It was the best summer of our lives. We knew it at the time — I’ll always be grateful for that — even if those around us were inclined toward demurring, prevaricating. I’m sure it felt premature, to declare something “the best” when there were still so many opportunities to surpass it, when we were still so young.
But each day was a golden disc, luminous and precious, and they stacked lazily on top of one another for months – “each disc a day, and the addition slow.”
Everything was new. I had never had a boyfriend, of course, so that was new, but I mean everything. I drove on new roads in my old town – roads I’d never needed to drive on before, because nothing that lay at the end of them had ever mattered. I listened to new music on his mixed cassette tapes: The Arcade Fire, Iron & Wine, Wilco, Bloc Party. I tried new foods, overcoming my limited palette in the hopes of impressing him, or at least not disappointing him: guacamole, gazpacho, pavlova, sushi, hot buttered lobster roll, chicken tikka masala.
We got our Indian fix from a little hole-in-the-wall in the city next door, and after our many trips the owner began recognizing us. This felt important: a new acquaintance who had never known us apart from one other. We laughed as we were ushered to the table by the window week after week.
Who wouldn’t want to put love on display?
Our favorite days, the best days, went like this: wake up slow. Converge on the McQuade’s parking lot with the group. Order deli sandwiches, squeeze into fewer cars. Drive to Watch Hill, make a decision about parking (pay $20 for the lot or risk a ticket?), then hoof it past the marina and over the dunes to a slice of sand on Napa Tree Point. Unfurl a towel. Lie in the sun. Toss the football. Splash in the waves. Talk, talk, talk with whomever could come that day.
We got quite a few tickets.
Then home for a quick shower, pull on a sundress. A few minutes later he’d pull back into my driveway and we’d head out, just the two of us this time – to Abbott’s, for dinner, squinting, the low sun glinting off the sound. Another place I’d never been, even though I’d lived in this town my whole life, too.
Then to game night. Someone’s parents’ house, the whole group again, or whoever could make it that evening. Cranium, usually, or poker, or Rock Band. Home before curfew, usually just.
We were not completely without responsibility, that summer. He worked at a seaside market, slicing ham and scooping potato salad and toasting bagels for beachgoers. He’d bring me home an unsold chocolate croissant after closing, by this point knowing enough (and feeling comfortable enough) to pull one of my mom’s wax-paper-wrapped burritos out of the freezer for his own late-night snack.
I worked at a tiny beach shack, at a tucked-away cove frequented only by nannies and toddlers. He’d bike miles round trip with a friend or two just to see me, rounding the corner of the deck sweating and grinning. I’d give them a shaved ice, the sanctioned offering for friends, then go back to reading my book in the sun when they left.
A letter arrived from college with my roommate’s name printed neatly in small black type. She called me a few days later, urged me to log onto Facebook now that we could guess at our college email addresses. Intrusive, all of it, an unwelcome reminder that a world beyond this summer was lurking.
Never mind.
We hiked, we kayaked at the cottage, we watched movies, we laid in the hammock and read books, we dove in the pool, we walked on the train tracks, we went to the casinos for Krispy Kreme, we played croquet in my backyard, we hopped the fence and flew high on the beachside swings in Groton under the moon. And when we weren’t with our friends or alone, my younger sister inexplicably became our third wheel, a heretofore unheard of circumstance in our somewhat-frosty relationship.
It’s easy to be generous when you’re in love.
We went skinny dipping once, wading deep into the pond before tossing our suits back to shore, everyone laughing and shrieking in the moonlight, and that was the night of our biggest argument. “Are you just going to do what everyone else does?” he shot at me later, a slight tremor revealing the fear about what we’d find, who we’d become when throttled beyond this golden summer, plucked up and placed somewhere we weren’t seen and known and loved.
This was the only stumble.
Otherwise – and this is not just hazy hindsight, I remember this with clarity and certainty – we knew this summer was the beginning, knew we would pass into marriage, and children, knew we would last. We knew it as surely as we knew our names.
But who could bear to live in that excitement for even five years?
I have had many blissful seasons since, many golden summers, mostly because our lives only became further entwined – but none like that first one. Our love feels quieter now, steadier, deeper. It is on this love that the engine of our marriage is run: being in love that summer was the explosion that started it.
We celebrated the twentieth anniversary of our first date in late January, and I couldn’t let it go by without sharing a few thoughts. Astute readers will recognize that I wove in a few lines from one of our ceremony readings, with many thanks to C.S. Lewis, as well as a line from my favorite poem.
February 2025 goals
Two monthly goals posts in a row – not usually what you can expect around here! Between all the beginning-of-year EFM fun and a post I meant to share last week in honor of our twentieth (!!) dativersary that ended up needing a bit more polish, here we are. (You’ll get the relationship post next week.) Until then, here is what’s on tap for the tiny-but-mighty month of February.
On my calendar: — The third annual Articles Club weekend away, a.k.a. Camp Clurb! I missed last year’s trip unexpectedly to be at my grandmother’s memorial service and so am especially happy to get to hang with the best gals around at the end of the month. — Another book swap! Could there be a more perfect bright spot in the doldrums of winter? I’m hosting with a dear friend again and we’ve chosen a “book lovers” theme due to our proximity to Valentine’s Day (with teatime food since we’re partying in the afternoon). — My birthday! It’s on a Friday this year, one of my days off each week. Last year it also fell on a day off, and I think I’m now spoiled forever: it was a true delight to spend the hours the kids were at school in a way that was simple, but designed to be uniquely pleasing to me. Promising myself I’ll make an equally good plan this year.
What I’m loving right now: — Y’all know I’m on a Defined Dish kick. Her chicken piccata meatballs are my newest favorite – so good! I usually serve them with fettucine and sautéed green beans. — We just bought Annie one of these okay-to-wake clocks in prep for moving her from her crib to her bed. It’s the third one in our family — the older two are quite fond of theirs. — Speaking of Annie, this is her absolute favorite picture book right now. (It’s been a favorite of all of our kids at one time or another.) We’ve read it nightly for the past few weeks, picking out one kid to follow each time. Her favorites are the girls from India and Japan :)
As a reminder, you can find allll the things I’ve loved over the last few years neatly organized right here!
What you’re loving right now:
This is where I highlight a few items here that have been popular in the last month with fellow readers, based on my analytics. Here’s hoping this will help you find something you’ll love!
— My Christmas card photo album. I actually just ordered a few more and am going to add a set of cards to one for each of my children! — The manners flip book we often use to supplement Team Thomas Tuesdays. — Our foyer shoe cabinet! It really is the prettiest shade of green. — My favorite simple v-neck white tee (closely tied with my beloved summer linen shift dress from the same brand) — This medium hair clip I slipped into my own stocking :) I like the look, but am still figuring out the best way to get all my hair caught up.
What I read in January: — Best Family Ever | This is a middle grade book June pressed into my hand after finishing it herself. I’m delighted she loved it and appreciated the the closet-knit family at the center. As an adult I found it a bit too saccharine :) — The Evening and the Morning | In addition to my official personal book club picks, I also committed to re-reading a portion of the Kingsbridge series this year, starting with this one (the prequel), which I last read in 2022. It held up – I may even have enjoyed it more this time around. — Well Lived| This is Sally Clarkson’s newest book. While I enjoyed it, it is quite different from my favorite of her books, The Lifegiving Home. With full-color pictures, pull quotes, and scripture on most pages, it reads more like a devotional than a how-to book. Still, I finished it feeling very endeared to her.
Revisiting my January goals: Inquire with a designer friend for our bathroom project (Inquired and she is not available to help. I’ve emailed a second gal and am waiting to hear back!) Print 2024 Instagram photos Set up our 2025 budget Make a loose plan for this year’s read alouds (V. v. excited for all of them) Confirm a reunion date (Also v. excited for this.) Make a scripture ring for our table with the verses we’ve memorized so far (Bought this one and am now writing out the verses we’ve memorized so far.) Prep for the book swap (Door hangers are in my possession!) Print photos for our Christmas album Send an email to friends in my county encouraging them to email their school board reps about the potential phone ban (Did not get to this – moving to February!)
I also planned to run every weekend (check!!), practice the piano several times a week (I averaged twice a week), clean out my phone screenshots daily (check!), and keep up with our Hebrews reading plan (off the rails).
February goals: — Finalize the itinerary for our reunion and run it by a friend to get feedback — Record June’s birthday interview — Choose a PCP and call about making an appointment — Sit down with John and spend 1-2 hours going over what I have so far for the TCF audio course and getting his feedback — Choose and begin a new Bible reading plan — Make classroom valentines with the kids — Put our scripture ring into action at the table — Prep to speak at a school on behalf of TCF – my first time! — Send that phone ban friend email (If any of you are also in Wake County and want in on it, just raise your hand in the comments! I can nab your email from the backend, you don’t have to post it publicly :))
Let’s talk birthdays! I’d love to hear: if you had about six hours during the day on a weekday and you had no work or childcare responsibilities, how would you spend it? What would you do? Would friends be invited along? I can’t wait to hear!
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January 2025 goals
We may be nearing the end of the month, and I may have been tapping away at these goals for a few weeks now, but I still wanted to share! With no preamble whatsoever, here’s how I’m breaking down my 2025 goals this month – and a little bit about what else we have going on around these parts…
On my calendar: — Being the mystery reader in Shep’s class! I’m bringing this family favorite as well as this one by my brother-in-law. — June’s 9th birthday. She is my best little friend. — Our 20th dativersary, my oh my. Planning a celebratory dinner at Brodeto.
What I’m loving right now: — We saw The Best Christmas Pageant Ever in theatres and absolutely loved it! I’ve never read the book and so didn’t come in with any preconceived notions. I did cry at the end :) Add it to your movie-watching list for next December! — John turned on this Christmas lounge playlist our first night in Blowing Rock (he said he was going for “classy Christmas hotel lobby vibes”) and we never turned it off the rest of the trip. It was the perfect festive background music for games and meals and puzzling! — Turns out roller blades just might be the hit gift of Christmas 2024. After just a few wobbly steps June was off like a rocket on hers and hasn’t slowed down since. Shep (6) was a little slower burn, but a few weeks in he’s equally as gung-ho. June has this pair and these pads and Shep has this pair and these pads. The blades light up, which is actually quite handy in these winter days when they’re often out cruising around after dark.
As a reminder, you can find allll the things I’ve loved over the last few years neatly organized right here!
What you’re loving right now:
This is where I highlight a few items here that have been popular in the last month with fellow readers, based on my analytics. Here’s hoping this will help you find something you’ll love!
— This medium hair clip I slipped into my own stocking :) I like the look, but am still figuring out the best way to get all my hair caught up. — This $5 scalloped ceramic spoon rest, another favorite stocking surcee! — Our foyer shoe cabinet, a new addition to our home I really love. Don’t be fooled by the description – it’s the most beautiful aloe green! — These magic puffy pens June found in her stocking — Shep’s beloved light-up soccer ball, the star of many street-style games in our neighborhood
What I read in December: — The Opt-Out Family | I did far less reading-for-pleasure than usual in December as I hustled to finish my Bible reading plan. I did, however, make it through Erin Loechner’s new book. Erin can be a polarizing figure – personally, I agree strongly with so much of what she says but sometimes cringe at the way she says it – but I enjoyed her book. She’s a natural teacher and her schtick for creating engaging real-world experiences for the people we love is clever. Very in line with everything we talk about at The Connected Family!
Revisiting my December goals: Frame a few pieces of kid art via Framebridge (Rerouted and framed this embroidered banner for the loft/playroom instead.) Find a dresser for Annie’s room (Done! Local friends, I found it at The Perfect Piece, which I had never been inside before the day I bought this dresser!) Edit Sheptember, Volume 6 (Finally!!! What a relief!) Finish the kids’ book ornaments (Done! They turned out so well and I’m thrilled. The kids liked them, too :)) Submit the paperwork for my own passport renewal (Done! Now we just need somewhere to go, ha.) Stuff, stamp, and address our Christmas cards Execute our end-of-year generosity plans Savor the Christmas season
January goals: — Inquire with a designer friend for our bathroom project — Print 2024 Instagram photos — Set up our 2025 budget — Make a loose plan for this year’s read alouds — Confirm a reunion date — Make a scripture ring for our table with the verses we’ve memorized so far — Prep for the book swap (most importantly, design and print door hangers) — Print photos for our Christmas album — Send an email to friends in my county encouraging them to email their school board reps about the potential phone ban
I also plan to run every weekend, practice the piano several times a week, clean out my phone screenshots daily, and keep up with our Hebrews reading plan.
Grateful for you, friends! Please feel free to comment on anything I’ve mentioned here or anything else on your mind!
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My 2025 Reading List
After a very successful 2023 list (20/24, by far the closest I’ve come to completing one), I faltered a bit in 2024, finishing 16 of 24. Part of that was due to the library holds system – The Power of Moments just arrived, and I’ve been waiting weeks for Delicious! and The Measure to be delivered – but I suspect I also fell victim to a defect I noticed in 2022: placing books on the list that I wasn’t absolutely chomping at the bit to read.
That’s the bar I’m using this year (absolutely chomping at the bit to read), and I’m also making one other change: I’m putting some of the books I’m most eager to tear into in the last quarter. If I get to them sooner? That’s quite alright. I’m guessing I’ll just be grateful to have read them at all :)
(If you’re new, this is the very lowest-key of book clubs: I consider it a delightful exercise in thoughtfully planning my reading a year at a time (12 fiction, 12 non-fiction), and though I’m often at the whim of my library holds (ahem, see above), it’s helpful to always know where to turn when I’m ready for a new book!)
Without further ado…
January: The Unmaking of June Farrow| I love a well-done time travel escapade and this 2024 NYT bestseller, set in North Carolina and recommended by Janssen, has all the makings of a hit: “a woman risks everything to end her family’s centuries-old curse, solve her mother’s disappearance, and find love.” Well-Lived | This is Sally Clarkson’s newest book, undoubtedly filled with her wisdom on family, hospitality, discipleship, and cultivating joy – and this time, accented by her time living in Oxford with her daughter’s family.
February: Gilead | This Pulitzer Prize winner has come recommended from many different sources over the years, and not always ones that I’d guess would appreciate a book about a pastor in the 1950’s. Adorning the Dark | As I’ve struggled with a crisis of confidence in my writing this past year, this book has been recommended a few times – most recently by my boss. I’m looking forward to reading my first offering from Andrew Peterson.
March: The Wedding People | This one has been making the rounds of Articles Club to glowing reviews (Steph named it one of her top 8 books of 2024!). Although I can’t keep up with every buzzy novel, this one will scratch that itch – and I always love when a wedding is mixed up in a plot. The Writing Life | Another book on craft recommended by someone I trust! It has been years (decades?) since I read a book on writing – likely since college! – and I’m looking forward to dipping a toe back in.
April: A Prayer for Owen Meany | This was the favorite book of my high school best friend. At the time, I remember being intrigued by the vaguely religious and old-fashioned title, and surprised that he confessed it as his favorite — but never made time to read it in the midst of lab reports and term papers. Two decades later, I’m excited to read it and then discuss it with him at our reunion :) Never Enough | This book is mentioned so often in podcasts and articles I come across in my work with TCF. While I wouldn’t say toxic achievement culture has its hooks in our family, I think it’s important for me to understand it a bit more as I continue to preach against it.
May: Table for Two | Let’s add a short story collection to the list! And one by the author of one of my 2023 favorites, The Lincoln Highway, to boot. I’ve heard nothing but good things. Sea Biscuit | Just in time for the Kentucky Derby. I think this 2002 novel will hit the same note as one of my favorite non-fiction picks from 2024, The Boys in the Boat.
June: Run | “A crazy story with a plot that doesn’t stop and characters that are rich enough to make me care. I want to read it again right now,” says the Lazy Genius. I fear this one is going to keep me up too late at night. Confronting Christianity | I’ve read another of Rebecca McLaughlin’s book and always appreciate her perspective – especially when it comes to questions my kids might ask me one day.
July: Real Americans| The plot summary for this one practically has me salivating – I hope it lives up to its promise! Romney: A Reckoning | Another fitting read for the month of our country’s birth. McCay Coppins is a writer for The Atlantic and so I’ve seen bits and pieces of this excerpted there already.
August: Peace Like a River | It’s been over a decade since I read this extraordinary debut novel—a heroic quest, a tragedy, a love story, and a haunting meditation on the possibility of magic in the everyday world—but I’ve been thinking about it lately and am adding it here to ensure I dust it off our shelf. The Self-Driven Child | Another re-read! When I gushed about this one three years ago, I wrote that I expected to return to it as our children grew. The children have grown, so here we are. I also promised to write a book review for it – perhaps I can follow through this time!
September: American Wife | Curtis Sittenfeld’s novels can be a mixed bag for me – some land near the top of my favorites list, while others disappoint – but reader Katherine’s enthusiastic endorsement of this one landed it on this year’s list! The Day the World Came to Town | “When 38 jetliners bound for the United States were forced to land at Gander International Airport on September 11, the population of a small town on Newfoundland Island swelled from 10,300 to nearly 17,000. The citizens of Gander met the stranded passengers with an overwhelming display of friendship and goodwill, leading to friendships they expect will last a lifetime.” Seems only appropriate to read this in September.
October: Code Name Helene | As soon as I finished The Frozen River (one of my favorite fiction reads of 2024) this novel by the same author shot to the top of my TBR list, where it had been languishing for years. The Many Lives of Mama Love | I mean, the description is certainly compelling: suburban mom turned opioid addict turned jailhouse shot caller turned celebrated ghostwriter. While I don’t expect it to stand up to Bryan Stevensons’ Just Mercy, I hope it will similarly open my eyes to a different life experience than mine.
November: Little Women | A classic I’ve been meaning to read for years! Many of you have recommended reading it in a cozy winter month, so here we are. Happier Hour | With a tagline of “how to beat distraction, expand your time, and focus on what matters most,” this book seems like required reading for my work at Cultivate. I’m sure it will spark ideas for life at home, too.
December: Christmas with the Queen | A final pick I’ll read along with the Everyday Reading book club! Liturgy of the Ordinary | Though it predates it, this one feels like it will hit many of the same notes as Habits of the Household, a book I cherish and that still encourages me to find the sacred in the ordinary.
Honorable mentions I’m hoping to squeeze in, as well:Small Things Like These; Belgravia; The Paris Agent; The Historian; The Name of the Wind; The Glassmaker; and Nora Goes Off Script.
I’d love to hear: Have you read any of these books? Would you like to read any alongside me in 2025? Let’s chat!
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