In reflecting on this month, one thing rose to the surface: I get by with a little help from my friends. Katie hosted our chocolate chip cookie party. Stephanie stepped in last minute to help me set the Articles Club table, and she, Pressley, and Stacy are writing sections of the Articles Club guide. I think asking for help makes a lot of people uncomfortable (my husband included!), but for some reason, I enjoy receiving help almost as much as I love giving it. (This is even more unusual because I’m an introvert and an Enneagram 5, types that often prefer to go it alone!) I’m rolling some thoughts around and have a blog post in the works on this topic, but in the meantime, let’s take a look at November…
A bag o’ library books riding shotgun for my bookworm. I think it might be time for another installment of June’s Favorites, yes?
On my calendar: — Voting, always. — Thanksgiving in the Florida Keys with my side of the family! This is a belated 40th anniversary trip in honor of my parents, and we are all very excited. — Beginning my 2024 PowerSheets. I chose Jade!
What I’m loving right now: — I made a quick mention of this in a past post, but if you have kids and a road trip in your future, I want you to know about The Night Train, an audio story our family listened to this summer and loved. The older two are quite excited to listen to The Merry Beggar’s other long-form story, their version of A Christmas Carol, this Advent. (My vision is for them to cozy up and listen to it around the fire while I cook dinner – we shall see how it pans out! :)) — I read this essay (Atlantic gift link) by Colin Campbell, about losing his two teenage children and how we can better respond to our own grief and the grief of others, and knew I wanted to share it with you. Then this expansive interview with Colin on one of my favorite podcasts brought it to mind again. So, take your pick – essay, podcast interview, or the full-length book. — I’ve been making my Black Friday shopping list, and am hoping this sweater will be on sale. It is so lovely! Also eyeing these holiday Lake Pajamas. If they’re sold out, I may just go with these ones!
As a reminder, you can find allll the things I’ve loved over the last few years neatly organized right here!
What you’re loving right now:
This is where I highlight a few items here that have been popular in the last month with fellow readers, based on my analytics. Here’s hoping this will help you find something you’ll love!
What I read in October: — Morning Star | The conclusion to the Red Rising trilogy. I’m glad I finished it! Tons of battles, lots of twists and turns, and a satisfying conclusion. However, it was QUITE the contrast with my next read… — At Home in Mitford | …this one. I first read a Mitford novel back in high school, because my grandmother loved them. My pal Stephanie reminded me of the series (she reads them every year!!), which inspired me to put one on my 2023 reading list. I picked it up a little early in honor of our trip to the Boone area, since the series is set in a town inspired by Blowing Rock. — The Vanderbeekers Lost and Found | I just love these books. This was one of my favorites in the series so far, even though it has some sad moments. I appreciate that the author doesn’t shy away from including the hard, but instead shows us how a family can move through it.
Revisiting my October goals: Write and design the Articles Club guide (I made an outline and handed out assignments to willing members. Grateful to make this a collaborative project!) Edit Sheptember, Volume 5 (I chose a song :)) Host the chocolate chip cookie party (Done! It was sweet. Recap to come soon!) Tackle Annie’s closet Organize the gift storage Send care package to our college babysitter (Yes! See last year’s here.) Finish our 2015-2019 photo album (Progress! I finished years 2015 and 2016. It is slow going!!) Execute an extra-special setting for the 8th anniversary of Articles Club (Yes! See it here!)
November goals: — Submit all passport paperwork for the kids’ passports and my renewal — Tackle Shep’s closet — Finish writing and design the Articles Club guide and list it for sale — Finish our 2015-2019 photo album — Design and order our Christmas card and newsletter — Edit Sheptember, Volume 5
Gift guides are on my mind! I’m planning to write posts about what we’re actually giving our kids this Christmas, what’s on my wish list, and stocking stuffer ideas for kids and grown-ups. I know they’re not for everyone, but if they’re for you, is there anything else that would be helpful? And what’s your preference on timing – ASAP? Or closer to Black Friday? Beginning of December? Feel free to share your thoughts below or anything else that’s on your mind!
Of all of our family traditions, our annual fall trip to the mountains just might be my favorite. Eep! I don’t know if I can say that… but there’s just something about these long weekends, where we get to spend uninterrupted time together, surrounded by beauty, exploring somewhere new, eating good food and enjoying good conversation, challenging our bodies and then experiencing true relaxation, that speaks to my soul. I think every other family member would agree. We had a beautiful, memorable trip to Boone and Blowing Rock this October, and I’d love to share a few photos and details, if you’d like to see!
We often travel Thursday – Sunday for these trips, but since June had a Monday off in October, we skipped school on Friday and headed to the mountains first thing. Boone is about 3 hours from our home in the Triangle, so we arrived in time for lunch on a perfect blue-sky day.
About a week in advance, John and I put our heads together for an hour or two and plotted out our weekend, making meal and activity reservations as needed. We had planned to eat lunch at Lost Province Brewing in downtown Boone, but unfortunately they don’t take reservations and reported an hour+ wait. Disappointed but not deterred, we trotted down the hill to Melanie’s Food Fantasy (where we had planned to go later in the weekend) and were seated at an outdoor picnic table after about 20 minutes. Delicious!
It must be noted here, the parking in downtown Boone is atrocious. There are very few public parking spots or lots and no garages. Prepare for a lot of circling and pray for a little luck on a busy weekend.
After lunch, we headed to our adventure for the day: the Wilderness Run Alpine Coaster in nearby Banner Elk! While this was our most expensive activity of the weekend ($16 for adults, $13 for June, $5 for Shep), it was SO very fun. June and I rode together, and we laugh-screamed our way through the twists and turns. We loved it so much that we ended up buying the video of our runs, something that is SO out of character, ha! They put a smile on our faces, though :)
From there, we checked into our Airbnb, which was a few minutes outside of downtown Boone. We chose this rental for its backyard creek, and it didn’t disappoint – the kids made a beeline for the banks as soon as we stopped the car.
After an hour or two of playing outside, swinging in the hammock, and breaking out the Yahtzee set, we headed into Boone for dinner at the Beacon Butcher Bar. This may have been my favorite meal of the trip – the food was delicious and the space was cozy, with a big fireplace. We felt welcome with kids, but were surrounded by lots of couples and big adult dinner groups – definitely a spot you could get a little fancy for.
I should have mentioned – Friday was a delightfully warm fall day, with a blue sky and mid-60s to low-70s temps. When we woke up on Saturday, we still had the blue sky, but the temperatures had plummeted. We bundled up and drove to Grandfather Mountain, where it was 42 degrees (with whipping winds up to 30mph) on top. Brrr!!! At the gatehouse at the park entrance, they told us that the swinging bridge was closed due to high winds. However, it opened shortly after we parked at the top, so we streamed toward the bridge along with everyone else. However, we didn’t even get a third of the way across – the wind was blowing SO bitterly that we could hardly look up, and we were freezing even though bundled.
Something to note for trip planners: you can and should reserve your timed tickets on busy weekends. We had 10am tickets and had no trouble getting a spot in the top parking lot by the bridge. When we left to head to the visitors’ center about 1:30, however, the line of cars snaking up the road was incredibly long, as they were at a one-car-in-one-car-out standstill.
The kids were dubious at this point, but we headed off on our hike (the Grandfather Trail to MacRae Peak) and it quickly absorbed their attention. We could hear the wind whistling above our heads, but we were under tree cover and warmed up as we climbed uphill and scrambled over rocks.
Something we have noticed about our kids: the more adventurous the trail, the more engaged they are in the journey. Even though this was a strenuous and at times technical trail (with cables and ladders!), we heard hardly a peep of complaint. When hiking with kids, I know it might seem like a better idea to go for an easier trail, but in our experience, that sometimes leads to more boredom and complaining.
That being said, this was NOT an easy trail and I’d think carefully before attempting it. We did not see any other kids the ages of ours – and we only made it part of the way, through 5 of the 9 ladders, before deciding that between the wind, the ages and abilities of our kids, and the fact that John had Annie in the pack, it would be prudent to turn back. It was still an incredible hike, with gorgeous views and fun and challenging terrain. We will be back someday to complete the whole thing! :)
And, it must be said, John was the absolute MVP for managing both himself and Annie!
Once back in the parking lot, the wind had slowed down and the temperature had warmed up, and we were able to make it across the full swinging bridge – just gorgeous!
Then, we headed down for lunch in the visitors center and a quick visit to the animals in the nature center, including elk, black bears, and otters.
Once back at the Airbnb, we put Annie down for a nap and then the rest of the fam enjoyed a dip in the hot tub – bliss after a hard, cold hike! Afterward, John napped while the big kids played outside and I bundled up to read in the hammock. Double bliss!
Dinner was at Proper in downtown Boone, a homey meat-and-three in a former town jail. (The kids were disappointed it didn’t bear more resemblance to its former purpose.)
Sunday morning was again brisk and blue-skied! We set off on the Flat Top Mountain Trail at Moses Cone Park, a broad, 5-mile carriage trail that winds up a hill to a fire tower. Though we climbed up the tower, honestly, it was almost scarier than the ladders on MacRae Peak – eep!
For lunch, we headed into Blowing Rock. After a considerable wait (while the little kids played on the downtown playground and June and I popped into a few shops), we had lunch at the Six Pence Pub. My shepherd’s pie was delicious and warming after a chilly hike.
Then it was home for another dip in the hot tub, more naps, playing, and reading before dinner in Valle Crucis at Over Yonder. Set in an old farmhouse, its chef was hyped up in a lot of what we read beforehand, but I left a little underwhelmed. One fun little game we played with the kids while waiting for our food deserves a mention, though: we lined up items in a row, then took turns closing our eyes, removing one, and then trying to guess which one had been removed. Kept them engaged!
On Monday morning we finally made it to Stickboy Kitchen. Stickboy (either the kitchen or the original bakery location) is THE recommendation people will give you when you say you’re going to Boone, and it didn’t disappoint. It’s in an unassuming strip mall, but the bagel sandwiches, croissants, muffins, cookies, and loaf of rosemary olive oil bread we got for small group later that night were all delicious. I join the chorus of saying you must go! :)
From there, we drove out to an old favorite hike (Green Knob) with some old favorite folks (my sister and her two kids :)). They also had Monday off school and used it to drive out to meet us, which was a delight! Having cousins along kept a pep in our kids’ step for the third hike of the weekend, though it was hardly needed: I’d recommend Green Knob to almost everyone, with its stream crossings, cow pasture path, goldenrod, mountain laurel hedges, and reasonable 2-mile length. Just beautiful!
We had a big group lunch reservation at The Speckled Trout in downtown Blowing Rock and it was another favorite meal of the trip! Delicious food in a modern, cozy atmosphere. We ate, hugged goodbye, then got back on the road to head home feeling (it must be said) incredibly grateful and lucky to live in such a beautiful state and to get to experience its fall glory together.
If you’re planning a trip to Boone, I hope this recap was helpful! Any questions, I’m happy to answer – just leave them in the comments!
I read Hunt, Gather, Parent almost a year and a half ago, and the fact that I’m still motivated to chat about it after all these months should tell you something! While it did take me some time to move this post to the top of the queue, it’s not for lack of enthusiasm. This is one of the most interesting, unique, and actionable parenting books I’ve read in awhile, and one I still think about often in our daily interactions as a family. And it’s one I regularly reference in conversation, so this post feels like a natural extension!
A brief summary for the unfamiliar: the author, Michaeleen Doucleff (with her three-year-old daughter!), visits three of the oldest cultures in the world: the Maya in the Yucatan Peninsula, Inuit families in the Arctic Circle, and Hadzabe families in Tanzania. All have found success raising happy, helpful, well-adjusted children, and her mission is to understand why by living with families – and applying their techniques to her own daughter along the way. She shares her findings (including lots of practical takeaways) with the goal of resetting the American paradigm, restoring sanity to parenting, and creating better outcomes for our kids.
The Maya culture, with their unusually helpful, generous, and loyal kids, is the one that inspired Michaeleen to write the book. It’s the section I got the most out of, too – when I went back to look over my notes to write this post, I had far more starred and underlined ideas than I had room to share!
Here are five that have particularly stuck with me:
1. Quit entertaining and instead invite. This starts from the beginning and continues until the teen years. “Toss out the idea that you have to ‘entertain’ the baby with toys and other ‘enrichment’ devices. Your daily chores are more than enough entertainment,” Michaeleen writes from her time with the Maya. I loved this insistence on inviting the child in to the work of the family from the youngest ages (and reminding us that toddlers find it terribly exciting to be invited in). She also describes how Maya parents never discourage a toddler who wants to help, even when they seem rude (like pulling a broom out of the parent’s hand).
“On the flip side, if you constantly discourage a child from helping, they believe they have a different role in the family,” Michaeleen writes. “Their role is to play or move out of the way. Another way to put it: If you tell a child enough times, ‘No, you’re not involved in this chore,’ eventually the child will believe you and will stop wanting to help. Children will come to learn helping is not their responsibility.”
Something else that stood out to me: the Maya continue to do chores alongside the child long after Westerners often want children to do a chore alone. For Westerners, the goal is often to get kids to the point of independence with a chore, but for the Maya, “the invitation is always for together, for doing the chore together.” Of course, the kids will eventually become independently competent. But personally, this freed me from a lot of the frustration of feeling like the goal should be to hand off a task. That’s no longer my immediate goal.
2. Make small asks. Michaeleen describes how the Maya fold in “small, quick, easy tasks that help another person—or the whole family. These are requests performed alongside the parents for a common goal. They are often subtasks of a larger one (e.g., holding the door open while you take the garbage out). “And they are often tiny,” Michaeleen notes, “I mean tiny, tiny (e.g., putting away one pot in the cabinet that’s across the kitchen, grabbing a bowl from the cabinet), but they are real. They really help.”
I loved this takeaway and implemented it immediately. It’s small ((Michaeleen recommends 3 or 4 requests a day) and perhaps obvious, but I hope it will make a big impact long-term. I think it’s a continual reminder to my children that their time is not only their own, that we are all a part of the work of the household and that they are needed and wanted.
3. Try activation. “Instead of explicitly telling the child to do a task, activate their help by telling them you’re starting a chore or by giving a hint that a chore is needed,” Michaeleen describes. By pointing out things like, “it looks like the dog’s water bowl is empty,” or “time to take the trash out,” or “the laundry just dinged,” we’re teaching kids to notice without nagging. Of course, they won’t always respond as we hope, but they’re learning, little by little.
4. Ditch the child-centered activities. Maya parents structure their family’s time to spend the majority of it together, living daily life alongside one another. They do very few, if any, child-centered activities, and Michaeleen also comes away recommending ditching almost all toys. This will feel radical (and even mean!) to some parents.
But in their place, she writes, the Maya parents give their children an even richer experience, something that many Western kids do not get much of: real life. “Maya parents welcome children into the adult world and give them full access to the adults’ lives, including their work,” she notes. Kids are nearby when adults work around the house, take care of the family business, or maintain the family garden. “And young children actually love these activities,” she notes. “They crave them. If we get kids involved in adult activities, that’s play for kids. And then they associate chores with a fun, positive activity.” A virtuous cycle!
While we haven’t thrown away all of our toys or ditched all child-centered activities, I think about this often. This perspective has given us extra freedom to say no to things like kids’ birthday parties that split our time and drive us apart, and instead spend our leisure time doing things we all enjoy together, like going for a bike ride, hiking, swimming at the pool, or playing a board game.
5. Answer misbehavior with more responsibility. We have found this to be incredibly effective with our children. Is one of them whining? Complaining? Harassing a sibling? Throwing toys? We invite them to come work alongside us or direct them to a job that needs doing. While my initial instinct is to get frustrated, speak sharply, or try to make a quick patch of the situation, inviting them in instead of sending them away is often much more effective. Again, at its best, it shows them we need them and we want them in the family, giving them the value and attention they’re seeking in a healthy way. It recalls them to their best self.
There is SO MUCH MORE I could say on this first section alone (let alone the other sections – parenting with calmness! Practicing silence! Child-child teaching! Telling family stories!) but I want to leave you with just enough to whet your appetite for more :)
I’ll end with this. At the beginning of the book, Michaeleen goes to great pains to make the point that the communities she visits are “just like us,” and I get it—on the surface, they might seem different (remote locations, unfamiliar traditions), and she wants to forestall her readers brushing off their advice as irrelevant. In the end, though, I loved that they are different, and unencumbered by many of the beliefs, expectations, and traditions that American culture is saddled with. This book was a neat opportunity to relearn the value in some ancient wisdom that, indeed, American culture generally does find irrelevant or backward. I’ve found it helpful and thought-provoking, and if you decide to read this book, I hope you do, too!
Now, I’d love to hear: If you’ve read Hunt, Gather, Parent, did you have a favorite takeaway? If not, have I motivated you to pick up a copy? : ) Any thoughts about these takeaways?
Something quick and (hopefully) helpful for you today! In honor of Friday, my grocery shopping day, here are six of our family’s favorite soup recipes.
Best Taco Soup | I was looking back through my recipes archives as I wrote this post, and it’s fascinating how many recipes were in our regular rotation until they… weren’t. But this recipe! This recipe I have been making it since CoJ published it in 2013, and it’s still a family favorite today. (I make it without hominy and add frozen corn.) I serve it with a pan of honey cornbread, which both our 7 and 5 year olds can make with just a little oversight.
Lemony Chicken and Potato Soup | Made in the Instant Pot, this soup has a lovely zing from the lemon. We pair with a salad for the grown-ups.
Sweet Potato Beef Stew | This is one of my favorite recipes of all time. It’s from the Skinny Taste cookbook, and I first had it at my sister-in-law’s house. It’s incredibly flavorful and it makes the house smell amazing. I serve it the way she did, always with cheddar herb biscuits.
Leftover Roast Chicken Soup with Roasted Vegetables | My friend Meredith made a triple batch of this soup to feed our whole small group, and every single person wanted seconds. I went home and made it for our family the next week, and it’s been a favorite since.
Butternut Squash Soup with Apples | I love a butternut squash soup (it’s hard for me to resist if I ever see it on a menu!) and this is my favorite version to make at home. The tablespoon of cumin gives it a kick, so you might consider backing off the spice just a bit if you’re feeding kids. Do yourself a favor and buy the pre-chopped butternut squash at the grocery store!
White Chicken Chili Corn Chowder | In true Tieghan fashion, this soup seemingly has everything plus the kitchen sink in the ingredients list, but it’s decadent and delicious! And actually not too hard to bring together. Perfect for chilly fall evenings!
And I couldn’t end this post without mentioning souper cubes, which seem like something you probably don’t need until you have them and experience how easy it is to neatly freeze small portions and to feed the freezer for weekday lunches. And then you definitely know you need them. Strong recommend!
Of course, I would love for you to share your favorite soup recipes in the comments! Happy soup season, friends!
