The parenthetical portion of this post’s title felt important, because though this is a solid overview of what constitutes “family goals” in the life of our family right now (with a 7-, 4-, and 1-year-old), I guarantee they will evolve. Right now, our family goals are almost entirely parent-directed, but over time, I look forward to folding our kids into the process. And you know we will be encouraging our kids to set their own goals once they’re a bit older :)
But that day is not today. So let’s dive into what family goals look like for us right now!
How do we come up with our family goals?
At our end-of-year celebration dinner, one of the questions John and I discuss (after reviewing what went well and where we struggled in the past year), is “what are our goals for the year ahead?”
I’m usually in the middle of completing my PowerSheets Prep Work and finalizing my personal goals when we have our celebration dinner; all that the PowerSheets process has stirred up is fresh in my mind, and inevitably comes to bear on the conversation. In this way, though John and I don’t fill out PowerSheets together, they definitely play a part in our family goal setting.
Unlike my personal goals, which I land on after many hours of reflection and sometimes extensive hemming and hawing, setting our family goals is simple: we generally leave dinner with them in hand.
How do our family goals differ from my personal goals?
Our family goals are things that matter to both of us that we’d like to complete, achieve, or focus on in the year ahead. They fall into a few categories most years:
— Natural next steps of long-term goals we’re working toward — Goals that John and I both feel led to pursue and that we will be pursuing jointly — Goals that will have a noticeable impact on how our family spends our time — Household “to dos” that will require our effort, money, or time. (Think: not particularly visionary or exciting, but they need to happen.) — Fun things we want to prioritize that need extra visibility to happen. (Maybe we’ve struggled to follow through in the past, or they require more planning.)
We also usually throw John’s personal goals onto the family goals list, because he only has a few and doesn’t require a fancy planner to make progress on them :)
Overall, our family goals are ones that involve a significant amount of John’s and my, or our entire family’s, energy, buy-in, time, and/or money. My personal goals, on the other hand, mostly involve my own effort and time, and don’t really need anyone else’s buy-in.
How do we stay accountable to our family goals?
While I use a somewhat elaborate system to break down and track my personal goals, we go super simple with our family goals: we stick them to the fridge :) In the days after our end-of-year dinner, I’ll type them up and print them out. (This is a good chance to review them one more time and make sure we didn’t forget anything.) Then, they go on the fridge, where they’ll stay for the rest of the year.
It sounds simple (and it is), but it’s effective. We both see them every day, which keeps them top of mind. We’ll often talk while standing in the kitchen, so it’s easy to chat through a next step or remind each other of a goal that’s coming up since the list is right there. As you’ll see below, our family goals do tend to be more specific, which makes them easy to live out – they either don’t really need to be broken down any further, or the steps to break them down are naturally clear.
Finally, I would add that we take our family goals seriously, but we hold them lightly. Yes, we want them to get done, but neither of us are the type to stress out about whether or not they get accomplished. We know we’re moving in the right direction and that what most needs to get done will get done. Progress, not perfection :)
Are our kids involved in setting our family goals?
At their current ages (7, 4, and 1), they are not – John and I set them on a date night. I fully expect we will involve them more in the future, but for now, it’s just the two of us.
June did peruse the list after it went up on the fridge and let us know she thought they were “good goals,” so at least we have her approval :)
What are our family goals for this year?
I’ve organized them into the categories above and added a little explanation where helpful!
Natural next steps of long-term goals: — Increase giving to Home Free by X amount. “Home Free” is what we’ve dubbed our mortgage fund account. When we set our budget for 2023, we decided to increase the amount we’re transferring to it each month. It’s been three years since I last shared about our mortgage plan and I think we might be due for an update, because we’ve been in talks about changing our strategy…
Joint goals: — Eat more fish. We very occasionally eat shrimp and almost never eat fish at home, and we’d like to change that. Recipe or preparation recommendations welcome in the comments! — Stretch nightly and increase flexibility. We were in a great rhythm of doing a 10-minute Peloton stretch together before we went to bed each night, but John’s injury and Annie’s birth knocked us off course. It feels SO good when we’re consistent, plus it has other benefits, like helping us get to bed on time and at the same time. — Complete 5000/6000 Peloton minutes. After trying out several different strategies over the past few years, we’ve found that tackling our workout goals together – and for the most part, working out at the same time – is most effective for us. Happy to write more about this if it’s of interest!
Goals that will impact how our family spends our time: — Begin piano lessons for June. I am equal parts nervous about and excited for this. I am sure we’ll unpack this on the blog at some point in the future. — Enjoy monthly kid dates. We are scaling up the frequency and scaling down the expense/logistics for these after our inaugural year in 2022. John and I will each take one of the older kids to do something solo each month, swapping kids each month. Think: going on a bike ride, going to get bagels or ice cream. — Swim lessons for older kiddos. — Have a family over for dinner every month. One of my personal goals that will require the whole family’s buy-in! — Adjust to 3 day/week rhythm. We recognize that my shifting time away from work will have ramifications on our family life, and set this goal as a reminder to stay in tune as this change rolls out.
Household to dos: — Paint master bath cabinets. — Pressure wash the patio. — Update our legacy box. This also appears on my personal goals, as the portions that will fall under my purview will require dedicated effort.
John’s personal goals: — Read the Bible. He is followingBibleProject’s One Story that Leads to Jesus plan and usually listens to the scripture/watches the videos while getting ready for bed. — Reach first rung of compensation ladder. This is for his variable compensation at work.
Fun things we want to prioritize: — Camp in backyard. This is super simple, but just complicated enough that it’s easy for it not to happen (and it didn’t happen in 2022, which earned it a spot on this year’s list). — Play more tennis on weekdays. We did this once after my work hours changed, and it was an absolute delight. More of this in 2023! — Go to a Duke game. Because we live too close to Durham for us to have gone so long without seeing a game :)
I’d be happy to answer any questions you might have about our family goals! And I’d love to hear if you set family goals, or your kids set goals, or if you plan to do either in the future.
As I worked my way through my PowerSheets and moved on to naming my goals, I felt some of the familiar anxiety creep in. This part of the process often trips me up: I dive eagerly into the guided questions and have no expectation that I’ll live out my goals perfectly, but in the middle of the process, I’m realizing that I do have expectations for the goals themselves. I want them to be well-organized and meaningful. I want them to fire me up. I want them to be winsome and interesting. I want anyone who reads them to immediately understand what I’m aiming for and the heart behind them.
Here’s something I already know that gave me fresh comfort in this season: I don’t have to be worried about whether my goals are perfectly named and framed, because I know I am headed in the right direction. My goals (however I organize them) are aligned with what matters to me and with my vision for the future (thank you, PowerSheets Prep Work!). I’m confident I’ll make the right adjustments and pivots along the way, and will fill in the next best action steps and choices, because I know what matters. That much is abundantly clear. My goals are just a plan, and plans can change.
That being said, I am really excited about my 2023 goals! They feel free and loose and fun, and I believe they help me steward what God has graciously entrusted to me.
This year, I decided to organize my goals into three pillars, based on my great aunt’s life motto: every day, seek to learn something new, do something kind, and see something beautiful. This is a prescriptive that has been repeated in my family for as long as I can remember. Of course, these pillars are loose, and many goals could fall under any of the three – but it seemed like a fun way to inject a little novelty into my goal setting this year. Without further ado…
Learn Something New
1. Create a book for the first ten years of Em for Marvelous. It’s baaaaaaack! This goal first surfaced in 2021 (I made no progress). I recommitted to it in 2022 (still no progress). In 2023, we’re going to hope that a slightly-freer schedule will give me the breathing room needed to make it happen, because it really does matter to me: while I place tremendous value on sharing here with friends near and far (and LOVE hearing from you when a post touches you – truly, one of my favorite things!), I have long thought of this place as a repository of stories, memories, and wisdom for my children. I’d like to create a physical book for them of the best posts from the first ten years of my writing here (I’m in year 16 now!).
I’m pretty sure I’m going to use Blurb to create the book, and using their software will require me to learn something new!
2. Tend to our home trouble spots in a new way. This is 2023’s boring goal :) We have a number of spots in our home that eternally frustrate me. No matter how well I declutter and organize them, they inevitably degenerate into low-grade chaos after a few months.
First, I’m learning a new way of relating to these spots: I’m choosing to see them less as a failure of my home-keeping skills, and instead as a natural byproduct of a growing, active family making the most of every corner of their well-loved home. (Expectations, people! See what I did there? If I expect the chaos to descend instead of treating these as one-and-done spots, I won’t be as frustrated with each subsequent decluttering session.)
Second, I’m going to try a new way of helping these spots thrive: once I’ve named them, I’ll assign them each to a month of the year and then address them one at a time, in rotation. I hope this will be a sustainable system to keep up with – even as it reduces my mental load – and that it will minimize my frustration with any creeping chaos, knowing that it is a part of life AND that I have a plan to address it.
3. Read through the Gospels with CWM’s boxed collection. I love our beautiful Gospels set and look forward to journaling my way through Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John in addition to whatever we’re reading with our church’s sermon series. I’ll be following the easy reading plan provided with purchase and trust I will learn many new things along the way!
4. Secret goal. Eww, secret goal. I apologize, because I know I strongly dislike when Online People are ostentatiously evasive about things. To be sure, I could have left this goal off this list entirely, but selfishly, I’m including a marker here for posterity :) This is something that I have been wanting to develop for my own family, that I have committed to working on for 2-3 hours each week during some of my additional time away from work this year. If it turns out well, perhaps I will share it at some point in the future :)
Do Something Kind
5. Invite one family (or friend) over for dinner each month. Somehow, between COVID and a newish baby, we have gotten completely out of the habit of inviting other families into our home – last year, aside from our spring party, we did not have a single family over for dinner. When I realized that a few days ago, it truly shocked me. (To be fair, we did gather for a meal with our community group every other week, and I hosted Articles Club every other month, but to me those are in a different category.) A year with no dinner guests is not how I want us to live, and so this goal will be accountability to change that!
Since John and I are both introverts with full lives, it would be easy for this goal to quickly feel like a burden. To keep it light and fun, this goal mostly isn’t about getting to know new people – in most cases, we’ll just be inviting over people we already know, love, and want to see more of! (Though I hope to stay attuned to whomever the Holy Spirit might want to come to our table!)
6. Reach 5,000 minutes on Peloton. I ended 2022 having logged 3,964 minutes (more than doubling 2021’s 1,829 minutes!). To reach 5k, my loose plan is to workout (a mix of cycling and strength) about 30 minutes three times a week on set days, to stretch nightly, to bike June to school, and to take walks throughout the week. This goal is about being kind to my body and my future self.
7. Update our legacy box. This was inspired by PFC’s “dead box” (but legacy box sounds much nicer, ha!). A legacy box is a repository of important financial and life information for the people you love in the case of your death or incapacitation – a definite kindness to them! John and I have done much of this work already – we created our estate planning documents a few years ago – but we want to finish it out and update what needs to be updated (for example, nothing reflects that sweet Annie is in our family!). Maybe this is 2023’s boring goal…
See Something Beautiful
8. Complete our family photo album for 2015-2019. A few years ago, I decided to create a photo album for every five years of John’s and my life together. So far I’ve done 2005-2009, 2010-2014, and this year, I’ll tackle 2015-2019. I hope to complete this goal in the first half of the year and switch over to a goal to get kid memorabilia up to date in the second half!
9. Tend to our family culture. A thriving, life-giving family culture is one of the most beautiful things to behold, I think. This is a forever goal, and a bit of a catch-all one at that, but this year I anticipate it will include taking the Birds & Bees course, navigating a new summer rhythm, trying a new rhythm for kid-parent dates, our weekend anniversary trip to Charleston this fall, and potentially starting up either monthly parent-kid meetings or weekly family meetings (maybe in the fall? You know I’ve talked about starting them for years, ha!).
10. Have fun with my friends. Honestly, I could have come up with a catchier name for this goal, but this does the trick! :) I love creating fun, memorable experiences that bring together the people I love. I have a few gatherings in the works for 2023, and they all take effort that needs to be broken down month-by-month: to start, another book swap, a potluck party, and the very first Articles Club weekend retreat!!
Though they won’t make an appearance in my monthly goals posts, I also consider the walks I plan to take with individual friends in the spirit of this goal. I already have three in my calendar for January – to chat with one about kindergarten, to chat with another about church, and to chat with a third about retreat activities. It is beautiful to get to prioritize this time with the people I love, enjoying each other’s company and figuring out life together.
Thank you, friends. Sharing my goals here, year after year and month after month, is quite possibly the most potent factor in any progress I’ve made, so thank you, as always, for being kind, listening ears! :)
On that note, I’ll be back with my January goals post and my 2023 book list soon. I’m also considering writing a much shorter post on our family goals for 2023 – what they are, how we come up with them, how they differ from my personal goals. Would that be of interest? Please feel free to let me know in the comments, or let me know if there’s one of my goals that you’d love to hear more about as the year goes on! (I already know I have more to say about goals 5, 7, and 10!). OR, tell me what YOU have planned for 2023! Have you set goals yet? I’d love to cheer you on.
Christmas Friday was marvelous in theory and mediocre in practice – owing to my own execution. The date I chose (the best option in November) turned out to be a day I had an appointment scheduled and June was home from school for a teacher workday. So, I did not get to complete as many tasks as I had hoped (and some tasks were just not possible with a little helper in the vicinity), but it was still a great kickstart to the Christmas season.
And now here I am, a few weeks later, typing by the light of my Christmas tree. We’ve had it up since Sunday and strung lights on it immediately, but tonight we’re planning to kick off December by hanging the ornaments, drinking sparkling cider with dinner, and breaking out the Christmas pajamas. I think we might have a new tradition on our hands, pals. Wishing us all more of this everyday magic as the season unfolds.
The beautiful Duke Chapel decked out for the Christmas concert earlier this week. Always one of my favorite nights of the Christmas season!
On my calendar this month: — Dinner out with John for our 2022 review and celebration. — Hosting my family twice: for a trip to the Nutcracker earlier in the month and over Christmas proper! — A viewing of About Time, one of my favorite movies of all... time. Can’t go more than a few years without letting it wreck me emotionally.
What I’m loving right now: — My PowerSheets prep work. The best chance to reset and dream! — This episode about “otherness” as a Christian family on the Family Discipleship podcast. I think Jen Wilkin is the patron saint of young moms and I love her for it. — This white v-neck tee from Quince. I saw my friend wearing it a few weeks ago, promptly asked her where it was from, and then promptly ordered my own. If worn with a nude bra it’s not at all see-through, the quality is great, the vee depth is just right, and the price is very right. I also bought this dress in the pretty dark olive and am excited to break it out in the spring!
As a reminder, you can find alllll the things I’ve loved over the last few years neatly organized right here!
What I read in November: — The Common Rule | I finally finished this slim book after poking away at it over several months and friends, I LOVED IT. I’m desperate to get our small group to read through it together in 2023, as it’s rich for discussion and experimenting with in community. — Between Two Kingdoms | This memoir of a 22-year-old diagnosed with leukemia and eventually requiring a bone marrow transplant was recommended by Emily Oster as her favorite read last year, and about 3/4 of the way through, it has not disappointed. Harrowing, gripping, moving.
A little update on my reading list for 2022: it’s been a joy! So far, I’ve read 13 of the 24 books on the list. It doesn’t seem like I’ll get to all of them before the end of the year, but I hope to finish 2-3 more before December 31st!
Revisiting my November goals: Sew the tree onto the backing for my Advent calendar (DONE! It’s hanging on our wall!!) Finish organizing the garage (I don’t think it’s the right season for it, and as this requires John’s assistance, it’s hard to schedule when I can work on it. Tabling for now!) Edit Sheptember, Volume 4 (No, but it will be completed in December! Chose a song!) Complete Christmas Friday! Cull and organize six months of my 2021 photos (This got bumped from a Friday due to a schedule reshuffle.) Order final kitchen details on BFCM
December goals: — Prepare well for my family’s visits. With such a large group, I’ve learned that advance (somewhat intense) planning is key to being able to fully enjoy our time together. — Cull and organize 2021 photos — Complete the final six ornaments for the Advent calendar (!!!) — Edit Sheptember, Volume 4 — Write 9 blog posts, including the final part in my part-time work series, a recap of our anniversary trip and marriage summit, a Highlands recap, a look at the completed Advent calendar (!), and my traditional end-of-year posts (some of my favorites!) — Savor the Christmas season by focusing on loving the ones I love most, and loving those who need it the most. Even to me this sounds somewhat trite, but also the best way I know to celebrate the arrival of a tiny baby king who did the same.
While I have you, a question: what are your favorite Christmas movies to watch with your kids? Family movie night will be Christmas-themed in December, and I think mine are still too young for some of my favorites. The Star is on our list, as well as How the Grinch Stole Christmas (old) and A Charlie Brown Christmas, but I’d love to hear what else your family has loved! We tried The Muppet Christmas Carol last year but they lost interest fairly quickly. The Santa Clause, Love Actually, Elf, and It’s a Wonderful Life are some of my favorites :)
I am particularly excited about my plans for this Friday. In truly original fashion, I’m calling it Christmas Friday, and here’s how it’s going to go: I’m going to put on Christmas music, and then I’m going to do all the Christmas prep possible in six hours. An incomplete list: gift planning and buying, ordering Christmas cards, designing our Christmas newsletter, figuring out Christmas Eve outfits, filling out gift info for both sides of the family, making our end-of-year dinner reservation, looking up holiday dates and making sure they’re on our calendar, and reading through the family Advent devotional we’re planning to use. In previous years, I’ve sprinkled these tasks over many evenings and weekends; this year, I’m grateful to get a jump start on a very festive Friday.
Here’s what else is on the docket this month!
On my calendar this month: — Voting. I have never voted a straight ticket in my life, so researching the candidates and issues is so important (and truly a privilege). — Thanksgiving with the Thomas side of the family! Planning to make the pumpkin pie from our favorite kids baking book. — Beginning my 2023 PowerSheets. I chose Bluebird!
What I’m loving right now: — Have you ever shopped the flash sale site Zulily? I most often snag Boden and Joules pieces, but saw they have a great book offer right now! I grabbed the Penderwick boxed set for June and a cousin but they have LOTS of our favorites – Sophie Mouse, Critter Club, Magic Tree House, Little House on the Prairie. A great chance to snag some early Christmas gifts! — I know Halloween is over, but we can still have pumpkin things, right? These pumpkin chocolate chip pancakes are SO good. So moist, so fluffy! I doubled the recipe and it made a huge batch that we’ve been pulling out of the freezer for school mornings. — This song has captivated my whole family’s heart. Reading the lyrics makes me teary every time, as does belting it out in the car.
As a reminder, you can find alllll the things I’ve loved over the last few years neatly organized right here!
What I read in October: — Crossing to Safety | Finished it! Again, this book felt categorically different than most modern novels. Published in 1987 by a writer and English professor with characters who are writers and English professors, it felt literary from top to bottom – but it was still an engaging story of friendship over many decades. — Skincare | Caroline is apparently a big deal online, though this book was my introduction to her. I learned some new things, especially about the order to apply products, and though I very much skimmed, I enjoyed her fun and irreverent vibe. — The Rose Code | I put this book on hold at my library in January when I put it on my 2022 reading list, and I was number 600-something. Well, 8 months later, it showed up on the holds shelf and friends, it was worth the wait! It was a great example of a very popular genre: World War II stories centered around women – this time the code breakers at Bletchley Park. If you loved The Nightingale, you’ll love this one!
Revisiting my October goals: Organize our garage (I made some progress, but there’s more to do! Most significantly I took a load to the dump with some old paint, a pallet, and a broken trike, which made a dent in clearing things out.) Sew the Christmas tree for my Advent calendar (I made great progress!! I sewed all the sequins around the edge of the tree, which was painstaking but a huge win to complete.) Join Ben’s October challenge for a little Peloton pick-me-up (Ugh. The flu and travel totally derailed this.) Send care packages to our college babysitters (Yes! Such a joy.) Finish final kitchen details once work is complete (Everything is back in cabinets and feels great, and I narrowed down a rug for the kitchen, artwork for the bathroom, and a dining room light fixture to pull the trigger on BFCM. Want to vote on a rug? Pick from the Cambria, Serina, or Sarrah!) Edit Sheptember, Volume 4 (No progress… moving to next month!) Create our family Halloween costumes (Yes! At the beginning of the month we were on a Beauty & the Beast track, but pivoted halfway through when it began to feel overwhelming. I loved where we ended up, as seen above :))
November goals: — Sew the tree onto the backing for my Advent calendar — Finish organizing the garage — Edit Sheptember, Volume 4 — Complete Christmas Friday! — Cull and organize six months of my 2021 photos — Order final kitchen details on BFCM and stick a fork in this project!!
As a reminder, many of these are drawn from my 2022 goals!
Feel free to leave your rug opinion or chat about anything else on your mind! Happy November!
