With so many of us planning road trips these days, and spring break coming up, I thought it might be helpful to share some of our family’s tips and tricks!
John and I love a good asphalt adventure, and once our kids joined the party, we kept right on rolling. June clocked six significant road trips in her first six months of life, we’ve been known to make multiple 10+ hour road trips in a summer, and I kid you not, when we asked June what she was most looking forward to about our upcoming trip to Jekyll Island, she said, “the car ride and the pool.” In that order. So those are our credentials, ha!
One thing to note up front: our kids (currently 5 and 2) do not have or use personal devices (iPads, etc.). A few further things to note:
— If your kids use devices while traveling and you’re happy with the situation, great! You do you. This is not a moral failing and you do not need to explain yourself to me or anyone else, ha!
— If your kids use devices while traveling and you’d rather they didn’t or you’re considering going screen-free, I’ll be the first to encourage you that YOU CAN DO IT! Yes, there might be a rough transition period. Yes, it requires a little more prep and parental engagement. And yes, even once you’re well into it, it’s not always going to be pretty (best to keep your expectations in check!).
For us, though, the benefits outweigh the negatives — benefits like increasing our kids’ patience, attention spans, resilience, and capacity for wonder. We also think it helps them learn to accept uncomfortable situations with good humor and to make friends with boredom, and can strengthen our family bond. (You might find other ways to accomplish these things, if they’re important to you!)
— If you’re traveling solo with kids, all bets are off (almost!). A short (2-3 hour) trip? Sure. Experienced screen-free kids? Sure. Older, more self-sufficient kids? Yes. But the mechanics of parental involvement just become much more complicated when you’re trying to drive at the same time as facilitate.
— I can see a future scenario where we might play a movie on my laptop for both kids to watch for a portion of the trip. Again, you do you!
— This post is specifically about car trips. We have no problem with our kids watching something on a phone, laptop, or back-of-the-seat screen on an airplane because we travel by air MUCH less frequently (so it’s a fun treat) and in an airplane, our neighbors don’t have a choice about sitting near us, so we want to be extra courteous and quiet :)
In short: going screen-free while traveling by car might be harder at first, but it gets easier – and you’ll hopefully find the foundational skills you’re building will pay off in a BIG way down the road.
Now, on to some of the practical tips we’ve found helpful for keeping our preschoolers happy and busy while cruising the highways and byways!
1. Pack great snacks. I am not overly concerned with health or redeeming qualities in road trip snacks, though a variety is helpful to keep things exciting! Goldfish, gummy bears, graham crackers, peanut butter crackers, apple chips, popcorn, blueberries, granola bars, and applesauce pouches are all popular with our crew. In the past, we’ve packed larger bags and brought snack cups to parcel them out, but for this trip I think the kids are old enough to handle individual snack boxes. I ordered these boxes and am going to add their names to the tops with washi tape! I think this will be VERY exciting and keep them busy for awhile.
[Updated to add: here are the boxes in action! They turned out to be a little excessive, ha. The 17 compartments were like snacks for a week for our kids!! Might try repurposing them and getting these for next time, which can be reconfigured.]
P.S. Don’t forget favorite snacks for the parents, too!
2. Pack fun activities. Each of the kids has a L.L. Bean tote bag that I pack with special activities – a mix of their favorites and brand-new surprises. (We have the open top Boat & Totes in size medium – I would size up to larges if I had a do-over!) The bags fit perfectly on the floor in front of a car seat and are easy to access with the open tops. This is helpful since at their current ages I am usually the one meting out the activities, though I’m sure that will change as they get older.
For this trip, June’s bag will include a few favorite books (including an I Spy one like this), a few ponies, coloring and activity books (Octonauts!), a paint-by-sticker book, her Paw Patrol coloring pad, her pouch of markers, printables, and the Guess Who travel game. (A new addition for this trip! The passenger will play with her – Shep isn’t ready to partner yet.)
Since one of you asked, here’s what the second row of our packed car looked like on a recent trip! Snack tote underneath June’s feet (she can rest her feet on it), Shep’s tote within my reach (on the floor), and June’s tote in between the car seats. Cooler on the floor in front of Shep!
3. Be ready to actively engage. Like I mentioned above, going screen-free (especially at this age) means you can’t just disengage and expect to have a distraction-free trip to indulge in your own book, listen to podcasts, or catch up on your magazines (all personal favorite road-trip activities pre-kids!). You might have small pockets of time to dip into these activities, but much of the passenger’s time is spent facilitating. Some activities that have been popular with our crew:
— Reading books from the front — Playing family DJ (taking turns picking songs in a rotation) — Singing songs — Playing I Spy or The Alphabet Game (where you choose a category (animals, foods) and name something in that category for every letter) — Listening to audio books of the kids’ choosing (Narwhal and Jelly was a hit last time).
4. Prep your car. I like to take my car to the car wash a few days before the trip and vacuum it out. This makes me happy (ha!) and is a good excuse to make sure any junk is cleaned out so we have a clean slate at the start. Otherwise, make sure you have your reacher grabber (here’s why), several small trash bags, and have stocked the backseat with lap desks.
5. Stop along the way. Build in time to stop for meals and running around. We always try to find a park, a playground, a nice rest area, or just a patch of grass where we can picnic and stretch our legs.
6. Remember that you set the tone. In the weeks and days before a trip, we talk enthusiastically about how much we’re looking forward to the road trip itself, how we love road trips, and how it’s going to be a great adventure. We compliment the kids along the way whenever they’re behaving well, try our best to keep positive attitudes ourselves, and remember we’re on the same team. And we try to make it fun! For example, when we were all packed and buckled but before we pulled out of the garage, we all put our hands in a pile and shouted, “1, 2, 3, GO TEAM THOMAS!” Cheesy, but preschoolers love cheese :)
I know most of these tips are very specific to the preschool set, but I hope they’re helpful if you have littles in that age range! If you’re traveling with an infant, this post is for you. I have many more road trip ideas for older kids, but we’ll save those for a future post! :)
I would LOVE to hear: what road trip tips and tricks, kid-related or not, have you found helpful for smooth travels? Any upcoming road trips you’re looking forward to?
Filling Easter baskets for our kiddos has become one of my favorite springtime traditions! As someone who didn’t grow up with them, I’ve really grown to love the opportunity they give me to highlight an important holiday in our faith, support small businesses, replenish basics at the turn of the season, and create some magic for my little ones. And personally, as a creative person, they’re just really fun for me to collect, curate, arrange, and fluff!
This year, we’re doing Palm Sunday baskets as opposed to Easter baskets. I agonized over this decision, but so many of the items I’m including will be used on spring break, and our break falls before Easter. It didn’t make sense to withhold the items I’d planned to include and buy extra things simply to fill their baskets. Plus, these baskets will double as road trip goodies – which is why they’re a little more stuffed than usual!
(If you’re curious, I’ve written extensively on my feelings about Easter baskets in the past – this post from last year captures why I love them and feel they’re an important part of our faith tradition! This post covers some of my tips for keeping baskets budget-friendly.)
Onto the stuffing! Before I get into the 2021 specifics, here are a few things I consider including each year:
— Pajamas. These usually come from Hanna Andersson or my favorite consignment sale (which sadly has been canceled three times in a row now due to COVID, sob!).
Knowing that not everyone chooses Easter baskets as their big parenting moment (ha!), I would love to hear something you are “extra” about celebrating! (Or that was celebrated big in your family growing up!) The less traditional or expected, the better. The first day of school? The first day of summer? The tooth fairy? Tell us below!
Six years ago, I wrote a post about deciding to have children. No similar post was needed when we decided to add a second kiddo to our family (for us, once we decided to have one, two was a given), but about a year ago we reached another inflection point: did we want to add a third child to our family?
From the questions I’ve fielded after sharing our happy news, it seems that many of you have faced a similar decision, or expect to in the future. And I’m here for it! Whether or not to have a third child (or any child) is extremely personal, but just because a subject should be approached with care doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be approached at all.
Before I dive in, though, I want to acknowledge that we feel very grateful to have the ability to decide at all. Infertility was not a part of the story of adding the first two children to our family, and so when we were discussing the question of whether or not to have a third, whether or not we’d be able to was not really part of the calculation. If you are in the position of wanting to have a child and find yourself unable to, I am so sorry you’re carrying that pain.
Love, love, love this sweet acrylic frame for displaying an ultrasound! A few of you asked about it – here’s the link!
About a year ago, this is where we found ourselves: I was ready to have a third child, and John was not. We had loosely agreed to table the question until after our mortgage was paid off (because of the burden it would lift on our financial situation), but when we changed our mortgage pay-off plan, that detente became less binding.
A bit more about our starting positions: John was content with the size and shape of our family – to him, nothing seemed to be missing. He was not an “absolutely not” on three children, but he did not have a strong desire to have a third, either.
We had had two healthy pregnancies and two healthy children. Daily life was manageable and usually not too chaotic nor overwhelming, and he was able to keep pace with it even though his new job was more demanding. He could give the love and attention to our children that he wanted to. We were financially stable and our long-term goals were on track.
The idea of adding a third meant potentially rocking the boat in a number of areas:
Another financial priority would be thrown into the mix. Our emotional capacities would be stretched. Three is an odd number and makes it more likely someone will be left out. We’d be opening ourselves to the risk of another pregnancy and “rolling the dice” with growing another human. We’d be back at square one with the exhaustion and attention that a newborn requires.
22 weeks!
I felt that our family was not complete. John and I both grew up in families of three, and to me, that just seemed like the right number for a family, for our family. It’s big enough to feel like a group, but not so big to be overwhelming. Though it made me a bit nervous, I also welcomed the idea of a little more commotion in my life – I wanted the hustle and bustle, the fullness, of a bigger family. I wanted to see myself stretched and to see what growth might come from it.
I also liked that our children, as one of three, might at times feel a bit deprived – of our attention or presence, of an experience or opportunity, or of some physical possession they wanted. It is very important to me that my children don’t believe the world revolves around them and that they grow to be self-reliant, and when kids outnumber parents, those things can happen more naturally.
Finally, I hadn’t given up hope of having a third when I was pregnant with Shep, and so that pregnancy did not have the finality I would have wanted if it had been my last.
Could I have been happy with two? Certainly. Did I believe John could be happy with three? Yes. Did I share some of his concerns about how we would react to being stretched? Yes, absolutely. Could we have organized our life to grow some of the characteristics I outlined above? Yes, to an extent.
We tip-toed around the subject for several months, with John reminding me of our mortgage pact and me returning that it didn’t feel wise to give birth at 36 or 38 if I could just as easily have done it at 33 or 34. We agreed to pray about it, and we did.
As Shep’s second birthday approached, I sprinkled in casual references to a potential third child more and more frequently, with John diplomatically ignoring them most of the time. Eventually, I asked for A Serious Conversation, and he agreed. (This probably isn’t how everyone does it, but for us, if we have a conversation that we know will be momentous or a deep dive, we usually plan to tackle it on a date night. The neutral ground of a restaurant takes us out of the context and distractions of our daily life, and allows us both to put our best foot forward in engagement and magnanimity. Plus, dumplings make everything better!)
And so, we went on the date night and had the conversation, and we came away deciding to have a third child. Sitting across from each other, we ran through all of the pros and cons one more time, and in the end, found ourselves back in a similar place to where we had started six years ago: I couldn’t say exactly why I wanted a third child, but when I pictured my life in the long-term, that was my vision and desire. John, for his part, was gracious enough to accept that stronger desire, and self-aware enough to know that once he was in, he would be all-in, without any bitterness or resentment. Needless to say, I love and admire and appreciate that about him. I hope I would have been able to do the same if our decision had landed differently.
Is it difficult to face these crossroads in a marriage? Yes. Do I wish that we had been on the same page from the start? Yes. Did I feel uncomfortable with the idea that only one of us could “get our way” in a situation of such magnitude, and that in this case, it was me? Yes, a bit.
I felt comfortable pressing on this issue, though, because I knew that our marriage was strong enough to come out happy and whole on the other side. In taking the time to understand John’s reasoning, we were able to address many of his concerns, including for the health of me and another baby (not much we could do about that one aside from remind ourselves of the sovereignty of God – and lots of prayer!). We made practical plans, like me cutting back on work hours and running some financial numbers. And we had frank conversations about what another baby would do to our day-to-day life, and who would be bearing the bulk of those responsibilities (me, in many cases).
More than halfway through this pregnancy, I can tell you that we’re both excitedly on this path. As a friend’s mom likes to say, sometimes we just need to make a decision and then make it the right one. We feel grateful to be on this side of the decision, and engaged in making it the right one, together. We can’t wait to see who this new little person is we’re adding to our family!!
If you find yourself at a similar impasse, my advice can be summed up as follows:
— Take the decision slowly, if at all possible. — Work to really understand the layers of your partner’s and your own position. — Have very practical, realistic conversations about how you might meet any concerns or roadblocks. — Pray about it. In our case, neither of us got a lighting bolt answer from God, but we were leaving space for it. I think He agreed we could be happy either way.
Friends, there will never be perfect words for a topic like this, but I hope it was helpful to hear one person’s imperfect thoughts. I’m here for anything you’d like to share in the comments!
P.S. If you are in the thick of this discussion yourself, you might like to listen to this Coffee & Crumbs episode, a vulnerable conversation on what it looks like when one spouse wants another baby and the other doesn’t.
If you are a parent, or have a child in your life you really love, how often do you mourn the passing of time?
Is it rarely? Occasionally? Daily? Hourly? I ask how often, not if, because anyone who has fallen in love with a child has had at least a fleeting twinge of sadness over the thievery of time. Personally, I try not to dwell on it, as the realist in me thinks of it as unproductive, but sometimes it will smack me in the face out of nowhere, like it did on Friday when I read this reader comment on Cup of Jo:
“My three kids are 22, 19 and 16, and if I had one wish it would be for the doorbell to ring and for it to be their little selves standing there, at any given age along the way, with overnight bags packed to spend a day or two with all of us. To relive those moments (to scoop up those little faces that I miss!)… well, just thinking about it makes me laugh and get teary every time.”
This comment comes to us courtesy of a reader named Erika, and Erika, I have to say you are severely underselling the emotional impact this little thought experiment can have on an unsuspecting parent, just moseying along through her Friday blog catch-up. When I initially read it, I tiptoed on by, sensing its power but not letting myself linger. It kept popping back into my mind over the next few days, though (more on that below), and by the time I finally relayed the image to John, I was doing it through copiously-flowing tears.
One-week-old baby June in a ridiculously-oversized onesie, tucked under John’s arm.
If you have kids, please – just stop and think about it for a minute. Ten or fifteen years from now, my precious five- or two-year-old climbing up my front steps, ringing the doorbell, and me opening the door to see them standing on the mat, duffel over their shoulder, ready to spend a day or two with John and me? Their little shining face, their favorite outfit?
Picture ushering them in, squeezing them in the biggest hug, sitting them down on the sofa or at the kitchen table and just staring at them with the goofiest smile on your face. Playing their favorite games, eating their favorite foods, doing whatever they want to do with you for as long as they’ll let you. Likely staring at them some more after they fall asleep.
It is quite literally too much for the heart to handle, hence the overflow of tears. Honestly, I sincerely apologize for putting you in a place of such emotion on a Monday morning.
…But now that I have, let’s backtrack for a bit. Because there’s a reason I don’t tend to dwell on these sorts of thoughts. Sure, that’s exactly what I’d do in this alternate-universe scenario. But in real life, I cannot set aside, well, real life to stare at my child 24/7. There are bills to be paid and dishes to be done and even “selfish” things like blogs to be read. Which is why these thoughts often leave me frustrated and dismissive, because what do we DO with them?!
We can’t use them to be lenient parents, catering to our children’s every whim.
We can’t use them to neglect our responsibilities or our own lives, where, coincidentally, time also keeps marching on.
We can’t use them to live in misery, hating each second that passes.
We can’t use them to dread milestone moments, wishing time would just stop.
Head on the pillow, turning all of this over and over one night this weekend (racking my brain for how I could use this emotional outburst productively), I had an idea, and here it is: Fridays are going to be takeout nights for the foreseeable future. Once I pick up the kiddos from school, I will deliberately set aside cooking, dishes, and all other feasible grown-up concerns in favor of doing whatever they want to do with me for as long as they want to, and staring into their faces.
Time is a thief, stealing past versions of ourselves, days, years, millions of happy moments, but time is a generous giver, too. It gives us those years together and the opportunity to use them wisely with every version of our precious people along the way. If nothing else, I hope today’s post sparks a thought of what you might tweak in your own life to do this even more beautifully than you already are.
P.S. Erika concluded her comment by adding that she hopes this is what being a grandparent is like. I think it might be, which is a comforting thought.
P.P.S. I hope you had a happy Valentine’s Day. I’m sad I don’t have a single photo to remember ours by, but it just felt so full of love. It was a really great day.
P.P.P.S. More thoughts on time here, here, and here. I just can’t quit it.
