My 2023 reading list, the fourth iteration of this experiment, was a smashing success.
I finished 20 of the 24, chose to DNF two others, and have purchased one of the remaining two to read as soon as it works its way to the top of my book stack. This made it (by far) the list I came closest to completing perfectly, and I think it was because I was ruthless in weeding out books I felt I was supposed to read, and instead made sure every book was one I couldn’t wait to read.
I’ve gone over and over my 2024 list – adding and subtracting titles for weeks – in order to assemble an equally-enticing plan for the year ahead. I think I’d done it, and would love to have you join me in reading anything below that strikes your fancy!
(If you’re new, this is the very lowest-key of book clubs: I consider it a delightful exercise in thoughtfully planning my reading a year at a time (12 fiction, 12 non-fiction), and though I’m often at the whim of my library holds, it’s helpful to always know where to turn when I’m ready for a new book!)
Without further ado…
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January: The Armor of Light | This newest installment of the beloved Kingsbridge series came up in my library holds at the end of the year, so it was an easy first pick for this list! If you love sweeping epics and memorable characters that you can luxuriate in (Armor of Light is 700+ pages), this series is for you. The Great Dechurching | John and I are leading a book study on this at church starting this month. It’s a thoughtful look at why we’ve seen the biggest historical shift in church attendance ever over the last 40 years – and what can be done to bring people back with love and care.
February: To Say Nothing of the Dog | I’ll be reading this along with the Everyday Reading book club. “Ned is a professional time traveler but he’s so overworked that his boss finally sends him to the Victorian era to hide out and get some much needed rest. Naturally, very little resting goes on and instead time travel goes wild.” How to Know a Person | I admire and am grateful for David Brooks and have read several of his books. This is his newest one, “a practical, heartfelt guide to the art of truly knowing another person in order to foster deeper connections at home, at work, and throughout our lives.”
March: Go As a River | When Stephanie tells me a book is her favorite from the year, it goes on my list. The Reason for God | I knew I wanted to put one of Tim Keller’s books on my list in light of his passing last year. This is arguably his most well-known, and one I haven’t yet read.
April: Flying Solo | I enjoyed Linda Holmes’ first novel – a charming and spunky love story set in my beloved Maine – when I read it a few years, and her second sounds similar. The Anxious Generation | We have pre-ordered three copies of this book – partly as a miscommunication between John and me, but mostly because we know it will be prescient and important and we’ll want to loan it out to anyone who will read it. If you appreciate all the work Jon Haidt does in the realms of adolescent mental health, political polarization, freedom of speech and inquiry, play-based childhoods and more, you’ll want to put this one on your list, too.
May: The Mystery Guest | This is a follow-up to The Maid, one of my favorite books from 2023! Die With Zero | This book, another one of Janssen’s picks, sounds tailor-made for me: “Die with Zero presents a … guide on how to get the most out of your money—and out of your life. It’s intended for those who place lifelong memorable experiences far ahead of simply making and accumulating money for one’s so-called ‘golden years.'”
June: Killers of a Certain Age| My friend Pressley recommended this to me based on my love for The Maid! Everything Sad Is Untrue | And this middle grade/YA book was one of my friend Bethany’s favorites from last year. It’s good to have reader friends :)
July: Tom Lake | Ann Patchett’s newest novel is set in Northern Michigan, which makes it the perfect pick for July, when we’ll be visiting family and our beloved cottage there. My friend group has given this one mixed reviews, but I loved The Dutch House and so am willing to give it a go! All Thirteen | A YA non-fiction account of the rescue of the Thai boys’ soccer team from a few years ago, this another pick from the Everyday Reading book club. I may read it aloud to June and Shep!
August: Tress of the Emerald Sea | Brandon Sanderson is a fascinating and prolific figure in publishing, but I’ve never read any of his work. This book, which was written and published as part of the #1 Kickstarter campaign of all time, is described as a “rollicking, riveting tale―a standalone adventure perfect for fans of The Princess Bride.” Yes, please. The Boys in the Boat | This true story of nine Americans and their “epic quest for gold” at the 1936 Berlin Olympics will coincide perfectly with the 2024 Paris Olympics! And then I can watch the movie, which I hear is excellent.
September: Rebecca | We did a “favorite things” exchange for Christmas at work, and I received a copy of this novel. The giver said it was her all-time favorite classic, and on a team of writers, that’s high praise! When Breath Becomes Air | This book, which came out in 2016, has been on my radar since before it was published. Still, it never made it onto my bedside table, because I didn’t think I’d be able to get through it (The Year of Magical Thinking nearly did me in). It’s time. I’m sure I will cry buckets of tears but will also come out on the other side in awe anew of life and love.
October: Her Fearful Symmetry | Erin Napier says this oldish novel (2009) is one of her very favorites. It’s by the author of The Time Traveler’s Wife, which I loved, and set near a cemetery – the potential for slightly-spooky vibes seemed perfect for Halloween month. Empire of Pain | I debated whether to put Demon Copperhead on this list, which is a hefty and polarizing read in my circle of friends, but ultimately chose this adjacent non-fiction account of the Sackler family, who made and marketed the painkiller that was the catalyst for the opioid crisis. (I’m sorry, Kelly!)
November: Delicious! | I’ve read and loved all of food critic and magazine editor Ruth Reichl’s memoirs, and have heard this novel by her is equally as good! Raising Passionate Jesus Followers | This book is written by John Mark Comer’s parents. While there are a lot of books about raising children in the Christian faith, this is a unique opportunity to hear from the parents of someone who has impacted my faith.
December: Little Women | Readers were shocked when I admitted to never reading this classic; one of you chimed in that the week between Christmas and New Year’s is the perfect time to read it. I’m going for it! (Never seen any of the movies, either!) The Power of Moments | A final pick with the Everyday Reading book club, though this one has been recommended by several other sources, too. It explores why “certain brief experiences can jolt us and elevate us and change us—and how we can learn to create such extraordinary moments in our life and work.”
Honorable mentions I’m hoping to squeeze in, as well:The Measure; Don’t Think, Dear; Belgravia; The Paris Agent; Confronting Christianity; There Are No Grown-Ups; Nora Goes Off Script, and Happier Hour.
I’d love to hear: Have you read any of these books? Would you like to read any alongside me in 2024? Let’s chat!
One of the best parts of the Christmas season? Pulling out the themed picture books, of course! Like so many things about the holidays, these beloved books are made even more special by the fact that their time in the bookshelf rotation is limited – and that we return to them year after year. I can remember the coziness of my whole family sitting around and flipping through Christmas books the day we brought the holiday boxes down from the attic each year, and I know my children feel the same way.
Today, I thought I’d share some of our favorite Christmas picture books, and a few winter-themed books, as well. A pro tip: go ahead and request Christmas books from your library now. Borrowing is an excellent way to fill out your collection and try new titles, but if your library is anything like ours, the holiday shelves will be bare by the time December rolls around.
Favorite Christmas picture books:
First, here are some of the Christmas picture books in our permanent collection – the ones we own and lovingly pull from the attic year after year! Most of these are favorites from my childhood.
— Christmas in the Manger| A simple board book for the littlest ones that introduces different characters (including animals!) in the Christmas story.
— Dasherby Matt Tavares | A quiet, gentle story of how reindeer came to pull Santa’s sleigh.
— How the Grinch Stole Christmas! by Dr. Seuss | This might be my children’s very favorite Christmas book. Dr. Seuss is unmatched!
— The Jolly Christmas Postman by Janet & Allan Ahlberg | A truly delightful book with envelopes, letters, riddles, and games folded in. Good for slightly-older kids because of the delicate construction!
— The Legend of St. Nicholas | The origin story of St. Nicholas and a reminder of the true joy of giving at Christmas.
— Mr. Willowby’s Christmas Tree by Robert Barry | One of my very favorites from childhood! It traces the journey of a Christmas tree from the original home to smaller and smaller animals with delightful rhyme.
— The Nutcracker, illustrated by Valeria Docampo | This story is based on the NYCB/Balanchine version, so it’s Marie, not Clara, but it’s a great introduction if you’re going to see the show! The illustrations are memorable and a bit surreal.
— The Polar Express by Chris Van Allsburg | A magical, dreamlike story (with illustrations to match) of the first gift of Christmas. This one chokes me up at the end, no matter how many times I read it.
— Silent Night by Lara Hawthorne | This is literally the lyrics to the beloved Christmas carol, which makes it interesting to read aloud, but I love having it in our collection for its beautiful, diverse, and unique illustrations.
I add one Christmas picture book to our permanent collection each year – this year, it’s this one! Here are some others we’ve already snagged from the library and tucked away until we get home from Florida.
— Christmas Day in the Morning by Pearl S. Buck | The sweetest story of a boy,his Dad and the true joy of giving. Love this one.
— The Christmas Pine by Julia Donaldson | Based on the true story of the people of Norway gifting a Christmas tree to the British people in thanks for their support during World War II. Julia Donaldson is a gem (The Gruffalo is a favorite in our house!) and this one is no different.
— The Christmas Wish by Lori Evert | Magical! A husband-and-wife team reimagined a classic Nordic tale with photos starring their daughter on her journey to the North Pole. This is a new one to us and I think my children are going to love it.
— Decorate the Tree! by Amanda Jane Jones | This is a brand-new book from someone who’s career I’ve watched for a long time. Our kids will love the interactive elements!
— Red & Green by Lois Ehlert | With cut-out pages and a story based on ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas, this one is fun for little readers.
— Red & Lulu by Matt Tavares | The sweetest story of two cardinals who get separated and find each other again in an unexpected place. Perfect for city lovers!
Our favorite winter picture books:
Finally, here are a few winter-themed picture books you might love.
— Brave Irene by William Steig | Another favorite from my childhood, with a plucky heroine, a bitter snowstorm, and a brave mission.
— The Mitten by Jan Brett | Full of classic Jan Brett magic, with borders that lead you through the story.
— Over and Under the Snow by Kate Messner | We have the original, but this winter version looks just as good!
— Snow Horses by Patricia MacLachlan | A cozy, loving book about the last night of the year starring two horses. Beautiful collage illustrations!
— The Snowy Day by Ezra Jack Keats | A classic! It’s apparently the number one most checked out book of all time in the New York Public Library, and I can see why.
Of course, I’d love to hear: did I miss any of your Christmas favorites? If you celebrate another winter holiday, I’d love to hear your favorites, too!
I read Hunt, Gather, Parent almost a year and a half ago, and the fact that I’m still motivated to chat about it after all these months should tell you something! While it did take me some time to move this post to the top of the queue, it’s not for lack of enthusiasm. This is one of the most interesting, unique, and actionable parenting books I’ve read in awhile, and one I still think about often in our daily interactions as a family. And it’s one I regularly reference in conversation, so this post feels like a natural extension!
A brief summary for the unfamiliar: the author, Michaeleen Doucleff (with her three-year-old daughter!), visits three of the oldest cultures in the world: the Maya in the Yucatan Peninsula, Inuit families in the Arctic Circle, and Hadzabe families in Tanzania. All have found success raising happy, helpful, well-adjusted children, and her mission is to understand why by living with families – and applying their techniques to her own daughter along the way. She shares her findings (including lots of practical takeaways) with the goal of resetting the American paradigm, restoring sanity to parenting, and creating better outcomes for our kids.
The Maya culture, with their unusually helpful, generous, and loyal kids, is the one that inspired Michaeleen to write the book. It’s the section I got the most out of, too – when I went back to look over my notes to write this post, I had far more starred and underlined ideas than I had room to share!
Here are five that have particularly stuck with me:
1. Quit entertaining and instead invite. This starts from the beginning and continues until the teen years. “Toss out the idea that you have to ‘entertain’ the baby with toys and other ‘enrichment’ devices. Your daily chores are more than enough entertainment,” Michaeleen writes from her time with the Maya. I loved this insistence on inviting the child in to the work of the family from the youngest ages (and reminding us that toddlers find it terribly exciting to be invited in). She also describes how Maya parents never discourage a toddler who wants to help, even when they seem rude (like pulling a broom out of the parent’s hand).
“On the flip side, if you constantly discourage a child from helping, they believe they have a different role in the family,” Michaeleen writes. “Their role is to play or move out of the way. Another way to put it: If you tell a child enough times, ‘No, you’re not involved in this chore,’ eventually the child will believe you and will stop wanting to help. Children will come to learn helping is not their responsibility.”
Something else that stood out to me: the Maya continue to do chores alongside the child long after Westerners often want children to do a chore alone. For Westerners, the goal is often to get kids to the point of independence with a chore, but for the Maya, “the invitation is always for together, for doing the chore together.” Of course, the kids will eventually become independently competent. But personally, this freed me from a lot of the frustration of feeling like the goal should be to hand off a task. That’s no longer my immediate goal.
2. Make small asks. Michaeleen describes how the Maya fold in “small, quick, easy tasks that help another person—or the whole family. These are requests performed alongside the parents for a common goal. They are often subtasks of a larger one (e.g., holding the door open while you take the garbage out). “And they are often tiny,” Michaeleen notes, “I mean tiny, tiny (e.g., putting away one pot in the cabinet that’s across the kitchen, grabbing a bowl from the cabinet), but they are real. They really help.”
I loved this takeaway and implemented it immediately. It’s small ((Michaeleen recommends 3 or 4 requests a day) and perhaps obvious, but I hope it will make a big impact long-term. I think it’s a continual reminder to my children that their time is not only their own, that we are all a part of the work of the household and that they are needed and wanted.
3. Try activation. “Instead of explicitly telling the child to do a task, activate their help by telling them you’re starting a chore or by giving a hint that a chore is needed,” Michaeleen describes. By pointing out things like, “it looks like the dog’s water bowl is empty,” or “time to take the trash out,” or “the laundry just dinged,” we’re teaching kids to notice without nagging. Of course, they won’t always respond as we hope, but they’re learning, little by little.
4. Ditch the child-centered activities. Maya parents structure their family’s time to spend the majority of it together, living daily life alongside one another. They do very few, if any, child-centered activities, and Michaeleen also comes away recommending ditching almost all toys. This will feel radical (and even mean!) to some parents.
But in their place, she writes, the Maya parents give their children an even richer experience, something that many Western kids do not get much of: real life. “Maya parents welcome children into the adult world and give them full access to the adults’ lives, including their work,” she notes. Kids are nearby when adults work around the house, take care of the family business, or maintain the family garden. “And young children actually love these activities,” she notes. “They crave them. If we get kids involved in adult activities, that’s play for kids. And then they associate chores with a fun, positive activity.” A virtuous cycle!
While we haven’t thrown away all of our toys or ditched all child-centered activities, I think about this often. This perspective has given us extra freedom to say no to things like kids’ birthday parties that split our time and drive us apart, and instead spend our leisure time doing things we all enjoy together, like going for a bike ride, hiking, swimming at the pool, or playing a board game.
5. Answer misbehavior with more responsibility. We have found this to be incredibly effective with our children. Is one of them whining? Complaining? Harassing a sibling? Throwing toys? We invite them to come work alongside us or direct them to a job that needs doing. While my initial instinct is to get frustrated, speak sharply, or try to make a quick patch of the situation, inviting them in instead of sending them away is often much more effective. Again, at its best, it shows them we need them and we want them in the family, giving them the value and attention they’re seeking in a healthy way. It recalls them to their best self.
There is SO MUCH MORE I could say on this first section alone (let alone the other sections – parenting with calmness! Practicing silence! Child-child teaching! Telling family stories!) but I want to leave you with just enough to whet your appetite for more :)
I’ll end with this. At the beginning of the book, Michaeleen goes to great pains to make the point that the communities she visits are “just like us,” and I get it—on the surface, they might seem different (remote locations, unfamiliar traditions), and she wants to forestall her readers brushing off their advice as irrelevant. In the end, though, I loved that they are different, and unencumbered by many of the beliefs, expectations, and traditions that American culture is saddled with. This book was a neat opportunity to relearn the value in some ancient wisdom that, indeed, American culture generally does find irrelevant or backward. I’ve found it helpful and thought-provoking, and if you decide to read this book, I hope you do, too!
Now, I’d love to hear: If you’ve read Hunt, Gather, Parent, did you have a favorite takeaway? If not, have I motivated you to pick up a copy? : ) Any thoughts about these takeaways?
If you hang out in the same corner of the internet as me (and hi, if you’re reading this, you probably do) then you have certainly seen Habits of the Household recommended. I’m here to say it’s with good reason! With chapters covering Waking, Mealtime, Discipline, Screentime, Work, and more, this book is packed full of actionable and simple ideas for implementing purposeful family habits in even the smallest moments. After reading two of his books (and preordering the newest one!), Justin Whitmel Earley has earned his spot on my list of trusted authors and I am jazzed to discuss Habits of the Household today.
To keep things organized (because I could truly go on and on), I’m going to give you four reasons I loved this book, four takeaways, and three suggestions. Let’s go!
Four Reasons I Loved Habits of the Household
1. The writing. For me, Justin’s passionate yet elegant writing makes this book. He is earnest and genuine, and his heart for what could be a dry topic comes through so clearly. He wears the dual roles of relatable dad and thoughtful expert beautifully: with a wife, four young boys, and a full-time legal career, it’s clear he is living the struggles and triumphs right alongside his readers. This work matters to him – and he has so many anecdotes and experiments to share – because he’s in the thick of it, too.
2. The practicality. For as beautifully written of a book as this is, it is extremely practical. It’s also meticulously organized – easy to read and apply even as it packs in a ton of information and ideas. I love how the ten chapters move chronologically, covering habits from Waking to Bedtime. Each chapter offers thoughts on the significance, opportunities, and potential pitfalls of an aspect of the household, presents some ideas for character- and family-forming habits, and then neatly sums everything up at the end of the chapter with the main idea, key takeaways and images, things to try, sample scripts, potential boundaries or expectations, and further resources.
3. The reminder of grace. If you struggle with legalism (the idea that your good works alone can ingratiate you with Jesus), then you might approach a book about habits of faith with apprehension. Justin heads that off by including the above reminder in the summary of every single chapter, and I think it’s perfect in its concision and clarity. He’s relentless in his belief that good habits are worth developing and equally relentless in his insistence that they don’t replace relationship.
4. The epilogue. He really brings it home at the end, touching on several of my pet themes: time, intentionality, the big picture (the family-age chart exercise is eye-opening, isn’t it?). And then he goes and references one of my favorite lines of scripture in a passage I’ve highlighted and starred in my copy:
I love this. I love it. I love that he speaks to the weight of our role without weighing us down. I love that he takes our duties as parents seriously, but remains lighthearted. I love that he points to the finitude of time without panicking. And I love how he closed with memories of his dad, tying it all back to Jesus in the most beautiful, affecting way.
Four takeaways from Habits of the Household
This is a book I will be returning to over and over, and I imagine I’ll take away something new each time as our kids move through different stages. But here are four favorite takeaways I had on my first read-through: either new practices we implemented, or particular encouragements to keep on our current path.
1. WAKING | The waking chapter was one of my favorites, and resulted in two of my most tangible new habits: a short kneeling prayer at the side of my bed first thing in the morning (I literally roll out of bed onto my knees, ha) and the family blessing before leaving for school/preschool/work. When we were first establishing the habits, post-it notes on my bedside table and on the wall near our front door served as helpful cues.
My favorite part about the blessing is that – just as Justin says – it noticeably changes my heart posture towards the kids in the moments leading up to it. It’s hard to snap at someone to PUT ON THEIR SHOES when you know you’ll have to hold hands and pray together ten seconds later :)
2. SCREENTIME | This chapter did not disappoint – I was nodding along with every page. Though I loved his thoughts on curation and many of the habit suggestions (like watching through the end of the credits!), what stuck with me most was the idea that setting screen time and curation limits is a way for the parent to take on pain now so that their kids don’t have to later.
As a parent, it’s often much easier (in the moment) to allow more screen time. It is much harder to say no, to enforce limits, to create the conditions for solo or group play away from screens. “We aid our children’s formation in character, wisdom, emotional intelligence, and creativity,” Justin says, “by intervening as parents and taking the inconvenience of saying, ‘Yes, this is going to mean I get fewer breaks and have to be more involved and have to manage constant requests, but this is for their formation, which means it is a fight worth fighting well.” This chapter gave me words for and even ennobled what can feel like a never-ending slog.
3. WORK | I loved this chapter so very much – it had many echoes of Hunt, Gather, Parent, and bolstered my belief that kids would almost always prefer to be doing something alongside a parent, invited into their work, than shunted off to the side or occupied with an activity designed for kids. For Shep, especially, we have noticed that one of the best ways to deal with any miscreant behavior is to redirect it into helping us in some way – drawing him closer and putting him to work instead of sending him away.
This chapter also encouraged me to just talk about work more, especially at the dinner table. Just as we ask our kids about their days, we can tell them about ours and actually include some real details.
4. PLAY | The opening of this chapter is beautiful – all about the importance of a playful Christian imagination, how “in Christianity, you won’t get very far without a healthy imagination.” And that is not because the story of God is made up, but because it is so very real: “the world is so much more than meets the eye. This is the wisdom of all fairy tales and of any good kids’ movie – that things are more than they seem. Extraordinary things are patiently waiting, right here in this reality, to be discovered … Play is thus a way to reenchant a disenchanted world.”
This chapter had echoes of Sally Clarkson for me, and I loved it. It gave me encouragement to keep on the track we’re on, ensuring plenty of margin and scaffolding for imaginative play and curating life-giving imaginative stories.
Three Suggestions for Reading Habits of the Household
1. Start small | It’s hard for me to imagine someone having a complaint about this book, but if they did, I imagine it would be that there are too many good ideas to choose from and it feels overwhelming to know where to start. I suppose in some ways this didn’t seem like an obstacle to me, because I write about habit formation and goals as a career, but I also get it – there are a LOT of really great ideas packed in here!
The encouragement I’d give you is this (the same advice we liberally dole out at Cultivate and that Justin underlines, too): start small. Pick 1-3 things you’d like to try and just try them. If they stick? Great! If you find they’re not quite right for your family, that’s okay. Go back and pick something else. And once you’ve mastered those, you can move on to something else. This is a long game, and it’s okay to go slow.
2. Don’t worry about your kids’ reactions | Perhaps my children are just used to my *interesting* ideas and experiments when it comes to their household and routines, but in general, I think kids are extremely adaptable. They’ll accept most new things without batting an eye! And even if there’s initial skepticism or resistance, it’s okay! Keep going! They’ll adjust – they really will. I was a bit worried about how to introduce the morning blessing and whether our kids would think it was weird, but they just rolled with it.
3. Read with a friend | Earlier this year, a friend invited me to read Habits of the Household alongside her. I was flattered and excited, and immediately said yes – but I had no idea how good it was going to be. Our two-person book club has met several times over the last few months – usually while walking or bike riding – to discuss a handful of chapters at a time. We share our favorite parts, what stuck out to us, what felt hard to swallow. We talk about new things we’re trying and swap practices that have been successful in our families.
I cannot recommend this approach to the book more. It is GREAT accountability for actually implementing new things, it will be an encouragement to you in the good work you’re doing of leading and shaping your family, and it will absolutely bring you closer to your friend. Highly, highly recommend. Grateful for you, Elisha!!
Friends, we get to decide the culture in our homes, and that is a great responsibility and a great privilege. We can form our children in God’s love. We can train them in meaningful relationships. And, as Justin says, we can create homes that are missional lights in a dark world. Habits can help, and so can this book. If you decide to pick it up, I hope you really love it! And if you’ve already read it, I’d love to hear your favorite part!
