This series is not a blanket defense of public schools, and it is not trying to convince anyone to send their kids to public school.
This series is not a debate. I’m not going to square a family who homeschools against a family who public schools, or a family who had a positive experience of public school versus one who had a negative experience.
This series is not making the argument that every public school is right for every Christian family.
This series is not addressing the negative effects Christians can have on public schools.
This series is not meant to be representative of every type of family or every type of public school.
This series is not a commitment that my family will always attend public school.
Okay, then, what is this series?
On the internet, we hear a lot from Christian families who have chosen to homeschool. We hear a lot from secular families who have chosen public school. We hear from Christian families who have chosen private Christian or classical school and secular families who have chosen private secular school.
Too often, these internet voices – especially the first two – are strident and black-and-white, focused on cementing their choice as the best option and painting any other choice as lesser, wrong, or – in some cases – dangerous or irresponsible. (It is worth noting that the real-life voices I hear, across the scholastic board, are almost-uniformly more humble and gracious.)
In this series, I hope to give voice to committed Christian families who have made the decision to attend public school and who have had a largely-positive experience. If you’ve been around on the internet a bit, you know this is not a constituency we hear from much. That’s a shame, because we all benefit from having an accurate, well-rounded worldview instead of one that’s shaped by niche pockets of social media. I’ve asked several women I trust and know personally to share their perspective, and I will be sharing mine, as well.
What do I mean by committed Christian families? Generally, I mean families with parents whose Christian faith is central to their lives and who are actively seeking to help their children to trust God and follow Jesus. They buy into Justin Whitmel Earley’s conception of households as “schools of love, places where we have one vocation, one calling: to form all who live here into lovers of God and neighbor.” They agree with him in their desire to produce “something other than the typical anxiety-ridden, depression-prone, lonely, confused, and screen-addicted teenager” but instead form children in God’s love, who they can “train in meaningful relationships … teach the peace that comes with knowing the unconditional love of Jesus” … and ultimately “create homes that are missional lights in a dark world.”
What I hope readers will take away from this series:
If you’re a Christian who is considering public school for your kids or has kids in public school, I hope you leave encouraged by the possibilities, galvanized by the opportunity, and clear-eyed about the difficulties. I hope you feel fellowship with a vibrant, faithful cohort seeking redemption, especially if you’ve felt discouraged or uncertain over your choices.
If you’re a Christian who has chosen homeschool or private Christian school for your kids, I hope you come away with greater understanding of why other Christian families may choose differently. I hope you leave compelled to support those families and to remember that they are just as serious as you are in their desire to raise kids who trust God and follow Jesus. More generally, I hope you see the choice to send Christian kids to public school as an honorable one and not a lesser one, and to more readily turn away from media that stokes tribalism and fear. If you are already doing or feeling these things, that is wonderful :)
If you are not a Christian, I hope you take away a greater understanding of the perspectives, motivations, and priorities of your Christian neighbors, and that that understanding might lead to greater respect, for the good of every kid in our schools.
What will this series look like?
Over the last few weeks, I’ve interviewed six women I personally know and trust. They live in different parts of the country and have school-age kids who range from kindergartners to college freshmen. I asked them a series of questions, covering everything from why they’ve chosen public school and their favorite and most challenging parts to what faith formation looks like for their families. I’ll be presenting them to you in their own words – one woman per week – and I will wrap up the series by answering the same questions, as well.
I know this series is not everyone’s cup of tea. Perhaps it feels irrelevant to your life, you resent that I want to talk about it, or you wish that I would talk about it in a different way. Of course, you are more than welcome to skip these posts and stick around for the rest of the content you know and love, but I am deeply grateful for those who will choose to join for this conversation, no matter what your personal experience. It’s a topic I care about deeply and have thought about extensively, and that’s the kind of thing that I think is worth my time. I hope you feel the same way!
In the meantime, I’ll be back later this week with a completely unrelated topic :)
If you hang out in the same corner of the internet as me (and hi, if you’re reading this, you probably do) then you have certainly seen Habits of the Household recommended. I’m here to say it’s with good reason! With chapters covering Waking, Mealtime, Discipline, Screentime, Work, and more, this book is packed full of actionable and simple ideas for implementing purposeful family habits in even the smallest moments. After reading two of his books (and preordering the newest one!), Justin Whitmel Earley has earned his spot on my list of trusted authors and I am jazzed to discuss Habits of the Household today.
To keep things organized (because I could truly go on and on), I’m going to give you four reasons I loved this book, four takeaways, and three suggestions. Let’s go!
Four Reasons I Loved Habits of the Household
1. The writing. For me, Justin’s passionate yet elegant writing makes this book. He is earnest and genuine, and his heart for what could be a dry topic comes through so clearly. He wears the dual roles of relatable dad and thoughtful expert beautifully: with a wife, four young boys, and a full-time legal career, it’s clear he is living the struggles and triumphs right alongside his readers. This work matters to him – and he has so many anecdotes and experiments to share – because he’s in the thick of it, too.
2. The practicality. For as beautifully written of a book as this is, it is extremely practical. It’s also meticulously organized – easy to read and apply even as it packs in a ton of information and ideas. I love how the ten chapters move chronologically, covering habits from Waking to Bedtime. Each chapter offers thoughts on the significance, opportunities, and potential pitfalls of an aspect of the household, presents some ideas for character- and family-forming habits, and then neatly sums everything up at the end of the chapter with the main idea, key takeaways and images, things to try, sample scripts, potential boundaries or expectations, and further resources.
3. The reminder of grace. If you struggle with legalism (the idea that your good works alone can ingratiate you with Jesus), then you might approach a book about habits of faith with apprehension. Justin heads that off by including the above reminder in the summary of every single chapter, and I think it’s perfect in its concision and clarity. He’s relentless in his belief that good habits are worth developing and equally relentless in his insistence that they don’t replace relationship.
4. The epilogue. He really brings it home at the end, touching on several of my pet themes: time, intentionality, the big picture (the family-age chart exercise is eye-opening, isn’t it?). And then he goes and references one of my favorite lines of scripture in a passage I’ve highlighted and starred in my copy:
I love this. I love it. I love that he speaks to the weight of our role without weighing us down. I love that he takes our duties as parents seriously, but remains lighthearted. I love that he points to the finitude of time without panicking. And I love how he closed with memories of his dad, tying it all back to Jesus in the most beautiful, affecting way.
Four takeaways from Habits of the Household
This is a book I will be returning to over and over, and I imagine I’ll take away something new each time as our kids move through different stages. But here are four favorite takeaways I had on my first read-through: either new practices we implemented, or particular encouragements to keep on our current path.
1. WAKING | The waking chapter was one of my favorites, and resulted in two of my most tangible new habits: a short kneeling prayer at the side of my bed first thing in the morning (I literally roll out of bed onto my knees, ha) and the family blessing before leaving for school/preschool/work. When we were first establishing the habits, post-it notes on my bedside table and on the wall near our front door served as helpful cues.
My favorite part about the blessing is that – just as Justin says – it noticeably changes my heart posture towards the kids in the moments leading up to it. It’s hard to snap at someone to PUT ON THEIR SHOES when you know you’ll have to hold hands and pray together ten seconds later :)
2. SCREENTIME | This chapter did not disappoint – I was nodding along with every page. Though I loved his thoughts on curation and many of the habit suggestions (like watching through the end of the credits!), what stuck with me most was the idea that setting screen time and curation limits is a way for the parent to take on pain now so that their kids don’t have to later.
As a parent, it’s often much easier (in the moment) to allow more screen time. It is much harder to say no, to enforce limits, to create the conditions for solo or group play away from screens. “We aid our children’s formation in character, wisdom, emotional intelligence, and creativity,” Justin says, “by intervening as parents and taking the inconvenience of saying, ‘Yes, this is going to mean I get fewer breaks and have to be more involved and have to manage constant requests, but this is for their formation, which means it is a fight worth fighting well.” This chapter gave me words for and even ennobled what can feel like a never-ending slog.
3. WORK | I loved this chapter so very much – it had many echoes of Hunt, Gather, Parent, and bolstered my belief that kids would almost always prefer to be doing something alongside a parent, invited into their work, than shunted off to the side or occupied with an activity designed for kids. For Shep, especially, we have noticed that one of the best ways to deal with any miscreant behavior is to redirect it into helping us in some way – drawing him closer and putting him to work instead of sending him away.
This chapter also encouraged me to just talk about work more, especially at the dinner table. Just as we ask our kids about their days, we can tell them about ours and actually include some real details.
4. PLAY | The opening of this chapter is beautiful – all about the importance of a playful Christian imagination, how “in Christianity, you won’t get very far without a healthy imagination.” And that is not because the story of God is made up, but because it is so very real: “the world is so much more than meets the eye. This is the wisdom of all fairy tales and of any good kids’ movie – that things are more than they seem. Extraordinary things are patiently waiting, right here in this reality, to be discovered … Play is thus a way to reenchant a disenchanted world.”
This chapter had echoes of Sally Clarkson for me, and I loved it. It gave me encouragement to keep on the track we’re on, ensuring plenty of margin and scaffolding for imaginative play and curating life-giving imaginative stories.
Three Suggestions for Reading Habits of the Household
1. Start small | It’s hard for me to imagine someone having a complaint about this book, but if they did, I imagine it would be that there are too many good ideas to choose from and it feels overwhelming to know where to start. I suppose in some ways this didn’t seem like an obstacle to me, because I write about habit formation and goals as a career, but I also get it – there are a LOT of really great ideas packed in here!
The encouragement I’d give you is this (the same advice we liberally dole out at Cultivate and that Justin underlines, too): start small. Pick 1-3 things you’d like to try and just try them. If they stick? Great! If you find they’re not quite right for your family, that’s okay. Go back and pick something else. And once you’ve mastered those, you can move on to something else. This is a long game, and it’s okay to go slow.
2. Don’t worry about your kids’ reactions | Perhaps my children are just used to my *interesting* ideas and experiments when it comes to their household and routines, but in general, I think kids are extremely adaptable. They’ll accept most new things without batting an eye! And even if there’s initial skepticism or resistance, it’s okay! Keep going! They’ll adjust – they really will. I was a bit worried about how to introduce the morning blessing and whether our kids would think it was weird, but they just rolled with it.
3. Read with a friend | Earlier this year, a friend invited me to read Habits of the Household alongside her. I was flattered and excited, and immediately said yes – but I had no idea how good it was going to be. Our two-person book club has met several times over the last few months – usually while walking or bike riding – to discuss a handful of chapters at a time. We share our favorite parts, what stuck out to us, what felt hard to swallow. We talk about new things we’re trying and swap practices that have been successful in our families.
I cannot recommend this approach to the book more. It is GREAT accountability for actually implementing new things, it will be an encouragement to you in the good work you’re doing of leading and shaping your family, and it will absolutely bring you closer to your friend. Highly, highly recommend. Grateful for you, Elisha!!
Friends, we get to decide the culture in our homes, and that is a great responsibility and a great privilege. We can form our children in God’s love. We can train them in meaningful relationships. And, as Justin says, we can create homes that are missional lights in a dark world. Habits can help, and so can this book. If you decide to pick it up, I hope you really love it! And if you’ve already read it, I’d love to hear your favorite part!
Remember in December when we talked about my two marvelous friends and their done-for-you holiday magic? Persnickety Gifts sources stocking stuffers, Easter baskets, birthday gifts, and more so that you can celebrate as a family with ease. If you love the idea of shopping small, curating thoughtful gifts, and creating everyday magic for your littles, but don’t have the patience, know-how, bandwidth, and/or desire to make it happen, this is for you!
Just like their stockings, their done-for-you Easter baskets couldn’t be easier: you choose your child’s age and gender on their website, and they send you a neatly-packaged bundle of goodies ready to tuck into their basket. No paying shipping from 15 retailers or breaking down 15 boxes – just handpicked delights from small and lovable businesses. (And no weird surprises, either – you can see everything that will be included right in the listing!)
So fun, yes? And lucky for us, Persnickety was kind enough to let me give away one done-for-you basket bundle! Just leave a comment here with which basket bundle you’d choose (age + gender – though of course they’re just suggestions – you know your kids best!). Consider following Persnickety on Instagram or signing up for their newsletter for a little holiday magic throughout the year, if you’d like.
I’ll choose a winner on Wednesday! (Updated to add: Congratulations to our winner, Carolyn!)
In addition to inviting me to host a giveaway, my pals were kind enough to send me a few items from their add-on collection. And friends, don’t sleep on this under-the-radar part of their business! It’s perfect for someone like me – who enjoys collecting things throughout the year and likes to include basics like shoes and pajamas, but loves the opportunity to round out what I’ve collected with fun items from small businesses (again without paying shipping multiple times or breaking down boxes).
Here’s what each of our kids will be getting in their Easter baskets this year, including goodies from Persnickety Gifts:
We’re in Lent, the season in the Christian calendar that leads to Easter. It’s often a time when Christians will either fast from something or add a spiritual discipline to their days, with the intent of orienting their minds and hearts more toward Jesus. Lent seems as good a time as any to debut this series, though I anticipate it will stretch for years into the future, as our kids grow and the way we seek to form our family and its faith grows alongside them.
An admission up front: there will likely be no groundbreaking ideas here. You might find these posts almost at the level of duh simplicity. But if you’re anything like me, you need the regular and very simple reminder that family discipleship does not always have to be complicated. More than perhaps any other area of my life, I have the instinct here to build the big machine, to devise the elaborate practice – and still, more often than not, to worry that I’m not doing enough.
This is not all bad: I believe there is a direct relationship between how much creating a fertile environment for our children to know and trust Jesus matters to me (and John) and how much thought we put into how we are doing that. But I hope through this occasional series I can encourage you (if it’s something that matters to you) AND MYSELF that little by little adds up.
So without further ado, here are the first three (very simple) family faith formation practices that we’ve been practicing with our 7-year-old, 4-year-old, and 1-year-old.
We go to church.
Aside from a too-long hiatus during the pandemic, going to church every Sunday has been a priority for our family. This essay does a much better job than I could at outlining the power of this simple habit, but as a parent, I especially appreciated how he shared that his family’s commitment to attending church every Sunday growing up communicated major truths to him that embedded deeply: God is the center of life. God is worthy of praise and worship. The Christian life requires sacrifice and discipline. As in so many areas of life, actions (especially consistent actions) speak louder than words.
“If you feel inadequate to lead your kids spiritually,” he writes, “just go to church. If strategizing about your Christian parenting feels overly complicated, just go to church.” When I tell you I feel seen…
Of course, it’s not quite this simple. Faithfully going to church, week after week, means opening yourself to the influence of others. It specifically means releasing your children into spaces where they’ll be taught by others in a situation beyond your control. (And man, as parents we like control, don’t we?) It means entering into community and being known. It requires trust. I know this can feel scary, and it is certainly worth your time to search for and vet a potential church home. But I also personally feel convicted that for us, we could not let fear or apathy keep us from one of the most central parts of the Christian faith – gathering and worshiping regularly with other believers. And, speaking from the other side of having found a church home that fits and is trustworthy, it is more than worth the effort of the search and moving past the fear.
We listen to our kids’ worship playlist.
Credit for this one goes to Nancy! I started our playlist by cribbing songs from hers, but have slowly made it our own over the last few years. It includes worship songs meant for both kids and grown-ups. And while I choose the songs with my kids in mind, the rule is that every song must be one the grown-ups also enjoy listening to – no annoying songs here :) It includes mostly-upbeat and sing-along-able favorites from Ellie Holcomb, Slugs and Bugs, Rend Collective, Lifetree Kids, Mission House, Lauren Daigle, Maverick City, We the Kingdom, and more.
This is our default playlist in the car, but I particularly like to play it on our way to and from school – I think it’s a beautiful way to fill their hearts before they head to the classroom, as well as welcome them back home into our family in the afternoon. I knew my plan was succeeding when June climbed in the car after school one day early on and said, “Mama, I had Leaning on the Everlasting Arms stuck in my head all day!” Ha! I also see these songs as building a vocabulary that helps them speak about their faith. (Many of the lyrics are actually scripture verses.)
One fun tip your kids might enjoy like ours did: when you make the playlist, name it after your family – ours is called Thomas Kids Worship.
We encourage ourselves.
John and I both take our jobs of shaping our kids hearts seriously, and so we’re serious about learning ways to do that better and seeking out resources that will encourage and equip us as we do. This looks different for each of us. I like to listen to podcasts like Risen Motherhood, the Family Discipleship Podcast, and Raising Boys and Girls. I also like to read – both books that are explicitly about shepherding kids, or simply ones that encourage and equip me in my own faith (which of course overflows to my kids).
Sometimes I’ll learn something tactical to apply, other times I take away a more philosophical idea that makes me think, and sometimes I’m simply receiving plain old encouragement to stick with it for the long haul. As an example, a very simple encouragement that has stuck with me from the Family Discipleship Podcast is this: when it comes to faith, our kids don’t have to understand everything all at once. In fact, much of the early work of faith formation is simply giving them a vocabulary to speak about and ask questions about faith. I knew that, of course (duh!), but when the hosts shared it, it was like a bucket of relief was poured over my head.
So there you have it! Three (relatively) simple faith formation practices our family has found helpful. I hope there’s something you can take away, whether fostering your kids’ faith also matters to you or if there’s something else you hope to grow in your kids (or the kids you love). If you’d like to share, I’d love to hear a practice that has been helpful in your family, or something that has stuck with you from your own upbringing!
