Hello, friends! This last month has held multitudes. We spent the first half packing up our first home and the second half settling into our new home. We weathered the news of the original buyers backing out – and went under contract with new buyers – all while the movers shuttled our belongings between houses (a wild day). We’ve now met every neighbor on our cul-de-sac. We have loved walking to school most days. I have thoroughly enjoyed the process of purging, tossing on-the-fence items with glee and freedom. Our maple out the front windows has been ablaze and an abundance of squirrels are frolicking in the backyard with abandon.
Megan McArdle once wrote about how young adults setting off on their own subconsciously expect to start at their parents’ standard of living – which is, of course, the standard their parents ascended to over a lifetime, and likely far from where they started as young adults. They want to shop at the same stores, eat the same foods, take the same vacations, and live in the same sort of house with the same sort of furnishings. When their budget or circumstances don’t allow them to continue in “the style to which they’ve become accustomed,” they can feel cheated.
John and I had (and have) plenty of failings, but this was not one. I’ve written before about how we mostly reveled in our scrappy phase, that time of our lives when cardboard boxes were our coffee tables and splitting a Chipotle burrito was a grand night out.
I’ve been thinking about this idea a lot lately, wondering about its relevance to my current predicament. I find myself impatient that our home does not feel like us, that it does not feel “finished.” Which, when I write it out, seems absolutely ridiculous. Of course it doesn’t feel like us! Of course it isn’t finished! We’ve lived here for three weeks!!
I suppose I didn’t feel this way when we moved into our first home because we were moving from an apartment and there was no comparison – the home was an obvious upgrade. Updates didn’t feel urgent, which was good since our budget required making changes slowly. Over 12 years, though, little by little, we built our home into a place that met our needs and suited our tastes.
And now that home, so lovingly tended over time, stands in direct comparison to this one — which, while objectively nice, mostly does not feel like us. And so there is a desire to make it that way, and fast, to get back to what we had while also moving forward. I want the backsplash gone, the light fixtures switched out, the rugs in place, the built-ins built — all the things we worked so hard for in our past home, transposed to this one.
These are not necessarily bad desires. It is okay to want a home that reflects my tastes and meets my family’s needs and wants. Our life and finances look very different than they did 12 years ago, and moving quickly in this sweet and fleeting season of middle childhood can be wise. But when these desires stop me from appreciating what is in front of me, or drive me to move faster than my family is ready for, they sour the good that’s here now.
So that’s where I am – wanting our new home to feel like home, and reminding myself that transformation won’t happen overnight. And through it all, just trying to unpack the rest of the boxes :)
Big kids working hard to put together new shelves for the attic, in the loft! They were so proud to do it all by themselves!
One other little update, mostly for my memories but also hopefully as an encouragement: I did take my solo trip to New England, and it was wonderful! I spent almost no time doing any of the touristy things I envisioned (walking my favorite road, going out for breakfast, shopping in downtown) and instead spent basically the entire Saturday in conversation: five hours at the baby shower and three hours at dinner with my beloved high school teacher-turned mentor and friend. I am incredibly grateful for that time with those women. Let this be an encouragement to take the flight, make the time, be there in person. And thank you, Lord, for allowing me to do so!
Walking to dinner in Mystic, CT
On my calendar: — A special date night! We’re taking a mini road trip to Winston-Salem to see one of our beloved babysitters in her senior play at UNC School of the Arts and hopefully grabbing dinner with friends beforehand. — Meeting up with the cousins at the zoo on a teacher work day. It is supposed to be frigid – fingers crossed the lemurs brave the cold and venture outside! — A trip to the mountains for Thanksgiving with my family. Menu texts are currently flying fast and furious.
What I’m loving right now: — With the dark coming on earlier and fall extracurriculars ending, the kids have had a renewed interest in board games. Sushi Go Party, Monopoly Deal, Zombie Kidz, and chess (this is how they learned) are in the nightly post-dinner rotation. — Having known Lara Casey and Katelyn James up close for over a decade (almost 20 years for Lara!), I can tell you that they are both as genuine and faithful as they come. This conversation between them about business and faith was honest, hopeful, and so good that I stopped it halfway through to tell John we needed to listen to it together. — You get a mini tree in your room starting the Christmas you’re four, which means Annie’s finally eligible! I just checked and our very favorite flocked 4-footer is back in stock. We now own five of these – two flanking our front door and one in each child’s room. More Christmas decor from our actual home rounded up here! — Are you sleeping on ThredUp? Don’t do it! My trick is to set alerts for just a few favorite, expensive brands (for me, Faherty and Alice Walk) in my sizes so I don’t have to spend time looking. I just bought a perfectly fall dress for 1/3 of the retail price and I’m always on the hunt for more of my very favorite striped tees.
As a reminder, you can find allll the things I’ve loved over the last few years neatly organized right here!
What you’re loving right now:
This is where I highlight a few items here that have been popular in the last month with fellow readers, based on my analytics. Here’s hoping this will help you find something you’ll love!
— My Lulie Wallace ESV New Testament Journaling Bible. Our next sermon series is on Luke! — The new eucalyptus + rosemary cleaning spray I’ve been using. Kind of reminiscent of the Thymes Fraser Fir candle but non-Christmas-y enough for year-round use. — The Eby Relief bra. I’m tickled so many of you are trying one of these! I hope you love them as much as I have! — The tiniest white noise machine – perfect for traveling. — The Yoto card case. We now have two: one for cards geared to younger ears, and one for longer chapter books.
What I read in September: — American Wife | Though I’m about 20 years behind in reading this book (it released in 2009), I’m considering it better late than never! Alice, the main character, is a thinly-veiled Laura Bush, but Curtis Sittenfeld paints a compassionate picture of a woman who is fully her own — and easy to fall in love with. Spanning over a lifetime, American Wife reads more like a marriage portrait than anything else. My one complaint: instead of being divided into chapters, it’s split into just four hard-to-stop-turning-the-pages sections. That made for some late nights :) — The Love Haters | I’m not sure I’m cut out for romances, pals! This one was clean, funny, and had likable characters (including a Coast Guard rescue swimmer, close to my heart!). Still, it just felt like… it didn’t matter? I suppose I’d rather read something a little more substantive — something that leaves me in awe of its prose or helps me see something new about the world — in the limited time I have to read. I know I’m in the minority, here, though!
Revisiting my October goals: Gather our family Halloween costumes (Done! We went with a Star Wars theme – Princess Leia, Darth Vader, Luke Skywalker, Rey, and R2D2 :)) Help my Dad get his Storyworth off to print Finish editing June in June (Done, finally!!) Edit Sheptember Make Halloween ghosts with Shep (This was highly overambitious with all the move to-dos – we only got our Halloween box out three days before the holiday!) Make a plan for my solo weekend in New England Choose a Christmas recital song and begin to practice Send care packages to our college gals Choose and order our Christmas cards (Designed the photo card, just need to finish the newsletter.)
November goals: — Lovingly hand off our first home well, equipping the new owner as I’d want to be equipped — Finalize plans for June’s tenth birthday (in January) — Begin painting the kids’ 2025 book ornaments! — Buy window candles, a Christmas tradition I’m so delighted our new home allows us to partake in — Choose and order sconces for two spots in our home — Help my Dad get his Storyworth off to print — Edit Sheptember — Practice my Christmas recital song — Send care packages to our college gals — Finish designing, order, and send our Christmas cards
I know I have a ton of carry-over goals from October to November, but with the worst of the unpacking behind me, I’m feeling hopeful I’ll be able to make significant progress as we close out the year!
Friends, I would love to hear: Is there a project or goal that you’re really hoping to finish by the end of 2025? Personally, I’m hoping to wrap up most goals by the end of the month so I can focus on Advent and Christmas in December. Godspeed to us all and I would love to hear about what you have planned in the comments! xo
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October 2025 goals
The other day John and I were talking about what we’ll miss most, physically, about this home, our first home, and my answer was our front porch.
It’s unusually deep, perched well above street level and tucked behind a mature tree. Shady and private enough to work from on even the hottest summer days, it also played host to dinner parties, friend hangs, and tables set for Articles Club. On its sturdy boards we carved pumpkins, played in the sand box, read chapter books aloud, ate lunch, set up the chess board, spit cherry pits over the railing, waited on siblings to return from play dates and grandparents to arrive from the airport. The string lights were magic; the wreaths hanging on the gates each December, a source of deep personal satisfaction. And I can still feel exactly what it was like to sit cross-legged under the spinning fan, cooing at baby June as she learned to roll on a soft blanket. We’d head out there after work and daycare and just chat — for an hour, easy.
That porch was an aerie, a world unto itself in the most ordinary of places. While the glorious view below will not always be ours, the sweetness will be.
On my calendar: — Seeing The Sound of Music with June! After a few false starts for her “experiential” 2024 Christmas gift, this is where we landed. We are both so excited for a night at the theater together. — Our fall family mountain trip, this year to Boone. We’ve had more trips than usual to WNC in the last few months but you won’t catch me complaining. These mountain weekends are always some of the sweetest of the year for our family. — A weekend in New England! I’m flying to a dear friend’s baby shower and for the first time in a very, very long time (maybe since before having kids?), I will be traveling solo to Connecticut. I’ll be staying at my parents’ home but even they won’t be there, as they are traveling, too! Needless to say my brain is working overtime as to how I should enjoy this unique opportunity…
What I’m loving right now: — John and I recently finished the second (and, presumably) final season of Andor and loved it. You do not have to be a Star Wars fan to enjoy it, though it helps if you love a political thriller. The world-building (Chandrila!) is particularly incredible. — Freya India’s work always makes me want to highlight, forward, shout YES at my laptop in an empty room, and this recent piece is no exception. “Marketing your memories also desecrates them. You hand over your hope, your hurt, your life to be consumed, reducing it to reality TV. Your precious memories are my mindless entertainment. Your trauma becomes my background noise. Your life-shattering divorce my slop. Your children my characters; your pain my distraction; your feelings my filler episodes. I will swipe past your birth video when I get bored. I will downvote your divorce if it isn’t entertaining enough. Your life is what I clean my kitchen to, what I kill time with. And if you fail to entertain me, fine, I will scroll for another life to consume.” — I am not a particularly good auditory learner (raising my hand as a consummate note taker in college!). After searching for a sermon solution, I chose this ESV study Bible to bring to and from church. While it’s only the New Testament, I love having generous amounts of space to jot notes. (And the Lulie Wallace cover doesn’t hurt!)
As a reminder, you can find allll the things I’ve loved over the last few years neatly organized right here!
What you’re loving right now:
This is where I highlight a few items here that have been popular in the last month with fellow readers, based on my analytics. Here’s hoping this will help you find something you’ll love!
— My clean perfume. I generally only wear it for date night and other special events; spritzing it on is an anticipatory mood booster. (I gathered my other daily skincare and clean beauty faves recently!) — My clean deodorant! Bonus points for the prettiest metal holder. — The new eucalyptus + rosemary cleaning spray I’ve been using. Kind of reminiscent of the Thymes Fraser Fir candle but non-Christmas-y enough for year-round use. — The Eby Relief bra. I’m tickled so many of you are trying one of these! I hope you love them as much as I have! — The tiniest white noise machine – perfect for traveling.
What I read in September: — 14 Talks by Age 14 | I picked this one up on a whim after appreciating a quote from the author in an article. In each chapter, she discusses things to consider, conversation killers, and sample dialogues for topics like independence, changing friendships, fairness, criticism, hard work, money, and reputations. While I reject some of her assumptions about tweens/teens and family life, I do concede that she has more experience than me to draw on and found much of the book insightful and eye-opening. — The Day the World Came to Town | I purposefully timed my reading of this to coincide with the anniversary of 9/11. I did not anticipate it coinciding with a jarring new low in our country’s polarization and political violence. It was a tough backdrop to such a hopeful and guileless book, animated as it is by the common-sense kindness of an average town. I am glad I read it. I wish it felt more recognizable today. — Peace Like a River | Absolute perfection. The writing – there is hardly a throwaway sentence in the book. The characters – so real, so sympathetic, so finely-drawn. If you have not yet read this book, please do so immediately. Easily one of my top-five favorite novels of all time.
Revisiting my September goals: Prepare our home to go on the market Pack and transport everything we don’t want in our home for listing/showings Book help and figure out details for the first few tasks we want done in the new home (Some of them, yes!) Edit June in June (Not quite done but I did make progress! About halfway there!) Film Sheptember Make apple cider scones for the first day of fall Sort and tag for the consignment sale Experiment with drafting Substack Notes for the week, each week, in advance
October goals: — Gather our family Halloween costumes (2 / 5 so far) — Help my Dad get his Storyworth off to print — Finish editing June in June — Edit Sheptember — Make Halloween ghosts with Shep (kind of like this!) — Make a plan for my solo weekend in New England — Choose a Christmas recital song and begin to practice — Send care packages to our college gals — Choose and order our Christmas cards (I want to get these off early because of the move!)
Friends, I would love to hear: If you had a solo weekend in one of your favorite and very familiar places, what would you do? Take yourself out to a meal? Go for a hike? Read a book? See a friend? Shop? (I hope to do all of the above, ha!) Let’s have some fun planning a dreamy solo getaway in the comments.
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Recent Revelations
Alternative post title: you probably already know this, but…
To whit: three recent revelations that have made a difference in my life, and might in yours, too.
Cottage cheese is actually… good.
Like many of our fellow Millennials, John and I are on a quest to add more protein to our diets. We’re drinking Chobani yogurt shakes, we’re eating grilled chicken, we’re switching to Banza, but it was only a matter of time before we came face-to-face with one of the most common protein-packing suggestions: cottage cheese. Pale, lumpy, suspicious-seeming cottage cheese.
Dubiously, I added some to my cart at the grocery store. We got it home, cracked open the lid, and set to experimenting.
In a surprising turn of events, we were immediate converts, and we both eat it almost daily now.
Some of our favorite uses: anywhere we’d have put sour cream (like on tacos). Anywhere we’d have put mayonnaise (like on a turkey sandwich or to bind egg salad). Mixed with hot sauce and spooned generously over grilled chicken chunks for a quick lunch. Mixed with everything-but-the-bagel seasoning or Hidden Valley Farms powder as a ranch-like dip for raw veggies. Blended with fruit compote and a little honey then frozen (seriously so good – it tastes like cheesecake!).
I know we are only at the beginning of our journey. Cottage cheese lovers, where should we head next?
If you want to move, wear athleisure.
While I know some of you would consider yourself recovering athleisure wearers, actively attempting to ditch the daily leggings and put on *real clothes* in the morning, as of this summer I’m a convert to the other side of the coin: ditching the jean shorts and underwire bras and embracing tennis skirts, tanks, and sports bras on a daily basis.
Why? Yes, it’s a bit more comfortable, but my main motivation was noticing how much more willing I was to move throughout the day when already wearing workout clothes: I was more likely to go for a quick walk in the morning or at lunch, to run some stairs, to squeeze in a quick workout, to do some squats and lunges on the sidelines of a soccer game, to go for that evening walk with John.
In a Southern summer, simply walking outside can cause instant sweating. Wearing a sports bra, in particular, makes it easier to accept this and move past it.
I have a sedentary job, and I know that’s not healthy. Moving throughout the day matters to me. Right now, it matters more than wearing a cute outfit and coordinating accessories. Opting for athleisure most days when it’s hot is a simple way to incorporate more of what matters on a daily basis.
And also, of course, it can be cute! You all already know about my game-changing tennis skirt and tank; my beloved Vuori tennis dress is also still going strong. My newest love is Eby bras, which marry the flexibility of a sports bra with the support and shape of a regular bra – no underwire required! I just ordered my second Relief bra yesterday and have signed up to be notified when the T-Shirt bra comes back in stock. Everything on their site is 25% off right now, too!
Packing is easier when you keep your electronics ready to go.
In the division of labor around traveling, John is the keeper of cords. He makes sure the devices that need to be charged are charged, and that both the devices and the chargers are then packed. In a modern household, this can be a lot, and gathering it all up each trip takes a small but not insignificant amount of time.
When I traveled for work this past spring, we unearthed some of our duplicate cords to ensure that both John and I would have a set when we were apart. I popped them all in a little pouch (shout out to a circa 2007 Vera Bradley number I unearthed in my closet) and tucked it in my backpack. When I got home — since these were all extras — I just left the pouch in my backpack. A few weeks later, when packing for a weekend away, it was a revelation to know that every cord was already accounted for.
Of course, I’m now scheming other ways we could put this revelation to use: duplicate toiletries that stay packed? Maybe some kid items? Let’s brainstorm in the comments.
And in case it’s helpful, here’s what’s currently in our electronics bag:
Now, over to you: any recent revelations in your life? Are you already a fan of cottage cheese, choosing athleisure on the daily, or keeping things packed for travel? I’d love to hear!
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Planning a 20th high school reunion
If you’re a Connected Family reader, you already know that our twentieth high school reunion was an incredibly memorable and completely delightful weekend. I waxed philosophical about it at length last month, so I won’t reprise it here — but I did want to share some of the logistical details in case you’re thinking of planning something similar! Much of what we did could be applicable to a girls’ trip, a bachelorette, or a special family adventure. I’d love to share a little bit about how it all came together and a few of the details that made it special. Let’s go!
Planning Timeline:
Noticing that our twentieth high school reunion was approaching and that our class wasn’t planning an official event (at least at the time — they have since gone on to hold a low-key get-together!), John and I sent an email to our group of 11 close friends to see whether they’d be interesting in gathering the following summer last September. We’re spread out around the country, so even though we love each other dearly we weren’t sure how feasible getting together would be. Happily, the enthusiasm was resounding, so my next step (in December) was to send out two possible weekends for a vote.
Once the responses rolled in, we chose a date. We were originally interested in staying at a communal property, as I’m of the mind that some of the sweetest moments in a group happen in the in-between times, but the place we had our eye on wasn’t available. Most folks opted to stay with parents who still lived in the area.
From there, I got busy drafting an itinerary that was full of nostalgia but updated for our thirty-something lives, many of which now include kids. Happy to take the lead but not wanting to move forward without any other input, I sent out my ideas to two members of the group who kindly gave me feedback. With their blessing, I booked what needed to be booked.
I sent out one more quick survey in March to nail down final details, confirming things like kids’ ages, arrival and departure plans, accommodation info, and what days they planned to participate in activities. Google Forms made this easy.
The week before we convened, I sent out a printed itinerary detailing the weekend’s fun. I also created a new text thread with all the attendees (original friends + spouses). This was super helpful for communicating details on-the-go throughout the weekend!
The Itinerary:
We were lucky enough to grow up in beautiful Southeastern Connecticut, and our schedule aimed to take advantage of all that we loved as teenagers — with a few concessions to our reality as thirty-something parents. Here’s how we spent our time:
Wednesday:
The Thomas family flew in late — we rented a car and got to my parents’ house after midnight.
Thursday:
With arrivals throughout the day, we had a leisurely breakfast at home and then drove out to my family’s farm to see several of my aunts, uncles, and cousins over lunch. The kids got to climb around in the hay barn and pet horses’ noses, always a hit.
After showering back at my parents’, we all headed to Tox Brewing in New London. Tox is owned by two of our classmates, Dayne and Mike, and though we didn’t see them when we were there it was fun to support their brand-new, larger location. We took over two long tables, ordered beer and wood-fired pizza, and chatted for 2+ hours. I brought original and preschool sticker books to help keep the kids happy. They also played several rounds of Go Fish and hit up the arcade games thanks to the benevolence of one of our childless friends (thanks, Uncle Jeremy!!).
Friday:
Our favorite beach growing up was in Rhode Island (New England states are so much smaller than down South!), so we once again crossed the border and drove the 30 minutes to Watch Hill. While we preferred the more remote Napatree Beach in high school, we opted for the more-accessible public entrance near the Ocean House this time to lug our chairs, canopies, and sand toys. We stopped for deli sandwiches at McQuade’s on the way (another very nostalgic move) and enjoyed chatting, swimming, and eating for a few hours on a windy but warm and sunny day.
After regrouping and showering at home, we drove over to Abbott’s for a seaside dinner. (The combo of beach day + quick shower + sunset seaside dinner are some of my very favorite days growing up — and still!) Longtime readers might recognize Abbott’s as the site of our rehearsal dinner, and it was fun to return there with so many of the friends who were with us on that happy day.
After getting the kids ready for bed and leaving them in the care of their grandparents, the grown-ups headed back out to the back deck of Jackie’s parents’ house. Our original plan was to gather around a fire pit and toast s’mores, but we never ended up striking a match — once we got to talking, we didn’t stop for almost four hours. (Don’t worry, we had plenty of snacks besides marshmallows.) This simple, uninterrupted time for deep conversation was one of my very favorite parts of the weekend – more here.
Saturday:
Another beautiful day and we started it with a short, flat hike at Bluff Point – perfect for little kids (we had 11 kids in our crew who ranged from age two to age nine), and nostalgic for those of us who ran cross-country (races were sometimes held there!).
From there, we headed to Mike’s parents’ house for a pool party in their backyard. My parents and his graciously provided lunch — pizza, fruit salad, cookies, and drinks — and we spent several hours splashing, eating, and chatting.
Later that evening the grown-ups met back up for our last major event, a fancier dinner out at Trattoria Amalfi. John and I got there a bit early to get the table set — see below — and it was once again the loveliest few hours of conversation and laughter. My cheeks hurt by the end.
Sunday:
We finished things off with breakfast at Sift in downtown Mystic, a very-welcome addition to town since our high school days. Our family had to scoot to the airport all too soon, but it was a happy chance for one more round of hugs and promises to not wait another twenty years to gather again.
A few ways we made this weekend special:
Of course, gathering with these dear friends was enough of a treat on its own — but you know me :) I couldn’t help adding a few extra details here and there, and I think they were both appreciated and really communicated that this weekend was an extraordinary experience — something to be savored.
First, I set up a communal playlist on Spotify. I seeded it with favorite songs from our high school years and encouraged everyone else to add to it, as well. We listened to it in the days leading up to the weekend and while driving along familiar roads, and it really set the mood.
I also designed, printed, and mailed a paper itinerary, and I think that helped communicate something special was in store. Canva made this super easy!
Finally, we added a few special touches to Saturday’s dinner. I chose a photo featuring each person, either from high school or the years since. I printed them all in black and white, attached them to thick white paper, and then watercolored each name on the bottom. On the back, I wrote a short note letting them know what they meant to me and thanking them for being here. These served as place cards at the dinner table.
At each place setting we also put a small box of chocolates from ATY Bonbons, a local treasure — just a little surprise to sweeten the journey home.
And there you have it! The nuts and bolts of a very special weekend. It exceeded my already-high expectations; I’d relive it a thousand times over if I could. We agreed to gather again in another five years, and it can’t come soon enough.
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