If you’re a Connected Family reader, you already know that our twentieth high school reunion was an incredibly memorable and completely delightful weekend. I waxed philosophical about it at length last month, so I won’t reprise it here — but I did want to share some of the logistical details in case you’re thinking of planning something similar! Much of what we did could be applicable to a girls’ trip, a bachelorette, or a special family adventure. I’d love to share a little bit about how it all came together and a few of the details that made it special. Let’s go!
Planning Timeline:
Noticing that our twentieth high school reunion was approaching and that our class wasn’t planning an official event (at least at the time — they have since gone on to hold a low-key get-together!), John and I sent an email to our group of 11 close friends to see whether they’d be interesting in gathering the following summer last September. We’re spread out around the country, so even though we love each other dearly we weren’t sure how feasible getting together would be. Happily, the enthusiasm was resounding, so my next step (in December) was to send out two possible weekends for a vote.
Once the responses rolled in, we chose a date. We were originally interested in staying at a communal property, as I’m of the mind that some of the sweetest moments in a group happen in the in-between times, but the place we had our eye on wasn’t available. Most folks opted to stay with parents who still lived in the area.
From there, I got busy drafting an itinerary that was full of nostalgia but updated for our thirty-something lives, many of which now include kids. Happy to take the lead but not wanting to move forward without any other input, I sent out my ideas to two members of the group who kindly gave me feedback. With their blessing, I booked what needed to be booked.
I sent out one more quick survey in March to nail down final details, confirming things like kids’ ages, arrival and departure plans, accommodation info, and what days they planned to participate in activities. Google Forms made this easy.
The week before we convened, I sent out a printed itinerary detailing the weekend’s fun. I also created a new text thread with all the attendees (original friends + spouses). This was super helpful for communicating details on-the-go throughout the weekend!
The Itinerary:
We were lucky enough to grow up in beautiful Southeastern Connecticut, and our schedule aimed to take advantage of all that we loved as teenagers — with a few concessions to our reality as thirty-something parents. Here’s how we spent our time:
Wednesday:
The Thomas family flew in late — we rented a car and got to my parents’ house after midnight.
Thursday:
With arrivals throughout the day, we had a leisurely breakfast at home and then drove out to my family’s farm to see several of my aunts, uncles, and cousins over lunch. The kids got to climb around in the hay barn and pet horses’ noses, always a hit.
After showering back at my parents’, we all headed to Tox Brewing in New London. Tox is owned by two of our classmates, Dayne and Mike, and though we didn’t see them when we were there it was fun to support their brand-new, larger location. We took over two long tables, ordered beer and wood-fired pizza, and chatted for 2+ hours. I brought original and preschool sticker books to help keep the kids happy. They also played several rounds of Go Fish and hit up the arcade games thanks to the benevolence of one of our childless friends (thanks, Uncle Jeremy!!).
Friday:
Our favorite beach growing up was in Rhode Island (New England states are so much smaller than down South!), so we once again crossed the border and drove the 30 minutes to Watch Hill. While we preferred the more remote Napatree Beach in high school, we opted for the more-accessible public entrance near the Ocean House this time to lug our chairs, canopies, and sand toys. We stopped for deli sandwiches at McQuade’s on the way (another very nostalgic move) and enjoyed chatting, swimming, and eating for a few hours on a windy but warm and sunny day.
After regrouping and showering at home, we drove over to Abbott’s for a seaside dinner. (The combo of beach day + quick shower + sunset seaside dinner are some of my very favorite days growing up — and still!) Longtime readers might recognize Abbott’s as the site of our rehearsal dinner, and it was fun to return there with so many of the friends who were with us on that happy day.
After getting the kids ready for bed and leaving them in the care of their grandparents, the grown-ups headed back out to the back deck of Jackie’s parents’ house. Our original plan was to gather around a fire pit and toast s’mores, but we never ended up striking a match — once we got to talking, we didn’t stop for almost four hours. (Don’t worry, we had plenty of snacks besides marshmallows.) This simple, uninterrupted time for deep conversation was one of my very favorite parts of the weekend – more here.
Saturday:
Another beautiful day and we started it with a short, flat hike at Bluff Point – perfect for little kids (we had 11 kids in our crew who ranged from age two to age nine), and nostalgic for those of us who ran cross-country (races were sometimes held there!).
From there, we headed to Mike’s parents’ house for a pool party in their backyard. My parents and his graciously provided lunch — pizza, fruit salad, cookies, and drinks — and we spent several hours splashing, eating, and chatting.
Later that evening the grown-ups met back up for our last major event, a fancier dinner out at Trattoria Amalfi. John and I got there a bit early to get the table set — see below — and it was once again the loveliest few hours of conversation and laughter. My cheeks hurt by the end.
Sunday:
We finished things off with breakfast at Sift in downtown Mystic, a very-welcome addition to town since our high school days. Our family had to scoot to the airport all too soon, but it was a happy chance for one more round of hugs and promises to not wait another twenty years to gather again.
A few ways we made this weekend special:
Of course, gathering with these dear friends was enough of a treat on its own — but you know me :) I couldn’t help adding a few extra details here and there, and I think they were both appreciated and really communicated that this weekend was an extraordinary experience — something to be savored.
First, I set up a communal playlist on Spotify. I seeded it with favorite songs from our high school years and encouraged everyone else to add to it, as well. We listened to it in the days leading up to the weekend and while driving along familiar roads, and it really set the mood.
I also designed, printed, and mailed a paper itinerary, and I think that helped communicate something special was in store. Canva made this super easy!
Finally, we added a few special touches to Saturday’s dinner. I chose a photo featuring each person, either from high school or the years since. I printed them all in black and white, attached them to thick white paper, and then watercolored each name on the bottom. On the back, I wrote a short note letting them know what they meant to me and thanking them for being here. These served as place cards at the dinner table.
At each place setting we also put a small box of chocolates from ATY Bonbons, a local treasure — just a little surprise to sweeten the journey home.
And there you have it! The nuts and bolts of a very special weekend. It exceeded my already-high expectations; I’d relive it a thousand times over if I could. We agreed to gather again in another five years, and it can’t come soon enough.
Those who’ve been with me awhile likely remember one of our favorite family traditions: bringing apple cider scones to the kids’ teachers on the first day of fall (or thereabouts). It’s a tradition that dates from June’s first year of life, when I made and packaged pairs of buttery, cinnamon-flecked treats for her daycare teachers. As the kids and I tallied up our list of teachers to bake for this week, I realized that I’ll likely be tripling my recipe this year: there are three kids in the mix now, of course, and June loves to deliver this treat to each of her past elementary school teachers in addition to her current one. I’m not mad about it. Our teachers deserve to be celebrated, and so does the first day of fall :)
Over the years, many of you have joined me in this tradition. I’ve always pointed those who wanted in on the fun to Jenny Steffen Hobick’s website, where I first found the recipe many years ago. Since it no longer seems to be active on her site, I thought I’d share it here for those who are curious. Whether you make it for your teachers or yourself, enjoy! And happy (early) fall.
Apple Cider Scones
1 cup of apple cider
2 cups plus 1/4 cup all-purpose flour 1/4 cup sugar 1 tablespoon baking powder 1/2 teaspoon sea salt 12 tablespoons cold unsalted butter 2 eggs, lightly beaten 1/4 cup cold heavy cream 1/4 cup of apple cider reduction 1 teaspoon of vanilla 1 teaspoon of cinnamon 1/2 teaspoon of nutmeg
1/4 cup of apple cider reduction 2 tablespoons of butter 1 cup confectioners’ sugar
Reduce the apple cider in advance so it can cool. Pour the cider in a saucepan and simmer on medium until it reduces by half, to an almost maple-syrup consistency. It should take about 10 minutes. Pour it in a glass bowl and let it cool in the fridge for 20-30 minutes.
Note: In all my years of making this recipe, my apple cider has never reached what I’d call a “maple syrup consistency,” even though it does reduce. I faithfully simmer it for 10 minutes or so and call it good.
In a stand mixer, combine the flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt. Cut the cold butter into 1/2 inch pieces. Add the butter to the dry ingredients and mix on low until the butter is mixed in and is the size of peas.
In a separate bowl, mix together eggs, cider reduction, vanilla, cinnamon, nutmeg and whipping cream with a fork. If you have a pourable measure, do it in that to make it easy to add to the flour/butter mixture.
Turn the mixer on low and slowly add the cream and egg mixture. You may not use it all. (Note: I have never used it all.) Turn off the mixer once the dough comes together.
Sprinkle some flour on the counter and turn the dough out onto the floured surface. Add some flour onto the top of the dough, then pat it out into a disk – about 8-9 inches in diameter.
Cut the disk into 6-8 pieces like a pie for standard size scones. For minis, cut each of the 6-8 pieces in half. (This is what I do!)
Separate the pieces and place them on a parchment-lined baking sheet. Bake at 400 degrees: for minis, 12-14 minutes, for standard, 15-17 minutes.
To make the glaze, heat the cider reduction and butter for 30 seconds to one minute, until the butter is melted. Add the powdered sugar and stir until smooth. Add more powdered sugar or more cider to reach the desired consistency – it should be drizzle-able, but not too runny. Enjoy!
If you’ve been around for a few years, you know that most years, in the fall, I share a post marking another year of Articles Club. Last year, I missed that post – but it was for a good reason! Behind the scenes, a few of us were working on a very special guide, and I waited to post until it was ready. And now it is!
Meet: The Articles Club Guide! Over the last eight years, we’ve fielded many questions about our beloved AC:
What is an articles club? How can I start one? How can I find people to join? How have you kept this going for so long??
We are genuinely happy to answer these questions – all of us want to spread the good news of articles club! – but also, if you’re really interested in starting your own group, I don’t just want to answer a few questions: I want to dump everything I’ve learned, and all of my considerable enthusiasm for what this group has meant to my life, into your lap, in the hopes that you will, indeed, go on to start your own.
That’s not always practical on a large scale. So — we made a guide! After brainstorming as a group, four of us got together and wrote out everything we know about starting and sustaining an articles club. Here’s a glimpse at the table of contents:
Fun, right? We put everything together into a beautiful package and you can purchase it right here for $20. All proceeds will go toward funding our annual weekend together, so rest assured you’re contributing to adult friendship bracelets, brownies-still-gooey-from-the-oven, and a polar plunge off the lakeside cabin’s dock. (Eep! We’re going with a Parent Trap theme this year, so it only seemed appropriate. Bathing suits will be worn. Fingers crossed no towels get stolen from the shoreline.)
So far, we’ve spun off three other articles club groups across state lines, and few things bring me more joy than knowing we’ve played a small part in spreading the joy we’ve experienced to others. In a world shadowed by loneliness, this feels like a small way to beat back the darkness.
Speaking of darkness: I was putting June to bed the other night, and she was telling me how she doesn’t like it when she’s trying to fall asleep and it’s quiet downstairs, but “my favorite nights are when you have Articles Club because I can hear everyone laughing.”
My heart!
My children may grow up in a world where true friendship – friendship that sits with you when you’re broken, and makes you laugh til you cry, and follows up on your prayer request, and doesn’t gatekeep anything – is rare. But hopefully, because they’ve seen it modeled by my beautiful friends, they’ll know what they’re looking for – and maybe even be inspired to create their own candlelit nights around a messy table, with good food and lots of laughter, for others. May it be so.
“Friendship is the rare kind of relationship that remains forever available to us as we age,” Jennifer Senior noted in an Atlantic piece last year. “It’s a bulwark against stasis, a potential source of creativity and renewal in lives that otherwise narrow with time.” And yet, despite all of its virtues and joys, many of us find friendship something we puzzle over as grown-ups: how to make friends? How to keep friends? How to care for our friends, and find time to actually enjoy their company? After all, says Senior, once we graduate, “we are ritual-deficient, nearly devoid of rites that force us together.”
And so, as adults, we must develop our own friendship practices, habits, and rhythms. Because I’m personally always looking for inspiration, I thought it might be fun to share a few “case studies” of successful friendships in my own life. They’re anonymous, but only lightly so – if you’ve been here awhile, you’ll surely know who I’m talking about. All part of the fun :)
This post turned out to be extravagantly long, so I’ve split it into two parts – three today and three in a future edition!
Case Study No. 1: The former coworkers turned friends
How we met: We worked together at a small business. I worked there first, and advocated for L’s hiring – we had connected via our blogs while she was still in college. From her writing, I knew she would be perfect for the role, and we were kindred spirits from the start once we finally met in person. (Still are :))
K and I have a particularly good meet-cute: the first time we met, at a reader event I was hosting for work, she came up to me and blurted out, “I know where you live.” Not creepy at all, ha!
How we got close: L and I sat next to each other five days a week for several years, and together the three of us (along with other beloved teammates!) road tripped, squealed over major business victories, survived one particularly painful team-building activity, sweated buckets at photo shoots, celebrated engagements and new babies, frolicked across fields in – there’s no other word for it – ballgowns, and much, much more. Small business life is not for the faint of heart, and relationships often grow deep and strong as you navigate it together.
How we stay close: Though we met as coworkers, we no longer work together. This could have been the end – I have said goodbye to many coworkers throughout my career, and without the regular face time (physical or virtual) of the workweek (and the chance to share the tiny details of life over Slack or while gathering for a meeting), it’s impossible to maintain the same type of relationship.
And so transition becomes necessary. Sometimes this is to a more distant, but benevolent, relationship. Other times – as in this one – you find a way to forge something new AND close.
As COVID lockdowns loosened a bit in August 2020, the three of us tucked kids into bed and met up on L’s back porch with glasses of Prosecco and bowls of popcorn. And then we talked for 2-3 hours, so happy to be together in person. Before we parted ways, we put a date on the calendar for our next get-together, and we’ve been doing it ever since.
What we’ve overcome: Navigating our transitions from coworkers to friends was challenging for me. Because we were used to seeing each other during the workday, we had no established rhythms to be together outside of work, and so in some ways felt we were starting from scratch with figuring out what our friendship would look like.
In both cases, I also dealt with feelings of betrayal when they decided to leave the business (and I stayed behind). It’s painful to admit, but I harbored bitterness for months that poisoned our relationship, at least on my side. To move past it, after clearly feeling God ask me to make a move, I had to initiate a dedicated conversation where I shared what I had been feeling and apologized. It was one of the scariest conversations I’ve ever had, but I’m so glad I had it. We would not have the friendship we have today without it.
What I love about our friendship: We’ve been through a lot together, and these ladies GET me: multi-state road trips leave lots of time for conversation. We’ve met each other’s families. We’ve celebrated and mourned with each other through major life events.
I love that the three of us are both different and the same. Many of the things that matter most to us we hold in common, but we are wildly different in other ways, with different personalities and interests and areas of expertise. I also love that our ages are slightly staggered – between the three of us, we span about eight years – which brings an interesting flavor to our conversations and allows us to speak into each other’s lives in unique ways.
I love that meeting up so regularly allows the tiny dramas of life to spool out in a way that engenders closeness: there’s always something to catch up on when we’re together, and yet there are never big gaps we need to fill.
And finally, if you’ve met these two ladies, you know ANYONE would consider themselves lucky to be their friend. They are supremely talented, extravagantly generous, passionate about all the right things, and just plain fun to be around.
Case Study No. 2: The couple friends
How we met: N was a photographer I met through work practically in my first month on the job. I started to read her blog, and when I saw she and her husband liked to play Settlers of Catan (a somewhat niche interest!), sent a VERY bold and uncharacteristic email offering to get together to play, if they wanted.
How we got close: They did, and we did, and we’ve been playing board games ever since. Things took a turn a few years in when we went camping together – there’s nothing like conversations around a campfire, or seeing someone un-showered first thing in the morning, to bump a relationship up a level. Since we were friends before any of us had children, we had time for long, honest conversations about the things that matter to us, like generosity, marriage, family, faith, travel, and, yes, eventually the decision to have kids.
How we stay close: Camping. Always camping, every year. It’s a guaranteed check-in where we know we’ll be able to connect and go beyond surface conversation, even if we have to brave bugs and dirt to do so.
Other than that, in this season of life we make do with infrequent get-togethers, like dinners at one of our homes with all seven of our kids and the occasional double date night.
I also consider myself the number one fan of her podcast and will frequently text her my commentary and feedback :)
What we’ve overcome: We’ve overcome physical distance. We’ve never lived particularly close to each other, but the distance was easier to overcome in our kid-free days, when no one was paying for babysitters and driving 40 minutes for a game night was nothing.
We’ve also bridged difference. Though we share many important things in common, we’ve also made different choices on church, education for our kids, work, type of neighborhood, and more. It’s easy to judge or feel judged when your loved ones choose differently from you, and I’m proud that our friendship is stronger than that.
What I love about our friendship: One thing I treasure about our relationship is that I like to think we learn from each other. I know I have personally learned SO much from N and from watching N and W’s relationship over the years. And this is the beauty of difference – if you’re exactly the same, there’s no room to grow :)
Case Study No. 3: The group of friends
How we met: A mostly-online friend who had just moved to the area approached me about starting a monthly discussion group, and I enthusiastically agreed. We issued open invitations on our blogs, opened our homes to perfect strangers, and the rest, as they say, is history.
How we got close: Seven years later, four gals from that first night are still in the club. The other eight joined us over time – some, blog readers who responded to periodic open invitations, others who knew someone on the inside :)
The most obvious way that we got close is because 1) we met regularly – every single month, without fail, and 2) every time, we discussed things that mattered over several hours. I mean, if you want a formula for developing a deep relationship, I don’t think you can do much better than that. There were a few other key factors over the years, though:
About a year in, we decided to hold our discussion over dinner instead of over wine and snacks. There’s something about cooking for each other and sharing a meal that engenders familiarity.
During the pandemic, we found creative ways to meet – on Zoom, bundled in ridiculous layers of clothing around a fire pit, on blankets in the park with takeout boxes on our laps. In a time starved for companionship and rife with things to discuss, we had each other.
Finally, we started a group text thread. This might sound inconsequential, but it provided an immediacy to our friendship that hadn’t existed before, as we didn’t chat much outside of our monthly gatherings. Now, we’re a part of each other’s lives in a more mundane way that is beyond delightful.
How we stay close: Yes, it’s the fact that we meet monthly. But to go one level deeper, I’ve got to give credit to my co-founder, who sends the email that confirms our date each month, another a few days before that reminds us where and when we’re meeting and what we’re reading, and creates a SignUp Genius link for our meal. She’d tell you it’s nothing, but it’s not. Organizational skills are one type of glue that holds friend groups together, and that’s certainly the case in ours.
What we’ve overcome: This group has never felt rocky, which is both shocking – considering the controversial, personal, and deeply meaningful things we discuss – and a deep testament to these women. I also think it signals a truth our modern, very online, culture seems designed to conceal: that there are very few people you wouldn’t love if you spent time with them, around a table, in good faith.
What I love about our friendship: I mean, so many things – I’ve waxed poetic many times over the years :) But man – that text thread! Everyone needs one in their life! A smattering of topics from the last week: line-drying clothing, Demon Copperhead, OB/Gyn recs, Amazon + One Medical, someone’s cute new tennis bag, thank you note methodology, an undershirt for sweaters, everyone’s favorite types of butter, where to donate dress pants, and an absolute deluge of hype over one member’s marathon finish that qualified her for the Boston Marathon (!!!). It’s also an official rule that you must share a selfie after you get a haircut.
If you’re in need of a local recommendation, have something exciting to share, something you want to discuss, something you need an opinion on or a cheerleader for anything at all – this is your thread. Everyone needs one!
Up next: a church friend, a neighborhood friend, and either a preschool friend or a long-distance friend – you tell me which you’d prefer! :) I’d also love to hear something that moved you closer to one of your friends, if you’d like to share.
In search of photos to use in this post, I searched “flower” in my camera roll and these were three favorites that popped up: an iPhone snap from one of the last SW photo shoots, sunflowers at Dix Park, and a backyard centerpiece plucked from our garden. Also, affiliate links are used in this post!
