When I wrote my three-partbloggingseries last year, I promised a fourth post with my best writing tips. This was inspired by a kind reader, who wrote this in a past survey: “You seem to care so much about your readers! How did you get to be so relatable? I think you could be a therapist!”
I’m generally not in the practice of repeating kind things people say about me, but this comment has stuck with me for years.
Because I do care about my readers – very much! But what this comment helped me realize is that not only do I care about my readers, but I’m able to convey that care through my writing. It’s a skill I’m very grateful to have, and one that I’ve honed throughout my life. In the spirit of passing along what I have to offer (which is my heart for showing up here!), I took some time to analyze what, exactly, helps make my writing relatable, relational, and enjoyable to read. We talk about some heightened topics here, and I think it’s in part these tips that allow me to do that in a way that is – and also feels – open, friendly, and welcoming.
Whether you consider yourself a writer or not – whether you have a blog or write for your job or not – whether you write to record your own stories or for an audience – being able to communicate in a way that draws people in is always a good thing. I hope these tips are helpful!
1. Read. A lot.
Perhaps surprisingly, I am the last person you’d want to diagram a sentence or define a past participle. Instead, (almost) everything I know about sentence structure, cadence, and grammar comes not from high school English but from a lifetime of absorbing good writing in book after book after book.
If you consume enough beautiful and skilled writing, all that has been stored up in your brain and heart will eventually start to overflow into what you produce.
2. Choose your topics with care.
I could not write in my preferred style about every topic, and so when I consider writing a post, I ask myself whether I can speak honestly, candidly, and authentically about it. Why do I want to write about this? What’s my motivation? What do I hope to convey? How might I be able to help readers with what I have to share? What unique perspective can I bring to the topic?
Answering these questions helps ensure that not only are my posts technically proficient, but hopefully interesting and edifying for any readers.
3. Strive for precision.
Was it a perfect day? Or was it another kind of day? The poet in me (trained to observe and relate what I notice with details that illuminate) – as well as the Enneagram 5 (lover of exactitude and precision) – ensure that what I share is not only interesting to read (a “perfect” day doesn’t really tell you much, does it?) but also trustworthy.
If generalities read as laziness or sloppiness, precision reads as care – I took the time to find the correct, accurate wording. This doesn’t mean I have to share every detail in every story, but that because what I do share is precise, you can trust it.
4. Look for what might be unintentionally offensive.
Speaking of Enneagram 5s: we are known for being perceptive. This is a quality I surely learned from my Dad, who received his PhD in international diplomacy. I am good at seeing what others might find offensive, the little nuances that either bring someone in or push them away, and I care enough to remove them from my writing as much as possible.
Here’s just one example. In this post, I wrote the line, “I’ve found that it IS possible to think deeply and feel passionately about something without broadcasting my thoughts to the widest possible audience.” In my first draft, that line read, “Contrary to what some people would have you believe, it is possible…” but upon re-read, that seemed needlessly antagonistic (“some people” might make a reader wonder who I’m talking about with thinly-veiled contempt). I then edited it to, “Contrary to what the world would have you believe…” That felt less personal, but in the end, where I landed (turning it back on my own discovery) felt the most neutral.
5. Come back for edits.
I never publish a post the day after I write it. After I get out my first draft, I’ll come back on a second day to read through what I’ve written, adding to it and tweaking sentences for clarity, simplicity, tone, and impact. Returning with fresh eyes helps me catch errors and get to the heart of what I really want to say. If I published first drafts, you’d think I was a very different writer :)
6. Simplify and clarify.
In the editing process, I remove pointless adjectives, words I’ve repeated too close together, and other generally unnecessary words or phrases. I check tenses and agreement. I smooth out phrasing.
All of these things make my writing easier and more enjoyable to consume for the reader. Mistakes are distracting; good grammar helps a reader feel taken care of. As C.S. Lewis put it, “A good shoe is a shoe you don’t notice. Good reading becomes possible when you need not consciously think about eyes, or light, or print, or spelling.” Even if you don’t think of yourself as a grammar connoisseur, your brain will get tripped up by confusing sentences and sloppy punctuation. Over time, you might think less of my ideas or of me as a narrator because of this, even if you couldn’t quite put your finger on why.
7. Begin in medias res.
Chalk this up to one thing I did learn in school! In medias res is Latin for “in the midst of things,” and it’s a technique where the writer begins in the middle of the plot, filling in details gradually. I’m using the term loosely here (my posts are not exactly plot-driven), but what I like about this technique is how it engenders closeness between the writer and her readers. It’s a way to reinforce community.
When I mention “Kate” or “the island” or June’s baking without explanation and you, the reader, know who or what those things are, that reinforces for you that you’re a part of this community. You’re an insider. Writing in this way makes EFM feel more like a continuous conversation between friends than a first meeting with a stranger.
And if you are reading a post and run into something you’re not familiar with, but it feels like you should be, hopefully it makes you want to stick around and explore a bit more! :)
8. Talk tentatively.
This is a big one, and another one I learned from my Dad. Talking tentatively helps to project a blend of confidence and humility – in my case, that I have confidence in what I’m sharing (or else I wouldn’t be sharing it!) and also that I recognize there might be nuances and perspectives I haven’t yet considered.
This might sound like: “it might be helpful to,” “this can be a good way” “you might want to…,” or “I find that…” It also looks like turning from prescriptions towards observations and wisdom earned from personal experience. For example, consider the difference in these three lines:
You should wear a sun hat. It’s good to wear a sun hat. I like to wear a sun hat.
Personally, I’d bristle at the first sentence if I read it in a blog post, and I’d side-eye the second. The third makes me lean in – I want to know more. Why, writer, do you like wearing a sun hat? Might I also like wearing a sun hat? Much like whispering when you want a child’s attention instead of yelling, sharing a personal conviction from humility makes others more likely to listen with an open mind.
9. Remember rules are made to be broken.
These rules, yes, but even rules of grammar. When you’ve established a pattern of good grammar, you can break it for emphasis. A run-on sentence can communicate overwhelm or urgency or excitement; a pop culture expression or spelling can help strengthen community (you and your reader are part of the same group if you both understand what’s being said!).
10. Stay humble and curious.
In the end, all of the skill in the world isn’t going to make someone seem caring for long if they don’t actually… care. To be a good writer, you must stay curious: about why things are the way they are, about why people think and act the way they do, about why people care about what they care about. If you ask for your readers’ opinions or thoughts, sit with the answers.
Here’s the good news: I am not a particularly special person, nor even close to the best writer. But this corner and this practice is where I’ve chosen to put in some of my 10,000 hours, and so I hope today’s tips are at least an interesting peek behind the EFM curtain. As always, thank you for being here and for reading my earnestly caring, but always imperfect, writing :) I am grateful for you!
The title of this post is a bit of a misnomer, because I don’t actually have an evening routine – as in, things I do in the same order every single night. But there are a number of activities that regularly crop up in the hours between dinner and my head hitting the pillow, and I thought it might be fun to share my favorites today. And I’d love to hear yours!
A scenic ride and podcast
I often ride the Peloton after the kids are in bed, but lately (especially on Sundays), I’ve been cueing up a thirty-minute scenic ride, turning down the music, and pushing play on a podcast. Since there’s no instructor or cadence/resistance guidance, these rides feel a bit more relaxed (though I most definitely still break a sweat), and working my body while refreshing my mind feels like a great start to a new week.
An early shower
I mentioned this in my fourth trimester post, but taking an early shower in the evening is one of the best life hacks I discovered after having my first baby. Now, I’ll hop in right after my workout, or even while the big kids are in the bath, which means by the time they’re in bed I’ve already showered, done my skincare routine, and gotten in my jams. It sounds silly, but the specter of “getting reading for bed” looms larger the longer the evening goes on and can cause me to stay up later than I’d like, so it’s nice to get it out of the way early.
Reading with June
When June started kindergarten, she and I started reading chapter books together before bed (John usually pairs up with Shep). She reads lots of easy chapter books on her own (Magic Tree House, Mia Mayhem, and Puppy Place are her current favorites), but reading together allows her to punch above her weight class: so far, we’ve read three Little House books, Charlotte’s Web, and Fantastic Mr. Fox. I get to pick our read alouds, and relish the opportunity to revisit my favorites :) And of course, I don’t need to tell you that snuggling in a cozy, dim bedroom with my best big girl is a highlight of any day.
Feeding Annie
Speaking of cozy – nursing my best little girl is a fleeting and treasured part of my evenings right now. The screeching and acrobatics of older kid bath time/bedtime chaos might be swirling around us, but getting to feed and snuggle my sweet girl in the midst of it and watch her fall asleep, cheek heavy on my arm, is the best. I soak up every session.
Stretching before bed
Before we pull back the covers, John and I like to do a 10-minute Peloton stretch together (Ben is our favorite!). Getting a little hum in my muscles and a chance to let my mind wander is a lovely wind-down.
Reading before bed
Reading before bed has been a part of my evening routine since I could read (actually, even before that!). Whether it’s just a few pages or an hour or more, my day doesn’t feel complete without it. (Here’s my 2022 reading list.)
I’d love to hear: what’s a favorite part of your evening routine? Do you have a routine you follow every night, or do you mix and match like me?
This is a post years and years and years in the making.
It will likely come as no surprise that names are one of my favorite topics to think and talk and write about, but though I’ve devoted many words to discussing the names we actually chose for our three children (June, John Shepherd, and Susanna), I’ve never talked about the runners-up. Like, not ever. We hold our names close to the vest – even speculatively, and even in casual conversation, I’ve kept pretty tight lips when discussing future children’s names… forever.
But now that we have closed this chapter and all our names have been given out, discuss this topic we shall! I’m excited to talk about some of the other names we considered for our kiddos, and other names I love.
A few days before Annie was born, I clicked over to Nameberry to pull a few details for her name post. While there, I got sucked into their Baby Name DNA quiz, which labels your naming personality. (Take it here, if you’d like!) I was labeled a Charmer-Romantic, and I found it to be quite accurate:
This description reflects a lot of what we valued when choosing our kids’ names: that they are easy to spell and pronounce, that they’re not too “out there,” that they are “slightly rarer with a touch of whimsy,” and – ding ding ding! – that they are “personally significant to you in some way.” Here are the names Nameberry suggested a Charmer-Romantic might like:
I do, in fact, like most of these names in a general sense, and as you’ll see below, a few of them were even on my short list! Interestingly, I wouldn’t have chosen most of the names on Nameberry’s list of “names similar to Annie” (though I am, of course, partial to my own :))
With that background, what names were on our short list? Boys first, since, as you know, that was a much shorter short list!
William | This one was on my radar since high school. It’s classic, friendly, simple, sharp. I like the nickname Will. However, we had little personal connection to it, and it is a bit more common than I’d like.
Robert | My beloved Dad’s name! We would have gone with his nickname (Rob) over all the other options. However, it can sound a little harsh (you know, bank robbing and stuff), and is one of those names that sounds kind of funny on a baby :)
Hugh, Tate, and August | I’m lumping these together because they all fall into the same category for me: friendly-sounding, simple, classic names that I liked and jotted down over the years. I have no negative connotations with them, but also no personal connection to them. And August was pretty much out since we knew we’d have a June.
Washington | Before we knew Annie was a girl and we were kicking around potential names for a second boy, this was our top pick. It’s pretty bold, and we couldn’t really figure out a good nickname (Ash? Asher? Neither are really our style), but we loved its unabashed patriotic flair. (Of course everyone knows about George Washington, but I gained even more appreciation for him after I read His Excellency. Highly recommend!)
Aaaaaaand… that was it! Onto the gals!
Here are a few other names we considered for our daughters:
Mae | I absolutely love this name – sweet, simple, classic, lovely – and it would have been my top pick for a second girl if our first had not been named June. Without going full-on calendar theme for our kids, though, this one was unfortunately out.
Glory | We didn’t seriously consider this as a first name (a little too out there for our taste) but it was down to the wire as a middle name for Annie – we even had a pros and cons list debating our final two options. We loved the resonance for our faith, similar to Liberty, and just thought it was such a bold, confident, elegant choice that could guide our girl as she grew into her calling.
Sadie, Sally, and Scout | These three ring similar bells for me! Throwback in feel, sweet, fun, confident, simple, cheerful. Scout, of course, is plucked from my favorite book of all time, which makes me adore it, but in the end it was a little too off the beaten path for us. I think Susanna definitely fits in with this crew!
Claire | Another favorite! Lovely, simple, and strong, this is “one of those special names that is familiar yet distinctive, feminine but not frilly, combining historical depth with a modern edge,” as Nameberry puts it. I couldn’t agree more! Happily, my sister- and brother-in-law chose this for their daughter, so I still get to enjoy it in our family.
Eliza and Liza | To me, these could be described the same way as Claire – familiar yet distinctive, feminine but not frilly, historical depth, etc. Both get bonus points for nodding to my beloved Mom (though she spells her Elisabeth with an s). Since being added to my list Eliza has inched ever closer to the top – in an alternative universe, if we were to somehow have another child in a few years, I might put my money on this one.
Louisa | This one has such strong literary associations, which endears it to me. It feels elegant and strong but also lends itself to bubbly nicknames.
Swannanoa | A total wildcard to round this list out! We never seriously considered naming a child this, but bantered it around as a whimsical option :) It’s inspired by the Swannanoa River that runs through Asheville, a place that holds so many memories for us, and the poet in me loves its lyrical sound. Just try saying it out loud! So lovely. Annie could have been a nickname here, too.
And there you have it! This feels a little like baring my soul, ha. If you’d like to bare yours, please comment with some of your top name contenders for future children, your name runners-up if you already have children, or just plain names that you love. (Of course, from personal experience, I’d also understand if even typing them in the comments of a random blog post feels too revealing! :)) Let’s have at it!!
It’s my birthday! And what a gift you all are to me. As an introvert who prefers a small, close-knit group of friends to a large party any day, it might seem strange that I enjoy sharing with the wide world of the internet. A small, close-knit group is exactly what Em for Marvelous feels like, though, and I’m so grateful! I sincerely treasure each one of you who stops by, reads, and joins the conversation.
I’ve been struggling lately with what, exactly, I’d like to post on my public Instagram account. I have a clear “why” for my IG consumption, but I’m a bit stuck on what value I can provide there. This is a deeper question and one I’d love to dive into more, but I think my ambivalence stems in part from the delight and satisfaction I find in posting here. This is where I feel like I can provide value. This is where I feel I can give you my best. This is where I feel I can get to know you and you, me.
Friends, I know it can be harder to go to an individual platform versus scrolling through all your favorites in one feed. I am so grateful you make the extra effort. And every time I post, I strive to make it worth your while :)
To help me do that, I love to check in with you all every few years in a more formal way. So, if you have a moment, please consider taking my short survey. I’m so curious, and would love to hear from you!
Then – and this is very exciting – leave a comment below to be entered to win a pair of Maylis shoes – either the ballet flat or mule (!!!!!!). Some of you may know that my smart, beautiful, and very dear friend Lisa is launching her shoe line this spring. It’s been an honor to be in on the dream in the role of cheerleader since very early days, and I’ll take any chance to support her. She does not know I’m doing this and I will be buying the winning shoes with my own money (ha). I’ll work with you to choose your style and color once the beauts are available later this spring! I love you, Lisa!!!
Update: Cara is our winner and has been emailed! :)
Finally, to make the commenting more interesting (and so I can get to know YOU a little better!), here are four questions I’d love for you to answer after you’ve taken the survey, if you’re so inclined:
A baby name you absolutely adore: A beautiful sight you’ve seen recently: A current favorite podcast: Preferred road trip snack:
I will answer in the comments, too. Thank you in advance, friends! xo!
