Much like Shelby, talking with Krystal at a work gathering earlier this year planted a seed for this series. She and her husband, Scott, both work alongside me, and they are kind, smart, funny, intentional – and exactly the kind of family you want in your village if you’re choosing a somewhat countercultural schooling route. I loved what she had to say below about finding friends you can trust to make schooling decisions with and walk alongside, and I’m glad we can do that in a small way for each other. I hope hearing from her family offers that encouragement to you, too!
Krystal, I’m honored to have you here – take it away!
Just a note: if you haven’t read the intro post yet, start there!
Tell us about yourself and your family.
My husband Scott and I just recently moved to the north Houston area of Texas with our two boys. Cal is in 4th grade and Judah is in 2nd. It is such a fun stage of life for our family and we are loving every minute of it!
Why are you choosing public school for your family?
We seek to make the best decisions for our family with the information that we currently have, including our school district, our financial means, and our kids’ educational needs. I abide by one of my friend’s education mottos: “Every child, every year.” Meaning, we evaluate the needs of our family each year. When we made a decision to send our kids to public school in kindergarten, we knew that they might graduate in a completely different school environment.
I have past teaching experience in almost every schooling environment: Christian, private, charter, and public schools. That has influenced our decision, as well, in recognizing that one truly isn’t better than the other—it all comes down to what is best for each family. Each type of schooling has its strengths and weaknesses. A particular school does not guarantee a particular outcome. Schooling is a personal decision based on your family’s needs, your individual child, and where you live.
If anyone is interested, I would highly recommend a Risen Motherhood podcast episode with guest Jen Wilkin about public school. Regardless of your school choice, Jen brings some great points as someone who made the decision to send her own children to public school. That whole series is great, as they talk about several different schooling choices!
What has been your experience with public school so far? Give us an overview.
So far, we have loved it! I have enjoyed getting to establish relationships with teachers and other parents. Though I work full time, I try to be involved to the best of my ability through sending school supplies, writing encouraging notes to teachers, going to events, etc. Right now, we are in a new school meeting new friends and family, and when we moved, we made the decision to live within walking distance of our school. We want to invest in our community, and that includes our school!
What has been one of your favorite parts about your school experience so far? Has anything been challenging?
My favorite part might also be one of the most challenging, which is having my children meet, interact with, and become friends with other kids who are very different from them. I want my kids to see experiences outside of their own, but it can also bring up some difficult conversations. I was very nervous for my kids to hear or see things that I couldn’t control, but over the years I have seen them become opportunities to enter into my kids’ lives as they share those things with me. I pray that they see our home as a safe place to be able to talk about whatever is going on in their lives or at school.
What do you wish other Christians knew about your life as a faithful family in public school? What might surprise people about your journey in public school so far?
As is the case with many families, we feel that we are sometimes labeled in extremes. For example, we are not sending our kids into the public school system so they can be little missionaries. Though we pray that they would have conversations about Jesus, they haven’t professed faith themselves. That is a lot of pressure to put on kids at this age.
On the flip side, we are also not handing our kids over to “the world.” Sadly I have talked with some people that believe we are not being faithful Christian parents because of our school choice. (Again, go check out Jen’s episode on Risen Motherhood! She covers this well.) I think we have to remember that many of us are in a place of privilege to even discuss school choice. Many do not have this option, let alone have a safe place for their children to attend school. We seek to trust the Lord with the decisions we make for our family, and we believe God is sovereign over the school, teachers, and classmates that our kids interact with.
What does faith formation look like for your family outside of or alongside school? How are you helping your kids to know and love God and their neighbors?
We try to incorporate spiritual formation in normal conversations in addition to more structured family discipleship rhythms. With our kids in public school, it has allowed discipleship to be a part of our everyday lives as we navigate situations they are experiencing with teachers or other kids. Being a part of a school that is (literally) in our backyard will hopefully create more opportunities to develop gospel relationships with families in our neighborhood!
What are your hopes for your kids and their education? What’s the best-case scenario?
For us, education is not ultimate in our family. Loving God and loving their neighbor is. We care deeply about education, but regardless of what schooling they receive, my hope is that as parents, we are involved in connecting what they are learning in school to the God of the universe. I think the best-case scenario is that they love to learn and read, and that Lord willing, they live out their faith as they mature.
Do you plan to continue with public school indefinitely, do you plan to change course in the future, or do you hold it with open hands?
It is definitely with open hands! I have friends who have kids in all different schooling environments and friends whose kids attend all different kinds of schools. And yet, each school reflects steps of faith for those families as they pursue the Lord in their decisions! It is very humbling and encouraging to know that we can make a different decision if it is needed. We have no idea what the Lord has in store for our kids. But we will revisit as needed. “Each year, each child.”
Anything else to add?
Remember that you are held accountable to the decisions that you make for your family, but you are not responsible for your friends’ or neighbors’ decisions. We can each focus on making sure we are walking in obedience for what the Lord has for our families—even if it looks different than the people around us.
Also, find friends that you can trust as you process schooling decisions for your family. It can be difficult navigating public school as a Christian family, so seek out ways to connect with other believers. It has been a huge encouragement for us to know that we are not alone!
Krystal, you are a gift to me and to many! Thank you for taking the time to share your family and your thoughts with us – it truly means so much.
Friends, please feel free to respond to anything Krystal mentioned in your usual kind and thoughtful way. Grateful for you! And just to orient you in this series, know that we have one more interview coming up next week (from my absolute GEM of a friend Ginna – you won’t want to miss it!) and then I’ll share my thoughts to wrap things up the following week.
When conceptualizing this series, I knew I wanted to include a family with older kids. For me, a public elementary school can feel a world apart from a public high school (or, to be fair, actually any high school), and so I was eager to include the perspective of a mom a little farther along.
Thankfully, I knew just the mom to ask. Amber is the kids director at our church, and she is one of the warmest, most welcoming people I know. She and her husband have three terrific kids, all of whom are in high school or college. She’s walked the public school walk for many years, and she graciously agreed to share a bit about the highs and lows with us.
Amber, I’m honored to have you here – take it away!
Just a note: if you haven’t read the intro post yet, start there!
Tell us about yourself and your family.
We have three kids. Our oldest girl is 18 – she just graduated from public high school and is starting her freshman year at NC State University. Our middle girl is 16 and in 11th grade, and our youngest boy is 14 and in 9th. We live in the Triangle of North Carolina. My husband is a creative director in a corporate marketing department and I work part time as the Kids and Families Director for our church.
We stay busy! Our girls have been in the marching band; our oldest is continuing that in college. They have also been involved in many theater productions, as well as chorus and concert band. Our son has run track, played basketball, done debate team, and will join a special technology and engineering academy at school this year.
Why are you choosing public school for your family?
When my oldest was starting kindergarten, we considered all schooling options: private, homeschool, charter, magnet, regular public, and more. While I saw the merit in each type of school, we really felt called to public. I remember specifically thinking: if Jesus were a parent on earth right now, he would be in the midst of the public schools. Not that I am REMOTELY like Jesus – but I want to be! I felt he wouldn’t place himself with his own immediate family or only with other believers – he would be “in the world.” I felt confident and secure that God was guiding our decision to go to public schools.
This is of course personal, but I also did not feel it would be a good use of our money to pay for school tuition for three kids over many years. When we first entered school in 2010, our county had great schools with a good reputation, and I had heard good things about the elementary school that we were zoned for. I felt comfortable sending our oldest there.
What has been your experience with public school so far? Give us an overview.
How much time do you have? Ha! Like anything in life, public school has its plusses and minuses.
I’m grateful that it seems my kids are able to learn everywhere. They do well in school, but they also did well during the COVID months when they were at home. However, I love public school for all the extra experiences it provides. My girls have thrived in marching band, and they could not get that at home or at many private schools. And for my youngest who loves all things STEM, our high school has extensive course options. It would be challenging to teach the subjects he loves and provide the robotics, design, and technology experiences he gets at school at home.
The hard part is likely not surprising: with older kids in the times we live in, it’s hard to feel that the non-educational things that are taught are out of our control. Of course, this depends a lot on the area of the country you live in, but in recent years, I’ve been more and more unhappy with this.
What has been one of your favorite parts about your school experience so far? Has anything been challenging?
I would say my favorite thing is the opportunity for my kids to interact with and become friends with diverse groups of people. Of course, that also has its challenges, as that diversity can be opposite of Christian beliefs. I am a relational person, so I also love the relationships I’ve made over the years.
What do you wish other Christians knew about your life as a faithful family in public school? What might surprise people about your journey in public school so far?
I wish we wouldn’t be so judgmental of each other. (I am convicted of this as well, so I’m also speaking for myself!)
I feel like people assume that public school is the easy, or even lazy, choice. No – for us, public school is hard. We are at the schools a lot – not just pouring into our own kids, but also kids we’ll never know. We take care of teachers and administrators. We give a lot of time and a lot of money to our community schools.
Additionally, I have been a part of prayer groups for all the years that my kids have been in school. Seeing God move through the prayers of public school moms has been such a blessing. Just this past week, we met and did a prayer walk around the high school, praying over specific buildings and gyms and athletic fields and parking lots and bus loops. If teachers or administrators passed by, we reached out and asked them how we could pray for them, and we prayed over those things on the spot.
This past year, we had a teacher email our group leader and ask if we were still meeting to pray because she could see the Lord working at our high school in so many ways. What a blessing to be making a difference in prayer – again, not just for my own kids, but for my community, as well!
What does faith formation look like for your family outside of or alongside school? How are you helping your kids to know and love God and their neighbors?
Now that my kids are older, I am hoping and praying that we are coming to a place of my kids starting to choose their faith because it is, in fact, what they want – that it is their faith, and not just their parent’s faith. And that they want to go to church and don’t just go because we are making them :)
My kids’ faith is tested, for sure, in the public schools. They won’t go to college and hear opposite faiths and beliefs for the first time. They’ve already heard it – daily! The blessing is that, when they hear things that are contrary to what they’ve heard in church and at home, they’re still under our roof and we can have talk through them together, as opposed to hearing opposing views for the first time in college when my husband and I would have much less influence. My kids have questions, and we have conversations constantly – the door is always open for discussion.
What are your hopes for your kids and their education? What’s the best-case scenario?
The best-case scenario is that they finish high school, go on to college or work or whatever is next for them, and find a relationship with Jesus that is their own – that they fall deeply in love with him out of the love he has for them. There’s nothing I desire more. Of course, I’d love for them to do well in school and all that. But ultimately, in my heart, that is secondary.
Do you plan to continue with public school indefinitely, do you plan to change course in the future, or do you hold it with open hands?
We’ll stick it out in public. We’re almost done, ha!
Amber, you are a gift to me and to many! Thank you for taking the time to share your family and your thoughts with us – it truly means so much.
Friends, please feel free to respond to anything Amber mentioned in your usual kind and thoughtful way. Grateful for you!
Just in time for us all to get back into cozy fall routines, I bring you another round of family movie night reviews! You can read more about how we do family movie night here, but the most important thing to know is that in our house, the parents choose the movies. The kids get to choose their shows during the week, and we relish getting to curate a family canon of our favorite classics and new hits on Friday.
A fun yet unrelated photo from our weekend in Charleston. I matched the decor :)
Onto the movies! Here’s what we watched last school year, when June was 6 and 7 and Shep was 4, as best as I can remember and roughly in order, with commentary along the way as needed.
The Little Mermaid
Beauty and the Beast (June thought it was scary – a theme continued from last year!)
Tangled (June, John, and I all cried at the end – really, really loved this one.)
Matilda (This was the 1996 version, a favorite from my childhood, and June absolutely looooved it. “Send Me On My Way” and “Little Bitty Pretty One” were frequent Spotify requests in the weeks after we watched!)
Inside Out (June and I cried again, ha!)
Paddington (I get that it’s meant to show character development over the course of the story, but I didn’t love how the kids behaved and the family treated each other at the beginning. Otherwise, sweet. I’ve heard the second one is better!)
The Princess and the Frog (There are some excellent songs in this one!)
Homeward Bound (A complete and total 90’s classic!)
The Grinch (original)
The Santa Clause (This is one of my very favorite Christmas movies from childhood. Be warned, however: June asked me some pointed questions about Santa in the aftermath and ultimately joined the “parent team,” if you will. I have complicated feelings about Santa as a grown-up and felt our parenting messaging on him was muddy at best, so ultimately this was fine, but rather stressful in the moment.)
Elf
The Jungle Book (This one was just kind of wonky? It was fine, not my favorite, but fine. I guess it just feels a little more tired than some other classics.)
Matilda the Musical (June loved this version even more than the original (though I still prefer the original!) Shep did not particularly enjoy this version; I do think we could have waited another year, because some parts seemed a bit stressful for June.)
Sing (This was fun! We laughed out loud :))
The Wizard of Oz (A classic for sure, albeit a little wacky.)
Sing 2 (Again, lots of laughter all around! The music is fantastic and the parents loved the pop culture references. June was a little scared of Crystal the wolf.)
Babe (Both kids definitely enjoyed this one, and particularly thought the singing mice were funny – ha!)
Mulan
Alice in Wonderland (A little too wacky for my taste, but the kids enjoyed it.)
Parent Trap (The original version – I love it so much.)
Lilo and Stitch
The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe (We watched after we read the book, and the kids loved it.)
The Parent Trap (The Lindsay Lohan version, an absolute treasure from my childhood. June now claims it as her favorite movie.)
June just happily noted that we’ll have to restart the cycle next year when Annie turns three and can join us for movie night. We’re all looking forward to it :)
I would love to hear: what movies have been hits at your house for movie night lately?
Out of the seven ladies I asked to participate in this series, there was only one I had never met in person – and that’s Claire.
This was not an accident. If I’m going to share this space with someone and ask you to listen to them – whether in this series, Marvelous Mamas, or any other – then I want to be as sure as I possibly can that they’ll respect what we’ve built and value the same things we do: kindness, honesty, thoughtfulness, freedom of thought and inquiry, and generosity of spirit, to start. I want them to be a kindred spirit.
Though I have not met her in person, I feel confident that that’s exactly what Claire is. I’ve read her honest and incisive writing for years (I’m a paid subscriber to her Substack!) and was a podcast listener before that, and we also had the chance to work together briefly when she did some freelancing for Cultivate. She’s honest, she’s passionate, she’s principled, and she’s a little spicy in the best way.
And, though she might not know it, she was yet another inspiration for this series. When she wrote months ago about choosing public school for her kids with boldness and grace, it made me think that maybe I could, too.
I’m honored to have you here, Claire – take it away!
Tell us about yourself and your family.
My name is Claire and I live in a teensy-tiny town in southeast Wisconsin. I have three kids, ages 7 (2nd grade), 5 (kindergarten), and 2 (part-time daycare and a prayer).
Why are you choosing public school for your family?
We arrived at our schooling decision after a lot of prayer, research, and touring. We knew right away that homeschooling wasn’t a good fit for us as parents or for our kids, although I do have many happy, intelligent homeschooling friends! (I even tried to convince one of them to just homeschool my kids along hers, but she didn’t quite go for it – maybe because she has six of her own, ha!)
In our area, there are many school choices available. The main ones within a reasonable distance are our public school; our Catholic school attached to our parish; a free classical, secular, charter school you need to apply for and cross your fingers; and a classical Catholic school that isn’t attached to any particular parish. We toured all of them.
We had many priorities: budget! Ease of transportation! Extracurriculars! Academics! Cultural fit! We combined all of those in an alchemy of prayer and chose our local public school.
Although we as a family are very Catholic, we also believe passionately in public schools. Every kid has a right to an education, and Catholic school is very pricey – especially the classical ones that aren’t attached to, and partly subsidized by, parishes. Our parish school actually had some aspects to it that we didn’t feel were aligned with the Catholic faith (we emailed the pastor to let him know, as I’m sure that wasn’t the parish’s intention), and the classical Catholic school felt too small and insulated. We want to be a light in our community and teach our kids to have conversations with all different kinds of people with differing values in order to best love others and spread the truth of the Gospel in a way that honors the dignity of the human person.
We also felt that they weren’t necessarily following modern science when it came to curriculum choices; there’s always new research being done about how kids learn and while there are some traditional values that go out of style, some of this new information can really affect things like phonics and math strategies. The classical charter school simply felt off – it was a gut feeling after much prayer. (And let me just say that a woman’s intuition is often correct; we learned quite a bit of information about the school’s values in the year since we toured it that made us confident in our decision.)
It’s also worth saying that many typical concerns about public schools for Christians aren’t a huge issue in our area. To be frank, we live in a politically conservative town; there aren’t agendas being pushed in picture books or social studies class that worry us. If anything, we’ve had to push back against some very fringe beliefs in our school that aren’t common in most public schools (for example, people wanting to avoid teaching about Plessy vs. Ferguson or the Holocaust because they’re too “controversial”.).
What has been your experience with public school so far? Give us an overview.
Our public school experience has been positive so far. We committed to being involved in school board meetings to make sure we know what’s going on in terms of curriculum and policies, and I’ve faithfully attended every month! While there will always be interpersonal challenges with any school you choose, our kids have been learning and thriving.
What has been one of your favorite parts about your school experience so far? Has anything been challenging?
Our favorite part has just been feeling like part of a community. All of our neighbors go to our public school; two of them were even in my son’s first grade class. It’s such a blessing to be able to help each other out (“Is the math test tomorrow or the next day?” “Can my son get off the bus at your house tomorrow so I can take my daughter to the dentist?”) and simply to be rooted in a local neighborhood. It makes loving our neighbors much simpler!
The challenge has probably been having our kids interact with families that have values that differ from ours. Again, this is how the real world is, and we believe we’re all called to be evangelists and Christ’s hands and feet. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t hard to have difficult conversations at such a young age. I’ll never forget the look on my daughter’s face when she said, aghast, “Some people don’t think God is REAL?!” Part of me wishes I could have protected that innocence a bit longer. But a larger part of me knows that it’s my job as a mother to disciple her in a broken world.
What do you wish other Christians knew about your life as a faithful family in public school? What might surprise people about your journey in public school so far?
I think people would be surprised that our public school is not actively trying to brainwash our kids. I say this with love – I know that there are schools (of all kinds!) that are attempting to do that very thing. But that doesn’t mean every school is the same! You really need to tour your individual school and ask specific questions. Painting all public schools with a broad brush is a display of ignorance. Small town Wisconsin is not the same as Austin or Boise or Temecula or New York City. All of these places will have unique challenges.
Furthermore, just because a school is Christian doesn’t mean it’s living up to the faith. We asked pointed questions about things within elementary schools that matter to us, and found the public school answers more Christian than the Christian school ones. You can’t see the name of a school and instantly assume its strengths or difficulties. You need to really get in there, see the hallways, meet the teachers, and investigate the curriculum. It’s a lot of work – but so is discipleship! :)
What does faith formation look like for your family outside of or alongside school? How are you helping your kids to know and love God and their neighbors?
As Catholics, our children start a formal religious education at a young age. Our oldest two currently go to a Catechesis of the Good Shepherd class at our parish every other week, which is basically a Catholic Montessori program (multiple kids from their public school go there, which is great)! We also drench our lives in prayer, read scripture together every night, and pore over beautiful children’s books about Jesus. We’ve always believed that the best way to pass on the faith is to pray, model, and trust in the Lord, so that’s what we’re doing.
This year, I’m going to have them start listening to the Saint Stories for Kids podcast every morning while they eat breakfast, as well. I know in Catholic school they would have different things like a saint of the week or a history of church leaders, so I’d love to incorporate that at home somehow.
What are your hopes for your kids and their education? What’s the best-case scenario?
Sainthood! I want my kids to discern God’s plan for their lives. That might mean a traditional university. It also might mean the seminary, a vocational school, an apprenticeship program… we’re not at all married to the idea of the Ivy League (although that’s great, too!) I have many issues with our American university system and hope that by the time my kids are eighteen, there are more options available in terms of workforce preparation.
Mainly, I want my kids to be readers, love their neighbors, have interests, be good citizens, and follow Christ. No pressure – ha!
Do you plan to continue with public school indefinitely, do you plan to change course in the future, or do you hold it with open hands?
We are keeping things very, very loose. Our motto is “year by year”! There are so many new schools being created in our area; who knows when we’ll find one we like better than our public school? We’re also a little nervous about high school, but as my spiritual director says, don’t borrow worry from the future. We have quite a while to discern that.
Anything else to add?
I would ask people of goodwill to remember that cost is a real factor in these decisions for many families. Could my family have technically afforded a Christian school? Yes. But many, many families can’t. It makes my skin crawl to hear people asking why any Christian would ever choose public school, when many families don’t have a choice. (Even if a school is “free” or partly subsidized, do they have things like a free lunch program? Or a school bus? Or uniforms? All of these can be barriers to families living in poverty.) Also, many Christian schools aren’t properly equipped to educate and honor kids with special needs. There are many reasons a family might choose public school; we all need to cool it on the judging just a tad.
Claire, you are a gift to me and to many! Thank you for taking the time to share your family and your thoughts with us – it truly means so much.
