“Decide once” is one of the 13 Lazy Genius principles – it’s actually the first one. Though Kendra didn’t originate the idea, she’s certainly popularized it, and rightfully so. The idea is simple: you make a one-time decision about an aspect of your life, and you stick by it until it no longer serves you. Whenever you come to that decision point, you don’t have to expend any brain cells on making a fresh choice; you can simply move forward with the decision you’ve already made and deemed good.
You get the appeal, yes? I certainly do, and have used it to simplify many different areas of my life. I thought it could be fun to round up a few today, and of course would love to hear a few things you’ve decided once about in the comments!
— I sign up for every Meal Train that crosses my path, and I bring a prepared meal from a local shop. In this season of young kids, trying to prepare and deliver two meals in one day (for my family and the other family) was causing enough stress that it had begun to dissaude me from signing up in the first place. I love that I can choose a meal that matches the family’s needs with ease (gluten- or dairy-free, vegetarian, etc.) and support a local small business, too.
— If June is invited to a friend’s birthday party, the friend is getting a gift card to the local paint-your-own pottery place.
— All coats we outgrow get donated to coat drives. Though we consign lots of clothes, coats get donated.
— I (almost) only buy my jeans from Madewell. I know what style I like, I know what size I take; it’s just easy.
— I decide who I’m going to listen to on Instagram by following them, and thus I try to avoid the Explore tab at all costs.
— Suitcases get unpacked immediately when we arrive home. There’s no hemming and hawing over whether we’ll do it later that night or the next day; we just get it done immediately.
— If underwear gets pooped in (like, actual poop), it gets thrown out. I decided a long time ago that we can afford to pay $10 every so often to buy a few more new packs of underwear than we might otherwise have used :)
Isn’t that wonderful? And the best part is that you still get to change your mind whenever you want – if a decision is no longer serving you, you get to make a new one.
I’d love to hear: what are some of your favorite “decide once” decisions?
It’s appropriate that you should hear from Shelby first in this series, because part of my inspiration for hosting it was born out of conversations we had in the spring.
Shelby is my teammate on the Content team at Daily Grace – she’s actually my manager! – and I’ve gotten to know her well in the year since Cultivate’s acquisition. We met in person for the first time in April at DG’s team summit, and while we were there, our conversation naturally turned to kids, and eventually school. As a mom a little farther ahead than me, I was delighted to hear that her kids went to public school, that they’d always had a great experience, and that she felt confident and matter-of-fact in her choice. This felt like a real breath of fresh air to me, and made me want to seek out more stories like hers.
And so here we are! I’m delighted to share Shelby with you today. She is kind, generous, level-headed, an excellent manager, refreshingly direct, and, of course, a wholehearted follower of Jesus. I hope you enjoy this peek into her family’s life!
Tell us about yourself and your family.
My husband, Kent, and I have been married 12 years. He’s calm, cool, and collected and I am… not that. It was his quiet and confident demeanor that attracted me to him all those years ago, and what a gift it has been to have his steadiness to settle my chaos. I somehow talked him into a big family: he said only two kids at first, but we ended up with three sons and a daughter. Our boys are 9, 7, and 5. Our daughter is 3, and yes, that does mean that she is doubly spoiled as both the only girl and the baby of the family :)
After years of wondering what occupation fit him best, Kent has settled into a career as a mortgage loan officer and talks numbers and logistics all day (which he loves!). I chose a polar opposite path, running as far as I could from numbers and details and toward the world of words. I work full-time as the Content Director for a faith-based publishing company called The Daily Grace Co. and it is a dream!
We recently relocated from Kansas City, where we our marriage grew Midwest roots for over a decade, to the Woodlands, Texas. We’ve both always wanted to adventure away from “home,” and while moving a young family has many challenges, we are enjoying the process of putting down new roots in our new home.
Why are you choosing public school for your family?
I often say that if I didn’t work full-time, I would homeschool. But, I do work full-time, so I don’t. I think our situation might be a bit unique in that for the last seven years I’ve been able to choose whether or not I work. My income isn’t a financial necessity for us, but it sure is nice. So, when I chose to work, I knew that I was also choosing public school for our kids. Public school is not something we were forced into, but rather it’s something we carefully considered and prayerfully chose. Knowing that we had made this choice, we paid a lot of attention to the school district we moved into when we relocated to Texas, and said no to many houses that were perfect for us in every way except for the public school they were assigned to.
Public school is the best choice for our family for many reasons: it’s affordable, it’s accessible, it’s a way to connect with our neighborhood and community, it’s meeting the needs of our children, the Monday through Friday schedule fits well with our work schedules, and it provides our children with many extracurricular options.
What has been your experience with public school so far? Give us an overview.
Honestly, our experience has been great so far! We’ve had nine elementary teachers across three school districts and two states. Every teacher we’ve had has been deeply invested in the flourishing of her students. They’ve communicated well and given us numerous opportunities to be involved in our child’s education. In addition, we’ve experienced excellent communication and leadership from the school administrators we’ve interacted with.
What has been one of your favorite parts about your school experience so far? Has anything been challenging?
My favorite part has been the diverse subjects, teaching styles, and friendships my kids have been able to experience. As one example, my oldest son’s third grade teacher lives on a farm with all of the animals you’d hope for. She gave regular updates on her cows and goats, and my son got an inside look at her unique life. Additionally, he had a peer whose family had immigrated from India. He loved learning about Indian culture from her.
For us, the most difficult part of public school to navigate has nothing at all to do with the adults, but with the kids. Our kids definitely hear their peers talk about topics, games, movies, and words that are too mature for their ages. More on how we’ve handled that in a moment!
What do you wish other Christians knew about your life as a faithful family in public school? What might surprise people about your journey in public school so far?
I wish they knew that the caricatures of hyper-progressive teachers and administrators who have an agenda to undermine parental authority isn’t always reality. I don’t doubt that some have experienced this in public school, but I never have. I once heard someone say that they chose homeschool because they want to be in control of their child’s education. While I understand the sentiment, parents who choose public school also have much control over what their child learns. We can ask questions, engage with teachers, request to see curriculum, and have open and honest conversations with administrators. We need not fear public educators. I’ve found them to be on my side and supportive of my wishes 10 out of 10 times.
What does faith formation look like for your family outside of or alongside school? How are you helping your kids to know and love God and their neighbors?
Faith formation is both organic and intentional in our home. For example, we’ve done 15 minutes of family discipleship time before bed for many years. We also take every organic opportunity we can to connect everyday conversations back to our faith and what it looks like to live a biblical worldview.
Our family discipleship time includes Bible reading, discussion, and prayer. It’s pretty simple! But we’ve found that simple works for us – it fits our schedule and it’s been effective in teaching Scripture to our kids.
A lot of the organic faith formation happens when a child tells us something they heard a classmate say or saw a classmate do that was confusing or concerning. We do a lot of listening and asking questions. And then we do a lot of explaining what the classmate was talking about and how we can respond in truth and love as Christians. We’ve worked really hard to keep lines of communication open with our kids, and we’re so thankful to have several of these conversations a week with our oldest kids! One key to these conversations is to not just give them answers, but go to Scripture with them to find out what the Bible says about what they’re experiencing. We also allow them to ask as many questions as they want rather than asking them to accept biblical concepts as truth when they don’t yet understand them.
What are your hopes for your kids and their education? What’s the best-case scenario?
My hope is that all of my children will be academically prepared for their next step after college, will have built a foundation for a biblical worldview, and will have genuine and enjoyable friendships.
Do you plan to continue with public school indefinitely, do you plan to change course in the future, or do you hold it with open hands?
We hold it with open hands! If our experience of public school changes or if it’s no longer meeting the needs of our kids, we will evaluate other options.
Anything else to add?
It’s hard for Christian public school parents to hear we’re setting our kids up for failure by not choosing homeschool or private school. I fully support people who choose a different option than me for their kids, and I hope that one day public school parents will be more supported by those who choose other options.
Shelby, you are a gift to me and to many! Thank you for taking the time to share your family and your thoughts with us – it truly means so much.
Friends, you can follow along with Shelby on Instagram or listen in to the Daily Grace podcast, where she’s the co-host! And please feel free to respond to anything she mentioned in your usual kind and thoughtful way. Grateful for you!
Summer 2023 kept us on our toes, and so though I haven’t written one of these posts each year, it felt like a worthwhile effort this year! Capturing the little pleasures and particulars to look back on is a lovely way to wrap up the season. Here’s some of what we’ll remember from summer 2023…
Listening:The Night Train kept us going on many long road trips! The kids seriously loved this podcast-that-feels-like-an-audio-book, and with 20+ episodes at 30-ish minutes each, it kept us humming along for quite some time. The synopsis: It’s 1879! Edith and Paul Mallard climb aboard the Night Train as it races the Midnight Express across America. But as accidents delay their journey, a mysterious plot of sabotage begins to emerge. Will Edith and Paul Mallard solve the mystery of the Night Train? Or is their journey doomed to disaster?
Perfecting: I do believe we’ve gotten the North Carolina coast long weekend trip down to a science. Our three-day June stay in Beaufort was pretty near perfect (and by perfect, I mean the young family version of perfect, which for this particular trip included a very sandy (and now infamous) meltdown). We paddle boarded, we swam, we visited a barrier island and lighthouse, we ate yummy food, and we enjoyed sensational weather.
Moving: June officially shifted her clothes, pajamas, and shower stuff to the second floor, and though this is a natural and normal progression, it also felt a bit like we were shipping her off to college after having one hub for our family for so long. But it’s been sweet to see her enjoy her own space up there!
Visiting: Our niece and nephew came to stay for the week and we had what we hope will be the first of many cousin camps! From learning to ride a bike sans training wheels to cabin inspections and the Best Friends Snack Shack, it was a full but very fun week.
Wearing: I replaced my fauxm Birks, which were showing their age, with this pair from Reef. They are cuter than though not quiiiiiite as comfortable as the Birks.
Enjoying: A tiny little moment from our trip to Maine: June needed to practice piano, so while the two youngers were resting or napping each afternoon, the three of us would walk down to the community building and she’d play on the baby grand while we’d play ping pong across the room. Just a sweet little slice with our big girl :)
Learning: We navigated the ins and outs of neighborhood swim team life! I’m proud to say we did it our way (which mainly meant going to practice when it suited our family’s schedule), and found it to be quite fun. June’s favorite part was without a doubt learning every line dance known to seven-year-old-kind, and John’s was writing up his appointment notes poolside most evenings.
Shep’s swimming, too, improved leaps and bounds. With a few lessons at the beginning of summer, he went from screeching when splashed to diving underwater and swimming like a fish, no floatie in sight.
Itching: Another not-so-sweet memory from the island that must be mentioned for posterity: we all got a rash from the mysterious browntail moth for the first time. An invasive species found only on the coast of Maine and Cape Cod, its caterpillars’ hairs (even airborne!) can cause an itchy rash on skin. Annie had it something awful, but thankfully it seemed to look much worse than it felt.
Attending: The book swap! Well, hosting, I suppose, but it was certainly a highlight, and the coziest morning with good friends chatting good books.
Watching: It was a fun summer for movies! John and I saw Mission Impossible on a date night and I saw the Barbie movie with some Articles Club friends.
Reading: The road trip saga The Lincoln Highway felt like an especially summery read, and is definitely in my top five for the year thus far. June and I have also really loved reading several installments of The Vanderbeekers and The Penderwicks series either together or in parallel.
…And truly, so much more: our first trip to John’s parents’ new home, biking the full American Tobacco Trail with a friend on a blue-sky day, going into the harbor on the boat for fireworks on the Fourth, walking the monuments in DC, our train trip to Greensboro, an afternoon on the lake with friends… we’re looking toward fall, but taking many sweet memories from summer with us.
What will you remember from summer 2023? I’d love to hear!
This series is not a blanket defense of public schools, and it is not trying to convince anyone to send their kids to public school.
This series is not a debate. I’m not going to square a family who homeschools against a family who public schools, or a family who had a positive experience of public school versus one who had a negative experience.
This series is not making the argument that every public school is right for every Christian family.
This series is not addressing the negative effects Christians can have on public schools.
This series is not meant to be representative of every type of family or every type of public school.
This series is not a commitment that my family will always attend public school.
Okay, then, what is this series?
On the internet, we hear a lot from Christian families who have chosen to homeschool. We hear a lot from secular families who have chosen public school. We hear from Christian families who have chosen private Christian or classical school and secular families who have chosen private secular school.
Too often, these internet voices – especially the first two – are strident and black-and-white, focused on cementing their choice as the best option and painting any other choice as lesser, wrong, or – in some cases – dangerous or irresponsible. (It is worth noting that the real-life voices I hear, across the scholastic board, are almost-uniformly more humble and gracious.)
In this series, I hope to give voice to committed Christian families who have made the decision to attend public school and who have had a largely-positive experience. If you’ve been around on the internet a bit, you know this is not a constituency we hear from much. That’s a shame, because we all benefit from having an accurate, well-rounded worldview instead of one that’s shaped by niche pockets of social media. I’ve asked several women I trust and know personally to share their perspective, and I will be sharing mine, as well.
What do I mean by committed Christian families? Generally, I mean families with parents whose Christian faith is central to their lives and who are actively seeking to help their children to trust God and follow Jesus. They buy into Justin Whitmel Earley’s conception of households as “schools of love, places where we have one vocation, one calling: to form all who live here into lovers of God and neighbor.” They agree with him in their desire to produce “something other than the typical anxiety-ridden, depression-prone, lonely, confused, and screen-addicted teenager” but instead form children in God’s love, who they can “train in meaningful relationships … teach the peace that comes with knowing the unconditional love of Jesus” … and ultimately “create homes that are missional lights in a dark world.”
What I hope readers will take away from this series:
If you’re a Christian who is considering public school for your kids or has kids in public school, I hope you leave encouraged by the possibilities, galvanized by the opportunity, and clear-eyed about the difficulties. I hope you feel fellowship with a vibrant, faithful cohort seeking redemption, especially if you’ve felt discouraged or uncertain over your choices.
If you’re a Christian who has chosen homeschool or private Christian school for your kids, I hope you come away with greater understanding of why other Christian families may choose differently. I hope you leave compelled to support those families and to remember that they are just as serious as you are in their desire to raise kids who trust God and follow Jesus. More generally, I hope you see the choice to send Christian kids to public school as an honorable one and not a lesser one, and to more readily turn away from media that stokes tribalism and fear. If you are already doing or feeling these things, that is wonderful :)
If you are not a Christian, I hope you take away a greater understanding of the perspectives, motivations, and priorities of your Christian neighbors, and that that understanding might lead to greater respect, for the good of every kid in our schools.
What will this series look like?
Over the last few weeks, I’ve interviewed six women I personally know and trust. They live in different parts of the country and have school-age kids who range from kindergartners to college freshmen. I asked them a series of questions, covering everything from why they’ve chosen public school and their favorite and most challenging parts to what faith formation looks like for their families. I’ll be presenting them to you in their own words – one woman per week – and I will wrap up the series by answering the same questions, as well.
I know this series is not everyone’s cup of tea. Perhaps it feels irrelevant to your life, you resent that I want to talk about it, or you wish that I would talk about it in a different way. Of course, you are more than welcome to skip these posts and stick around for the rest of the content you know and love, but I am deeply grateful for those who will choose to join for this conversation, no matter what your personal experience. It’s a topic I care about deeply and have thought about extensively, and that’s the kind of thing that I think is worth my time. I hope you feel the same way!
In the meantime, I’ll be back later this week with a completely unrelated topic :)
