As promised, I’m working on a longer post with my thoughts about The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry. In the meantime, I thought I’d share a recent change in how I use Instagram – inspired by the book!
First though, can I just stop and say part of me dislikes even having this conversation? I am usually in the social media camp of “don’t make it into a big deal – just enjoy it for what it is and move on.” I can get frustrated with the sway it seems to hold over so many of us, and how we spend entirely too much time thinking about it. It’s not worth that much of our time and attention!!
On the other hand, social media is here to stay and I am certainly not perfect at keeping it in a healthy place, and so I wanted to share something that has really been helping me lately:
The first week of January, I switched to using Instagram once a day. During the work week, I sign into the app when I break for my lunch. I scroll through recent posts, I post anything to my feed or stories that I’d like to share, and I respond to any comments or messages that have come in. Depending on whether I’m posting anything that day or whether I’ve posted anything recently, this can take between 10-30 minutes. Once I’ve done everything I need to do, I sign out of my account – and that’s it until the next day!
At the beginning of the year, fresh off my PowerSheets prep work and fired up to tackle a pain point in a new way, I committed to trying this for one week. Like many of you, I was frustrated with myself for reaching for my phone too often during my work day. (And since there’s nothing that interesting on my phone except Instagram, this was definitely an Instagram problem!) For a long time, I’ve used the excuse of my work being online to check in multiple times a day, but no one was asking me to do that – at most, I’m being asked to maintain a nominal presence. That fresh 2020 feeling had me motivated to try something radical to shake me out of my bad habit.
Why just once a day? For me, a harder boundary is often easier than doing something “less.” By committing to a hard boundary of just once a day, I reduced the number of times I asked my brain to decide whether or not I was going to open the app. Decision fatigue is real, and I’d rather keep my willpower for other things!
The result of this one-week experiment: I loved it so much that I don’t ever foresee myself going back! Here are three positives I noticed after the first week:
No. 1: I was less distracted during my work day. I expected this one, and it delivered! At the beginning of the week, I’d find myself habitually reaching for my phone. Instead of spending a few seconds or minutes scrolling to see what was new each time (they add up!), I’d just put my phone back down once I remembered I was signed out and continue on with my work. (By the end of the week, I had broken that pick-up habit completely.)
Without these interruptions, I was able to sink deeper into work and felt more satisfaction with what I had accomplished each day. I don’t actually know if I was accomplishing any more, but my experience of my days felt better.
No. 2: I was much more likely to engage deeply with posts. Friends, I was putting the social back in social media! Whether leaving a comment or simply reading posts more deeply and gleaning what I could from them, my time on Instagram was suddenly more fun and meaningful. Just like a budget, I felt like I was directing my time and attention, and so I was free to enjoy the time I intentionally allocated to the app instead of guiltily scrolling as quickly as possible before getting back to what I was really supposed to be doing.
No. 3: I was using my “fringe hours” with more intention. The bookends at the beginning and end of my day (the 15-30 minutes before I pick my kiddos up or after I drop them off at preschool) were much more productive and joyful. Instead of chasing a rabbit trail on Instagram, I used that time to do something that made the rest of our day run smoother: starting dinner prep, running a quick errand, catching up on personal email. Knowing I used that time well instead of being frustrated with myself for wasting it put me in a great headspace to jump right into having fun once we were all back together.
Worth mentioning: even with only signing on once a day, I didn’t feel like I was missing anything! (I even caught most stories!) It’s also worth mentioning that I only follow about 50 people, so it’s reasonable for me to catch up on each and every post in just a few minutes.
Friends, all in all, this felt like an almost unfair trade: I gained several amazing benefits, and I gave up nothing in return. If you’re struggling with your experience with Instagram, I’d highly recommend giving this a try! What have you got to lose? :)
Now, I’d love to hear: are you tired of people talking about how they use social media (usually while on social media, ha), or do you crave resources and new ideas with how to engage in a healthy way? Have you found a way that works for you?
P.S. The approach I’ve described here refers to my public account. As many of you know, I also have a personal account for family. I still am on that account in the evening with no hard boundaries around my use, but since there are only 2-3 new posts a day from the people I follow, there’s no compulsion to check it often. Plus, at home in the evening it’s easy to keep my phone tucked away and out of arm’s reach. More here.
Yesterday marked the 15th anniversary of John’s and my first date. 15 years!! I am the luckiest.
The most memorable thing about that first date is not what we did, or what we said, or where we went, but how close it came to not happening at all. I was a nervous and awkward senior on the cusp of college, and it seemed a whole heck of a lot scarier to say yes and a whole heck of a lot safer to say no to his invitation.
But I did say yes (thank you, Lord!). I was musing over this yesterday, and it reminded me of something I had drafted a few months ago and never posted. (It was inspired by this essay.) As you’ll see by the first decision below, it seemed appropriate to share this week.
We each make thousands of decisions a day, but in the end, we can trace just a few back to whether we wake up smiling most days or not. Here are nine of mine, starting with the most important one.
1. I said yes to a first date. Of course, I said yes to him again several years later, but this first “yes” was the one that really mattered, the one that was in doubt – the second was a forgone conclusion. I like to think that scared, shy 17-year-old had some inkling of the happiness ahead, and boy was she right. Either that, or she just had a very wise friend giving her counsel. (Thank you, Anna!!!)
2. I didn’t work after hours. When I began my first job out of college, my boss was a workaholic with not a shred of work/life balance. As the new girl eager to prove herself, it would have been easy to fall into the same pattern. But my boss never actually told me to work after hours, and it was not my natural inclination to do so – and so I didn’t. (Guys, we all know I probably would have keeled over from the stress if I had, anyway.)
Though I will occasionally flex my hours now and again, especially now that I’m a parent, it’s always my decision, made thoughtfully, and not because I have something to prove or nothing else to occupy my time. Setting the boundaries of work and life neatly and firmly from the start has kept both vibrant over the long-haul.
The best part: by the grace of God, that workaholic boss is the one and only – one of the most amazing transformations I’ve ever had the privilege to witness.
3. I joined a Lent study at church. Shortly after we moved to North Carolina, we began attending our church, and it was an immediate turning point of feeling “at home” in a place that felt cold and alien. But when I think about my faith walk, possibly the most important decision in my adult life of faith was joining a Bible study. It was a classic John and Emily set-up — two 22-year-olds and a handful of middle-aged women — but it was the first time I saw up close what it looked like to live out your faith, carefully consider what your faith was asking of you, apply your faith to everyday life, pray out loud, and lay on hands for blessing and healing. It also introduced us to Adam Hamilton, who as I’m sure you know has had a profound effect on the way I live out my faith.
4. I paid off my student loans fast and furious. I graduated with about $20,000 in undergraduate loan debt, and though I was making $36,000 when I graduated (and John was looking for a job!), we paid off my loans in four years. Clearing that debt relatively early developed a muscle we’re still using today and paved the way for our future financial freedom — and with it, more independence, more security, and more options in almost every facet of our life (which later made a huge difference when we had kiddos!).
5. We adopted our cats (before we were ready). The plan was to start looking once John found a job, but then one day a few months into life in NC (and many months before he was hired), we took a spin through an adoption event and fell in love. I count the fact that we walked into Petsmart that day as one of the luckiest strokes of my life, and I will always be so grateful that Jack and Oliver were ours. They were the cure for our homesickness; they made us look forward to returning from trips when nothing else did, and they made us feel like a family before we were one.
6. Much of what I love is cheap or free. It was true when it was a necessity, and it’s true now when it’s less so. Reading, walking a beautiful neighborhood, hiking, playing cards and board games, writing, ice cream and hot dogs, dinner at home with friends, outdoor movies, outdoor concerts… I don’t find it hard or expensive to have fun, and so I find that there is fun around every corner.
7. I stepped out boldly in friendship. As a lifelong introvert, I grew up with a core group of friends that I diligently maintained but didn’t expand. Then I moved hundreds of miles away, and desperate times called for desperate measures. Each of my treasured adult friendships required a bold act of putting myself out there, and though it was intensely scary each time, each has paid priceless dividends in memories and love.
8. We live by a budget. I know, I know – is there an answer less surprising or more boring?! Our budget helps us spend money on what we value, not what anyone else values, and it has essentially erased all fear around money from our life. We make a plan at the beginning of the year, and then we follow it (adjusting along the way as necessary!), and we are SO much happier for it.
9. We decided to have children. It seems like it was a forgone conclusion, and maybe it always was — but thankfully, I wrote this post to remember the many (many, many, many) discussions we had on the topic in our pre-baby life. Our children add more joy and wonder and delight and meaning to our days than we ever could have imagined before they arrived, and I am so glad they are ours.
I have made plenty of mistakes in my life, but I’m grateful I got these things right. I’m curious: what are some of the decisions in your life that have led to happiness? I’d love to hear, if you’d like to share!
After staying in two different homes over the holidays (and doing a little cooking in each), I came home to our kitchen with a new appreciation for some of our everyday tools (and a few items to add to our wish list that I loved using as a visitor!). Since we cook at home at least six dinners a week, I thought it might be fun to share some of our most-loved and most-used kitchen work horses. Whether you’re adding items to your wedding registry, building up your own mealtime arsenal, or looking for an idea for the next time your mother-in-law asks you for a gift idea, I hope this is helpful!
I’ve already waxed poetic about our Le Creuset dutch ovens (and the funny story of how we bought our first one), but they easily deserve the first spot on this list. We have a round 5 1/2 quart (my favorite) and a shallow round 3 1/2 quart. We use the biggie for making soups, stews, pastas, braised meats, risotto, orzo, and much more. I probably cook with it 5/7 nights a week. It goes from stovetop to oven to table beautifully, and is so easy to clean. Pick a color you love, because you’ll have it forever :)
Speaking of easy-to-clean: one of my favorite Shark Tank discoveries is the Scrub Daddy. His smile accurately expresses how easy he makes dishwashing!
We registered for a Calphalon cookware set and use many of the pieces daily (particularly the small and medium sauce pans and the stock pot). These are also easy to clean, which I love, but my favorite feature might be the glass tops, which makes it easy to see what’s bubbling at a glance! Our set is very similar to this one except ours are silver, not black.
More registry big dogs: our KitchenAid mixer (ours is black) and our food processor. The food processor got daily use in our seasons of making purees, but even now it earns its spot for making salsa, tikka paste, and just generally chopping stuff.
We don’t have a huge collection of one-off tools, but there are two that I’d recommend: an immersion blender and a griddler. We use the immersion blender for soups often (plus the mini chopper it comes with is really useful, too!). The griddler is great for grilled cheese, pancakes, and quesadillas in a pinch. The plates go in the dishwasher, which, if you can’t already tell, is an important attribute in our home.
I don’t have a ton to say about knives except that you should have them and keep them sharp :) I would recommend specializing with a great bread knife, and we love these little paring knives, too. This is the best peeler.
Now for a few things that I have no brand loyalty to, but would recommend saving a spot for in your kitchen: a blender, crockpot, simple wooden spoons, a citrus reamer, a big (for pasta) and little (for berries) strainer, a set of nesting mixing bowls (ours are very similar to this), mini silicone spatulas, several plastic cutting boards, and a slim plastic slotted spoon (I don’t love the bulky ones).
Finally, two things I’d like to add to our mix: a compost bin (this one is in my cart) and a lovelier dish rack.
TL;DR: I really, really love our Le Creuset.
I’d love to hear: what’s your number one kitchen item? Everyone’s cooking patterns and favorite recipes are so different, and I’m curious to hear!
Ready for a little movie break on your Thursday? Shep to the rescue with his first starring role: Sheptember, Volume One! (Though personally, I think big sister might steal the show at 1:45.)
This installment is particularly sweet to me, because I love the way it fixes this moment in time with our boy. Photos and videos have a way of doing that, don’t they? They add to and shape our memories. I appreciate that, because some of the things that so frustrate and fatigue us in the moment just don’t really need to be remembered.
While June has a 365-days-of-California-sun temperament — something of a unicorn child (a comparison she would be delighted by, no doubt), Shep’s temperament is more, well, normal — most of the time he’s lovely, and sometimes he’s really, really grumpy. We intentionally left those grumpy moments on the cutting room floor (including one memorable clip where Shep is screaming his head off, and you can hear John in the background saying “this one’s not going to make the movie,” HA!).
His sweetness, his fun-loving spirit, his impishness, his curiosity, and — of course — his love for his big sister all come across so strongly here. Enjoy this little glimpse into life with our favorite baby boy at one year!
