In the last few days, I have gently sidearmed several wonderful social opportunities from my December calendar. One was a monthly get-together with two dear girlfriends, another a lengthy phone call with a faraway friend. While I treasure and look forward to getting these on my calendar soon, as I survey what’s already on my calendar, it’s clear that adding something else in December would make it less likely I’d be able to enjoy the tasks I know I have ahead of me: wrapping gifts, addressing cards, reading picture books, sharing year-end posts right here on EFM. And I really do love those things, when I have the time to do them!
So yes, there’s a tinge of regret when I suggest postponing til January, but also the comforting feeling of caring for myself well. As a one of the friends said when she got my text, “this is big Enneagram 5 energy,” ha. Feel free to borrow a little of that energy today, if you need. Saying “let’s plan for January!” might just be the best gift you could give yourself now, no wrapping needed :)
On my calendar: — Handel’s Messiah at Duke Chapel (above). I’ve wanted to attend for years, and a few Articles Club gals and I finally made it happen! It was beautiful. — Dinner out with John for our 2024 review and celebration. Locals, we’re trying Figulina and this pasta lover is excited. — A post-Christmas mountain trip with my family. We’ll spend a few days in Blowing Rock and are planning to take the kids snow tubing for the first time! Fingers crossed for some real snow, too.
What I’m loving right now: — Crafting with my girl! One day last week while the two littles were on a playdate, we pulled a set of paper mache houses out of the closet and had a very fun two hours painting them, dusting them with “snow,” and adding a tea light inside. Ours were from this set I bought a few years ago, but this one looks similar or these ones (here, here, here) are cute, too! — I’m on a Defined Dish kick and these BBQ chicken tacos with jalapeno slaw were a winner! They come together so easily in the slow cooker and the taste is more multi-dimensional than jarred BBQ sauce, which I don’t always love. — All the Christmas picture books. Here’s a round-up of our favorites!
As a reminder, you can find allll the things I’ve loved over the last few years neatly organized right here!
What you’re loving right now:
This is where I highlight a few items here that have been popular in the last month with fellow readers, based on my analytics. Here’s hoping this will help you find something you’ll love!
What I read in November: — God of the Woods | After making it to the top of a 600+-person waitlist at the library, I’m happy to say I enjoyed this book! My brother-in-law is Liz Moore’s literary agent, and it’s been fun to celebrate the incredible hype surrounding it. That being said, I think the hype might have pushed my expectations a bit too high, because while I did thoroughly enjoy this thriller mystery set in the woods of New England, it wasn’t life-changing. (In fact, I may prefer her earlier thriller Long Bright River.) But definitely worth reading! — Tress of the Emerald Sea | This Brandon Sanderson novel made it onto my 2024 reading list because I was intrigued by its backstory: it was created as part of the largest Kickstarter campaign of all time. I made it about halfway through but ultimately decided to DNF :/ While it was described as appealing to those who love The Princess Bride (most certainly me), the characters, plot, and writing style all left me a bit underwhelmed. — When Breath Becomes Air | Stunning. As a reader of Cup of Jo, I knew about this book while Paul was still alive, but it’s taken me a decade to feel ready to read it. (The circumstances of his death and leaving his young wife and daughter behind hit me hard; I had also been knocked for a loop by The Year of Magical Thinking right before this came out.) Even if it took me ten years, I’m so glad I circled back around — it absolutely lives up to its reputation and is a moving, exquisitely-observed memoir. (And Paul himself – wow! Hard to imagine a more impressive person.) — The Christmas Pig | The kids and I listened to this while driving to and from Virginia over Thanksgiving (John was driving and had his Airpods in, ha). While billed as a heartwarming Christmas adventure, I would have liked to know in advance that there are significant hard and sad themes here: parents fighting, divorce, remarriage, bullying, anger, trash-eating monsters, etc. That being said, the kids seemed to LOVE it and clamored for it to be listened to whenever our car was moving. It certainly made the drive fly by. So take that for what you will! — The Kids are Alright | I feel like I have a LOT to say about this book but I shall try to sum it up in brief. I have read the blog Design Mom almost from the beginning, and have long admired the family culture Gabby and her husband seem to have created with their six kids. In more recent years, I’ve been disappointed to see her blog wither as she spends more time on social media and discouraged to see how hostile she’s become to anyone who doesn’t think exactly like her on any number of topics. I miss the days when she shared thoughtful insights into her family’s habits and adventures. All that to say — I approached this book with a bit of trepidation, but on the other side, I’m relieved to say I really enjoyed it. It seems we still have a lot in common when it comes to raising independent, connected kids who contribute to the world and love to spend time with each other, and this book felt like a throwback to (what I consider) her best blogging days, offering insights into how she and Ben have achieved that with their family.
My reading list for 2024! I’m 16 / 24 so far. Just one month to go and I think I’ll get to 1-2 more from my list!
Revisiting my November goals: Edit Sheptember, Volume 6 (Oh how I wish this were done! I have been laid low with a cold for 10+ days now and fatigue and earlier bedtimes have really curtailed me wrapping up some of these goals.) Design and order our Christmas card and newsletter (Done! For the first time this year, I was able to print our newsletter on the back of our Minted card due to a new “create your own” option. Fingers crossed it looks cute when it arrives but yay for one less piece of paper!) Finalize china salad plate choice (No progress here but I did just pull out our collection of Christmas salad plates so not going to worry about it for a bit :)) Sell the gray table to make room in our loft (Done! Feels so good!) Read chapters 13 and 14 of Outlive Paint the kids’ book ornaments (In progress! June’s is 95% done, Annie’s is 75% done, and Shep’s is 25%! Watch me paint here.)
December goals: — Frame a few pieces of kid art via Framebridge. We have a bit of money left over in our 2024 home budget category and you know what they say… use it or lose it! ;) — Find a dresser for Annie’s room — Edit Sheptember, Volume 6 — Finish the kids’ book ornaments — Submit the paperwork for my own passport renewal — Stuff, stamp, and address our Christmas cards — Execute our end-of-year generosity plans — Savor the Christmas season by focusing on loving the ones I love most, and loving those who need it the most. Even to me this sounds somewhat trite, but also the best way I know to celebrate the arrival of a tiny baby king who did the same.
I’d love to hear: What have you read and loved recently? I’m working on my 2025 reading list and would love to hear your suggestions for what should make it on!!
A sucker for the fresh start of fall just like everyone else, I’ve been over here enjoying the rhythm of a new season as September has gotten underway. That’s the beautiful thing about seasons, isn’t it? They’re a chance to pause, reflect, collect ourselves, and move into something new – and they always seem to come at just the right time. For me, this year, that’s meant reacquainting myself with quiet workdays, incorporating Serious Working Out back into my weeks (aiming for two 30-minute strength training sessions, three rucks, and one intense Peloton ride per week), digging out the meals that work for practice nights, and cleaning out a few closets that have gotten overgrown. And a few more things, as you’ll see below…
Psst — want to come hang with me in person? I’m speaking at a Thrive Motherhood event on parenting in the digital age at the end of this month. I am already terrified, but would love to have the chance to meet you!
On my calendar: — Our anniversary trip to Asheville! Happy 12 years to us :) — Our annual camping trip with the Rays! We are headed to a lakeside campsite in Virginia and they are bringing their boat! — The first day of fall! We’ll bake apple cider scones for our family and the kids’ teachers, a tradition we started eight years ago.
What I’m loving right now: — Please go watch this short video from the beloved Tim Mackie about generosity, scarcity, and abundance. I’m a person who thinks quite a lot about generosity, but in less than three minutes Tim opened up a whole new way of thinking about God’s purposes for it – and how it affects our relationships with others – that I had never considered. — One of you sent me this piece from The Atlantic (gift link!) about what adults lost when kids stopped playing in the street, and it delighted me twice over: once that a reader thought to send it to me, and again because the ideas presented are so necessary and important. — Farmer’s market flowers. I splurged on the most beautiful bouquet when we visited last weekend (above!), and it’s been filling me with joy all week.
As a reminder, you can find allll the things I’ve loved over the last few years neatly organized right here!
What you’re loving right now:
This is where I highlight a few items here that have been popular in the last month with fellow readers, based on my analytics. Here’s hoping this will help you find something you’ll love!
What I read in August: — The Reason for God | I wanted to read this in honor of Tim Keller, and it didn’t disappoint. Just like C.S. Lewis, it’s clear, compelling, and winsome (and, indeed, he quotes Lewis extensively!). I did wonder what different emphases he’d make if he wrote it in 2024 – it was written in 2009, and it feels like the landscape of belief and unbelief has already changed so much since then! — The Mysterious Benedict Society | “Are you a gifted child looking for special opportunities?” So reads a peculiar newspaper ad, kicking off an epic secret mission undertaken by four extraordinary children. This was the one fat book June took to summer camp with her — she eagerly passed it on to me once she arrived back home, and I give it a glowing review, too. — The Boys in the Boat | Maybe my favorite read so far this year. It’s the true story of the rag tag rowing crew that wins gold in the 1936 Berlin Olympics, and though it’s non-fiction, it has the pace, sweep, drama, and characters to match any author’s imagination. I loved how Brown wove the rowers’ back stories, the current-day build to the Olympics, and the looming evil of early-stage Nazi Germany into one tight narrative. Highly, highly recommend. (I can’t wait to watch the movie, too, which is somehow supposed to be even better than the book.)
Revisiting my August goals: Finalize plans for our anniversary trip to Asheville Complete 40 hours of deep work (I recorded 15, though I think I actually did more. With the kids home pretty much every day, it was a disjointed month of work – but one I’m very grateful for.) Go through the kids’ clothes in advance of my two favorite consignment sales (I did go through the clothing but did not yet sort and tag!) Book our Acadia accommodations for next summer Reset June’s job chart for the new school year and make one for Shep Tackle the upstairs closet (I swapped in June’s closet instead!) Print photos for our new mantel frames Frame June’s camp photo Submit everyone’s passport applications (Progress! We had the kids’ photos taken and completed the applications. I’ve been monitoring our post office appointments but haven’t found one that works yet.)
As a reminder, many of these are drawn from my 2024 goals!
September goals: — Film Sheptember — Write my Thrive Motherhood presentation — Read chapters 13 and 14 of Outlive — Finish the 2015-2019 photo album (In groan-inducing news, I just looked back at last year’s September goals post and this exact item was on it – egads. So ready to move this across the finish line!) — Print photos for our new mantel frames — Sort and tag for the consignment sale — Tackle the upstairs closet — Complete our passport appointment — Complete 40 hours of deep work
In the spirit of photo album solidarity, is there a lingering item on your goal or task list that you’re going to commit to crossing off in September? I’d love to hear!
One of the most frequent requests I get, on all platforms, is for a mortgage plan update. This is funny to me (the requests are usually random and out of the blue!), but I welcome it, and I understand it: there are not many people willing to talk about finances in a personal and detailed way. But here I am! Willing to talk! So let’s get into it, because we have made a shift since our last conversation…
A brief overview of where we’ve been:
Spring 2013: We buy our house! We pull together a 13% down payment, because that’s the most we could afford.
Fall 2014: After paying off our car loans, we use about half of what we had been paying to make an extra mortgage payment each month (directly to the bank), and the other half to build up a fund for our next car purchase.
Fall 2015: Car fund complete, we shift that amount we’d been paying toward our mortgage, too. Instead of paying down our mortgage directly, though, we begin transferring the extra monthly amount into a specific home brokerage account and invest it, with the goal of paying off the mortgage balance in one lump sum once we reach the amount we need. I talked about that here.
2018: We shift our strategy. Instead of paying off our mortgage as soon as our home brokerage account reaches the right amount, we plan to keep saving a little longer, until we’ve reached a large-enough amount of money that, if carefully invested, the returns themselves would be large enough to cover our monthly mortgage payment (meaning our mortgage would no longer need to be a part of our household budget). I talked about that here.
2022: With June in (public) kindergarten, we shift most of the money we had been paying for preschool each month towards an increased monthly transfer to our home brokerage account.
2023: Our home brokerage account reached the amount where we could begin taking withdrawals for the monthly mortgage payment… but we didn’t begin taking withdrawals.
Wait, what?!
Yes, indeed. In yet another change to the plan, after much discussion, we agreed that we wanted to keep rolling with our current situation indefinitely: paying the monthly mortgage payment to the bank out of our salaries, and contributing to the home brokerage account each month while letting it grow.
Why?
To put it simply, our standard of living was (and is) perfectly comfortable. We don’t see a compelling need in our budget for our mortgage payment right now. Our current plan is to do this for the foreseeable future, or until our needs change, or until it no longer makes sense. Just as I shared in my last post, the hope is that this account will eventually pay for college tuitions, weddings, a rental property, some really extravagant generosity, or – most likely – all of the above.
Suffice it to say, this gives us an incredible amount of flexibility, and peace of mind. We knew that, I think, but we recently had an experience that drove home just how much we value living below our means. Story time? :)
Recently, a house came on the market that we were very interested in. Though we had a few alerts set up, we didn’t consider ourselves actively looking, and so scrambled to get in touch with a realtor and get prequalified for a loan. We went to see it on a Friday, the day it went on the market, and then debated whether we should put in an offer almost constantly for the next 36-ish hours.
We ultimately decided not to. As we were debriefing on Monday (when, naturally, the house went pending), John asked me how I felt. Relief was my overwhelming feeling. The weekend had been incredibly stressful: not only because we were thrust into making a fast decision (when we are two of the slowest decision makers on the planet!) but, had we gone forward, we would have taken on a much larger mortgage with a much higher interest payment. Our monthly discretionary payment to our home brokerage account would have been essentially redirected towards paying our new mortgage.
Could we have done it without much change to our lifestyle? Yes, because we were already used to forgoing that money.
Would it have potentially made us feel more stressed? Almost certainly. When we’re paying ourselves each month, we know we can always skip a transfer if something comes up – but you can’t skip a mortgage payment. At work, John doesn’t have to hustle harder than he wants, or feel pressure to take the extra appointment at the expense of our time together as a family. We feel the peace of knowing we can release my salary if something were to change with our circumstances.
There’s a part of me that doesn’t like our current plan. It’s so open-ended! We don’t have a specific goal we’re trying to reach! The larger part of me, though, is extremely grateful. This margin that we’ve fought for — keeping our standard of living stable while our income has risen and costs, like daycare/preschool, have gone away — has given us an incredible peace of mind. It has helped us to be more present, joyful parents. It has helped keep our marriage happy and stress-free. It has allowed us to give generously and freely to the people and causes we love. All of this is of almost incalculable value to me.
As I was writing this post, chapter 10 from Morgan Housel’s exceptional book came to mind. “You don’t need a specific reason to save,” he writes. “You can save just for saving’s sake. And indeed you should. Everyone should.”
Does this mean we will never move to a more expensive home? It does not. Our run-in with the market last month actually gave us a lot of clarity on what we’re looking for in a next home, and what we would and would not be willing to move for. With a narrowed scope, we feel ready to go if the right home comes on the market, but also perfectly content to wait several years should it not. And while we wait, that brokerage account will (hopefully) continue to grow – making action even easier when the time comes.
And now, to one more practical question before we close:
Over the years, readers have asked whether our feelings about this strategy have changed since we shared it, especially given the market volatility during the pandemic. Did the market drop in March 2020 make us wish we’d made payments directly on our mortgage? What has been the emotional impact of this plan, now that we’ve been at it for a bit?
This is an excellent question, and one of the most important ones to get clear on before embarking on a plan like this yourself. In a way, I’m grateful that the pandemic drop proved what we thought all along: that we both have a high tolerance for market volatility and risk. We set out on this plan knowing what we had set aside could decrease in value – and we were okay with that, considering our time horizon and the purpose of these savings. Also, not all of the money is invested in stocks, and most of it is managed in a defensive style which is more protected from volatility. We also have a fully-funded emergency fund, which helped assure us that even if something really unfortunate were to have happened (like, both of us losing our jobs WHILE the market plummeted), we still would have had options.
Key to our plan? We practice dollar cost averaging, or investing on a regular schedule, whether the market is up or down. No trying to time the market over here! Some months it will be up, which is great, and some months it will be down, which is also great – we can get in at a discount :) Over the long-term, though, we believe the market will continue to go up.
I’ll end this post the same way I’ve ended previous ones: if you like the idea of trying something like this, I would highly recommend working with a financial advisor. Of course, it’s possible to make investment decisions on your own, but I don’t want to give you the impression that it’s just me over here knowing all the things and that you should be able to do the same — John IS a financial advisor, and if he weren’t, we would definitely be seeking expertise on decisions of such magnitude.
And finally, I know this is a bit more of a niche Marvelous Money topic than we usually cover, and perhaps it feels wildly out of reach for you right now. I get that. I share this not to brag (!!!) or make you feel defeated (hopefully you know that!), but to perhaps stretch your imagination of what’s possible. At the very least, I hope it encourages you to value the peace of mind that comes from living below your means, whatever that looks like for you.
A final reminder: I am not a financial professional, and nothing I say here should be construed as investment advice! I’m just one gal sharing her story :)
Let’s discuss! What questions does this post bring up for you? Anything we could discuss in a future Marvelous Money post?
Writing about your own generosity is a tricky thing, isn’t it?
On the one hand, there’s the very real fear that you’ll come across as prideful, a show-off. Or that you’ll needlessly make others feel bad about their efforts – which might represent a real sacrifice – or feel shame about the gap between your generosity and theirs.
So why risk it?
Of course, there’s also this, just one chapter later – also from the mouth of Jesus:
Giving in public = bad? Giving in secret = good? If only it were so easy :) The Christian faith is not interested in being simple; it’s interested in being true. In the end, the motivation of the heart is what categorizes the same act as either a treasure or a disgrace in the eyes of God, which can make it confusing to know when to share. However – as long as I can feel reasonably confident that I’m sharing to reflect the light and love of God and not to be praised by men blog readers, I want to do so.
Also, we hear a lot about Christians behaving badly. But there are many, many, many more stories of light that go untold – stories of quiet, unsung acts of selflessness, compassion, and generosity. We need those stories, too, to remind us about the beauty, grace, and truth of a life spent imitating Jesus (imperfectly, always, but earnestly, too).
Finally, on a practical note, I like hearing about the positive things others are doing! It inspires me to be better, to do more, to stretch my conception of what I think I’m capable of and comfortable with – and it gives me ideas for how to do so! It reminds me that people everywhere are doing their best to make people feel loved and the world a better place. It buoys my hope and optimism about my fellow man and the world we inhabit together.
So — with that lengthy introduction, I submit to you three ways we’re trying to live generously this Christmas season – written with humility and love!
We’re giving generously to our kids’ teachers.
Currently, Annie and Shep each have two preschool teachers, while June has her second-grade teacher, her math teacher, and a student teacher. In past years, we have given physical gifts to preschool teachers, like fresh wreaths, snap totes, and Cultivate goodies. I love all of these ideas and may return to them!
This year and last, however, we’ve moved to giving gift cards (accompanied by handwritten notes). Last year we gave each preschool teacher a $15 gift card to a local ice cream shop. This year, we’re giving them $50 gift cards to a local gift shop I love, and the director (who is also a teacher in Shep’s classroom) a $100 gift card to our favorite local restaurant. It’s been a challenging year in their school, and we want her and her husband to enjoy a fun dinner out.
For June’s main teacher, we’ll do a $75* gift card to either a local garden store or the same local restaurant – I haven’t decided yet! (I always try to choose based on their hobbies – last year, we gave her first-grade teacher, an avid runner, a gift card to Fleet Feet.)
*I had planned to do $100, the same as our preschool director, but our district put a $75 cap on gifts this year.
For her math teacher, we chose a 3-month subscription to the Book of the Month Club, and her student teacher will get a Cultivate tumbler stuffed with crinkle paper and a $50 coffee shop gift card.
Again: I include the dollar amounts not to show off (blerg), but to gently encourage. Last year, $15 for five preschool teachers felt like a stretch. My understanding is that even the smallest gift card is appreciated, and if $5 per teacher is what’s possible, it will be gratefully received.
This year, we can do more, so we are. When I think about what it would cost to send our three children to private school (I did the math right here), $100 per teacher feels like a drop in the bucket. Excellent teachers are the lifeblood of our schools and I’ll do almost anything to help them feel appreciated.
We’re giving generously to our pastor.
Moving on to our next category of challenging jobs :) Full-time ministry – whew! It is not for the faint of heart, for the pastor or for his or her family. They (joyfully!) sacrifice so much for the people in their care, and last year, John and I felt compelled to share one of our very favorite traditions with our pastor and his wife.
We wrote them a note explaining our end-of-year celebration dinner – what it is and what it has meant to our relationship over the last many years – and included a $100 gift card to a local restaurant in the envelope. We wanted to make it easy for them to start their own tradition, if they wanted to. We’ll do the same thing this year. Sowing into their marriage feels like sowing directly into God’s Kingdom, and we’re grateful to do it.
We’re giving generously to our garbage and recycling guys.
This is one I come by honestly – it’s straight from the brain of my mom :) Growing up, she’d always leave a Subway gift card and bag of peanut butter balls on top of our trash and recycling cans in December, and honestly, I thought it was weird – ha!
But I also just thought it was normal, and sure enough, when we moved into our own home a decade ago, I taped a colorful (eye-catching!) thank you note, a Jersey Mike’s gift card (we usually do $20 – enough for two guys in each truck), and a bag of peanut butter balls to the top of each can one Wednesday in December. I can only hope my children will think this is weird and then grow up to do the same thing, too.
Of course, I’d love to hear: big or small, how are you being generous this season? This group always has the best ideas.
