Friends, today is our two-year wedding anniversary! I thought I’d celebrate by sharing a favorite photo, but who am I kidding – I can’t stop at just one :)

I actually write Tanja Lippert a thank you note every year, because I am that to-my-knees grateful for these treasures.

As if it needs to be said after those beautiful photos, but what a magical day. I feel so lucky to have absolutely no regrets, looking back – so thankful, in hindsight, that we took the time to do things our way, to do them meaningfully, and to do them with great love. I have absolutely no desire to do it over again; instead, I love looking forward to what is to come.

The kind folks at Southern Weddings shared our marriage advice yesterday on the blog and in print in Volume 6, and I thought it might be fun to share it here, too:

You know that saying, find a job you love, and you’ll never work a day in your life? Well, we like to switch it up a bit: marry your best friend, and you’ll never work a day in your marriage. That, of course, is not entirely true — even the best marriages have harder days and easier days — but if you truly LIKE your partner, and love spending time with him or her more than anyone else, everything else seems to fall into place. Or, at least, that’s been our experience! Other tips that have served us well throughout our eight years together: forgive again and again, and don’t hold a grudge (easier said than done). Put your partner before yourself in small things — it will help to have that muscle in shape when bigger things come around. Take great joy in surprising and delighting him or her. Always speak well to others about your spouse, and about marriage in general. Stay humble. And finally, because it’s one of the main causes of divorce and marital issues, get your financial house in order. If finances are simply not a cause of stress, you’ll have a huge leg up on life together.

P.S. One year of marriage
P.P.S. Want to hear my Dad’s marriage advice? That’s right here.

A sweet gal emailed me a few weeks ago wanting to know more about my and John’s love story. While I was initially suspicious it was my Mom writing in to make me feel good (ha!), she’s not that devious. Even if not everyone is interested in this long-form version of our story, it’s a good way to record it for posterity! And it’s a good fit for Valentine’s Day :)

John and I grew up in the same small town in Connecticut, but we didn’t meet until middle school, when all of the elementary schools pooled into one school. John was without a doubt one of THE coolest kids in seventh and eighth grade — athletic, handsome, and just shy enough to be mysterious :) I had a crush on him, but sadly, I was just one in the crowd. I can even remember a friend asking me to take her picture while they slow danced at a middle school dance — ahh, the agony! Thankfully, God’s timing is good!

Our respective groups of friends gradually merged senior year of high school. This wasn’t entirely by chance – John had developed a crush on me, and was angling for a way in. He even resorted to loudly talking about how much he liked me while sitting a few seats away from my younger sister in the cafeteria, hoping she would overhear and report back to me. (It didn’t work.)

Finally, in January, he mustered his courage, called me up out of the blue, and blurted out, “So… I think I like you.” To which I responded with nervous giggles, obviously. Nervous giggles to cover the panic. This would be my first date ever (yep), and I was extremely flustered, to say the least. Thankfully, one of my best friends talked me down from the ledge for over an hour, and I agreed to go. (All I can remember saying to her is, “What if I don’t like him??” To which she said, “Then… you don’t go on another date?” Duh.)

It turned out pretty well :) We started with ice skating, then, at John’s suggestion, spent a half an hour slogging through knee-high snow at a local historical site, then finished with an early dinner at a downtown coffee shop. One thing I remember clearly – the whole time we were in his car, we listened to the funniest mixed tape (it included both Barenaked Ladies and the 1812 Overture!). John has gone on to mix me many more memorable CDs over the years.

We finished senior year with prom, then headed into the best summer of our lives. I know you’re not supposed to say things like that — the best years are always ahead! — but that particular summer was just golden. We had part time jobs, but we mostly had so much freedom to do all of our favorite things with some of our favorite people. We went to the beach and swam at the lake, watched movies in the hammock, played board games and badminton, met for breakfast and lunch and picnic dinners, and hung out with each other’s families. We took trips to Cape Cod, Maine, and Block Island.

The day of our departure for college finally arrived, the worst possible ending to the best possible summer. We had started dating long after college application deadlines, and were headed to different schools in different states — he in Washington, DC, me in Massachusetts.

Every way I try to describe our last night sounds ridiculously dramatic, and yet, nothing encompasses the wrenching pain we felt. When he finally shut my house’s front door around 2:30am (far later than we should have been up, but our parents were kind enough not to intervene), I sunk to the floor and wailed. Tears leaked out of my eyes in a near-constant stream throughout the next few days as I packed and moved into my dorm.

I suspect transitioning to college life would have been difficult for me under optimal circumstances (remember this post? I don’t do well with change), but these were certainly not optimal circumstances. Thankfully, we were able to see each other about once a month that first semester – once when John came home for an emergency wisdom tooth extraction (a blessing in disguise!), twice when I visited DC, and once each for Thanksgiving and Christmas. In between, we talked on the phone multiple times a day, and instant messaged almost constantly (yes, people were still IM-ing back then!).

We immediately began brainstorming ways to change our situation. For a variety of reasons, it became clear that the best option was for John to transfer to my school, and in the spring, we found out he had been accepted for our sophomore year! Though we were both elated, it was a bit of a stressful decision – being so miserable, I wasn’t even sure I liked the school I was at, and yet John was making an enormous effort to join me there. Transferring also meant he would lose an impressive merit scholarship. I’m sure some people thought we were crazy — we had been dating for less than a year — but we knew this was it for us. We became each other’s future quickly and seamlessly.

Life began looking up once we were together, and the rest of our college career was filled with some amazing memories. We both interned in New York City the summer before our senior year, and my experience there prompted me to start this blog!

As graduation approached, we agreed that we would both search for opportunities, and follow the first person to be hired. I ended up receiving an offer in July, and John again made a huge leap to accompany me to North Carolina (more about that here). Many of our adventures since then have been chronicled on Em for Marvelous, including our engagement, wedding, honeymoon, and, most recently, house purchase.

I’m not sure if I’m qualified to give marriage advice, seeing as we’ve only just passed our first anniversary, but perhaps I can offer some relationship advice — we have been together for almost ten years, after all. There are a lot of things I could tell you about what works for us, but I think one of the strongest things about our relationship is that we trust in it without reservation. We’ve never given each other a reason to doubt it, and so we’ve never been tempted to do so. We don’t treat our love for each other like it’s conditional, or could be threatened to be taken away, or withheld as a bargaining chip. Even if we are angry or frustrated, at bedrock, we both have always known without a doubt that we are acting from a place of unshakeable love.

And that, my friends, is our marvelous love story. Happy Valentine’s Day!

John and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary on Sunday (hooray!). One of my September goals was to celebrate in style, and I’d say we succeeded — at least, we celebrated in our style :) We actually hemmed and hawed longer than I would have liked over our plans, but ultimately decided on something fairly simple — a day at Wrightsville Beach, and dinner at Piedmont in Durham.

We also exchanged notes, our nod to the traditional first anniversary gift of paper. (John blew mine out of the water — he somehow found leftover guest book cards from our reception, and filled them out. Made me tear up!) We really wanted to purchase an official wedding album for the occasion, but Tanja’s are $2,500-$3,000, and that’s just not in our budget right now. We decided that instead of comprising on something that’s not heirloom-quality, we’re going to wait it out. Maybe a fabric-bound volume for our cotton anniversary? :)

To switch topics a bit, I started thinking about what I’d learned, or what had changed, in our first year of marriage after reading Madi’s seven things she learned in seven months of marriage. I posed the question to John, too, on one of our nightly neighborhood walks. We came up with two observations, which I thought I’d share with you.

Number one:

John and I have been together for 8.5 years, so we were a part of each other’s families long before we got married. We grew up in the same town and we spent lots of time at each other’s houses in high school and college. We traveled together, we hung out with each other’s siblings, we not only met the extended families but knew them well. Before our wedding, both of us considered ourselves a part of the other’s family, no question. Yet… one of the only changes we identified post-marriage was that we felt a greater degree of ownership in the other’s family.

A family of birth will always be different than a family you marry into, but we both agreed that we just felt slightly, almost imperceptibly, more a part of the other’s family after our wedding. Just a small example: John said the hours spent cutting and hauling brush at my family’s cottage this summer felt different — because it felt more like his cottage, a place that he felt more responsibility for because it would be a part of the rest of his life.

We treasure each other’s families, and are so happy to have gained parents and siblings-in-love in addition to a spouse on September 15th!

Number two:

The second change we noticed post-wedding was also subtle. Like I said, we dated for a looong time before we got married, and to be honest, we knew almost that whole time that we would marry each other one day. I would say we largely functioned as a married couple, both practically and emotionally, even in college. So it came as a bit of a surprise when we both realized that after we got married, we felt (slightly, almost imperceptibly) more permanent.

I think the best way to describe it is that we now feel slightly more responsible for each other’s happiness. I know that sounds kind of wacky — like, people should be responsible for their own happiness, and you can’t change someone — but I think this is different. We are more likely now to put the other before ourself. I think we both try to surprise and delight each other more often. We want the other to be happy, because we truly are one, and if the other is having a bad day, or feeling sad, then we both hurt (as cheesy as that sounds). I didn’t expect this, because we already felt like such a solid unit before marriage. But God is so good to have brought us together, and I think we are learning every day what it means to take care of each other… and probably will continue to all the days of our life.

I am so grateful for the ways we’ve grown together over the last eight or so years, and for all the things we’ve learned and will continue to learn by each other’s side. Friends, I would love to know: If you’re married, did you feel like you learned a lot or experienced a ton of changes in your first year of marriage? Or not? How long were you dating before you got married? (I think it makes a big difference — you?)

P.S. I’ve received a few emails over the last twelve months with questions about our wedding, and so I’m planning to answer a couple of the more common ones this week!

P.P.S. Just a few of our favorite wedding photos by the inimitable Tanja Lippert… I love her.

Today is my parents’ thirtieth anniversary. My Dad is funny and smart, and incredibly patient, charming, and diplomatic. My Mom is also funny and smart, and the warmest, most welcoming, and kind person you’ll ever meet. They are two of the most special people I know, and I’m so glad they found each other and decided to have children :) I love you, Mom and Dad!

P.S. Doesn’t my Mom’s wedding dress kind of remind you of Kate Middleton’s?