At the beginning of this year, I declared 2025 “the year of dating.” I clarified that this goal wasn’t about more or more elaborate dates; it was about renewing the spirit of new love. If I had a sense that a correction might be necessary at the beginning of this year, it became clear it was necessary as the months unfolded, as little failings between us two were exacerbated by forces outside our control: the weight of stock market swings (and accompanying stress at work for John) as well as a trio of losses close to home. Slowly, and then all at once, this culminated in a tearful meltdown one night and then a long, honest chat about what we each were missing in our marriage right now.
The things we wanted are small and inconsequential on their own — a hug every day, more nightly walks, an emptied and filled dishwasher on days I’m off work, a little thank you if I get the kids through baths while John’s napping. Indifference in attending to them, though — which in our case, to put it bluntly, comes down to valuing the self over the partner — can start a downward spiral.
Really listening to and respecting what matters to each other was hard. Acting on it, surprisingly, has been mostly a joy. Tiny acts of marital sacrifice have been re-ennobled for both of us.
Will we need another reset at some point in the future? Of course. Such is the privilege of a long marriage. We are not, alas, our glory-selves yet :)
On my calendar: — Our spring break trip to Hilton Head Island. You all have been so gracious to tell me over the years how much you love a Thomas family trip recap (me, too!), so expect one later this month. — A few tune-up swim lessons for the big kids. What once felt overwhelming – our neighborhood swim team – has become a treasured part of our year. It’s also a sport where we see an inner drive to improve in our kids (not the case in all pursuits!), and we want to honor that. — Planting things! I got a bunch of cosmos and zinnia seeds from the hardware store and am planning to just sow them willy-nilly in our back bed after the last frost and see what pops up.
What I’m loving right now: — I’m not sure I’ll have time to write a blog post about this year’s Easter baskets, but I did want to share some of the goodies I’ve collected! As always, it’s a mix of new, consignment, and hand-me-down finds. I’ve linked everything I can here — especially fond of the Anne of Green Gables devotional for June, the Butterbeer goldfish, and the best swim goggles. — I was influenced by my sister-in-law to switch out the hand towels in all of our bathrooms for these fluffy white waffle ones from Target. They’re great! — I’m a few months late in sharing this, but it truly blew me away — a pitch-perfect mashup of dozens of musical guests from the first 50 years of SNL. A very fun six-minute listen.
As a reminder, you can find allll the things I’ve loved over the last few years neatly organized right here!
What you’re loving right now:
This is where I highlight a few items here that have been popular in the last month with fellow readers, based on my analytics. Here’s hoping this will help you find something you’ll love!
What I read in February: — Delicious!| Am I becoming curmudgeonly in my old age? It took me awhile to warm up to this novel that everyone else seemed to love. It did win me over in the end, but the writing just felt a little simple and the characters, flat, after the dazzling humility of Gilead.
Revisiting my March goals: Complete Easter basket shopping with the kids Organize Annie’s closet Track down final RSVPs and contact information for the reunion and confirm locations Finish planning and enjoy HHI trip Strength train 2x/week Practice piano 2x/week (Averaged about once a week, which is more than last month!) Figure out a plan for bathroom (No final decision yet due to some rescheduled meetings, but I have reached out to several more contractors.) Disassemble Annie’s crib and rearrange her room a bit Choose a PCP and call about making an appointment Complete two more watercolor postcards (One done!)
April goals: — Film Annie in April — Take Rosalie’s watercolor landscape class — Complete two more watercolor postcards — Record the first TCF audio AMA with John — Review the TCF course outline with John — Finalize and print itineraries for our reunion weekend — Choose a new Psalm and begin memorizing it as a family (any suggestions?)
Thank you so very much for the birthday wishes, friends! I had a delightful day with myself, and then a delightful weekend with the ones I love :) There was a walk through my favorite historic neighborhood, an IGA 9-layer cake, some in-person shopping at a new-to-me consignment boutique (see below!), a Duke game in Cameron (!!), and a Father of the Bride family movie night.
I finished the weekend feeling grateful and happy, and that was welcome, because it hasn’t been the easiest start to the year. We have experienced three significant ruptures in three organizations that are important to our family, and that has led to heartache, frustration, time occupied in ways I wish it didn’t have to be, and much soul-searching about what’s next. I know that’s a bit vague, but these rents have colored our year and it seems right to note them. Sending you love if you’ve had a hard start to the year, too. xo
On my calendar: — Easter basket shopping with all three kids. I’ll go on individual mini shopping trips to Target with each to choose items for baskets we donate through a local program. One of my favorite family traditions! — Spring break. We are headed to Hilton Head – our first time! — A zoo visit with my sister! It’s the best halfway meet-up point between our two towns.
What I’m loving right now: — Back to that consignment boutique I mentioned above – it was amazing. I joked to John that it felt like the grown-up version of my favorite kids’ consignment sale – a curated selection of clothing from stylish people that I get to buy for far less than they did :) I brought so many things into the fitting room and came home with a handful of new-to-me favorites, including a Mille dress. I think I will never buy anything new from another store again?! Local friends, it is seriously so good! — We’ve used Blueland hand soap and cleaning products for many years. After successfully switching to their dishwasher detergent last year, we made the switch to their laundry detergent last month. I’m happy with it all and thrilled to reduce the amount of plastic we consume. — Speaking of consuming less plastic: I’ve also been on a mission to replace our plastic cutting boards, and started with this one. It took a beat for me to get used to cutting on the surface, but I do plan to buy an additional size.
As a reminder, you can find allll the things I’ve loved over the last few years neatly organized right here!
What you’re loving right now:
This is where I highlight a few items here that have been popular in the last month with fellow readers, based on my analytics. Here’s hoping this will help you find something you’ll love!
What I read in February: — Pillars of the Earth | Continuing with my Kingsbridge series re-read! I’ve traditionally said this, the original volume, is my favorite of the bunch, but I actually found myself hurrying through the first part this time around. Still very enjoyable, though! — Gilead | I loved this book. It’s a Pulitzer Prize winner with only thin veins of a plot (just enough to keep you turning pages!). Instead, it’s a portrait, shot through with observations that ring true and humble, dazzling lines. (I dog-eared several lines to tuck away in my commonplace file – quite rare for a fiction book.) Reading it in middle age, with young children and aging parents, was a tender experience.
Revisiting my February goals: Finalize the itinerary for our reunion and run it by a friend to get feedback Write June’s birthday update Choose a PCP and call about making an appointment (No…….) Sit down with John and spend 1-2 hours going over what I have so far for the TCF audio course and getting his feedback (This did not happen and I’m sad about it! It’s hard to find a big block of time when we’re both able to focus on something challenging AND the kids are occupied.) Choose and begin a new Bible reading plan (Have just continued with the Psalms.) Make classroom valentines with the kids Put our scripture ring into action at the table Prep to speak at a school on behalf of TCF – my first time! (So thankful for this! It went really well!) Send that phone ban friend email (Done! Grateful for this, too.)
I also planned to run every weekend (went off the rails after some knee twinges and pushing myself to experiment with pacing), practice the piano several times a week (I averaged once per week), and clean out my phone screenshots daily (check!).
March goals: — Complete Easter basket shopping with the kids — Organize Annie’s closet — Track down final RSVPs and contact information for the reunion and confirm locations — Finish planning and enjoy HHI trip — Strength train 2x/week — Practice piano 2x/week — Figure out a designer for bathroom — Disassemble Annie’s crib and rearrange her room a bit — Choose a PCP and call about making an appointment — Complete two more watercolor postcards (I’ve committed to contributing 10-12 postcards of scenes from around our Maine island for a community auction happening there this summer. My watercolor talents are minimal but I’m hoping the familiar scenes will make the finished product more dear than it really is, ha! My first three tries above :))
Alright, plenty to discuss here! Does anyone have an online watercolor class to recommend? Hilton Head Island must-dos? Has it been far too long since you’ve been to a PCP, too? Feel free to discuss anything I’ve mentioned below!
Two monthly goals posts in a row – not usually what you can expect around here! Between all the beginning-of-year EFM fun and a post I meant to share last week in honor of our twentieth (!!) dativersary that ended up needing a bit more polish, here we are. (You’ll get the relationship post next week.) Until then, here is what’s on tap for the tiny-but-mighty month of February.
On my calendar: — The third annual Articles Club weekend away, a.k.a. Camp Clurb! I missed last year’s trip unexpectedly to be at my grandmother’s memorial service and so am especially happy to get to hang with the best gals around at the end of the month. — Another book swap! Could there be a more perfect bright spot in the doldrums of winter? I’m hosting with a dear friend again and we’ve chosen a “book lovers” theme due to our proximity to Valentine’s Day (with teatime food since we’re partying in the afternoon). — My birthday! It’s on a Friday this year, one of my days off each week. Last year it also fell on a day off, and I think I’m now spoiled forever: it was a true delight to spend the hours the kids were at school in a way that was simple, but designed to be uniquely pleasing to me. Promising myself I’ll make an equally good plan this year.
What I’m loving right now: — Y’all know I’m on a Defined Dish kick. Her chicken piccata meatballs are my newest favorite – so good! I usually serve them with fettucine and sautéed green beans. — We just bought Annie one of these okay-to-wake clocks in prep for moving her from her crib to her bed. It’s the third one in our family — the older two are quite fond of theirs. — Speaking of Annie, this is her absolute favorite picture book right now. (It’s been a favorite of all of our kids at one time or another.) We’ve read it nightly for the past few weeks, picking out one kid to follow each time. Her favorites are the girls from India and Japan :)
As a reminder, you can find allll the things I’ve loved over the last few years neatly organized right here!
What you’re loving right now:
This is where I highlight a few items here that have been popular in the last month with fellow readers, based on my analytics. Here’s hoping this will help you find something you’ll love!
— My Christmas card photo album. I actually just ordered a few more and am going to add a set of cards to one for each of my children! — The manners flip book we often use to supplement Team Thomas Tuesdays. — Our foyer shoe cabinet! It really is the prettiest shade of green. — My favorite simple v-neck white tee (closely tied with my beloved summer linen shift dress from the same brand) — This medium hair clip I slipped into my own stocking :) I like the look, but am still figuring out the best way to get all my hair caught up.
What I read in January: — Best Family Ever | This is a middle grade book June pressed into my hand after finishing it herself. I’m delighted she loved it and appreciated the the closet-knit family at the center. As an adult I found it a bit too saccharine :) — The Evening and the Morning | In addition to my official personal book club picks, I also committed to re-reading a portion of the Kingsbridge series this year, starting with this one (the prequel), which I last read in 2022. It held up – I may even have enjoyed it more this time around. — Well Lived| This is Sally Clarkson’s newest book. While I enjoyed it, it is quite different from my favorite of her books, The Lifegiving Home. With full-color pictures, pull quotes, and scripture on most pages, it reads more like a devotional than a how-to book. Still, I finished it feeling very endeared to her.
Revisiting my January goals: Inquire with a designer friend for our bathroom project (Inquired and she is not available to help. I’ve emailed a second gal and am waiting to hear back!) Print 2024 Instagram photos Set up our 2025 budget Make a loose plan for this year’s read alouds (V. v. excited for all of them) Confirm a reunion date (Also v. excited for this.) Make a scripture ring for our table with the verses we’ve memorized so far (Bought this one and am now writing out the verses we’ve memorized so far.) Prep for the book swap (Door hangers are in my possession!) Print photos for our Christmas album Send an email to friends in my county encouraging them to email their school board reps about the potential phone ban (Did not get to this – moving to February!)
I also planned to run every weekend (check!!), practice the piano several times a week (I averaged twice a week), clean out my phone screenshots daily (check!), and keep up with our Hebrews reading plan (off the rails).
February goals: — Finalize the itinerary for our reunion and run it by a friend to get feedback — Record June’s birthday interview — Choose a PCP and call about making an appointment — Sit down with John and spend 1-2 hours going over what I have so far for the TCF audio course and getting his feedback — Choose and begin a new Bible reading plan — Make classroom valentines with the kids — Put our scripture ring into action at the table — Prep to speak at a school on behalf of TCF – my first time! — Send that phone ban friend email (If any of you are also in Wake County and want in on it, just raise your hand in the comments! I can nab your email from the backend, you don’t have to post it publicly :))
Let’s talk birthdays! I’d love to hear: if you had about six hours during the day on a weekday and you had no work or childcare responsibilities, how would you spend it? What would you do? Would friends be invited along? I can’t wait to hear!
We may be nearing the end of the month, and I may have been tapping away at these goals for a few weeks now, but I still wanted to share! With no preamble whatsoever, here’s how I’m breaking down my 2025 goals this month – and a little bit about what else we have going on around these parts…
On my calendar: — Being the mystery reader in Shep’s class! I’m bringing this family favorite as well as this one by my brother-in-law. — June’s 9th birthday. She is my best little friend. — Our 20th dativersary, my oh my. Planning a celebratory dinner at Brodeto.
What I’m loving right now: — We saw The Best Christmas Pageant Ever in theatres and absolutely loved it! I’ve never read the book and so didn’t come in with any preconceived notions. I did cry at the end :) Add it to your movie-watching list for next December! — John turned on this Christmas lounge playlist our first night in Blowing Rock (he said he was going for “classy Christmas hotel lobby vibes”) and we never turned it off the rest of the trip. It was the perfect festive background music for games and meals and puzzling! — Turns out roller blades just might be the hit gift of Christmas 2024. After just a few wobbly steps June was off like a rocket on hers and hasn’t slowed down since. Shep (6) was a little slower burn, but a few weeks in he’s equally as gung-ho. June has this pair and these pads and Shep has this pair and these pads. The blades light up, which is actually quite handy in these winter days when they’re often out cruising around after dark.
As a reminder, you can find allll the things I’ve loved over the last few years neatly organized right here!
What you’re loving right now:
This is where I highlight a few items here that have been popular in the last month with fellow readers, based on my analytics. Here’s hoping this will help you find something you’ll love!
— This medium hair clip I slipped into my own stocking :) I like the look, but am still figuring out the best way to get all my hair caught up. — This $5 scalloped ceramic spoon rest, another favorite stocking surcee! — Our foyer shoe cabinet, a new addition to our home I really love. Don’t be fooled by the description – it’s the most beautiful aloe green! — These magic puffy pens June found in her stocking — Shep’s beloved light-up soccer ball, the star of many street-style games in our neighborhood
What I read in December: — The Opt-Out Family | I did far less reading-for-pleasure than usual in December as I hustled to finish my Bible reading plan. I did, however, make it through Erin Loechner’s new book. Erin can be a polarizing figure – personally, I agree strongly with so much of what she says but sometimes cringe at the way she says it – but I enjoyed her book. She’s a natural teacher and her schtick for creating engaging real-world experiences for the people we love is clever. Very in line with everything we talk about at The Connected Family!
Revisiting my December goals: Frame a few pieces of kid art via Framebridge (Rerouted and framed this embroidered banner for the loft/playroom instead.) Find a dresser for Annie’s room (Done! Local friends, I found it at The Perfect Piece, which I had never been inside before the day I bought this dresser!) Edit Sheptember, Volume 6 (Finally!!! What a relief!) Finish the kids’ book ornaments (Done! They turned out so well and I’m thrilled. The kids liked them, too :)) Submit the paperwork for my own passport renewal (Done! Now we just need somewhere to go, ha.) Stuff, stamp, and address our Christmas cards Execute our end-of-year generosity plans Savor the Christmas season
January goals: — Inquire with a designer friend for our bathroom project — Print 2024 Instagram photos — Set up our 2025 budget — Make a loose plan for this year’s read alouds — Confirm a reunion date — Make a scripture ring for our table with the verses we’ve memorized so far — Prep for the book swap (most importantly, design and print door hangers) — Print photos for our Christmas album — Send an email to friends in my county encouraging them to email their school board reps about the potential phone ban
I also plan to run every weekend, practice the piano several times a week, clean out my phone screenshots daily, and keep up with our Hebrews reading plan.
