Earlier this week, a child riding an electronic scooter was hit by a car and killed in the neighborhood next to ours. We pass through the intersection where it happened every day we ride our bikes to school. While this is not the opening note I usually strike in these monthly updates, it’s been on my mind, and it felt like what I needed to write about today.
First, a reminder: statistics show that the risk of a fatality when a car collides with a pedestrian is 5% when traveling 20 miles per hour. It increases to 45% at 30 miles per hour, and 85% at 40 miles per hour. This was a sobering, but helpful, reminder to me, and I’ve committed to driving at 20 mph through neighborhoods from now on.
Second, a reminder: change is possible. I was disheartened by those in our neighborhood Facebook group responding to statistics like the one above and pleas for drivers to slow down with comments like “they’ll fall on deaf ears” or “they won’t make a difference.” Sure, not everyone is going to be moved to action by a statistic, a Facebook post, or even a tragic accident – but some people will be. People change every. single. day. Change is possible. We must believe that.
Finally, a reminder: life is full of risks. In the first few hours of this close-to-home news, I struggled to know what to do with it. Surely an event as terrible as this would require something of me – some change in our behavior, some mitigation of risk, some further action that would keep my family safer. The hard truth is, though, we already wear our helmets. We already stop at stop signs. We already look for oncoming traffic.
So yes, I can and will drive even more slowly where I know children might dart out into the road. But we’ll also continue to play outside, and go for walks, and bike to school, and slowly but steadily allow our children more and more freedom – even when it scares me.
And with that, let’s wade together into the both/and. Here’s what’s ahead in June and a few other lighter things…
Our beautiful backyard hydrangeas! They have a tough time in the heat of summer, so this is their time to shine.
On my calendar: — My friend and I are hopping back on our bikes to ride the complete American Tobacco Trail! We finished 30 miles in April due to a rain delay. Here’s hoping the last fifteen aren’t too tough… — June’s last day of school. She and I are currently scheming decorations for our official dinner party. — A backyard Jess Ray concert. If you’ve never listened to her music, do yourself a favor.
What I’m loving right now: — We are somewhat far away from having a middle schooler, but this piece by Ashlee Gadd is a heart wrecker regardless. Read at your own risk. (Her writing is just so lovely.) — I tried out Jen’s playlist at the last Articles Club and it was so enjoyed that a few ladies asked about it – yet it also faded beautifully into the background. A perfect dinner party mix! — You know how when you make an Amazon return at Kohl’s they give you a coupon? Well, they sucked me in on my last visit and I ended up purchasing this dress. I think the silhouette and embroidery are so lovely!
As a reminder, you can find allll the things I’ve loved over the last few years neatly organized right here!
What I read in May: — The Inheritance Games | Meh. Am I now too old for YA books? I thought this one was fine, but for me, it certainly didn’t live up to the glowing hype. The characters, writing, and plotting were all just… meh (and I found it really hard to remember which brother was which). — Carrie Soto is Back | This was my first Taylor Jenkins Reid novel and it was solidly enjoyable! Extra fun because I was taking tennis lessons while reading it. The descriptions of the matches suck you in, Carrie is a unique character (I rooted for her even though she’s a bit prickly), and the drama of the four Grand Slams unfolding kept me up past my bedtime. The only thing that annoyed me – and I admit this is a detail that would perhaps only annoy an English major – is that I thought the author used too few contractions, which made the dialogue feel overly-formal in a way that wasn’t consistent with the characters. Make of that what you will, ha! — Camp Girls | DNF. Perhaps it’s because I don’t have my own camp memories from growing up to draw on, but what I read of this book just felt like a mishmash of one woman’s reminiscing – almost like an extended inside joke – without a compelling through-line to draw me in. — Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow | Loved it and loved it and loved it. I’ve written in this post and other recent book reviews about characters that just didn’t compel me; nothing could be further from the truth with this one. Sadie, Sam, and Marx were such complete, sympathetic characters. I raced through this book, wanting to know what happened to them next (but also not wanting it to end!). There WAS a devastating turn of events about 3/4 of the way through that made me want to hurl the book against the wall, but the theme of immortality woven through was fascinating and masterfully done. And, like every other review I’ve read, it must be said that I neither know nor care a thing about video games and still found this book completely engrossing. — Every Summer After | Meh. This book suffered from following directly after Tomorrow and Tomorrow, which I know is unfair, but it just paled in comparison. The characters seemed underdeveloped and the plot felt contrived and predictable. It was also a bit racier than I was expecting, and it definitely didn’t make me sob.
Revisiting my May goals: Edit Annie in April (It turned out so fun! Sweet Annie’s third-child energy is strong and it shows in her movie :)) Organize our master bath cabinets(Done! This area offered an especially great excuse to get rid of things we don’t use anymore, which is always satisfying.) Organize our loft (Done!) Send invites for the book swap (Done! I asked my friend Bethany to cohost with me and I’m very excited about the details we’ve dreamed up, including decor and prizes from this shop and this shop.)
June goals: — Settle into our summer rhythm — Film June in June — Paint our master bath cabinets — Clean out June’s room (with her help!) — Plan thoughtfully for our time in Connecticut and Maine — Complete final prep for and enjoy the book swap — Update our budget tracking (we’ve gotten way behind in logging expenses, so taking this on this month!)
I’d love to hear: what’s a recent (or not) book you panned but everyone else seemed to love? :)
On the cusp of summer travel season, I thought we could talk a bit about packing! Specifically, I wanted to share our family’s Google Docs packing list. As a family of five who travels relatively frequently and wants it to be as simple as possible – as we pack, at our destination, and when we arrive back home – implementing a master packing list a few years ago was a game-changer.
In today’s post, I’m going to share a version of our family packing list you can make your own, as well as a bit more about why we love it and how we use it. And then at the end, we’re going to have a travel lightning round in the comments :)
Reasons why we love our Google Docs family packing list:
1. We can quickly and easily make a packing list for every destination. Our master packing list includes everything our family might reasonably need for most trips. When we’re ready to pack for a specific trip, we simply copy and paste the list into a new Doc, delete anything we won’t need on that particular trip (for example, winter hats in the summer), and add any specific items we will need (for example, a Fourth of July outfit). In just a few minutes, we have a custom packing list that ensures we won’t forget anything we need while we’re away. No reinventing the wheel with every trip!
2. We can share it. It’s easy for two (or more!) people to share Google Docs, so John and I can easily add things to the packing list in the days leading up to the trip and reference it as we pack alongside each other the night before we leave. Packing is a joint affair in our family, so it’s nice to have a system we can both access easily.
3. We can reference it on our computers and phones. Again, this is helpful both in the run-up to the trip as well as while we’re packing. Though I prefer to reference the list on my laptop while I’m actively gathering items, I like being able to add something from my phone if I think of it while out running errands.
Of course, it should be said that there are other options with similar functionality to Google Docs – the iPhone Notes app is one that springs to mind. Use whatever you’re comfortable with, but if you don’t already have a favorite, GDocs works great for us!
4. Our list includes pre-trip tasks around the house, too. In addition to sections for each family member, toiletry sections, and supply sections, our master list includes reminders of things we need to do before leaving the house for a few days: things like cleaning the litter box, stopping the mail, and turning off our vacuum. Again, it’s so nice to not start from scratch every time we travel – and our packing list is the perfect place to keep these reminders, since we’re checking them off at the same time as we pack!
How to use our Google Docs family packing list:
1. Download the master packing list. You can open our master family packing list right here. Once open, copy and paste it into a new Google Doc and retitle it. I recommend something along the lines of “Master Packing List” :)
2. Tweak it once for your family. Spend a few minutes combing through our list and edit it to fit your family. Do you have two kids? Three kids? Four kids? Make a section for each of them. Adjust the toiletries and supplies to fit your needs. Keep it as general as you’d like or make it as specific as is helpful – whatever you need to do to make it your own!
Tip: As you’ll see in the doc, each family member has a color (and there’s a color for the household, too). This makes it easy to keep track of what’s left at a glance.
3. Tweak it for each destination. Once your master list is set, you’ll simply copy it, paste it into a new Doc, and tweak it for each trip: deleting items you don’t need, adding unique items you do need, and adjusting the details as needed.
4. Delete as you go. As I’m gathering items from the closet and around the house, I delete each item as I add it to the to-be-packed pile. I never print the list out, but you certainly could!
5. Update the master packing list as your family grows. Because the master list is specific, you will need to update it as your family grows to keep it relevant. For example, on our list, “Shep diapers” changed to “Shep pull-ups” changed to “Annie diapers” over the years.
Ready for a travel lightning round? Please answer in the comments, if you’d like:
1. Unpack right away or let it linger? 2. Packing cubes: love them/hate them/no opinion? 3. Favorite road trip snack? 4. Travel you’re looking forward to this summer?
Welcome back to our home! Today I thought we could take a tour of our main room. As you may have seen in this video, our downstairs is pretty much one big room (aside from our master bedroom, which is also on the first floor). In the ten years we’ve lived in this house we’ve never fully settled on a name for this space – it alternatively goes by family room, living room, main room, and sometimes just “out there” if we’re in the bedroom – but main room will do for today’s purposes :)
The last time I shared a full look at this space was in 2015, two years after moving into our home and before we had any kids. Since then, I’ve shared details here and there, like our upgraded toy storage, my desk/family command center, and our dining room chairs. My style has evolved over the years, too, shifting from more colorful and cute to warm and classic. With craftsmen in our home for our kitchen refresh, we took the opportunity to make a few final updates (for now! ;)) to this space, too. I love how it’s looking these days, so come on in!
The centerpiece of our dining area is our table. I found it in an antiques shop in Connecticut many years ago; my parents generously gave it to me as a college graduation gift (it was about $300). It is a heavy sucker, and has beautifully carried us through life from a party of two in an apartment to a family of five who regularly hosts Articles Club. (At its smallest, it is a four-top, and with several leaves, easily expands to seat 12!)
We replaced the chandelier last year with our kitchen refresh and… it is not my favorite. We went with the inexpensive choice (it was $120), and I think it shows – the finish looks cheap next to the rest of the kitchen hardware, and it hangs a little wonky. I’m considering eventually replacing it with this or this – feel free to let me know which one you prefer, or if you have another suggestion for me! – but am okay with it as-is for now.
Our colorful bookshelf is still going strong! I re-sorted it a few years ago so that it no longer goes in rainbow order from top to bottom, but instead has the lightest books on the top and then descends in a sort of colorful gradient (and, of course, our beloved ice cream station reigns on the bottom shelf). My Irish dancing crown, CWM conversation cards, and my childhood piggy bank are dotted in there, too. Sometimes I get the urge to shuffle all the colors together, but that feels like a lot of work :)
Seating Area
And here’s the rest of the space! It’s come a long way from the early days, and I’m pleased with it – it works hard for our family and feels like a cozy hug.
The most recent upgrade to this space was the fireplace surround. Before, it had a thin, dated mantel and tile that matched our old kitchen backsplash. I gave our handyman an inspiration photo and asked him to build a classic and more substantial mantel, and he did a fantastic job. He also replaced the tile with the same kind we used in the kitchen backsplash. So, so pleased with this update!
These chairs were a splurge several years ago. They’re comfy, such a classic style, and I love that they’re made in North Carolina. I did waffle over whether cream was the right choice with little kids, but I made a decision and have made it the right one :) I do keep my favorite spray close at hand and assume we’ll need to reupholster them at some point down the line (a soft green or maybe navy could be lovely!) and so try not to be too precious about them in the moment.
Our TV is somewhat laughably small, mostly because we bought it a long ago, but it kind of tracks for our family :) I like that it’s visually almost tucked into the gallery wall.
The sideboard was a very lucky find at HomeGoods a few years ago, and does a bang-up job at storing board games (there are more in the chest), puzzles, drawing paper, a bin full of cars, and our collection of Magna Tiles. Train tracks and LEGOs are in the two rope bins.
Our gallery wall is due for a little updating, but it makes me happy: it includes everything from a painting I inherited from my grandmother, of the view out her window, to an old dinner plate from our Maine cottage. The painting of my bouquet by my sister-in-law and our framed wedding invitation (still obsessed ten years later) are two of my other favorites. The disco ball came home with me on our last day in the NC Cultivate offices – a reminder of the good times we had together in our lovely space :)
Say hello again to none other than the tan sofa I waxed poetic about in this post. She’s an old gal (we’ve had 12 years together!), but still going strong. This purchase represented one of my and John’s first big leaps into adulthood; we saved for months to afford the $700 price tag. It is incredibly comfortable, the velvet fabric is impervious to stains, and the practical color hides the dust of daily life effectively. It’s wonderful to have a piece of furniture the kids can go nuts on, especially when I’m a little more precious about our cream armchairs.
The big frames are a fun conversation piece: they hold four photos we took on our travels, including snaps from Michigan, Yosemite, Nevis, and France.
Hallway
Finally, we purchased three of these bulletin boards a year ago to hold artwork for our three kids. They’re a cheerful addition to the back hallway and the kids love curating their personal galleries.
If I’ve missed something you’re curious about, happy to share – just drop a note in the comments. And thank you again to Honeysuckle Collective for a few of these photos!
Friends, it’s one thing to invite you into my thoughts, and another into our home – even if virtually! I hope you enjoyed this peek at our space. It’s always fun to be able to picture the backdrop to a story, isn’t it? :)
Editor’s note: I wrote most of this post when I was still pregnant with Annie (!). It’s sat in my drafts folder for more than two years, waiting for me to come back and finish it up. Today is the day! I decided the best thing to do would be to publish my original speculative thoughts and then add a little two-years-in update with how things have actually turned out (so far). I hope it’s helpful!
There were a number of topics I knew I wanted to discuss once the news was out about baby number three. There was deciding to have a third baby at all, of course, as well as the pros and cons of another boy or girl. But one I was really looking forward to? The financial implications of having a third child. We’ve discussed the intersection of money and kids a few times (here and here most specifically!), and I find it an endlessly fascinating and severely under-discussed topic. So, consider this post one part sharing our personal experience, one part encouragement, and one part practical strategizing. As always, I can’t wait to hear your thoughts. Let’s dig in!
Though each additional kiddo in a family introduces a new element to the financial picture, I think a third child is unique in a way a second or even a fourth is not. I thought I’d walk through a few common kid budget categories to share how we thought through them, and a few things you might want to think about if you’re considering having a third. I hope this post offers some hope, helpful perspective, and fodder for conversation with your spouse! :)
Housing
Let’s tackle a big one first! People have been curious from the beginning as to where baby sister will sleep. Our home has four bedrooms, so theoretically we have a room for each kiddo and one for John and me. However, it’s important for us to maintain a guest room, considering that we have frequently-visiting family who lives far away, so as I explained here, we’re planning to keep our guest room intact and add a crib to it. This should hold us for at least two years, at which time we can decide if we want to house two of the kids together, officially designate the guest room as baby sister’s room (but keep the big bed for guest visits), or consider a move to a larger home. I shared a room at times growing up and would have no problem with that scenario.
Bottom line: For us, baby number three won’t add any additional cost to the housing line in our budget. Regardless of whether we had a third child, we likely would have considered moving in a few years, anyway, so I’d consider this category a wash.
Update two years in: Annie is still going strong in the room previously known as the guest room! We’re hoping she’ll last another year in her crib before transitioning to the queen bed. June is also keen for the two of them to share a room, so we may consider bunk beds in the future. No immediate plans to move :)
Transportation
Another big one! Many people find a third child pushes them over the edge to a larger car, either to get a third row of seating in an SUV or to switch to a minivan. Obviously, this can be a huge expense.
Our take: Currently, we have a Kia Sorento. We love it! It’s a small three-row SUV, but it does not have captain’s chairs, so there’s no easy way to get to the third row of seats with two car seats installed in the middle row (i.e. they can’t slide forward with the car seats installed).
To accommodate a three-child family at our kids’ ages, we have a few options. We could invest in skinnier car seats that would fit three across. This is what Nancy did to fit three kids in their Highlander, using the Diono car seats. They’re pricy, but less than buying a different car.
Or, we could have June climb in through the back lift gate or clamber over the second row of seats. She does not mind these options – in fact, she kind of loves them – but they’re not the most practical for things like carpool pick-up lines or when we’re traveling and have the trunk packed full.
Bottom line: We will almost certainly upgrade to a larger SUV with captain’s chairs at some point in the not-so-distant future. We have our eye on the Kia Telluride. This will be a big expense that we may not have incurred if we had stayed at two kiddos, but we’re thankful to have socked away money for this expense over the last few years and plan to pay cash. Also, it’s nice to know we could do just fine with our current ride and can make this change on our own time table.
Update two years in: We placed an order for a Telluride two months before Annie was born and received it four months after she was born! Big, big Telly fans over here.
Childcare
The final biggest immediate expense! Anecdotally, I feel like the change from two to three children is when many couples feel that it no longer financially makes sense for both parents to work outside the home and pay for three kids to go to full-time childcare. Of course, this depends greatly on the age gaps between your kids and what option you choose when they enter elementary-school age.
Our take: The spacing of our children makes this not as burdensome as it could be. June will move on to public school kindergarten shortly after Annie is born, but we’ll replace the cost of her preschool with a higher rate to send an infant to daycare (in our area, this ranges from about $1,300-$1,600 per month, which is about twice what we pay for June’s preschool as a five-year-old).
Bottom line: Our childcare costs will go up slightly in 2022, but we will never need to pay three childcare costs at the same time. That would require a much bigger adjustment to the budget.
Update two years in: We made it through the most expensive year! Annie has now joined Shep at their Montessori preschool, where her tuition is less than we paid at daycare.Yes, we will be paying childcare for more years than we would have if we had stopped at two, but our budget is used to it at this point and so it doesn’t really require any additional rejiggering.
Gear
Some good news! By the time most people get to their third child, they have all of the basics covered: cribs, car seats, toys, high chairs, etc. Of course, some items may be a bit worn at this point and need replacing, but for the most part, for most people, this category should not need to add much to the budget.
Our take: This jives with our experience! We will be reusing our crib, crib mattress, car seats, stroller, travel bassinet, and more. The bigger items on our list: a stroller fan (our first one died and it’s a must for a summer baby!), a few more silicone bibs (many of ours have ripped or cracked at this point), Kiinde pouches (they’re one-time use), another hooded towel, another sound machine, and a new trike. (Our two older kids used and loved the same one that was handed down from a neighbor, but the wheel constantly comes off its track and considering how much we’ve used our first one, it would be well worth the purchase!) We’ll also buy new sheets, a muslin lovey, a few stuffed animals, and a nap quilt – sweet things chosen just for this baby girl.
Bottom line: We expect our expenses to be minimal in this category, especially because I’ll look to buy whatever possible secondhand if we don’t receive it as a gift. (I’m planning a gear redux post sometime soon, going into more detail over what we plan to reuse or try new this time around, so stay tuned for that.)
Update two years in: We had to replace our infant car seat because our original had expired, but otherwise this tracks! We were grateful to receive several of the items I listed above as gifts, so the only significant cost was the Kiinde pouches for a year of breastfeeding and pumping. Also, I did manage to write part one of that gear redux post – part two coming soon :)
Clothing
Though this is a category in which it’s easy to get carried away, the good news is that between hand-me-downs, Buy Nothing groups, and consignment sales/stores, it’s also easy to keep your costs relatively low! Of course, if your third child is the same gender as one of your first two kids, this becomes even easier (though clothes do wear out, and more frequently as kids get older – I’ve retired hardly any of June’s leggings this year, as it seems they all have massive holes in the knees!)
Our take: I cannot WAIT to see baby sister in some of our favorite June hand-me-downs!! One of the best parts about having another girl, in my opinion! Between all the clothing I’ve saved from June’s wardrobe and my sister-in-law generously sending along bags of goodies from her two summer-birthday girls, there is nothing we need to buy for at least the first two years. Yahoo! Of course, I’m sure I’ll buy a few pieces here and there just for fun, and certainly more as she gets older and more aware/independent.
Bottom line: Negligible cost at first; will need to build more room into the budget as she gets older and we’re generally clothing three kids instead of two. But again, I cannot emphasize enough the power of buying secondhand!! It’s like magic.
Update two years in: Yep! I can probably count on two hands the number of (secondhand) clothing items I’ve bought for Annie so far, and though it’s hard to resist the cuteness, seeing her in my favorite June pieces helps to scratch the itch :)
Diapers and Wipes
As these are consumable items, you can expect to pay roughly what you paid for any other child – it doesn’t matter if it’s your first or fifth. (Cloth diapers, of course, would be a different story and certainly an opportunity for cost savings over multiple children!)
Bottom line: Yep, these will need to be factored into the budget. However, it’s nice that June is completely out of diapers and pull-ups and Shep is only wearing nighttime pull-ups at this point!
Update two years in: No surprises here! Again, I’m thankful the spacing of our kids allowed for more breathing room in this budget category.
Ongoing Activities
Looking a little farther down the road, a third child does mean we’ll need to increase our budget for the routine costs and “fun” expenses associated with kids – birthday and Christmas presents, sports equipment and class fees, summer camps, tickets to events, expanding family museum memberships, adding an extra person to meals out and vacations, etc.
Bottom line: Yep! For us, this feels like one of the bigger factors when considering the financial implications of a third child. Yes, daycare costs might loom large immediately, but over the long run, this category will likely add up to much more. However, the nice thing is that it’s gradual, and most of it is discretionary – and as I mentioned, I don’t mind the idea that our kids might feel a little deprived at times :)
Update two years in: We haven’t really felt the impact of this yet, as Annie doesn’t do any activities outside of school and doesn’t even always order her own meal when we eat out. But I know it’s coming!
Long-Term Expenses
Our final budget category brings us farther into the future: we’re talking large, long-term expenses like paying for private schooling, college, cars, and weddings. There’s no doubt about it: these can be BIG expenses, and it’s straight-up addition that you’ll shell out more the more children you have.
Our take: While this category will likely represent the largest portion of the budget when all is said and done, it did not loom largest for us when we considered the financial implications of having a third child. Yes, that’s in part because many of these costs seem far away when you’re still pregnant. But it’s also because they are far away, and we’re optimistic enough to believe that our track record of saving, investing, and living below our means will get us where we need to go when the time comes.
These costs also don’t spook us because we believe there’s lots of room to be judicious with spending (and creative!) within these categories. A new car for each child at 16? Not likely – but maybe we’ll agree to match whatever they save for a car purchase. College? Yes, we’d love to help send them if they choose to go, but also know that there are GREAT and less-expensive options than a four-year liberal arts degree at a private school. A wedding? Well, you know that one is my weakness :) But just as we were creative with our own wedding expenses, we’ll be ready to get creative with theirs – and expect them to contribute, just as we did once upon a time.
Bottom line: These costs are big – yes. But to us, they’d never be the deciding factor in whether or not to add a third child to the fam. Many of the costs are gradual, can be delayed, or are simply optional.
Update two years in: Here, here! Knowing the total joy our third child has brought us, I’m glad this was (and is) our perspective :)And here’s the photographic (almost) two-year update below!
I hope this was helpful, friends! I would really love to hear your thoughts and perspectives in the comments. And of course, though I’ve tried to consider many factors, it should be said that my conclusions here are drawn from our experience with our particular three children. There are many scenarios in which the financial implications for a third child (or any child) could be wildly different – I’m thinking specifically about those who have a child with a disability or extraordinary health needs.
