As I’ve referred to our Big Lists for baby sister and kindergarten prep over the last few weeks, several of you have asked for more details. I am always happy to oblige, though it almost seems like an overly-simple concept to write about! However, maybe it only seems that way because I’ve been making them for years and years :) Today, I thought I’d share a little more about one of my favorite planning tools, and a few things that are on our prep list for our newest arrival!
Unrelated photo from our Independence Day festivities – June was very proud of her bike decorations for the parade!
I started making Big Lists in college, actually. A glorified to do list, they are especially helpful when there is a defined deadline and discrete tasks that need to be completed – for example, the end of a semester. While in school, I’d write out everything that needed to be accomplished before closing out the term – submitting a final paper, finishing a book, taking an exam, attending a lecture – and break it out by week and/or day. It was easier to pace myself that way, and by breaking things down, no one day or week looked too overwhelming. If I did what was scheduled for that day, I knew I was on track.
When I began my job after college, I used the same technique – most often before a big launch or a long holiday or vacation. Though I couldn’t write down and cross off things like “respond to email,” I could write down every blog post, listing draft, or piece of sales page content that needed to be completed before the deadline.
Now, I use this tool in my personal life, too, with the same parameters – for things with lots of little, discrete tasks and that have a defined deadline. The beginning of kindergarten and the arrival of baby sister are perfect examples.
You may be wondering: what is the difference between a Big List, a to do list, and my monthly PowerSheets goals? Great question, because I have all three :)
My to do list is ongoing, forever and always. It lives in a Word doc. (I know, the most low-tech and simple option out there aside from pen and paper!) It’s broken into three sections: to do today, to do this week, and to do soon. I open up the doc and refer to it multiple times a day, and things get crossed off and added constantly. Since most of my work is done on a computer while sitting at a desk, I don’t really need a mobile system, though I’ll sometimes transfer to dos from my computer to my phone or a piece of paper if I’m out running a series of errands.
This list includes personal and mundane tasks that contribute to the running of our lives and household, and is the repository for everything swirling in my brain: following up with doctors, scheduling appointments, ordering things or processing returns, writing thank you notes, emailing people, setting things up, booking travel, etc.
A Big List exists only for a short, defined period of time and is solely focused on one aspect of life. I like to keep mine in Google Docs, and depending on the magnitude of the deadline, I usually start drafting 2-4 weeks out, though I might start brainstorming and adding items before then. I begin by dumping ideas into the doc, then breaking them out into days or weeks, and breaking the items down into as small of tasks as necessary or possible. From there, I transfer each week’s items onto my to do list to keep the focus for the week in one central place. A digital system also makes it easy to roll things over from week to week if they’re not completed, which I most definitely do.
My monthly goals are drawn less from the current events of our life and more from the priorities I’ve defined in my yearly goal process (thanks to the PowerSheets!). These are ongoing projects with little urgency beyond that I’ve defined them as important to my and my family’s life (though occasionally they do overlap, as in the case of preparing for baby girl and kindergarten!). They live in my PowerSheets and here on the blog.
They are usually more big-picture, and require being broken down into more discrete tasks that go onto my to do list. For example, “edit June in June” is on my July goals list. That might get broken down into choose a song, download footage, cull footage, and edit video – all of which could go on my to do list for various days.
Honestly, writing all of this out makes me feel a tiny bit nutty and over the top, but in reality they are very simple practices that help me get the right things done! (And I’m sure you have similar systems in your own life!) Hopefully at least one of you found this excessively-long explanation helpful :)
And now to close, let’s look at what a Big List can look like in practice, using the example of baby girl’s arrival. These were a few of the tasks on our list, broken out by the week we completed them. Obviously, this list is very custom to our family, but hopefully you can use it as an example of the kinds of things you might want to think about if you’re expecting, and adapt it to your life! Keep in mind, this is also for a third baby :)
Four weeks before: — Gather recipient list for Meal Train — Decide on paternity leave timing — Deep dive into middle names and choose one — Ask Graham about newborn photos and dates
Three weeks before: — Order new baby book — Take car in for inspection — Wrap gifts from baby sister for big kids — Make hospital bag packing list — Communicate with Namesake about goodies
Two weeks before: — Buy Shep’s birthday gifts — Buy John’s birthday gifts — Get newborn clothes out from attic and wash them — Make hair appointment for newborn session — Buy diapers and wipes
One week before: — Move June’s clothing upstairs and stock baby sister’s clothing downstairs — Finish planning outfits for newborn session — Prep for surprises while in hospital — Buy baby sister stuffie with June — Set up diaper changing station downstairs — Hang roman shade in guest room — Brush up on Babywise — Pack hospital bag — Prep travel consent form for June — Check swaddle inventory and buy new, if necessary
Week of birth: — Install car seat — Wash bassinet — Make shot list for newborn session — Update older kid baby books — Set up bassinet in master bedroom — Take car to car wash — Prep hospital playlist — Dust off and unfold stroller
Let’s compare to do list neuroses: do you make Big Lists? Where do you keep your to do list? Monthly goals? I’d love to hear!
P.S. For those of you who have asked, kindergarten prep musings are coming soon to a blog near you! :)
I have unofficially officially declared myself the Queen of Meal Trains. This might sound grandiose, but here’s the good news: the number of people who can hold the title is limitless, and you need absolutely no skills to do so.
Why the title? I believe meal trains are magic. Before having June, I wasn’t really sure if I wanted one: would it feel awkward to ask people for help? Would we really need it? What if they arrived right when I was feeding her or she was crying? What if they stayed to talk for way too long? (Introvert problems, am I right?)
But then she arrived, and the meals arrived, and it was magic. Not having to think about dinner at the end of the day? Magic. Yummy food made just for you? Magic. The feeling of being thought of and cared for by friends? Magic.
And so now, because I know how much it meant to have meals brought to us as new parents, I basically chase pregnant people down on the street to ask if I can set up a meal train for them, or at the very least bring them a meal. (This is only a slight exaggeration.) I don’t want anyone I’m even mildly acquainted with to miss out on having a meal train, either because they didn’t understand the value or because no one thought to ask them. It’s such a small thing, but I’m making it my thing!
Want it to be your thing, too? Here are my best tips:
1. Use MealTrain.com. It’s free! It’s easy to set-up! Absolutely no skill is needed! Just ask your recipient for a few pieces of basic information (address, desired delivery time, meal preferences, number of people eating, allergies, etc.), fill out the online form, and voila! It’s ready to go. I usually recommend running the train on Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, and Saturdays (to give working meal-bringers a weekend option!) for 2-3 months.
Once you’ve activated the Meal Train, a link will be sent to the recipient so they can block dates, add a photo, or make changes as needed, too.
2. Ask everyone. Like seriously, everyone. I used to worry that people might think I was weird or overly-forward for asking. Maybe a closer friend had already set one up? But who the heck cares?! If they already have one, then you have the perfect opening to ask for the link so you can sign up to take a meal – and they’ll be tickled you thought of them. And if they don’t, you’re giving them a huge gift that literally takes ten minutes of your time.
3. Offer to send an email. I know it can be awkward to ask for help, which is why I always request a list of email addresses to send the meal train to on behalf of the recipient. I strongly believe people want to help, and when you give them an easy way to do so, they’ll gladly jump on board! I’ve found there is a huge difference between the number of sign-ups when an email is sent and when one is not; this is almost always due to the direct ask, not the size of the friend network. (And if someone sets up a meal train up for you and doesn’t think of this, do not hesitate to ask if they’d mind sending one! I’m sure they’d be thrilled to!)
On a related note, if you’re passionate about bringing meals, this post has 10 great dinner ideas for new parents, and a few of my favorite tips. The only thing I’d add a few years out: it is 100% okay to bring a store-bought meal or takeout favorite. In fact, I did just that this weekend – our life is a little too crazy right now to make an extra home-cooked meal, but I happily picked up a few favorites from Donovan’s Dish and delivered them on Saturday afternoon to a new mama friend. If you’re self-conscious about your cooking or worried about getting the delivery timing right, this is a great option!
I would love to hear: do you have an acts of service “thing”? Do you always remember to write condolence notes? Do you watch friends’ kids so they can go on a date night? Do you send a Starbucks gift card for big days or hard weeks? (I have a friend who is consistent with doing this the week friends go back to work after maternity leave – so sweet!) And if you don’t yet have a thing, I hope this post (or the comments!) might inspire you to choose one! :)
18. Dream trip destination? Switzerland or Austria! The mountains look unreal.
19. Favorite fun perks of working at Cultivate? Ooh, so many! Getting as much product for personal use as I’d like is obviously great, and we get $500 a year worth of product to gift to our friends and family. We also have a monthly allowance to spend on the “personal growth” book of our choice, which for an avid reader like me is gold! (And has helped me grow a fun lending library over the years.)
20. What are the attributes you’re striving to cultivate in your kids? In no particular order – integrity, personal responsibility, generosity, gratitude, thoughtfulness, optimism, confidence, faithfulness, and a capacity for wonder.
21. Do you still Irish dance? Are you teaching your children? I’m not dancing in any formal way, though I have been known to throw out a high kick under the right circumstances. (For those who didn’t know, I was a competitive Irish step dancer from about 5th through 12th grade!) As for whether I’ll introduce June, I am undecided. I feel like the competition world has gotten even CRAZIER since my exit in terms of the appearance expected (exhibits A, B, C, D – this was the look when I performed) and I do not like that. However, it is an amazing art form and I loved dancing it!
For now, June has taken parks and rec ballet since about age 3, and we’re both excited for her to continue once it’s safer to do so.
22. Are your kids messy? I find it hard to buy investment clothes or furniture because I’m worried they’ll get stained or broken. I try to set us all up for success by eating snacks or doing crafts that might be messy at the kitchen table or outside, or finding another workaround. For example, this winter, they’ve been really into eating our after-school snack on the carpet by the fire, so I just make sure we eat something that won’t stain (cheese and crackers, grapes). Our Eufy vacuum sucks up the crumbs every night :)
The only furniture I worry about are our cream club chairs, but Jenny Komenda recommended this spray a few years ago and in my experience it’s never met a stain it can’t get out – AMAZING.
I wouldn’t say I buy investment clothes at this stage of my life!
23. What is something you think brides forget to think about or is underrated about weddings? I LOVE THIS QUESTION! So much so that I think it deserves its own post. In the meantime, I would say a lot of aspects of the wedding morning tend to get overlooked – where you’ll be getting ready, what the space looks and feels like (in the moment and in pictures), who will be with you, what you’ll listen to, what you’ll eat — and how that all adds up to the vibe that will carry you into the rest of your day.
24. What would you never give up in order to save money? Assuming my life-preserving basics are accounted for, I would cut back but never completely cut out money for travel (or adventure of some sort). We have reduced our travel deliberately some years, but even if it was just a day trip for fancy ice cream on the coast, I’ll always preserve some money in our budget for that category if at all possible. We also tithe to our church, and I would never eliminate charitable giving.
25. What is one change you made to your routine during COVID that you hope to continue? Several times a week, John and I are able to have lunch and take a quick walk together, and it is a JOY! We both will continue to work from home at least a few times a week even after the pandemic “ends,” and we definitely plan to keep this up.
26. How do you and John show each other intentional love in the little things? I get asked versions of this question often, and I find it a hard one to answer – I guess because the things we do repeatedly (which probably are the things that matter most) have become so ingrained we don’t realize they’re notable. A few things that come to mind: we are in tune with each other’s moods, and are quick to check in if the other seems off. We try to take an evening walk together as often as we can. Though we could be better about this, we’ll take on a chore or parenting duty for the other without being asked (or sometimes after being asked, ha!) if we’ve had a hard day.
27. What do you usually eat for breakfast? On weekdays, almost always a very unglamorous Nature Valley granola bar and water, sometimes with a banana. On the weekends, we usually make pancakes with a blackberry jam syrup on either Saturday or Sunday. I also make award-winning cheesy scrambled eggs, and I love a good everything bagel sandwich with bacon, eggs, and cheese :)
28. Do you hope to retire early? John and I joke about how parents should be able to retire between the ages of 30 and 40 and then go back to work… BUT IT’S TRUE. Barring that disruption in our work culture, yes, we do hope to retire earlier than the average (which apparently is 61-ish). We’re not willing to make the trade-offs necessary to be FIRE people, but John has loosely targeted 55 for himself. I don’t have a clear vision for me! I think there are a LOT of factors that could affect this over the next few decades, and for now, we just feel really grateful to both have jobs we don’t want to escape from.
29. Favorite childhood memory? The biggest (and truest) answer would have to be the summer stays on our island in Maine. On a smaller scale, I have very fond memories of “mystery rides.” A parent would announce one as dinner ended, we’d rush to get our shoes on and pile into the van, and then we’d invariably drive down the hill for ice cream – but because it was a mystery ride, we could have been going anywhere! :)
30. What’s your favorite part about being a mom? That’s like choosing your favorite child! I love teaching them things and sharing new experiences with them, especially ones I loved as a child. I love building a family culture with John and seeing them adopt and uphold it. I love one-on-one time and conversations where I get a glimpse into their thought processes and those rare but very special moments where you see some aspect of parenting pay off in a big way (like when they display one of those attributes from above we’re trying to cultivate).
I also think it’s a very unique responsibility to have someone depend on you so deeply, and I’m proud that they seem completely assured I will continue to fulfill it.
31. What’s the silliest show you and John watch together? That would have to be The Bachelor. We watch The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, but no other franchise spin-offs.
33. How do you celebrate friends’ birthdays? My very favorite way to celebrate a local friend’s birthday is to make an unexpected porch drop-off on the big day – flowers, a sweet treat, a little gift, a note. The item doesn’t really matter, but, having been on the receiving end of such a surprise, the idea that someone took the time and cared enough to drive all the way to my house (usually 15-30 minutes away) bowls me over every time.
34. What are you most excited about for the next decade? Watching our family grow! I have heard the ages of 6-12 described as the “golden” years – the sweet range where kids are more capable and able to communicate, but still just love being around you and are up for anything. I see lots of big and little adventures and many game nights in our future :)
Thank you again for playing along, friends! I loved, loved, loved hearing from you on yesterday’s post, so please feel free to chime in again! Did anything stick out to you, or do we have anything in common? Is there an itsy-bitsy blog post here you’d like to see turned into a full-blown blog post? :)
Happy early birthday to me! I turn 34 on Sunday, and in honor of the occasion, I thought it might be fun to answer 34 questions from you dear ones. But of course, it wouldn’t be Em for Marvelous if I didn’t go a level deeper than necessary on something as simple and common as a modern day Q&A, would it? :)
Though I adore answering any sort of question (school paperwork, surveys, doctor forms, you name it), I’ve always felt a twinge of unease when soliciting or answering “ask me anythings” on Instagram or here. I suppose it feels presumptive to assume anyone would care about these little personal tidbits in a way that a typical, meaty blog post does not.
“So I ask myself: Is my digital chitchat aimed or is it aimless; thoughtful or thoughtless; strategic for the eternal good of others or wasted on self-expression? …Am I using my digital chitchat as a way to build into someone (or some online community) with a larger relational goal of edification? These questions and others determine whether my text, tweets, and images are thoughtless fragments or purposeful strategies to point others to find their joy, meaning, and purpose in God.”
A personal Q&A might seem frivolous. But I hope, as with all of the posts I share, you’ll find something here that inspires you, reframes a thought, helps you connect, makes you smile, or yes, points you to find your joy, meaning, and purpose in God. If nothing else, it will be a fun little time capsule for my kids one day :)
Let’s gooooo!
1. Least favorite household task? Wiping down the table/placemats/chairs after meals with young kids. I think it is one of the most Sisyphean tasks of parenthood.
2. Favorite poem? Or just one that is speaking to you in this season? I love this question! For those who don’t know, I was an English major with a Poetry concentration, and my senior honors thesis was an original collection of poetry… maybe someday I will share some of it! For years, I shared favorite poems regularly right here on EFM, and those archives are a beautiful collection of some of my absolute favorites. “Indian Summer at Land’s End” by Stanley Kunitz will forever be my number one.
3. Three words to describe high school Emily? I asked John, and he said nerdy, studious, and bookish (thaaaaaaanks). This was tough, but I would choose confident, earnest, and focused.
4. What are some of the big things you’re saving money for? Right now we’re very focused on finishing our house freedom fund. We’re also just about done setting aside money for our “next car” fund (which we hope to not need for a few years!). On a smaller scale, we’re planning to FINALLY buy an actual bed next month after 8+ years of marriage!!
5. What’s on your dream ice cream sundae? Banana ice cream, chocolate sauce, walnuts/pecans/peanuts, whipped cream, and a cherry :)
6. If money was no issue, what hours/job would you work? If money were TRULY no issue, I probably would not have a job, ha! I would send the kids to half-day preschool and use the extra time to write more consistently here! I still wouldn’t aggressively pursue making it a money-making venture, since that doesn’t feel particularly compatible with my content, style, or inclinations, but I might accept a few more sponsorships-in-kind.
On a more serious note, I could NOT be more grateful for my job or the hours I do work (9-4 now, 9-3 starting this fall) and would find it hard to dream up something better for this stage of my life.
7. Favorite Bible verse or most meaningful verse in this season? Oh gosh, so many good ones! Psalm 103:1-2 in the NLT translation comes to mind first.
8. Are you and John planning to stay in NC a long time? Yes! I expect we will be here through our kids growing up and heading off to start their adult lives. Maybe not in our current home, but in the Triangle. At that point, we hope to be near them, so depending on where they end up, we might move to where they are or have a home base on the coast (Beaufort, SC is somewhere we talk about!) and rental properties near where they live? We shall see!
9. What routines help keep you grounded? My bedtime routine! I head to the bedroom for the evening and ask Alexa to play the Jazz for Sleep playlist on Spotify. After showering, brushing teeth, pajamas, etc., John and I do a ten-minute full-body stretch on the Peloton app. Then I hop into bed and read a chapter in my Bible, then 30-45 minutes of whatever book I’m in the middle of. If I’m really lucky, John will want to read me some sort of essay or article or column he’s come across – my very favorite way to fall asleep, ha!
10. How did you and Lara meet and how did you get your start at Cultivate? Cultivate did not exist when Lara and I met! We connected over a comment I left on the Southern Weddings blog my senior year of college, which turned into her comment on my blog, which turned into a letter I sent to her, which turned into a blog post on SW, which turned into an unsolicited job application, which turned into a job at Southern Weddings after graduation. We’ve been together ever since, from SW to Cultivate and 3 team members to our current 13. A wild and very blessed ride, indeed!
11. Are you a chapstick or a lipstick gal? I slather on Aquaphor several times a day. If I’m feeling fancy, I love the Sugar Lip Balm in Rose and have been known to wear a vibrant lip for special occasions (my favorite being Nars Schiap).
12. How did you meet your husband? We met in middle school and started dating our senior year of high school! He asked me on a date in January and by about March I would say I was certain it was a long-term venture. Full story here!
13. Myers-Briggs type? I have tested as an ISFJ, an ISTJ, and an INFJ, but I don’t think any of them quite captures me! I do strongly identify with the Enneagram Type 5.
14. Do you speak any other languages, and if so, can you tell us a story about it? Yes! I speak a little bit of French (I took it in high school and college). I actually convinced John to take French 1 with me our senior year, even though we had only been dating for about a week! We went on to take French together in college, too. One of the only regrets of my life is not studying abroad, though I likely would have chosen England over France!
15. What is the hardest thing about living away from family? First and foremost, it is missing the little, casual, routine moments. Sure, we are able to experience some of those when parents come to visit (often for several days at a time), but there’s no weekly Wednesday breakfast with Dad before work or Sunday dinner tradition or Thursday afternoons with the grandparents. It is an onslaught of togetherness (which can sometimes be overwhelming for this introvert) and then nothing.
Another thing that’s hard is that most of our good friends’ parents do live in the area, because they grew up here. So not only are we set apart because we don’t have the built-in childcare or together time that they do, but their schedules are often booked up because they have more family activities to accommodate. That can feel a little lonely.
16. What is a benefit to living farther from family? I wrote about this here, but I would say the freedom and space to establish our own norms, traditions, and rhythms.
17. What will you ALWAYS order if it’s on a menu? I am extremely susceptible to chicken and broccoli alfredo… but the real answer is any sort of chocolate lava cake.
Stay tuned for part two tomorrow! And thanks for submitting your questions, friends – considering how much I love answering them, it’s really like a birthday present for me :)
I’d love for you to chime in – how would you answer one of these questions? Or what is something we have in common?
