This is the fourth and final post in my working part-time as a mom series! If you need to catch up, start here:
Part One: Background on my work history and some reasons (or not) for shortening my work week Part Two: Why we chose me over my husband, why we chose going part-time over other solutions, and the financial impact Part Three: My role, negotiation, and how I structure my time at work
In the first post, I shared a bit about my intentions for how I would spend my extra time outside of work. I wrote that I did not want to add more tasks to my plate, but that this change was largely about shifting the timing of tasks (from evenings/weekends to the workweek) versus adding new tasks or responsibilities. I also planned to prioritize digital tasks, because they are the most opaque and thus least likely to teach my children something, and tasks that are complicated with the ages of our children.
Almost five months in, I would say I’ve hewed pretty well to these hopes. In looking back over what I’ve accomplished in this season of Fridays (which is easy, because you know I love me some good record keeping), a few things have surprised me:
— I knew that grocery shopping would be a constant every week, but I thought cleaning out my email inbox would be, too. (Not getting to email zero, but just responding to anything that came in in the last few days that needed a response.) That has flat-out not happened at all. I also have yet to work on a blog post on a Friday (!), something I definitely thought would happen.
— I have gone to Trader Joe’s WAY more than I expected, ha. Though I love TJ’s, it’s just far-enough out of the way as to be inconvenient. I would go 2-3 times a year, usually when another errand took me past its cheerful doors. My Friday flexibility, however, combined with John’s discovery of this Instagram account, has me going there far more often. This has been fun on the food front but likely not as fun for our budget or my use of time.
— The category that seems to have expanded the most is social connection – the time I’ve spent with and for friends has exceeded my expectations, even though I planned for it to increase. This has been a joy, but has also required me to adjust my expectations for how my time will be spent and what else I’ll be able to get done.
— I’ve also generally had to adjust my expectations for how much I can get done in six hours. I know – I knew – that six hours is not that long, but I am constantly overestimating my capacity for a given Friday. It feels like I get a lot less done than I do on a six-hour workday, and I think that’s because my work days are extremely efficient – I’m basically just sitting in one place and pounding things out (and I’m also very good after all these years at planning my time blocks and estimating what I’ll be able to accomplish). On Fridays, I’m gathering supplies, driving places, moving around our house. That in-between time adds up!
Shall we take a look at a few representative Fridays? Let’s do it.
An August Friday — An hour of physical therapy — Grocery shopped + unloaded groceries — Stopped by school to drop meds and forms — Visited the Ferguson showroom to look at kitchen lighting — Updated our kitchen plan doc and sent it to Callie — Emailed a copy of my Sunday service to an Islander who had asked for it — Finally purchased the Atlantic subscription I promised my Dad’s for his Father’s Day gift (in my defense, this took longer because I had to call customer service – but a great example of a simple task that I just never seemed to get around to!) — Registered for mother-daughter camp weekend
A September Friday — Played tennis with John (this was a treat!) — Dropped a package at UPS — Unloaded and loaded dishwasher — Met with our cabinet painter to finalize details and sent a follow-up email to our other kitchen contractor — Grocery shopped and unloaded groceries — Changed the sheets on our bed and the kids’ beds — Scheduled various appointments — Picked kids up from an early release day and went to the pool with friends
Another September Friday — Picked up meals at Donovan’s Dish — Delivered a meal to friends with a new baby — Delivered a meal to friends who had just moved into a new house — Eye appointment — Picked up supplies from a coworker — Picked up clothing at the tailors — Dropped a package at UPS — Picked up specialty cat food — Dropped our expired car seat in the Target collection bin — Messaged our community group to plan the food for our next dinner
An October Friday — Went to the book fair at June’s school — Doctor appointment — Brunch with Lisa and Kristin — Picked up a necklace repair — Picked up diapers and a prescription at Target — Grocery shopped and unloaded groceries — Paid credit cards — Photographed and offered several things for sale on our Buy Nothing group — Packed up coats for a coat drive
A November Friday — Dropped car for inspection — Took Annie to a play place with a friend then brought her to school — Trader Joe’s — Made a donation drop off — Grocery shopped and unloaded groceries — Called to ask a question about our dental insurance — Updated my Christmas gift spreadsheet and made some more decisions — Texted our babysitter about upcoming dates — Found a new date for a rescheduled phone call with a friend — Attended Shep’s parent-teacher conference — Met up with a friend from church to walk and chat about an upcoming program
A December Friday — Walked with a neighborhood friend who asked to pick my brain about starting a blog — Caught up on text messages — Met with a friend who’s asked me to edit her new product — Wrote a thank you note — Dropped packages at UPS and USPS — Returned books to the library and picked up holds — Picked up an item from a friend’s house — Trader Joe’s — Grocery shopped and unloaded groceries — Made our end-of-year celebration dinner reservation — Posted my monthly Instagram Stories update — Ordered Yoto cards
Whether you look at these lists and think, I wish my Fridays looked more like that, or you look at them and think, heck no, I’ll keep earning money, thank you, I hope what you take away is a little more appreciation for all that you do to live a thoughtful life and care for others. I have no doubt your own list would be long, too, and that at least some of it is squeezed into less-than-ideal pockets of time.
Friends, thank you for being thoughtful and caring here in this series, and generous and interested, too. It means so much to me. Whatever stage of your career you find yourself in, and whatever plans you have for the future, I hope you took something away from this conversation! Grateful for you. xo
When I started writing this series, I was mainly focused on my reasons for transitioning to part-time work, which were personal, not professional. I was surprised, then (but delighted!), by your many wonderful questions about the work side of this transition, and so it was an easy decision to dive into this angle with an extra post. (We’ll look at how I’m spending my Fridays in the fourth and final post.) Let’s take your questions…
Part One: Background on my work history and some reasons (or not) for shortening my work week Part Two: Why we chose me over my husband to make this change, why we chose going part-time over other solutions, and the financial impact Part Four: What my days off have actually looked like (so far)
Annie’s first visit to the Cultivate office earlier this year
Was your decision influenced by Cultivate’s acquisition?
Those of you who have followed closely may be aware that Cultivate was acquired in June of this year. My decision to go part-time was not in response to the acquisition, but it did put a point on the process. After I went back to work following my maternity leave in late fall 2021, the squeeze at home became more and more apparent. By the spring, I knew going part-time was the right decision, and I was eager to confirm my new schedule before the acquisition closed, knowing that negotiating with a brand-new boss could be far more challenging. The new owners agreed to my hours as part of my signing on to their company despite not having many part-time employees, for which I am grateful.
How did you negotiate this arrangement with your boss?
I remember so clearly the first time I broached the idea of reducing my hours – I was standing in my boss’s kitchen, heating up my lunch :) This was in 2016, when I was pregnant with June, and she had mentioned several times that we should talk about what my maternity leave was going to look like. I was nervous to have the conversation, because I worked for a small company with no clear blueprint for leave – I wasn’t sure where we’d land, and it felt like there was a lot riding on the outcome. I also knew I wanted to ask for a shortened schedule (9-4 versus 9-5) at the same time, and I had NO idea what the response to that request would be.
My boss met my requests so graciously, which should not be a surprise to anyone who knows her. With that first change of hours, my promise was basically that I would continue to produce the same amount of work with five fewer hours by trimming “fat” anywhere I could throughout my days – and that’s pretty much what I did.
When it was time to arrange this most recent transition of my schedule, the situation was very different. I did not feel nervous about approaching my boss – we were both in new places in our lives and in our relationship with each other, and I knew she would immediately support this change, which she did. I also knew that if for some reason my request was turned down, I could walk away and our family would be fine – it wouldn’t be what I wanted, but we were in a very different place financially and in our lives than we were in 2016, and so the outcome did not feel as pressure-filled. What did make me nervous, however, was breaking the news later to the rest of the CWM team, as I worried they might feel I was abandoning them in the midst of the upheaval of the acquisition (they, too, were very gracious).
I recognize that my situation is unique: I’m a key (though not indispensable!) cog with a very niche role in a small business. I had major longevity at the company and had demonstrated long-term loyalty. I work for a business whose purpose is to help customers live out what matters most, and wants that for their employees, too. And most importantly, I had a boss who cared deeply about me as a person and is a woman of great compassion, integrity, and love for God. (I know you’re reading, Lara – what a gift you are to me!)
Is anyone watching the fifth season of The Crown? Towards the end of the first episode, the Queen requests funds for refurbishment of the royal yacht from the Prime Minister. He initially balks at the expense, which prompts a forceful response from Her Majesty: “I hope we can agree that as sovereign, I have made very few requests, let alone demands, in return for the service I have given this country. Perhaps the reason I have held back is in the hope that when I actually do, people don’t just take it seriously, they do as I ask without question.” Wowza.
I’ve talked about this before, but staying at Southern Weddings and Cultivate for as long as I have is not an accident – among other reasons, I hoped my tenure would allow for exactly the flexibility, trust, and latitude it has when I needed it most. Though I would never have spoken with such imperiousness (yipes!), I did recognize a bit of my situation in the Queen :)
What had to change in my role, or what has changed, for this to be possible?
This is an astute question. It’s not possible to go part-time in every role, and even if it is, many roles (and individuals, and company cultures!) are just not suited to it. Though I have worked for the same company my entire life, my role has changed several times over the last decade, and when I look back, I can see the ways I consciously and subconsciously nudged it toward a shape that is suited to part-time hours. Here are a few of those ways:
I am an individual contributor with long-term projects. My main responsibility is devising and writing the content for our printed products (PowerSheets, conversation cards, Reading Journal, etc. – almost everything!). I interface with designers, editors, and occasionally higher-ups, but it’s largely just me at my computer, writing and thinking. I have very few daily deliverables, as most of my projects take several days or weeks to complete. Since the projects are more long-term, I have more choice over how I structure my time each day.
My role is not driven by immediate metrics and generally does not require immediate responses. This is very different than, say, a job in marketing, which has daily data points that might require pivots, changes in strategy, or new initiatives. I also receive almost no email. (Seriously – probably fewer than five emails a month that require responses. I do have Slack to keep up with and chatter in our project management system.) In my Southern Weddings role, by comparison, email was a HUGE part of my job and I responded to (and sent!) hundreds of emails a month.
I have bowed out of managerial responsibilities. Over the years, by choice (and sometimes not by choice!), I have shed my more unpredictable responsibilities – namely leadership and HR roles. This has given me more autonomy and control over my time at work, since I am less buffeted by the needs and whims of other people. It also means I have very few meetings.
And here are a few things I have had to accept to make this work on my end:
I have to look WAY far ahead in our project management system to see what’s coming down the pike for me. I work on big, long-term projects that can’t just be dashed off in a few hours if I didn’t see them coming. With fewer days and hours, I don’t have as much room for error in planning my time.
I live and die by time blocking. At the end of every week, I look ahead at my calendar and in our project management system and block my time in half-hour increments. This is the only way I can be realistic about what I can and cannot accomplish in a week. As I adjust due dates in the project management system, it helps others with expectations, especially since I’m not always available to answer questions. Time blocking also helps me stay on task and avoid distractions during the day, which is always important, but even more so with shorter hours.
I have had to release control. As my hours have shortened, I have had to give up projects to other people. I can’t weigh in on as many decisions. I just don’t have time to have my fingers in all that I’d want to, which can be hard. (But it has been good at the same time!)
I turn off notifications and don’t check Slack (or anything else) outside of my hours. This is counter-cultural in our world and in many workplaces, but it’s a key to actually enjoying the time away from work I have carved out for myself.
I have sacrificed being a star. Though I play a key role and am respected, I am outside the power structure. I’m not a manager, I’m not on the leadership team, my employers know I am not interested in “moving up the ranks,” I have limited hours, I’m not the first one tapped for new opportunities. I don’t think I will ever be the most beloved employee. All of this can be hard, but it’s a trade-off I’m making with open eyes.
How do you structure your six hours on days you work?
I generally block off the first and last half hour as “check in” and “wrap up,” respectively. Because I work shorter hours, there’s usually chatter that I need to catch up on (in Slack, email, and our project management system) that happened while I was out. If a small, last-minute ask comes up, I’ll usually tackle it in those windows, too.
I currently have a one-hour meeting on Mondays, and will occasionally schedule one-off meetings as needed – but other than that, it’s largely up to me how I schedule my time. Depending on deadlines and what I’m working on, I like to have a 2-3 hour block of deeper work – writing a chunk of a longer product or writing curriculum for a class – in the morning, then a break for lunch and a 10-minute walk around the neighborhood with John. In the afternoon, I schedule shorter blocks for blog posts, teaching emails, product descriptions, scripts, and similar tasks. I might use my final wrap-up half hour to finish a task I need a little extra time on, respond to messages, or take care of admin tasks.
I hope this sheds a little light on the other half of this transition! I’d love to hear how our work days are similar or different – it’s always interesting to learn about different experiences than your own!
Part One: Background on my work history and some reasons (or not) for shortening my work week Part Two: Why we chose me over my husband, why we chose going part-time over other solutions, and the financial impact Part Four: What my days off have actually looked like (so far)
For me, one of the delights of getting older is having the opportunity to model what a loving, generous, thoughtful grown-up life can look like to the kids and teens around me. Obviously, it must be said that I DO NOT do this perfectly, not even a little bit – but it is something I think about often. What messages am I sending to the younger people around me about what it means to be a grown-up? From looking at me, will they think it’s fun? A privilege? Something to look forward to? Or will they think it looks like a drag, something to be delayed as long as people?
And how about marriage? What will they think about marriage from watching and listening to me? Will they think it’s something that holds me back? That exasperates me? That erases me? Or will they sense it’s something that delights me, nourishes me, and challenges me to be the best version of myself?
In addition to my children, some of the people I am most aware of having the opportunity to influence are our babysitters. I think about it so much! At a time in their lives when, psychologically, they’re pulling away from their parents and looking more to their peers and social media, how interesting is it that they can come into our home environment – a somewhat neutral space – and (hopefully!) see the beauty and allure of something beyond high school or college life, or the shiny facade of social media. In the smallest of ways, I hope being welcomed into our lives expands their perspective of what matters in the big picture, and maybe gives them something to look forward to when school or their social life feels hard. (Or even when it feels like the opposite – like high school is the MOST FUN they’ll ever have in their life, and everything else will be downhill from there).
Or maybe they’ve literally never had these thoughts once, ha! But I suspect they have, because I remember having them when I was their age. In high school, I had teachers and other mentors who sparked my interest in grown-up life and inspired the direction I wanted to grow, and I am SO grateful for that.
All this as long-winded intro to sharing these “boxes of sunshine” that we sent to our two babysitters who started college this fall. June and I cruised the aisles of Target to select goodies for them; everything fit surprisingly neatly into fig bar boxes from Costco :) A little yellow tissue paper and curly ribbon brought everything together! Here’s what we included in our college care packages:
Scarecrow Crunch trail mix (one gal said this was her favorite item in the box and it really does look delicious)
And a note from me, a letter from June, and a drawing from Shep. Of course, it must be said you could literally put any one of these items and a heartfelt note in a mailer and ship it off to an 18-year-old and it would bring a smile to their face, but we had fun putting these together.
I would love to hear if you ever think about the messages you’re sending to the younger ones around you! If you do, what’s the message you hope you convey?
Well, 40 comments later on my first post about working part-time as a mom and – if nothing else – I think we have answered the question of whether or not this topic is interesting or helpful for anyone :) As always, you are my people: here for a thoughtful discussion, generously sharing your own experiences, and offering up insightful questions.
Today we are going to chat about why we chose me over John to shorten a work week, why we chose shortening a work week over other solutions to our pain points, and a bit about how we handled the financial impact.
Part One: Background on my work history and some reasons (or not) for shortening my work week
A mostly-unrelated photo of my beautiful Catherine loafers on a recent work day at the office!
Why did we choose me over John to shorten a work week?
Per usual, there are some very simple and straightforward reasons, and then there are some squiggly ones :)
First and most pressingly, John’s job adds significantly more to our family’s budget than mine does, so cutting back on his hours would have taken a much larger chunk out of our family budget. He has not always made more than me: for our first year in North Carolina, he was unemployed, and then he made less than me, then we made about the same, then he made more than me, and now he makes way more than me, ha. This discrepancy is almost entirely a reflection of choosing jobs in very different industries at very different companies – though both, thankfully, jobs we love. It does not bother me, and it doesn’t change how we spend our money: for us, all money coming into our family is funneled into the “income” side of a single budget for which we make joint decisions based on our shared goals and dreams.
Second, there is no one in his role at his company that works part-time (that we know of). And he works for a very large company. Is it possible? Anything’s possible, but it would have required far more hurdles to jump and novel permissions to receive to even get to the starting gate – whereas at my job, the organization is far smaller and all kinds of special arrangements and flexibility already exist (including in my own role).
Third, my role lends itself to our reason for shortening a work week. John spends his days meeting with clients, so his schedule is an interesting combination of fairly flexible in advance (he can block off, change, or add available appointment times as needed) and fairly inflexible on short-notice (i.e. we try to avoid having him cancel on clients without ample notice). My work, on the other hand, can generally flex into the evening as needed without inconveniencing anyone. Now, if I need to switch my day off to accommodate a sick child at the last minute, that’s generally not a problem.
Fourth, not only my role but I, myself, am better suited to our reasons for shortening a work week – I am both more skilled and more interested in the type of work we want done: I am a noticer. A recorder of stories and history. A browser of gifts. A decorator of surfaces. A maker of lists.
I am also the social connector in our family. As a duo, John and I live with a tension-filled reality: we are both introverts, and yet we value community. Part of the way I spend my time on my days off is maintaining and deepening connections with friends. It is a joy, but it also takes time and energy: delivering meals to families with new babies. Texting people to check in. Hour-long phone calls. Meeting up for a walk. Choosing a date to have friends over for dinner and then preparing for that meal. Buying and shipping birthday gifts. All of this is both work and fun for me in a way it wouldn’t necessarily be for John. The actual socializing? Sure, in most cases (ha). The planning and much of the relational building? No, not as much.
Finally, though it’s fair to say these things were all reasons to have me cut back, it’s also not complete to end this section without saying I wanted to do this. It sounded like a delight to me. I enjoy my job and believe it brings value to the world, but offer me the chance to have a day where I get to decide how to spend it? Doing things that bring me joy, make me feel productive, and serve my family? All while listening to podcasts along the way? :) What a dream! John, for his part, does not have the same interest.
As the very smallest of tangents, I think it’s valid to recognize that as a girl and then a woman, I was likely encouraged to find value and grow skills in these areas. Some might view that as unfair or wrong, but I do believe it’s helpful to have specialization in a marriage partnership. The specialization doesn’t always have to line up along “traditional” gender lines; to me, it’s also okay when it does.
Why did you choose to drop a work day over other solutions to your pain points?
First, I will say I feel like we already maxed out many possible solutions over the last several years. I dropped a few hours at work. We hired a monthly cleaning crew. I haven’t written here as much. We’ve resisted buying a bigger home. I’ve optimized our grocery shopping. A robot vacuum cleaner zooms around our downstairs every night. We’ve simplified and systemized all kinds of things in our life, from gift buying to budgeting to kid sports to socializing.
The next obvious tier to access is more tech-forward, and predictably, that’s where I balked – for two reasons. First, because technological or outsourcing solutions require their own time and maintenance, and two, because they don’t always lead to the kind of life I value living.
Let’s take the example of grocery shopping. Could we opt to do grocery pick-up? Yes. However, there would still be a need to meal plan, to place the order, to text with the shopper, to receive the groceries when they arrive home. And besides, as strange as it might sound, I enjoy and value the warmth, texture, and even the occasional grit of pushing my cart up and down the aisles. I like smiling at people, and responding to a fellow shopper’s quip about what’s in my cart, and chatting with the check out clerk. I like seeing what other people in my community are buying and what they’re wearing and how they’re acting.
At the risk of extrapolating too far, I believe these tiny interactions have an outsized effect on the knitting together of a community. Yes, they take more time. Yes, they can occasionally be annoying. But joking with my post office clerk and exchanging pleasantries with the crossing guard at June’s school and smiling at the Costco receipt slasher makes me feel connected to my community. It makes me care more about my community. It makes me act differently toward my community.
In today’s world, these are all things that could be hired out or outsourced. And to be sure, we choose the less personal or the tech-forward solution in some cases! All of us here will make different decisions about what is valuable, what is possible, where we want to go analog, and where we choose the fastest, easiest solution. Please don’t feel any judgment if you’ve chosen differently than us in some way (basically all of my friends think I’m nuts for not doing grocery pick-up, ha!). It just took me awhile to put all of the pieces together about why I felt the way I did about certain mundane tasks that brought me into the community (it was really COVID and the loss I felt during shut-downs that brought it home!), and I wanted to share.
What has been the financial impact of one parent working part-time?
Because we were able to make my progression to part-time over several years, the financial shock was greatly lessened. The lessening of my income also coincided with increases in John’s income. And with a few of my reductions in hours, my boss kindly kept my same salary and considered it a raise, for which I am very grateful.
Another factor is childcare. Reducing my hours from 9-3 coincided with June entering public elementary school, and so before Annie began daycare we enjoyed a few months with reduced childcare expenses. She will also be moving in the new year from daycare to Shep’s preschool, which has shorter hours and is less expensive. All of these things have helped to balance the budget through these transitions.
Finally, and humbly, we strive to be in tune with what is “enough” for our family – in both saving and spending. We have had seasons of sprinting (like paying off debt, when splitting a Chipotle burrito was a treat) and we are also grateful to recognize when it would be better for our family to collectively walk at a more leisurely pace. Basically, it is really easy to always want or feel you need more, more, more or need to save more, more, more. Consciously recognizing and resisting that urge in different ways over the years has helped us be able to take this time in this season, and for that I am grateful.
Whew!! LOTS to discuss in this installment, so please, join me in the comments! Thanks to your excellent questions, next time we’ll talk about a few work-focused things: how I negotiated this arrangement, the challenges of working part-time and how I manage them as an employee, how my job has changed over the years to make this possible. As always, please leave your comments below, too!
Part One: Background on my work history and some reasons (or not) for shortening my work week Part Three: My role, negotiation, and how I structure my time at work Part Four: What my days off have actually looked like (so far)
