Hello, friends! May and June are always two of my busiest months of the year, and 2016 has been no exception. They are usually filled with some of my favorite things, though, so I can’t complain. However, as I commented to my Mom on the phone last week, pretty much all I’ve had time for this month are things I absolutely had to do, with little time for wants – and blogging falls into the latter. (The only reason I got June’s birth story up was because I had already written most of it a few months ago!) To jump back in here, I thought I’d share a little bit about what I’ve been up to.

June started school at the beginning of the month. It has been going really well so far! She always gives me a big smile when I drop her off and pick her up, and her teachers are smitten. We are so grateful for a smooth transition, and that we can afford care we feel so confident in!

John’s parents and Natalie and Joe and their daughter came to visit Mother’s Day weekend, the first time for June to meet Miss Maisie! Our two gals are only about four months apart, so it was a fun peek into what June might be up to by the end of the summer. We had brunch at Lucia in Durham and picked strawberries across the street from our neighborhood!

Week two was my company’s annual team retreat, so John and June accompanied me to The Carolina Inn for a few days. It took some extra effort to get her to school and back, but it was worth it to get in evening snuggles! I also scored some Lake Pajamas, which I was pretty pumped about. I’ve been wearing them around the house ever since; I feel pretty fancy walking around in matched jams.

My Mom arrived at the beginning of week three just in time to accompany June and me to The Greenbrier in West Virginia, a work trip for me. Have y’all even been?? I had done a bunch of research on it beforehand, but it still blew my mind – I think it’s the kind of place you can’t really wrap your head around until you experience it in person. The color and pattern are incredible! We laughed ourselves silly, and it was really fun to have June by my side while I did one of my favorite parts of my job. (Only possible because of my Mom – so thankful for her!!)

My Mom flew home the same day Marget, Seth, and Weston flew in! Two of John’s aunts also drove down for the weekend, and we had fun taking walks, cooking at home, exploring playgrounds, and riding the Pullen Park train. And reading bedtime stories in a tent, as you can see below.

We clocked our final two overnight guests last week, before another big work day for me. We were planning to finish out the month much like we did last year, with a weekend trip to Wilmington and Bald Head Island, but the rain scared us off. (Poor decision – the Triangle ended up getting more rain than the coast!) To console ourselves about the missed beach time, we ate almost every meal out this weekend, including an afternoon tea break at the Honeysuckle Tea House. Little muffin loved the open air seating!

And that’s that! As you can probably imagine, all of these adventures meant I didn’t make a ton of progress on my May goals… but that’s a story for tomorrow! :)

P.S. Another life lately post

Friends, I have been itching to share these photos since the day they landed in my inbox (and that was several months ago!!). I only waited because, though I’ve posted other parenthood posts out of order, it seemed most fitting to share these after the story of June’s birth. With that taken care of, it’s finally time.

To say we treasure these photos does not quite do my feelings toward them justice. I have known Graham for some time now, and am well aware of his talent — but I’ve come to appreciate it in a new way since having his camera pointed toward my family. I may be biased, but the moments, the light, and the love he captured back in January is, I think, exceptional. We are so grateful to have this particular and extraordinary time of our lives captured with such care and talent by one of our dearest friends.

P.S. If you are in the position to take newborn photos and are considering having your hair and makeup done – DO IT. In fact, if you are having any professional photos done and lack basic hair and makeup skills as I do, DO IT. You will NOT regret whatever money you spend. And if you happen to be in the Triangle of NC – I cannot recommend Sam of Lula Hair & Makeup highly enough. She is the best, best, best.

You can read more about how we planned for this session here.

Any favorites? The one of the three of us smiling on the bed is one of mine – it is hanging on our fridge :)

What more fitting day to share the story of June’s birth than my first Mother’s Day? I am so grateful for the little muffin who made me a mama, so grateful for this story, and so grateful for the One who wrote it. Thank you for allowing me to share!

Throughout my pregnancy, I never really knew what to say when friends asked how things were going. Aches and pains? Not really. Cravings? Nope. Complications? Nothing to report! Thankfully, the whole process was blissfully “boring,” and for that I am grateful. However, we did get our dose of excitement at the very end, starting at my 38-week appointment on January 4…

Two weeks earlier, at my 36-week appointment, my doctor reported that June was head down and that I was not dilated. I opted not to get checked at 37 weeks, and so was curious to see what we’d find at 38. After a quick check, he relayed that I still wasn’t dilated. He also said I was measuring small, and so decided to do an ultrasound. Thankfully, the ultrasound showed that June looked great and that the amniotic fluid was adequate. Unfortunately, it also showed that she was in a breech position.

To be safe, he had me take a non-stress test (which I passed with flying colors – yay!). (For those who aren’t familiar with a non-stress test, in my case, it involved sitting in a comfy armchair and getting hooked up to a fetal heartbeat monitor for 20 minutes. Despite the stressful circumstances, it was quite peaceful sitting there and listening to her!) My doctor also scheduled me for another check a few days later, on January 7… and scheduled a c-section for the following week, a few days before my due date. (I was NOT pleased about this for many reasons, but he didn’t want me to go full term because of the risk of cord prolapse if my water were to break on its own.)

My emotions were a little strange at this point. I still believed there was a chance June could flip (after all, she apparently had flipped between 36 and 38 weeks!), and my doctor had said that if she flipped at any point before the c-section, we would call it off and let things proceed naturally. So in between working harder than ever to wrap up things at work and keeping John, our families, and our doula up to date, I drank TONS of water (I knew low amniotic fluid would be a reason for an immediate c-section, so I figured it couldn’t hurt to stay extra hydrated), and tried some of the moves to encourage flipping on this site. Without a definite “yes, you ARE having a c-section,” I couldn’t or wouldn’t wrap my head around that possibility and wanted to remain hopeful that I would have the birth we’d been imagining and for which we’d been planning. On the positive side, this meant I remained quite calm; on the negative, it meant I was pretty much in denial.

Thursday rolled around, and I was pretty sure June had not changed position – she felt the same as she always had, and they had warned me that if she did flip it would probably be fairly painful. My appointment was at 9am, and this time, John came with me.

It all happened pretty quickly — my doctor took a look at the ultrasound, confirmed she was still breech, and then told us that my amniotic fluid was too low and that we had to head to the hospital, because she was going to be delivered by c-section that day.

And then I started to cry. I felt very powerless at that moment — I wasn’t a doctor, so it wasn’t like I could look at the ultrasound and argue that no, it actually would be okay to wait a few more days. I knew if she was breech she would have to be delivered by c-section, but I did not feel at all prepared for it to happen that day. I wanted a few more days to wrap things up at home and at work, and to wrap my mind around what was happening. As I sobbed in the car outside the doctor’s office to John, I just kept saying, “I’m not ready, I’m not ready.” I also was very concerned that June would be small and unhealthy, which I think stemmed from my doctor saying she was measuring small and also that she would be delivered before 39 weeks. (I had actually said to John the day before, “What if she’s only four pounds when she’s born??” Not terribly likely, but that was where my head was at.)

That half hour was my most intense mourning period for the birth that might have been. I had thought I was going into labor with open hands, but it had never occurred to me that I might have a c-section. I had done a lot to mentally and physically prepare myself for labor, and I was looking forward to experiencing it with John by my side. I wanted this ultimate and uniquely womanly experience, painful though it might be. And besides, everything I had read about c-sections (which admittedly was not much) made them seem bad, painful, and almost shameful — plus with a terrible recovery to boot.

Eventually I regained my composure just a bit, and John called our doula to let her know what was going on. She encouraged us to go home before heading to the hospital, which we did. We had brought some of our hospital supplies with us to the appointment, but only halfheartedly, as again, we didn’t really think we’d be admitted that day. We spent about an hour at home, finishing packing and getting the cats prepared for a few days without us. I also took a shower and re-did my makeup, telling myself I was going to flip the switch on a positive attitude and put the kibosh on crying. We took this photo right outside the hospital:

Of course, tears again sprang to my eyes as we checked in (“this is not how I thought it would be!”), and then again when the nurse showed us to our room on the delivery floor. After she shut the door behind us to let us get settled, I asked John to pray over all three of us, which he did. When our poor nurse returned and started going through the intake procedures, I again started to cry. She was confused at first, but so kind and encouraging after we told her a bit about our circumstances. Thankfully, those were my final sad tears of the day :) Two things she said that began to help turn my outlook around: you can always have a VBAC next time, and you’re going to meet your daughter today! We also texted our families to let them know what was going on, and their love and enthusiasm helped us get more excited and lifted the emotional weight a bit.

The next two hours passed fairly quickly as I had blood drawn, got hooked up to the fetal heartbeat monitor, received two bags of fluid through an IV, was briefed by the anesthesiologist, and had to drink a nasty liquid to avoid reflux during surgery, among other preparations. We got to listen to our girl’s heartbeat the whole time, which was the best soundtrack we could ask for. Then, after a last check via ultrasound to make sure she was still breech, John and I walked back to the operating room hand in hand.

We parted ways at the door, as husbands have to wait outside and get suited up in full sterile gear while the final preparations take place. I took my seat on the operating table under the bright lights and realized I felt very calm. This, I believe, was a supernatural peace, one that I was so grateful to receive… I don’t believe it was a coincidence I had declared “peace” my word for 2016 just a few days earlier.

So there I sat in my bubble of peace as all sorts of people bustled around me – there must have been ten different ladies and gents in there, from the surgical assistants to the nurse anesthetist to the baby nurse. One gave me two heated blankets to keep warm since it was so cold, and then our anesthesiologist put in the spinal block, which wasn’t painful. They lowered me back onto the table, put up the surgical drape, and before I knew it, they got started and John showed up next to my head, squeezing my hand.

The first sensation I remember feeling was what felt like someone roughly kneading my stomach. This was not pleasant. After just a few minutes, though, we heard a little gurgly cry!!! June was immediately brought to the warmer, and John left my side to go to hers. He reappeared a minute later, assuring me that she was “so cute!!” Another wave of relief washed over me, as I figured if he was talking about her level of cuteness, she probably had two arms, two legs, and weighed more than four pounds :)

We had asked for as prompt and as much skin to skin time as possible, and thankfully our hospital was receptive to this. June was placed on my chest just a few minutes after she was born, while they were still delivering the placenta (I think? Couldn’t see, so I’m not really sure what was happening down there that whole time!). Unfortunately, a few minutes later, I started to gag (a side effect of the anesthesia), so they took June back over to the warmer briefly. They used the time to clean her up a bit more and take some measurements, then brought her back to me once I had stabilized. We stayed that way for maybe half an hour more, admiring our sweet girl and marveling at what had just happened. She was here! She was beautiful! She was healthy!!

As I think back on June’s birthday, I find so much beauty in it all, but especially in this: that morning, I was so desperate to delay her arrival by just a few more days. As soon as we met her, though, I wouldn’t have wanted to delay her arrival by even a minute. Perfect timing, indeed.

Happy Mother’s Day to the mamas, the moms-to-be, and the mothers at heart.

I’ve had many requests over the last year or so to share the books I read while pregnant, and today I’m ready to deliver! I always intended to share, but I thought it would be most helpful to post after I’d, well, delivered (ha!) so that I could give you a comprehensive review. I love reading and I love learning, so it’s not surprising that I dove headfirst into books on babies, but even if you’re not a big reader, you might find a few of these interesting…

BOOKS TO READ BEFORE GETTING PREGNANT:
Taking Charge of Your Fertility. Funnily enough, they don’t teach you much about how to GET pregnant in health class. Or maybe they do, but I was very busy pretending not to hear. Anyway, this book filled in the gaps, taught me lots about timing, and helped me get my body in tip-top shape before we started trying. [Buy]
All Joy and No Fun. This book “analyzes the many ways in which children reshape their parents’ lives, whether it’s their marriages, their jobs, their habits, their hobbies, their friendships, or their internal senses of self.” I found this book honest and EXTREMELY fascinating, and have wanted to talk about it with everyone ever since finishing it! Both the author’s research and the family portraits she weaves throughout are thought-provoking, and should help spur great conversation for anyone moving toward parenthood. [Buy]

BOOKS TO READ WHILE PREGNANT:
Expecting Better. The Amazon reviews for this book are pretty hilarious – about half of them say “this is the worst book ever!” and the other half say “this is the best book ever!” As long as you understand what this book is and is not, I think you’ll love it. The author is an economist, not a doctor. She writes from this perspective, using her training to synthesize tons of studies on all sorts of pregnancy things (Is it okay to drink caffeine? Should you get an epidural?), then inviting the reader to make her own decisions based on the information available. I found it refreshing and empowering, and it is my number one pregnancy book recommendation. [Buy]
What to Expect When You’re Expecting. This is like the dictionary of pregnancy books – it’s the exhaustive explanation of every symptom, every possible scenario, every risk. If it will stress you out to read about all the bad things that can happen, skip it, but I looked forward to checking in every month to read a new chapter (but I did skim a lot of it!). [Borrow]
Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth. This book is split into two parts: the first is straight-up narrative birth stories, and the second is more informational, with suggestions for labor techniques, information about labor procedures, etc. Most people say they love the birth stories (warning: they can be pretty intense). I found them interesting, though also a little discouraging at times since I knew I would be giving birth in a hospital and this book definitely has a bias toward natural, home birth. I thought the second section was very helpful, though. Specifically, it gave me several questions to ask my doctor that elicited eye-opening answers, and it helped me craft my birth plan. In the end: interesting and empowering, even if you plan to give birth in a hospital and/or with pain relief. [Borrow]

BOOKS FOR THE FIRST YEAR:
Jo Frost’s Confident Baby Care. Quick read. This book is very practical, and I loved its confident, no-nonsense, encouraging tone. It’s split up into four sections (0-3 months, 3-6 months, 6-9 months, 9-12 months) and covers everything you need to know about taking care of a new baby (baths, diapers, dressing, all the day-to-day stuff). Some of the information is so specific that it was a bit overwhelming (how am I going to remember the exact temperature a bottle is supposed to be??), but that’s the reason why I bought this book instead of borrowing it — I know I will want to refer back to it over the first year when all of that specific information will likely come in handy. [Buy]
On Becoming Babywise. This book is super controversial! And that cracks me up, because I’m not really sure what people find so shocking about it. Maybe we’re not following their advice correctly (ha!), but it all seems pretty common sense to me, and really helped June get in a great rhythm with eating, sleeping, and playing from the start. There are definitely gaps where I’d love more information (such as what the recommendation wake times are for certain ages), but it’s still been very helpful for us. [Buy]
The Nursing Mother’s Companion. This is another book that was sometimes very overwhelming as I was reading it (while still pregnant), and actually left me feeling more discouraged about breastfeeding than before I read it. It seemed so complicated! There were so many things that could go wrong! But, now being on the other side, I’m so glad I read it, and think it really helped to set me up for success with a really solid foundation. So, I would definitely recommend it, but just remember that much of what she talks about will never happen to you! :) [Buy]

ONE PICK FOR OLDER KIDS:
Simplicity Parenting. I found that I already agreed with and intrinsically knew the premise of this book — “the power of less” to raise calmer, happier, and more secure kids — but it was still a worthwhile read. I skimmed a lot of this book (it’s a little repetitive), but was still happy for the reminder and encouragement! [Borrow]

There you have it! I’d love to hear what books on pregnancy or littles y’all would recommend, or any thoughts on the ones I’ve listed here! I’m looking forward to reading Bringing Up Bebe and Last Child in the Woods next :)

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