June marks the end of our family’s first elementary school year and the beginning of our first elementary school summer – a departure from the previous summers of more or less consistent, continuous care! We have a plan (of course we have a plan) – and I look forward to sharing my reflections and how we handled it as two working parents after we’ve lived it – but I’m also going in expecting to iterate and ready to give us all lots of grace. A few things that have been helping at the start: these summer tips from Janssen (gold, all) and printing and hanging this calendar and this summer reading chart in the 24×36 size. Keeping things fairly light on the goal front as we move into this new season!
May Articles Club in the backyard at the height of jasmine season: bliss!
On my calendar this month: — Our tenth annual camping trip with the Rays! We’ve opted for a glamping-adjacent site in honor of a decade of adventures. — Graduation parties for our two beloved high school babysitters! These are the girls who got two working parents through a 19-week COVID preschool closure, so we are doing it up big for them: Away suitcases and copies of three of our favorite formative books: The Psychology of Money, The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry, and The Coddling of the American Mind. Plus cards from the kids, of course :) How lucky are we to get to be a part of their lives! — A fun event with Thrive Motherhood here in Cary, NC! I’m the guest speaker on June 23 and would love to hang with you to talk about one of my very favorite topics: making everyday magic as a mom. There’s a $15 ticket fee and I can guarantee you’ll walk away with some fun Cultivate goodies :)
What I’m loving right now: — Oh my gosh, John and I saw the new Top Gun movie on opening night and it was FANTASTIC. I am an unabashed fan of Tom Cruise movies and if you loved the original, the new version just will not disappoint. So worth seeing in theaters! — There’s been a lot written recently about the mental health crisis facing Americans right now, and especially teens, but I found this one (“Parenting Against the Spirit of Fear”) especially thought-provoking. This one (“How to Quit Intensive Parenting”) feels like a good next step. — I am militant about sun protection on my face. I never leave the house without sunscreen, and I’m usually wearing my hat if I’ll be outside for awhile, so it hardly ever gets color. I’ve been using these tan drops (one drop mixed into my moisturizer every other night) for a few months on the rec of an Articles Club friend, and they’re brilliant! A little sun-kissed glow does wonders to even out my face and make foundation even less necessary.
As a reminder, you can find alllll the things I’ve loved over the last few years neatly organized right here!
What I read in May: — Without a Hitch | Lisa lent me this book based on our shared experience in the world of Southern weddings, and it was a fun romp through a very familiar landscape. — Apples Never Fall | My Mom asked me to put this book on hold at the library for her when she was coming for a visit. Turns out she was #645 in line, so it came in several months after she went home, ha! I’d never read anything by Liane Moriarty, but she’s kind of a big deal (Big Little Lies, Nine Perfect Strangers), so I figured I’d give it a shot. I hadn’t read a thriller in several years and enjoyed it!
Revisiting my May goals: Download Blurb software, get familiar with it, and complete 2008 in book (Ugh – nothing!) Start to memorize 1 Corinthians 13 with June (In progress! We memorized the first two verses and will continue! We practice on our walks to school.) Edit Annie in April, Volume 1 (In progress!) Go on a family bike ride once a week (Didn’t happen.) Add bookshelves to our loft and Shep’s room Add artwork bulletin boards to the loft (I was fully prepared to go the DIY route until I found these ones for a steal of a deal. So far, so good!) Write out one spring/summer “brainless” meal plan (This took me approximately 20 seconds but I know it will save my rear several times over coming to and from travels this summer!) Cull and sort January 2021 photos (Nope.)
June goals: — Download Blurb software, get familiar with it, and complete 2008 in book — Finish memorizing 1 Corinthians 13 with June — Finish editing Annie in April (and film June in June, Volume 7!) — Plan Shep’s fourth birthday party (and plan for John and Annie’s July birthdays, too) — End the school year and begin our summer well — Write the service I’m giving at the Island later this summer — Pick blueberries, many times over
As a reminder, many of these are drawn from my 2022 goals!
If it’s not happening, make it smaller. This is my paraphrase of one of the techniques in Jon Acuff’s book Finish, and of course it’s something we talk about constantly at Cultivate (little by little!). Sometimes there’s another reason, but more often than not, if a goal hasn’t happened for more than a month, it’s because it feels too big to get my arms around.
These unfinished goals still matter, though, so as I move into a new month, I’ve bringing them with me – but cutting them in half (or more). Maybe completing a bite-size chunk will motivate me to keep going, or maybe I’ll just complete the one bite. Either way, it’s better than nothing :)
On my calendar this month: — I am finally making good on June’s Christmas present of an American Girl doll! We’re heading to Charlotte overnight to pick her out and I can’t wait. (Sleeping in the hotel bed with mama and swimming in the hotel pool might end up overshadowing the doll, though, ha!) Which one will she choose?! — Picking all the strawberries. We’ve already been twice and made this famous strawberry cake last night. Delicious! — A Bulls game with John’s work!
What I’m loving right now: — As a lover of the “government action/thriller” genre of movies/television (Enemy of the State, Air Force One, Homeland, 24, you get the drill), season one of Reacher was sufficiently adjacent to be right up my alley. I really didn’t enjoy the Jack Ryan series, but I loved this one. — We put this coloring book in Shep’s Easter basket and I think it might be magic?! He basically colored it for six hours straight on the drive to Jekyll Island with nary a peep of complaint. (This is not normal.) Highly recommend for any 3-4 year olds in your company! — As a patriot who loves her country, it’s refreshing to see someone take a nuanced look at what patriotism can be and why it’s important, and that’s what this article (WSJ) did. Still turning it over in my mind several weeks later.
As a reminder, you can find alllll the things I’ve loved over the last few years neatly organized right here!
What I read in April: — The Power of Fun | I was absolutely primed to love this book (recommended by someone I trust, just seems like my jam), but I found it a bit torturous to get through, and I’m not really sure why. I agree with her thesis, her writing is good, the research is interesting, and the suggestions are solid, but maybe it just felt exhausting to dissect fun in such detail? It felt like it could have been half as long… — The Midnight Line | After we finished the Reacher TV season, I was curious to read one of the plethora of Reacher books. It’s been a long time since I read something like this – mass market, thriller, not particularly geared toward women? – and it was fun! The writing took a beat to get into, but I read it on vacation and enjoyed it.
Revisiting my April goals: Cull and sort the first six months of 2021 photos Design and print camping tees for our tenth-anniversary trip Choose format for EFM book and complete years 2008, 2009, 2010, and 2011 (Absolutely not, ha. I decided to use Blurb but haven’t gotten farther than that.) Write down 2-3 weeks of “brainless” meal plans Choose a way to serve at church on Sunday mornings Make a final kitchen contractor decision and get a start date on the books (Made decision and waiting to hear on start date! Thinking it is going to be July or August based on what they told me when we first met.) Clean out kitchen cabinets in advance of our kitchen project (Made progress! Still some to go.) Take our first bike ride as a family of five!
May goals: — Download Blurb software, get familiar with it, and complete 2008 in book — Start to memorize 1 Corinthians 13 with June — Edit Annie in April, Volume 1 — Go on a family bike ride once a week — Add bookshelves to our loft and Shep’s room — Add artwork bulletin boards to the loft — Write out one spring/summer “brainless” meal plan — Cull and sort January 2021 photos
As a reminder, many of these are drawn from my 2022 goals!
Favorite strawberry recipe? I would love to hear! So far this year we’ve scooped chopped berries on pancakes and brownies in addition to the cake, and next I want to try the shortcake recipe on the back of the Bisquick box :)
I’m not exactly sure how to feel about my goals as we wrap up the first quarter of 2022.
On the one hand, I have objectively made some fantastic progress so far with my 8 goals for the year. And that’s wonderful, because they’re all things that really matter to me! On the other hand, that progress seems to have come, either directly or indirectly, at the expense of two of my very favorite things: writing here and reading. (I’ve read three books so far this year – very slow for me – and am continually overestimating how many blog posts I’ll be able to share in a month.)
Are you familiar with the idea of equilibrium and disequilibrium in child development? Kids’ abilities often develop at different rates – they might experience a surge in their physical abilities, but lag in their ability to express themselves. When their various abilities are out of sync, they’re in disequilibrium and more easily frustrated; when their abilities even out, they’re in equilibrium and generally happier and at ease.
I think I might be in a little bit of the grown-up version of disequilibrium right now. That feels like a good way to describe the work of balancing competing priorities – with some surging ahead and some lagging behind – as other factors (growing kids, our social schedule and activities) shift underneath. I know we all experience this at different times – sending a hug if it’s hitting you in this season, too! This, too, shall pass.
Our St. Patrick’s Day after school snack
On my calendar this month: — Opening night of our high school’s spring musical! One of our beloved babysitters is the lead and June is excited to bring her flowers. — Jekyll Island for spring break! Yes, we’re headed back… this time with another family member in tow! — A trip to the WRAL Azalea Gardens when everything’s in bloom.
What I’m loving right now: — I know it’s old news, but John and I watched Only Murders in the Building a few weeks ago and it was an absolute delight. I am predisposed to love anything Steve Martin and Martin Short do together, Selena Gomez rounded out the trio perfectly, and the sets were gorgeous. It’s one of those shows that I wish I could experience watching for the first time a second time. — I have tried MANY kinds of natural deodorant over the years (Schmidt’s, Acure, Native…). Most were good-enough initially, but all seemed to lose their efficacy over time. My newest find is a little less flashy but, several months in, doing a superlative job. Summer will be the real test, but so far I highly recommend! — I listened to this episode of Honestly right after I read “Your Bubble is not the Culture,” and I thought they intersected in interesting ways. Made me think of a pairing we’d dig into for Articles Club!
As a reminder, you can find alllll the things I’ve loved over the last few years neatly organized right here!
What I read in March: — Gentle and Lowly: I loved this book, which was unlike anything I’d read before. Based on Matthew 11:28-29, one of the only places in the Bible where Jesus describes himself (“I am gentle and humble in heart”), it’s a quiet, ponderous read that invites you to take it in slowly: it examines one small piece of scripture per chapter, and leans on a lot of writing from the Puritans (yes, really). My biggest takeaway was that rather than drawing away from or merely tolerating his people in their sin, that is when Jesus loves us the MOST – because he loves us so much, and hates sin so much, his love for us is most “activated” when he sees us hurt by it. (Kind of similar to seeing a loved one suffer from a cancer.) As humans, we constantly underestimate the overwhelming love of Jesus and God the Father, but this book helped to illuminate it for me.
Revisiting my March goals: Cull and sort the first six months of 2021 photos (No real progress here – other things took priority!) Lay out 2013 in family album Lay out 2014 in family album and send it to print! (Waiting on a 40% off sale – which happens every other month or so – to pull the trigger, but it is in the cart and ready to go! HOORAY!!!) Finish the Best of EFM page (Ditto to photo sorting) Complete the third month of our fam Peloton challenge (Done! This was a much-needed and enjoyable kick start to our “comeback tour,” as John and I like to call it.) Do PT exercises daily (Almost daily!) Visit two community groups (One didn’t end up working out with our schedule, but we visited the other and it was lovely! Will continue!) Follow the Matthew reading plan Memorize another piece of scripture with June Buy a small freezer for our garage (Not yet… marital conversations continuing…) Refresh mantel for spring (with the help of this cutie garland from my friend) Prep for Easter baskets Book camping trip (Done! We’ll be glamping for our tenth-anniversary trip!!)
April goals: — Cull and sort the second six months of 2021 photos (hope springs eternal?) — Design and print camping tees for our tenth-anniversary trip — Choose format for EFM book and complete years 2008, 2009, 2010, and 2011 (this feels like a MASSIVE goal) — Write down 2-3 weeks of “brainless” meal plans — Choose a way to serve at church on Sunday mornings — Make a final kitchen contractor decision and get a start date on the books (we’re so close!) — Clean out kitchen cabinets in advance of our kitchen project — Take our first bike ride as a family of five!
As a reminder, many of these are drawn from my 2022 goals!
Do we want to talk about disequilibrium and equilibrium, or does that just make us feel tired, ha?Which are you experiencing right now, if you’d like to share, or what’s a trade off you’re currently wrangling? (Here’s a perennial one of mine.)
I’m not telling you anything new when I say that making time for friends – let alone making new ones – takes effort as an adult. Without some of the built-in opportunities for togetherness we enjoy when we’re younger, plus all of the time-consuming responsibilities of being an adult, making and keeping plans with the people I care about can feel like a part-time job.
And that’s just the logistics! If you’re an introvert like me, there can be a whole other level of fatigue from the vulnerability of putting yourself out there over and over again. Despite this, I’m always a bit shocked when I look around and realize (with much gratitude!) that I actually do have thriving friendships in my life. And one thing has been a game changer: systematizing them. Incredibly unromantic, incredibly helpful :)
Basically, I realized that my most consistent friendships – in many cases, the ones that feel the closest – have an automatic cadence. We’ve figured out the best and easiest way to spend time together and now we replicate it over and over. Here’s what that looks like for me, and how you might try this in your life if it sounds like something you need…
1. Name the friendships that matter most in this season. Get out a piece of paper and literally write down all of the friendships in your life right now – close by and far away, old and new, couple friends and college friends and church friends and mom friends and work friends and neighborhood friends and parents-of-your-kid’s-friends friends. Mark the ones you’d most like to nurture in this season of life.
2. For each priority relationship, brainstorm the best way to enjoy each other’s company. In some cases, this might simply be naming something that’s already in place. If not, maybe you can build off a rhythm that already exists, or replicate something you’ve enjoyed in the past. (An important point: the goal is not necessarily to have more social engagements, though that may end up happening. The goal is to make it easier to see the people who matter most.)
Another small aside: do you ever struggle with feeling like you’re the one who always extends the invitation? Does that feel unfair? Even though it is factually not true in my case (and probably not in yours!), the perception can leave me feeling vulnerable and resentful.
In recent years, though, I’ve successfully turned this feeling on its head. I GET to choose the activities that sound fun to me and work with my season of life! I GET to be the one to delight my friends! Instead of waiting for other people to ask, I can extend the invite with joy in my own time.
3. Implement the routine and make it sticky. No need to call up each friend and have a formal conversation, but if you’re suggesting a new rhythm, it might be helpful to broach the subject directly (“what do you think about meeting up for a walk on Thursday mornings?”). Once you’ve agreed to a rhythm (with the understanding that you can always adjust as life requires!), find a way to automate the planning. Usually, this looks like choosing a standing date (the first Friday of the month, every Monday morning) or putting the next date on the calendar before you part ways.
Of course, it goes without saying that even if you have a way you usually spend time with someone, that doesn’t mean you can’t ever do anything different. Of course you can! This is just an easy way to remove the burden of feeling like you need to reinvent the wheel every time you want to hang with a friend.
My friendships in adulthood have evolved alongside my life stage. They looked one way when we were engaged and newly married, another when we had just one baby, and now another when we have multiple school-age kids. Here are a few of the current friendship rhythms that are giving me life:
— Articles Club, of course! We meet on a certain day each month, and our gathering for discussion and dinner is a delightful way to spend time with ten wonderful friends. Several years in, we all know to keep “our” Tuesday evening clear on the calendar.
— Many of you may remember that I worked with Kristin and Lisa for several years at Southern Weddings. Lisa and I literally sat next to each other five days a week, so we didn’t really need an excuse to spend time together outside of work. When SW retired, though, we went several years only seeing each other sporadically. Then, a few months into the pandemic, we cautiously met up on Lisa’s porch for Prosecco and snacks after kiddo bedtime one evening. We set a date to meet up the next month before we left, and I don’t think we’ve missed a month in the last year and a half.
— Our annual camping trip with the Rays is a guaranteed weekend of late-night fireside chats and kiddo bonding.
— Making Fridays even sweeter: we do preschool pick-up at the same time as two other dear families, walk to a nearby bakery together for after-dinner treats, and let the kids run around while the grown-ups swap work-week updates and weekend plans for an hour.
— New babies have us a little out of our routine, but a neighborhood friend and I were in a great rhythm of early-morning walks every other week or so.
— Pandemic notwithstanding, I stumbled into a pattern of hosting a larger party once a year for my best gals (like the garden party or book swap party). This is a great catchall opportunity to be with those friends I might not see on a regular basis and a fun chance to flex my party-planning-loving heart! Fingers crossed I can make the potluck party I’ve been dreaming up for two years happen this spring…
There are more examples I could give, and more rhythms I have ideas for but have yet to implement, but I hope this gives you something to consider as you think through your own friendships! Like many of the best ideas, this is a very simple concept – but one that has paid dividends in my life in recent years.
If you have a friendship rhythm that’s working for you, I’d love to hear about it!
