When we shared a few months ago that Southern Weddings was retiring, I promised that I’d always be available to offer wedding planning advice. After all, weddings are my first love, and I’ll never tire of chatting about them! Today’s Marvelous Money topic is giving me the perfect opportunity, falling as it does at the intersection of celebrations and personal finance. From Judy, the reader who emailed me:

I’m engaged and getting married in just a month, and I’ve been thinking a lot about how the wedding fits into our overall financial priorities. My fiance and I are lucky to share similar views as you and John – pay off debt fast, save a lot, and spend only on things that bring joy. I am so excited for the wedding, but I’ve been having a hard time justifying some expenses in the perspective of our broader financial goals. Should we really pay for several hundred dollars of chair rentals, or just deal with less-than-ideal chair covers? Should I feel guilty about wanting peonies in my bouquet? Will prettier chairs actually be better than putting that money towards a vacation or retirement?!

I would love to hear your perspective on how you decided which parts of your vision were worth it, what you chose to forgo for practicality, and how you dealt with any complicated feelings about spending extra money on a wedding instead of saving for retirement or other more “practical” things. I know weddings are worth spending money on to honor the sacrament of marriage and celebrate with friends and family, but it’s so hard to know what it worth it, and what’s too far!

I love this question, because it has legs far beyond wedding planning — it will come up over and over again for anyone who follows a budget or has big money goals. (For us, currently, it looks like deciding how much we should prioritize making aesthetic upgrades to our living room.) But let’s break down Judy’s specific question a bit:

How we decided which parts of our wedding vision were worth it:

It sounds like a bit of a circular answer, but our spending priorities were the things that brought our vision most powerfully to life. In the first place, we had a very clear vision for how we wanted our easy-elegant-classic-garden party-seaside wedding to feel. From there, we identified the things we thought would add to it most strongly: our location, our tent, our band, and our caterer and chosen method of catering. A view out to the ocean, an airy, elegant tent, a live band playing swing music, and waiter-passed food versus a sit-down dinner: these things were fitting for our story as a couple and created a memorable experience for our guests, and so they were worth spending on (for us).

Don’t get me wrong: the micro decisions, like chair covers or peonies, were in some cases excruciating to make! But circling back to our overall vision always helped us align our priorities.

What we chose to forgo for the sake of our future finances:

We cut back or saved in areas that would not contribute significantly to our vision or the experience of our wedding. We served just beer and wine at cocktail hour, we added no decor to our beautiful chapel, I made our signage with scrap paper and addressed the envelopes myself, we played a custom CD at cocktail hour, we drove our own car instead of renting a vintage one, and I sold my dress to recoup more than 50% of the cost — to name just a few things.

We also knew the exact budget we had to work with, so we knew if we wanted to splurge somewhere, we’d have to cut back elsewhere. A money mindset shift that helped when we were feeling sorry for ourselves: it’s not that we couldn’t afford XYZ, it’s that XYZ wasn’t a priority for us. (This is a powerful shift for all budget followers!)

One major area where we did splurge without regret was our photography and videography. As someone who has consumed wedding images daily for literally decades, I have extremely high standards and very particular opinions. I wanted our wedding captured in a particular way, and I am so grateful we prioritized it – the photos and videos match perfectly with how I remember our wedding, strengthening my memories even six years on.

Why we decided to spend money on a wedding at all:

Our wedding was a magical day, a touchstone we will return to for the rest of our lives. It was a chance to honor and celebrate our community, to paint a picture of the beauty of the gospel, and to say to the world, this is who we are and who we will be, and this is what matters to us.

For all these reasons and more, we placed a high value on celebrating our marriage, and so we made it the first financial priority as we began our life together — as important as saving for a down payment or paying off student loans. Those things were so important to us, too, but only after the most important relationship we’ll have in this life was honored in the way we felt best.

You may or may not feel the same way. (I have two dear friends who chose elopements, and that was the perfect choice for both of them.) This all might sound incredibly silly to you, even!

Though I’m confident we could have celebrated well with a bigger or smaller budget, I don’t regret the amount we spent. After all, the point of budgeting and saving money is to have money for what’s most important to you. As people passionate about personal finance, John and I tend to highly prioritize our future selves. Our wedding was a good reminder that we only get one chance at certain things in life, and they don’t always line up neatly with when we have tons of extra cash lying around. From one frugal person to another: spend on the things that matter deeply to you — you’ll never regret it as long as you only spend money you have.

Friends, I’m laughing at myself because I tried to make this post as concise as possible and it’s still a novel! I hope it’s helpful, whether you’re currently planning a wedding or debating some other noble use for your money! I’d love to hear: if you’re married, what was the best thing you spent money on at your wedding, large or small?

P.S. Our sixth anniversary is on Saturday! I have another wedding-themed post coming up later this week :)

All photos by the wonderful Tanja Lippert

Each installment of June in June is ridiculously precious to me, but this one is particularly fun because of the trips we took this summer. Between our Connecticut and Maine visits, there are so many beloved people and places included in this year’s movie! As always, though, the best parts are the tiniest ones, the ones I’d easily forget if we didn’t capture them: her love for smelling flowers and watering plants, the way she wiggles her hand when she wants us to hold it, her blueberry picking flair, and her beaming smile, always and everywhere.

I hope you enjoy this little peek into our ordinary and beautiful life together, friends!

June in June: 2018 from Emily Thomas on Vimeo.

The password is JUNE.

P.S. Volume One and Volume Two

September is the month of our wedding anniversary! We’re celebrating six years of marriage on September 15, and I am still the luckiest person alive to call John mine – but more about that later.

One thing I’ve learned in more than a year of walking out my monthly prep days is the power of pairing or batching things that are important to me. The general idea is that I attach things I’d never forget — like the date of my anniversary — to things I want to remember or do. In this case, that means I pair celebrating our anniversary with marriage-related tending: reading a marriage book in the month of September (likely this one, based on your effusive Instagram recommendations!), taking some time to read through our vows, and getting my rings cleaned. I’m also planning to pull out our photo album and flip through it with June. These things might happen otherwise, but by bundling them all together I make it more likely that they will. And putting them on my prep days note makes it even harder to forget!

September promises to be a great month. Here’s a look at what else is ahead for us!

On my calendar this month:
— The first gathering of a new family group we’re visiting at church
— Our neighborhood’s food truck rodeo
— A visit from my parents!!

What I’m loving right now:
— Like many of you, I’ve mourned John McCain’s passing this past week. I think his farewell letter was beautiful, and a great answer to anyone who wonders why I’m a patriot. Also this: “But I would not trade a day of my life, in good or bad times, for the best day of anyone else’s.” Amen.
— We zipped through a whole season of The Great British Baking Show in the hospital, and another one in our first few weeks at home. It has been a perfectly charming and calming companion in the first few weeks after bringing a newborn home! There are currently five seasons (called “collections”) on Netflix – our favorites are two and three.
— If my clothing budget was unlimited, I would have bought multiple colors of this swiss dot top from J.Crew! As it is, I stuck with just the lovely pale periwinkle version.

What I read in August:
— To Kill a Mockingbird: If I only read one book, at least I made it a great one :)

Revisiting my goals for August:
Edit June in June, Volume 3 (Done! Coming to a blog near you soon!)
Newborn photo session with Graham (Can’t wait to see them!! Here are June’s to tide you over in the meantime.)
Replace fan in nursery (Done! Here’s the fan we swapped in.)
Hang art in nursery (Sneak peek!)
Cull and edit all 2018 iPhone photos (Did not do this, but I did make major progress in sorting and culling older photos, so I’m calling this a win!)
Family worship, especially in weeks we can’t get to church (This was tough, but we did worship online every week and sang along!)
Daily walks, as the weather allows
Decide on format for monthly baby photos
Watch About Time again (Just arrived in the mail, so we’ll be watching it in the next few days!)

September goals:
— Start every day on my knees in a short prayer, offering my day to God (this will be part of my anthem)
— Sort and price all clothes for my favorite consignment sale (and shop it, of course!)
— Make an itinerary and reservations for our upcoming trip to Asheville
— Bake apple cider scones for June’s teachers on the first day of fall (a fun tradition we started two years ago!)
— Cull and edit all 2018 iPhone photos
— Experiment with listing a few things on Poshmark (you may recall this has been on my “no” list in other seasons, but I’m giving it a try!)
— Do something to welcome our new neighbors

If you have goals for the month (or something you’re loving right now!), I’d love to hear in the comments!

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