their life, and everything else will be downhill from there).
Or maybe they’ve literally never had these thoughts once, ha! But I suspect they have, because I remember having them when I was their age. In high school, I had teachers and other mentors who sparked my interest in grown-up life and inspired the direction I wanted to grow, and I am SO grateful for that.
All this as long-winded intro to sharing these “boxes of sunshine” that we sent to our two babysitters who started college this fall. June and I cruised the aisles of Target to select goodies for them; everything fit surprisingly neatly into fig bar boxes from Costco :) A little yellow tissue paper and curly ribbon brought everything together! Here’s what we included in our college care packages:
Scarecrow Crunch trail mix (one gal said this was her favorite item in the box and it really does look delicious)
And a note from me, a letter from June, and a drawing from Shep. Of course, it must be said you could literally put any one of these items and a heartfelt note in a mailer and ship it off to an 18-year-old and it would bring a smile to their face, but we had fun putting these together.
I would love to hear if you ever think about the messages you’re sending to the younger ones around you! If you do, what’s the message you hope you convey?
