I have unofficially officially declared myself the Queen of Meal Trains. This might sound grandiose, but here’s the good news: the number of people who can hold the title is limitless, and you need absolutely no skills to do so.
Why the title? I believe meal trains are magic. Before having June, I wasn’t really sure if I wanted one: would it feel awkward to ask people for help? Would we really need it? What if they arrived right when I was feeding her or she was crying? What if they stayed to talk for way too long? (Introvert problems, am I right?)
But then she arrived, and the meals arrived, and it was magic. Not having to think about dinner at the end of the day? Magic. Yummy food made just for you? Magic. The feeling of being thought of and cared for by friends? Magic.
And so now, because I know how much it meant to have meals brought to us as new parents, I basically chase pregnant people down on the street to ask if I can set up a meal train for them, or at the very least bring them a meal. (This is only a slight exaggeration.) I don’t want anyone I’m even mildly acquainted with to miss out on having a meal train, either because they didn’t understand the value or because no one thought to ask them. It’s such a small thing, but I’m making it my thing!
Want it to be your thing, too? Here are my best tips:
1. Use MealTrain.com. It’s free! It’s easy to set-up! Absolutely no skill is needed! Just ask your recipient for a few pieces of basic information (address, desired delivery time, meal preferences, number of people eating, allergies, etc.), fill out the online form, and voila! It’s ready to go. I usually recommend running the train on Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, and Saturdays (to give working meal-bringers a weekend option!) for 2-3 months.
Once you’ve activated the Meal Train, a link will be sent to the recipient so they can block dates, add a photo, or make changes as needed, too.
2. Ask everyone. Like seriously, everyone. I used to worry that people might think I was weird or overly-forward for asking. Maybe a closer friend had already set one up? But who the heck cares?! If they already have one, then you have the perfect opening to ask for the link so you can sign up to take a meal – and they’ll be tickled you thought of them. And if they don’t, you’re giving them a huge gift that literally takes ten minutes of your time.
3. Offer to send an email. I know it can be awkward to ask for help, which is why I always request a list of email addresses to send the meal train to on behalf of the recipient. I strongly believe people want to help, and when you give them an easy way to do so, they’ll gladly jump on board! I’ve found there is a huge difference between the number of sign-ups when an email is sent and when one is not; this is almost always due to the direct ask, not the size of the friend network. (And if someone sets up a meal train up for you and doesn’t think of this, do not hesitate to ask if they’d mind sending one! I’m sure they’d be thrilled to!)
On a related note, if you’re passionate about bringing meals, this post has 10 great dinner ideas for new parents, and a few of my favorite tips. The only thing I’d add a few years out: it is 100% okay to bring a store-bought meal or takeout favorite. In fact, I did just that this weekend – our life is a little too crazy right now to make an extra home-cooked meal, but I happily picked up a few favorites from Donovan’s Dish and delivered them on Saturday afternoon to a new mama friend. If you’re self-conscious about your cooking or worried about getting the delivery timing right, this is a great option!
I would love to hear: do you have an acts of service “thing”? Do you always remember to write condolence notes? Do you watch friends’ kids so they can go on a date night? Do you send a Starbucks gift card for big days or hard weeks? (I have a friend who is consistent with doing this the week friends go back to work after maternity leave – so sweet!) And if you don’t yet have a thing, I hope this post (or the comments!) might inspire you to choose one! :)
The gallery of photos from our family session with Ally & Bobby arrived in my inbox a few days after John tore his Achilles’ tendon – the day before his surgery. What a slice of sunshine in a week when we really needed it! Of course, no matter when they arrived I knew they’d be a treasure, but the timing did feel like a gentle nod from God. These were my first maternity photos in three pregnancies, and I’m so happy I got to capture them surrounded by my family (at 28 weeks). Here are a few, if you’d like to see!
Our session lasted about 45 minutes, and for the last ten, the kids were pretty loopy. It helped that they could wander in the tall grass of the NC Museum of Art to their hearts’ content in between shots!
I ended up wearing the pink striped Hill House Nap Dress borrowed from Kristin, and am so happy with the choice. Thank you, K!! I can heartily endorse it as a maternity option – the smocking makes it very comfy! June’s sweet dress is from Amazon, John is wearing his favorite All Day shorts, and both kids are wearing Saltwater sandals (here and here).
We already knew Ally socially, but had never shot with her personally before this session. As we were driving home, John was like, “Are all photographers that encouraging? She was so excited about everything,” ha! While I do think all photographers work hard to put their subjects at ease and make them feel good, Ally does have the sweetest spirit and just the most delightful, bubbly personality. We LOVED being photographed by her!
My only hesitation before booking Ally was whether she’d capture the energy and motion of a young family, because I was much more familiar with her (serene, gorgeous!) wedding photography. As you can see, I needn’t have worried :)
My heart. We are so very lucky to have him as the Daddy in our family.
It really hit me when I looked at these photos – how crazy and wonderful it is that there will be a third little face squeezed into the frame the next time around! We feel so very lucky to have had this season captured for our family, and excited for what’s next!
Wishing a very happy Father’s Day to all this weekend, in whatever way you’re celebrating, and a happy Juneteenth!
Though I wouldn’t say I hold particularly tightly to plans, I am also most definitely a planner.
For moments and events I know might have resonance for our family, I feel much more prepared if I start musing on them far in advance (this could mean days or weeks or months – the time horizon is relative to the importance!). This gives me time to work through my own thoughts and needs, and it also gives me time to think through the emotional needs of the people around me, research or crowdsource how others have marked the occasion, and brainstorm how we might be able to make the moment special or edifying or something that adds to the story of our family. In the end, whether or not everything goes off without a hitch, I can rest assured that I’ve put forward my best effort. And when the unexpected does happen, I find I’m better able to roll with it :)
So obviously, each time we’ve added a new baby to our family, I’ve given a lot of thought to how we might manage the variables within our control, and make such an important moment a joyful and seamless one. As we prepare for baby number three’s arrival, here are a few things that worked for us last time, and a few things we’re trying this time!
1. Choose a few books to read together. Books are a classic, low-key way to introduce new ideas and open conversation with kids. June’s absolute favorite is this one, by the inimitable Sally Lloyd-Jones, and she also liked I’m a Big Sister and Maple. At two and a half, they gave her words for what was ahead and got her excited about, well, being a big sister :) I’m thinking we’ll snag this brother version for Shep in the next few days.
2. Let them help choose a few items. June loved weighing in on baby sister’s muslin blanket (probably because she loves hers so much!) and giving her opinion on the curtain fabric. To keep things simple and pleasing for everyone involved (ha), I like to take screenshots of 3-4 choices to narrow down the options before consulting her. I think this helps her feel she has a role in the transition, and that preparing for baby sister is a family project.
3. Exchange gifts. This is not an original tip – I heard it from many seasoned parents when we were expecting Shep – but it has proved to be a memorable one. In the run-up to Shep’s birth, June and I went shopping for a stuffed animal for him, then wrapped it together. She got to bring it to the hospital and help him unwrap it when she visited for the first time, and was delighted when we presented her with a gift (also a stuffed animal) “from him” in return.
This exchange still comes up regularly in conversation, and we’re planning to recreate it for baby number three. Looking forward to a stuffie shopping date with my buddies in the next few weeks! (In case you’re curious, baby sister will be giving June a replacement camera, since hers broke a few months ago, and Shep a recycling truck. She’s already got a bead on them.)
4. Have your arms ready. Unfortunately, the kids will not be able to visit us in the hospital this time around, but when June visited after Shep’s birth, we made a point to have him snuggled in the bassinet so that she could climb up on the bed with me and I could give her a big hug right away (after being greeted in the lobby by Daddy). We chatted about what she had been up to in the last 24 hours, and only then did John hand Shep into the bed so that we could look at him together. The sequence is subtle, but I think it helped ward off an immediate visual of being “replaced” and the feeling of being unsure where she fit in.
5. Give them something to look forward to. Since the older kids won’t be able to visit us in the hospital (my parents will be staying with them), I’m planning to prep a few things to add some delight to our time apart. For day one (delivery day!), I’ll buy a little cake in advance and leave out candles so they can celebrate her birthday that night. For day two, I’m thinking my parents will reveal a bath bomb (always a hit). And for day three, a new box of sidewalk chalk. No need to go overboard – kids delight in the smallest things! – but I think this will help them feel remembered and connected to us when we’re apart.
6. Let them in on the secret.As you know, my parents have been and will be staying with us right up to and through baby sister’s birth. This is wonderful and needed, and though the kids loooooove having their grandparents around, it’s also a change from their normal – and that can be a lot in a season of transition. I wanted to plan one final moment of bonding for our immediate family of four before baby sister’s arrival, and landed on a picnic the night before delivery day. We’ll go to a favorite playground, bring one of their favorite takeout meals, and…. we’ll tell them baby sister’s name.
That’s right, they do not know her name (they would FOR SURE let the cat out of the bag if we told them further in advance than this!). June, especially, has been asking me more frequently what it is, and I think it will make them feel very important and special to know the secret before anyone else.
So there you have it – what we have planned for the next few weeks to make the addition of a new sibling more seamless and joyful! If you’re anticipating welcoming a new baby to your family, I hope you might find a few ideas to try. And, if you’ve already added a sibling to your family, I’d love to hear in the comments what worked for you!
It’s been awhile since I wrote a Life Lately post, but we’ve had a number of smaller adventures recently that deserve their time in the sun! April and May have been sweet months to soak up our last few weeks as a family of four, knowing that things will get more complicated (but even sweeter!) soon enough.
The weather has been perfect – mild (mid-70s) and sunny for the most part. We’ve had several trips to the strawberry patch as well as lots of picnics around the Triangle, like at Bond Park for kite flying, the Raleigh Rose Garden to see the flowers, and all sorts of playgrounds.
We planted our garden – kale, basil, jalapeno, and lots of tomatoes (Patio, Sun Gold, Super Sweet 100, Celebrity, Husky Cherry Red). Below are the three pots that we planted for the first time last year. They were a huge part of getting us to our 1000 tomato count in 2020, so I’m expecting big things from these three!
We took our family photos with Ally! It’s… a lot to get everyone ready for photos, but we were SO lucky to have the most picture-perfect (literally) weather, and I cannot WAIT to see what she returns! Feeling very grateful to have this season of life professionally captured the last time around. And gosh, Ally is just about the sweetest person on earth. John was like, “do you think all photographers make you feel this good?” Ha!
On Mother’s Day weekend we drove north to Charlottesville to meet up with John’s sister and our brother-in-law, a reunion 1.5 years in the making thanks to COVID. Funny story: we headed up the mountain for a hike on Saturday morning. It was about 65 at our Airbnb, but by the time we got to the Humpback Rocks parking lot, off the Blue Ridge Parkway, it had plummeted to 49 (!). June was in the worst shape with shorts and a short-sleeve shirt, so after rummaging in the diaper bag I tossed her Shep’s emergency pair of (2T) sweatpants to see if she could squeeze into them. She could, though they looked a bit like European joggers, ha! Shep rocked his nap blanket like a cape for warmth.
We survived to enjoy some other Charlottesville highlights, too: MarieBette Bakery (incredible – we went twice!), walking around the UVA grounds (Joe is a double alum), dinner at Selvedge Brewery at the Wool Factory (SUCH a cool space with massive glass walls!), playing at Riverview Park and scooting along the Rivanna Trail, Crozet Pizza, and takeout from the Dairy Market (Take It Away sandwiches and Chimm Street pho).
Durham Bulls games are one of our very favorite spring and summer activities in the Triangle, and we were grateful to squeeze in a trip (to only their second home game of the season!) before the weather got too hot. Some benefits thanks to COVID: there was no one sitting anywhere near us, and concessions could all be ordered from an app (and they’d text you when it was ready!).
Last but certainly not least, I took the day off work on Friday to redeem one of June’s Christmas presents: pedicures and afternoon tea at Fearrington Village!
We had the most beautiful weather and enjoyed our pedicures, our tea, visiting the shops, goats, and gardens, and many hours of conversation. She is just the best little friend to spend time with and I love her so.
Clearly, the day took it out of her, ha!
I hope y’all have been enjoying this spring weather, too! Planning to use part of our Memorial Day weekend to make a summer bucket list and keep the fun rolling :)
