Filling Easter baskets for our kiddos has become one of my favorite springtime traditions! As someone who didn’t grow up with them, I’ve really grown to love the opportunity they give me to highlight an important holiday in our faith, support small businesses, replenish basics at the turn of the season, and create some magic for my little ones. And personally, as a creative person, they’re just really fun for me to collect, curate, arrange, and fluff!
This year, we’re doing Palm Sunday baskets as opposed to Easter baskets. I agonized over this decision, but so many of the items I’m including will be used on spring break, and our break falls before Easter. It didn’t make sense to withhold the items I’d planned to include and buy extra things simply to fill their baskets. Plus, these baskets will double as road trip goodies – which is why they’re a little more stuffed than usual!
(If you’re curious, I’ve written extensively on my feelings about Easter baskets in the past – this post from last year captures why I love them and feel they’re an important part of our faith tradition! This post covers some of my tips for keeping baskets budget-friendly.)
Onto the stuffing! Before I get into the 2021 specifics, here are a few things I consider including each year:
— Pajamas. These usually come from Hanna Andersson or my favorite consignment sale (which sadly has been canceled three times in a row now due to COVID, sob!).
Knowing that not everyone chooses Easter baskets as their big parenting moment (ha!), I would love to hear something you are “extra” about celebrating! (Or that was celebrated big in your family growing up!) The less traditional or expected, the better. The first day of school? The first day of summer? The tooth fairy? Tell us below!
Six years ago, I wrote a post about deciding to have children. No similar post was needed when we decided to add a second kiddo to our family (for us, once we decided to have one, two was a given), but about a year ago we reached another inflection point: did we want to add a third child to our family?
From the questions I’ve fielded after sharing our happy news, it seems that many of you have faced a similar decision, or expect to in the future. And I’m here for it! Whether or not to have a third child (or any child) is extremely personal, but just because a subject should be approached with care doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be approached at all.
Before I dive in, though, I want to acknowledge that we feel very grateful to have the ability to decide at all. Infertility was not a part of the story of adding the first two children to our family, and so when we were discussing the question of whether or not to have a third, whether or not we’d be able to was not really part of the calculation. If you are in the position of wanting to have a child and find yourself unable to, I am so sorry you’re carrying that pain.
Love, love, love this sweet acrylic frame for displaying an ultrasound! A few of you asked about it – here’s the link!
About a year ago, this is where we found ourselves: I was ready to have a third child, and John was not. We had loosely agreed to table the question until after our mortgage was paid off (because of the burden it would lift on our financial situation), but when we changed our mortgage pay-off plan, that detente became less binding.
A bit more about our starting positions: John was content with the size and shape of our family – to him, nothing seemed to be missing. He was not an “absolutely not” on three children, but he did not have a strong desire to have a third, either.
We had had two healthy pregnancies and two healthy children. Daily life was manageable and usually not too chaotic nor overwhelming, and he was able to keep pace with it even though his new job was more demanding. He could give the love and attention to our children that he wanted to. We were financially stable and our long-term goals were on track.
The idea of adding a third meant potentially rocking the boat in a number of areas:
Another financial priority would be thrown into the mix. Our emotional capacities would be stretched. Three is an odd number and makes it more likely someone will be left out. We’d be opening ourselves to the risk of another pregnancy and “rolling the dice” with growing another human. We’d be back at square one with the exhaustion and attention that a newborn requires.
22 weeks!
I felt that our family was not complete. John and I both grew up in families of three, and to me, that just seemed like the right number for a family, for our family. It’s big enough to feel like a group, but not so big to be overwhelming. Though it made me a bit nervous, I also welcomed the idea of a little more commotion in my life – I wanted the hustle and bustle, the fullness, of a bigger family. I wanted to see myself stretched and to see what growth might come from it.
I also liked that our children, as one of three, might at times feel a bit deprived – of our attention or presence, of an experience or opportunity, or of some physical possession they wanted. It is very important to me that my children don’t believe the world revolves around them and that they grow to be self-reliant, and when kids outnumber parents, those things can happen more naturally.
Finally, I hadn’t given up hope of having a third when I was pregnant with Shep, and so that pregnancy did not have the finality I would have wanted if it had been my last.
Could I have been happy with two? Certainly. Did I believe John could be happy with three? Yes. Did I share some of his concerns about how we would react to being stretched? Yes, absolutely. Could we have organized our life to grow some of the characteristics I outlined above? Yes, to an extent.
We tip-toed around the subject for several months, with John reminding me of our mortgage pact and me returning that it didn’t feel wise to give birth at 36 or 38 if I could just as easily have done it at 33 or 34. We agreed to pray about it, and we did.
As Shep’s second birthday approached, I sprinkled in casual references to a potential third child more and more frequently, with John diplomatically ignoring them most of the time. Eventually, I asked for A Serious Conversation, and he agreed. (This probably isn’t how everyone does it, but for us, if we have a conversation that we know will be momentous or a deep dive, we usually plan to tackle it on a date night. The neutral ground of a restaurant takes us out of the context and distractions of our daily life, and allows us both to put our best foot forward in engagement and magnanimity. Plus, dumplings make everything better!)
And so, we went on the date night and had the conversation, and we came away deciding to have a third child. Sitting across from each other, we ran through all of the pros and cons one more time, and in the end, found ourselves back in a similar place to where we had started six years ago: I couldn’t say exactly why I wanted a third child, but when I pictured my life in the long-term, that was my vision and desire. John, for his part, was gracious enough to accept that stronger desire, and self-aware enough to know that once he was in, he would be all-in, without any bitterness or resentment. Needless to say, I love and admire and appreciate that about him. I hope I would have been able to do the same if our decision had landed differently.
Is it difficult to face these crossroads in a marriage? Yes. Do I wish that we had been on the same page from the start? Yes. Did I feel uncomfortable with the idea that only one of us could “get our way” in a situation of such magnitude, and that in this case, it was me? Yes, a bit.
I felt comfortable pressing on this issue, though, because I knew that our marriage was strong enough to come out happy and whole on the other side. In taking the time to understand John’s reasoning, we were able to address many of his concerns, including for the health of me and another baby (not much we could do about that one aside from remind ourselves of the sovereignty of God – and lots of prayer!). We made practical plans, like me cutting back on work hours and running some financial numbers. And we had frank conversations about what another baby would do to our day-to-day life, and who would be bearing the bulk of those responsibilities (me, in many cases).
More than halfway through this pregnancy, I can tell you that we’re both excitedly on this path. As a friend’s mom likes to say, sometimes we just need to make a decision and then make it the right one. We feel grateful to be on this side of the decision, and engaged in making it the right one, together. We can’t wait to see who this new little person is we’re adding to our family!!
If you find yourself at a similar impasse, my advice can be summed up as follows:
— Take the decision slowly, if at all possible. — Work to really understand the layers of your partner’s and your own position. — Have very practical, realistic conversations about how you might meet any concerns or roadblocks. — Pray about it. In our case, neither of us got a lighting bolt answer from God, but we were leaving space for it. I think He agreed we could be happy either way.
Friends, there will never be perfect words for a topic like this, but I hope it was helpful to hear one person’s imperfect thoughts. I’m here for anything you’d like to share in the comments!
P.S. If you are in the thick of this discussion yourself, you might like to listen to this Coffee & Crumbs episode, a vulnerable conversation on what it looks like when one spouse wants another baby and the other doesn’t.
If you are a parent, or have a child in your life you really love, how often do you mourn the passing of time?
Is it rarely? Occasionally? Daily? Hourly? I ask how often, not if, because anyone who has fallen in love with a child has had at least a fleeting twinge of sadness over the thievery of time. Personally, I try not to dwell on it, as the realist in me thinks of it as unproductive, but sometimes it will smack me in the face out of nowhere, like it did on Friday when I read this reader comment on Cup of Jo:
“My three kids are 22, 19 and 16, and if I had one wish it would be for the doorbell to ring and for it to be their little selves standing there, at any given age along the way, with overnight bags packed to spend a day or two with all of us. To relive those moments (to scoop up those little faces that I miss!)… well, just thinking about it makes me laugh and get teary every time.”
This comment comes to us courtesy of a reader named Erika, and Erika, I have to say you are severely underselling the emotional impact this little thought experiment can have on an unsuspecting parent, just moseying along through her Friday blog catch-up. When I initially read it, I tiptoed on by, sensing its power but not letting myself linger. It kept popping back into my mind over the next few days, though (more on that below), and by the time I finally relayed the image to John, I was doing it through copiously-flowing tears.
One-week-old baby June in a ridiculously-oversized onesie, tucked under John’s arm.
If you have kids, please – just stop and think about it for a minute. Ten or fifteen years from now, my precious five- or two-year-old climbing up my front steps, ringing the doorbell, and me opening the door to see them standing on the mat, duffel over their shoulder, ready to spend a day or two with John and me? Their little shining face, their favorite outfit?
Picture ushering them in, squeezing them in the biggest hug, sitting them down on the sofa or at the kitchen table and just staring at them with the goofiest smile on your face. Playing their favorite games, eating their favorite foods, doing whatever they want to do with you for as long as they’ll let you. Likely staring at them some more after they fall asleep.
It is quite literally too much for the heart to handle, hence the overflow of tears. Honestly, I sincerely apologize for putting you in a place of such emotion on a Monday morning.
…But now that I have, let’s backtrack for a bit. Because there’s a reason I don’t tend to dwell on these sorts of thoughts. Sure, that’s exactly what I’d do in this alternate-universe scenario. But in real life, I cannot set aside, well, real life to stare at my child 24/7. There are bills to be paid and dishes to be done and even “selfish” things like blogs to be read. Which is why these thoughts often leave me frustrated and dismissive, because what do we DO with them?!
We can’t use them to be lenient parents, catering to our children’s every whim.
We can’t use them to neglect our responsibilities or our own lives, where, coincidentally, time also keeps marching on.
We can’t use them to live in misery, hating each second that passes.
We can’t use them to dread milestone moments, wishing time would just stop.
Head on the pillow, turning all of this over and over one night this weekend (racking my brain for how I could use this emotional outburst productively), I had an idea, and here it is: Fridays are going to be takeout nights for the foreseeable future. Once I pick up the kiddos from school, I will deliberately set aside cooking, dishes, and all other feasible grown-up concerns in favor of doing whatever they want to do with me for as long as they want to, and staring into their faces.
Time is a thief, stealing past versions of ourselves, days, years, millions of happy moments, but time is a generous giver, too. It gives us those years together and the opportunity to use them wisely with every version of our precious people along the way. If nothing else, I hope today’s post sparks a thought of what you might tweak in your own life to do this even more beautifully than you already are.
P.S. Erika concluded her comment by adding that she hopes this is what being a grandparent is like. I think it might be, which is a comforting thought.
P.P.S. I hope you had a happy Valentine’s Day. I’m sad I don’t have a single photo to remember ours by, but it just felt so full of love. It was a really great day.
P.P.P.S. More thoughts on time here, here, and here. I just can’t quit it.
Welcome to our happy little bathroom, friends! This turned out to be such a fun space and I’m thrilled to share it with you today. Though the major elements stayed the same (layout, flooring, vanity and fixtures), this refresh included several mini projects, so I thought it might be helpful to walk you through them one at a time. But first, let’s look back at where we started!
Since moving in, this upstairs bathroom was almost completely untouched, aside from hanging a shower curtain and occasionally changing lightbulbs :) This room doesn’t get heavy daily use, but eventually will be used mostly by our kids (as they get more independent), as well as guests. I wanted it to feel fun and youthful, but still polished! Here’s the design plan I eventually landed on:
And here’s where we ended up!!
Here are a few more photos, along with brief rundowns of the mini projects, the grades I’d assign them, and any tips I collected along the way!
Paint the bathroom walls Who did it: Our handyman Rating: A Thoughts: In this season of life, I have accepted that painting is something I can do, but is well worth trading my money in exchange for my time. (Don was here for two hours to complete the job, whereas it would have taken us a full weekend!) We also asked him to remove the builder-grade mirror (we were able to give it to someone in our neighborhood!), remove the towel bars (donated those to Habitat!), repair the drywall, and fill in a few places of caulk. The color is Benjamin Moore “Chantilly Lace,” which I think is the perfect white-white without any undertones.
Paint the vanity and change out hardware Who did it: I did! Rating: A+ Thoughts: I loved this project and I’d do it again in a heart beat! I don’t think I’d tackle a project as extensive as kitchen cabinets, but a small vanity like this was totally doable and very satisfying.
I splurged on the Benjamin Moore cabinet paint and it went on like a dream! (I did two layers of primer and two layers of paint.) The color is “Palatial Skies.” The only change I would make next time is to paint the backs of the cabinet doors as well as the fronts. It would have taken a few days longer, but the end result would have been a little more professional, I think! As recommended, we left the doors off to “cure” for about a week before reattaching them and adding hardware – I chose these chrome knobs.
Wallpaper accent wall Who did it: John and I, much to his chagrin Rating: C+ Thoughts: While I still love the pattern (Julia Rothman’s “Daydream” in Sunshine) and am mostly happy with the end result, the application was fairly atrocious. This was our first time with a project like this, so I’m totally willing to take responsibility for my part, but I’m just not sure how we went wrong. Basically, to get the pattern to line up, we had to offset the panels themselves, so there is a half centimeter gap across the middle of the wall on the two outside panels??? We patched it with extra strips of wallpaper, ha! Thankfully, because of the positioning (mostly behind the mirrors) and the fact that the wall is also white, it’s not too noticeable, but still annoying. Even without this snafu, the whole process was just sweaty and fumbly, and some tense words may have been exchanged.
Note: it seems like Hygge & West no longer carries the removable wallpaper we used?Just wanted to note that we used the removable tiles, not the permanent rolls!
Change out light fixtures Who did it: John and I, again to his chagrin Rating: B- Thoughts: This was fine, it just took a couple tries to get the wiring right, which is always frustrating. We used two of these polished nickel fixtures!
Hang new mirrors Who did it: John and I, mostly willingly Rating: B+ Thoughts: Sadly, my beloved round mirrors were too wide for this space, so we went with these narrow silver mirrors instead. They are HEAVY suckers but went up without much trouble!
Add decorative accessories Who did it: I did! Rating: A Thoughts: The fun and easy part! These bathmats were a miraculous Target find (how perfect?!). I added this white waffle weave shower curtain (with these rings), these floral towels and hand towels (on this towel ring), four hooks in the shower room, and June helped me pick out the cutest shark step stool at HomeGoods. While I still love the Serena & Lily beaut, this one was a steal at $16 and can easily be switched out as the kids grow! The tissue box is from Amanda Lindroth.
The last thing I would like to add is framed photos of our kiddos’ sweet faces in the bath, likely in the shower room. Still on the hunt for the right square frames!
So there you have it – our fun little bath refresh! Well under $1000 and it makes me smile every time I walk by. Y’all know it takes me ages to finish a home project (6 months and counting for this one…), so I’m thrilled to finally be able to share with you!
I’d love to hear: are you working on a home project right now? Or do you have one in mind you’d love to tackle next?
