Out of the seven ladies I asked to participate in this series, there was only one I had never met in person – and that’s Claire.
This was not an accident. If I’m going to share this space with someone and ask you to listen to them – whether in this series, Marvelous Mamas, or any other – then I want to be as sure as I possibly can that they’ll respect what we’ve built and value the same things we do: kindness, honesty, thoughtfulness, freedom of thought and inquiry, and generosity of spirit, to start. I want them to be a kindred spirit.
Though I have not met her in person, I feel confident that that’s exactly what Claire is. I’ve read her honest and incisive writing for years (I’m a paid subscriber to her Substack!) and was a podcast listener before that, and we also had the chance to work together briefly when she did some freelancing for Cultivate. She’s honest, she’s passionate, she’s principled, and she’s a little spicy in the best way.
And, though she might not know it, she was yet another inspiration for this series. When she wrote months ago about choosing public school for her kids with boldness and grace, it made me think that maybe I could, too.
I’m honored to have you here, Claire – take it away!
Tell us about yourself and your family.
My name is Claire and I live in a teensy-tiny town in southeast Wisconsin. I have three kids, ages 7 (2nd grade), 5 (kindergarten), and 2 (part-time daycare and a prayer).
Why are you choosing public school for your family?
We arrived at our schooling decision after a lot of prayer, research, and touring. We knew right away that homeschooling wasn’t a good fit for us as parents or for our kids, although I do have many happy, intelligent homeschooling friends! (I even tried to convince one of them to just homeschool my kids along hers, but she didn’t quite go for it – maybe because she has six of her own, ha!)
In our area, there are many school choices available. The main ones within a reasonable distance are our public school; our Catholic school attached to our parish; a free classical, secular, charter school you need to apply for and cross your fingers; and a classical Catholic school that isn’t attached to any particular parish. We toured all of them.
We had many priorities: budget! Ease of transportation! Extracurriculars! Academics! Cultural fit! We combined all of those in an alchemy of prayer and chose our local public school.
Although we as a family are very Catholic, we also believe passionately in public schools. Every kid has a right to an education, and Catholic school is very pricey – especially the classical ones that aren’t attached to, and partly subsidized by, parishes. Our parish school actually had some aspects to it that we didn’t feel were aligned with the Catholic faith (we emailed the pastor to let him know, as I’m sure that wasn’t the parish’s intention), and the classical Catholic school felt too small and insulated. We want to be a light in our community and teach our kids to have conversations with all different kinds of people with differing values in order to best love others and spread the truth of the Gospel in a way that honors the dignity of the human person.
We also felt that they weren’t necessarily following modern science when it came to curriculum choices; there’s always new research being done about how kids learn and while there are some traditional values that go out of style, some of this new information can really affect things like phonics and math strategies. The classical charter school simply felt off – it was a gut feeling after much prayer. (And let me just say that a woman’s intuition is often correct; we learned quite a bit of information about the school’s values in the year since we toured it that made us confident in our decision.)
It’s also worth saying that many typical concerns about public schools for Christians aren’t a huge issue in our area. To be frank, we live in a politically conservative town; there aren’t agendas being pushed in picture books or social studies class that worry us. If anything, we’ve had to push back against some very fringe beliefs in our school that aren’t common in most public schools (for example, people wanting to avoid teaching about Plessy vs. Ferguson or the Holocaust because they’re too “controversial”.).
What has been your experience with public school so far? Give us an overview.
Our public school experience has been positive so far. We committed to being involved in school board meetings to make sure we know what’s going on in terms of curriculum and policies, and I’ve faithfully attended every month! While there will always be interpersonal challenges with any school you choose, our kids have been learning and thriving.
What has been one of your favorite parts about your school experience so far? Has anything been challenging?
Our favorite part has just been feeling like part of a community. All of our neighbors go to our public school; two of them were even in my son’s first grade class. It’s such a blessing to be able to help each other out (“Is the math test tomorrow or the next day?” “Can my son get off the bus at your house tomorrow so I can take my daughter to the dentist?”) and simply to be rooted in a local neighborhood. It makes loving our neighbors much simpler!
The challenge has probably been having our kids interact with families that have values that differ from ours. Again, this is how the real world is, and we believe we’re all called to be evangelists and Christ’s hands and feet. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t hard to have difficult conversations at such a young age. I’ll never forget the look on my daughter’s face when she said, aghast, “Some people don’t think God is REAL?!” Part of me wishes I could have protected that innocence a bit longer. But a larger part of me knows that it’s my job as a mother to disciple her in a broken world.
What do you wish other Christians knew about your life as a faithful family in public school? What might surprise people about your journey in public school so far?
I think people would be surprised that our public school is not actively trying to brainwash our kids. I say this with love – I know that there are schools (of all kinds!) that are attempting to do that very thing. But that doesn’t mean every school is the same! You really need to tour your individual school and ask specific questions. Painting all public schools with a broad brush is a display of ignorance. Small town Wisconsin is not the same as Austin or Boise or Temecula or New York City. All of these places will have unique challenges.
Furthermore, just because a school is Christian doesn’t mean it’s living up to the faith. We asked pointed questions about things within elementary schools that matter to us, and found the public school answers more Christian than the Christian school ones. You can’t see the name of a school and instantly assume its strengths or difficulties. You need to really get in there, see the hallways, meet the teachers, and investigate the curriculum. It’s a lot of work – but so is discipleship! :)
What does faith formation look like for your family outside of or alongside school? How are you helping your kids to know and love God and their neighbors?
As Catholics, our children start a formal religious education at a young age. Our oldest two currently go to a Catechesis of the Good Shepherd class at our parish every other week, which is basically a Catholic Montessori program (multiple kids from their public school go there, which is great)! We also drench our lives in prayer, read scripture together every night, and pore over beautiful children’s books about Jesus. We’ve always believed that the best way to pass on the faith is to pray, model, and trust in the Lord, so that’s what we’re doing.
This year, I’m going to have them start listening to the Saint Stories for Kids podcast every morning while they eat breakfast, as well. I know in Catholic school they would have different things like a saint of the week or a history of church leaders, so I’d love to incorporate that at home somehow.
What are your hopes for your kids and their education? What’s the best-case scenario?
Sainthood! I want my kids to discern God’s plan for their lives. That might mean a traditional university. It also might mean the seminary, a vocational school, an apprenticeship program… we’re not at all married to the idea of the Ivy League (although that’s great, too!) I have many issues with our American university system and hope that by the time my kids are eighteen, there are more options available in terms of workforce preparation.
Mainly, I want my kids to be readers, love their neighbors, have interests, be good citizens, and follow Christ. No pressure – ha!
Do you plan to continue with public school indefinitely, do you plan to change course in the future, or do you hold it with open hands?
We are keeping things very, very loose. Our motto is “year by year”! There are so many new schools being created in our area; who knows when we’ll find one we like better than our public school? We’re also a little nervous about high school, but as my spiritual director says, don’t borrow worry from the future. We have quite a while to discern that.
Anything else to add?
I would ask people of goodwill to remember that cost is a real factor in these decisions for many families. Could my family have technically afforded a Christian school? Yes. But many, many families can’t. It makes my skin crawl to hear people asking why any Christian would ever choose public school, when many families don’t have a choice. (Even if a school is “free” or partly subsidized, do they have things like a free lunch program? Or a school bus? Or uniforms? All of these can be barriers to families living in poverty.) Also, many Christian schools aren’t properly equipped to educate and honor kids with special needs. There are many reasons a family might choose public school; we all need to cool it on the judging just a tad.
Claire, you are a gift to me and to many! Thank you for taking the time to share your family and your thoughts with us – it truly means so much.
“Decide once” is one of the 13 Lazy Genius principles – it’s actually the first one. Though Kendra didn’t originate the idea, she’s certainly popularized it, and rightfully so. The idea is simple: you make a one-time decision about an aspect of your life, and you stick by it until it no longer serves you. Whenever you come to that decision point, you don’t have to expend any brain cells on making a fresh choice; you can simply move forward with the decision you’ve already made and deemed good.
You get the appeal, yes? I certainly do, and have used it to simplify many different areas of my life. I thought it could be fun to round up a few today, and of course would love to hear a few things you’ve decided once about in the comments!
— I sign up for every Meal Train that crosses my path, and I bring a prepared meal from a local shop. In this season of young kids, trying to prepare and deliver two meals in one day (for my family and the other family) was causing enough stress that it had begun to dissaude me from signing up in the first place. I love that I can choose a meal that matches the family’s needs with ease (gluten- or dairy-free, vegetarian, etc.) and support a local small business, too.
— If June is invited to a friend’s birthday party, the friend is getting a gift card to the local paint-your-own pottery place.
— All coats we outgrow get donated to coat drives. Though we consign lots of clothes, coats get donated.
— I (almost) only buy my jeans from Madewell. I know what style I like, I know what size I take; it’s just easy.
— I decide who I’m going to listen to on Instagram by following them, and thus I try to avoid the Explore tab at all costs.
— Suitcases get unpacked immediately when we arrive home. There’s no hemming and hawing over whether we’ll do it later that night or the next day; we just get it done immediately.
— If underwear gets pooped in (like, actual poop), it gets thrown out. I decided a long time ago that we can afford to pay $10 every so often to buy a few more new packs of underwear than we might otherwise have used :)
Isn’t that wonderful? And the best part is that you still get to change your mind whenever you want – if a decision is no longer serving you, you get to make a new one.
I’d love to hear: what are some of your favorite “decide once” decisions?
It’s appropriate that you should hear from Shelby first in this series, because part of my inspiration for hosting it was born out of conversations we had in the spring.
Shelby is my teammate on the Content team at Daily Grace – she’s actually my manager! – and I’ve gotten to know her well in the year since Cultivate’s acquisition. We met in person for the first time in April at DG’s team summit, and while we were there, our conversation naturally turned to kids, and eventually school. As a mom a little farther ahead than me, I was delighted to hear that her kids went to public school, that they’d always had a great experience, and that she felt confident and matter-of-fact in her choice. This felt like a real breath of fresh air to me, and made me want to seek out more stories like hers.
And so here we are! I’m delighted to share Shelby with you today. She is kind, generous, level-headed, an excellent manager, refreshingly direct, and, of course, a wholehearted follower of Jesus. I hope you enjoy this peek into her family’s life!
Tell us about yourself and your family.
My husband, Kent, and I have been married 12 years. He’s calm, cool, and collected and I am… not that. It was his quiet and confident demeanor that attracted me to him all those years ago, and what a gift it has been to have his steadiness to settle my chaos. I somehow talked him into a big family: he said only two kids at first, but we ended up with three sons and a daughter. Our boys are 9, 7, and 5. Our daughter is 3, and yes, that does mean that she is doubly spoiled as both the only girl and the baby of the family :)
After years of wondering what occupation fit him best, Kent has settled into a career as a mortgage loan officer and talks numbers and logistics all day (which he loves!). I chose a polar opposite path, running as far as I could from numbers and details and toward the world of words. I work full-time as the Content Director for a faith-based publishing company called The Daily Grace Co. and it is a dream!
We recently relocated from Kansas City, where we our marriage grew Midwest roots for over a decade, to the Woodlands, Texas. We’ve both always wanted to adventure away from “home,” and while moving a young family has many challenges, we are enjoying the process of putting down new roots in our new home.
Why are you choosing public school for your family?
I often say that if I didn’t work full-time, I would homeschool. But, I do work full-time, so I don’t. I think our situation might be a bit unique in that for the last seven years I’ve been able to choose whether or not I work. My income isn’t a financial necessity for us, but it sure is nice. So, when I chose to work, I knew that I was also choosing public school for our kids. Public school is not something we were forced into, but rather it’s something we carefully considered and prayerfully chose. Knowing that we had made this choice, we paid a lot of attention to the school district we moved into when we relocated to Texas, and said no to many houses that were perfect for us in every way except for the public school they were assigned to.
Public school is the best choice for our family for many reasons: it’s affordable, it’s accessible, it’s a way to connect with our neighborhood and community, it’s meeting the needs of our children, the Monday through Friday schedule fits well with our work schedules, and it provides our children with many extracurricular options.
What has been your experience with public school so far? Give us an overview.
Honestly, our experience has been great so far! We’ve had nine elementary teachers across three school districts and two states. Every teacher we’ve had has been deeply invested in the flourishing of her students. They’ve communicated well and given us numerous opportunities to be involved in our child’s education. In addition, we’ve experienced excellent communication and leadership from the school administrators we’ve interacted with.
What has been one of your favorite parts about your school experience so far? Has anything been challenging?
My favorite part has been the diverse subjects, teaching styles, and friendships my kids have been able to experience. As one example, my oldest son’s third grade teacher lives on a farm with all of the animals you’d hope for. She gave regular updates on her cows and goats, and my son got an inside look at her unique life. Additionally, he had a peer whose family had immigrated from India. He loved learning about Indian culture from her.
For us, the most difficult part of public school to navigate has nothing at all to do with the adults, but with the kids. Our kids definitely hear their peers talk about topics, games, movies, and words that are too mature for their ages. More on how we’ve handled that in a moment!
What do you wish other Christians knew about your life as a faithful family in public school? What might surprise people about your journey in public school so far?
I wish they knew that the caricatures of hyper-progressive teachers and administrators who have an agenda to undermine parental authority isn’t always reality. I don’t doubt that some have experienced this in public school, but I never have. I once heard someone say that they chose homeschool because they want to be in control of their child’s education. While I understand the sentiment, parents who choose public school also have much control over what their child learns. We can ask questions, engage with teachers, request to see curriculum, and have open and honest conversations with administrators. We need not fear public educators. I’ve found them to be on my side and supportive of my wishes 10 out of 10 times.
What does faith formation look like for your family outside of or alongside school? How are you helping your kids to know and love God and their neighbors?
Faith formation is both organic and intentional in our home. For example, we’ve done 15 minutes of family discipleship time before bed for many years. We also take every organic opportunity we can to connect everyday conversations back to our faith and what it looks like to live a biblical worldview.
Our family discipleship time includes Bible reading, discussion, and prayer. It’s pretty simple! But we’ve found that simple works for us – it fits our schedule and it’s been effective in teaching Scripture to our kids.
A lot of the organic faith formation happens when a child tells us something they heard a classmate say or saw a classmate do that was confusing or concerning. We do a lot of listening and asking questions. And then we do a lot of explaining what the classmate was talking about and how we can respond in truth and love as Christians. We’ve worked really hard to keep lines of communication open with our kids, and we’re so thankful to have several of these conversations a week with our oldest kids! One key to these conversations is to not just give them answers, but go to Scripture with them to find out what the Bible says about what they’re experiencing. We also allow them to ask as many questions as they want rather than asking them to accept biblical concepts as truth when they don’t yet understand them.
What are your hopes for your kids and their education? What’s the best-case scenario?
My hope is that all of my children will be academically prepared for their next step after college, will have built a foundation for a biblical worldview, and will have genuine and enjoyable friendships.
Do you plan to continue with public school indefinitely, do you plan to change course in the future, or do you hold it with open hands?
We hold it with open hands! If our experience of public school changes or if it’s no longer meeting the needs of our kids, we will evaluate other options.
Anything else to add?
It’s hard for Christian public school parents to hear we’re setting our kids up for failure by not choosing homeschool or private school. I fully support people who choose a different option than me for their kids, and I hope that one day public school parents will be more supported by those who choose other options.
Shelby, you are a gift to me and to many! Thank you for taking the time to share your family and your thoughts with us – it truly means so much.
Friends, you can follow along with Shelby on Instagram or listen in to the Daily Grace podcast, where she’s the co-host! And please feel free to respond to anything she mentioned in your usual kind and thoughtful way. Grateful for you!
Summer 2023 kept us on our toes, and so though I haven’t written one of these posts each year, it felt like a worthwhile effort this year! Capturing the little pleasures and particulars to look back on is a lovely way to wrap up the season. Here’s some of what we’ll remember from summer 2023…
Listening:The Night Train kept us going on many long road trips! The kids seriously loved this podcast-that-feels-like-an-audio-book, and with 20+ episodes at 30-ish minutes each, it kept us humming along for quite some time. The synopsis: It’s 1879! Edith and Paul Mallard climb aboard the Night Train as it races the Midnight Express across America. But as accidents delay their journey, a mysterious plot of sabotage begins to emerge. Will Edith and Paul Mallard solve the mystery of the Night Train? Or is their journey doomed to disaster?
Perfecting: I do believe we’ve gotten the North Carolina coast long weekend trip down to a science. Our three-day June stay in Beaufort was pretty near perfect (and by perfect, I mean the young family version of perfect, which for this particular trip included a very sandy (and now infamous) meltdown). We paddle boarded, we swam, we visited a barrier island and lighthouse, we ate yummy food, and we enjoyed sensational weather.
Moving: June officially shifted her clothes, pajamas, and shower stuff to the second floor, and though this is a natural and normal progression, it also felt a bit like we were shipping her off to college after having one hub for our family for so long. But it’s been sweet to see her enjoy her own space up there!
Visiting: Our niece and nephew came to stay for the week and we had what we hope will be the first of many cousin camps! From learning to ride a bike sans training wheels to cabin inspections and the Best Friends Snack Shack, it was a full but very fun week.
Wearing: I replaced my fauxm Birks, which were showing their age, with this pair from Reef. They are cuter than though not quiiiiiite as comfortable as the Birks.
Enjoying: A tiny little moment from our trip to Maine: June needed to practice piano, so while the two youngers were resting or napping each afternoon, the three of us would walk down to the community building and she’d play on the baby grand while we’d play ping pong across the room. Just a sweet little slice with our big girl :)
Learning: We navigated the ins and outs of neighborhood swim team life! I’m proud to say we did it our way (which mainly meant going to practice when it suited our family’s schedule), and found it to be quite fun. June’s favorite part was without a doubt learning every line dance known to seven-year-old-kind, and John’s was writing up his appointment notes poolside most evenings.
Shep’s swimming, too, improved leaps and bounds. With a few lessons at the beginning of summer, he went from screeching when splashed to diving underwater and swimming like a fish, no floatie in sight.
Itching: Another not-so-sweet memory from the island that must be mentioned for posterity: we all got a rash from the mysterious browntail moth for the first time. An invasive species found only on the coast of Maine and Cape Cod, its caterpillars’ hairs (even airborne!) can cause an itchy rash on skin. Annie had it something awful, but thankfully it seemed to look much worse than it felt.
Attending: The book swap! Well, hosting, I suppose, but it was certainly a highlight, and the coziest morning with good friends chatting good books.
Watching: It was a fun summer for movies! John and I saw Mission Impossible on a date night and I saw the Barbie movie with some Articles Club friends.
Reading: The road trip saga The Lincoln Highway felt like an especially summery read, and is definitely in my top five for the year thus far. June and I have also really loved reading several installments of The Vanderbeekers and The Penderwicks series either together or in parallel.
…And truly, so much more: our first trip to John’s parents’ new home, biking the full American Tobacco Trail with a friend on a blue-sky day, going into the harbor on the boat for fireworks on the Fourth, walking the monuments in DC, our train trip to Greensboro, an afternoon on the lake with friends… we’re looking toward fall, but taking many sweet memories from summer with us.
What will you remember from summer 2023? I’d love to hear!
