Friends, I’m so glad you’re as interested in this series as I am! Thanks for sharing your thoughts on the first post – I always love hearing from you.
Today, we’re diving in to all things content! I’m answering your questions about where I get ideas for posts, the topics I’d never write about, whether I’ve written any posts I regret, how and where I draw my personal boundaries, and more. Let’s go!
Have you always enjoyed writing? How did you come to love it?
I’ve enjoyed writing for as long as I can remember! I remember being so proud in second grade when my teacher laminated and bound a short story I wrote and illustrated. She shared it with the principal, who also wrote me a note saying she loved it. (Just goes to show how much the encouragement of teachers can mean!)
My love of writing grew out of my love for reading, which has also been around for as long as I can remember. My parents both read to me, of course, but I think something that was foundational in cementing the habit was seeing my Dad, especially, reading books in so much of his leisure time. I wouldn’t have said it in these exact words, but I wanted to be just like my Dad, and so I read, too!
In high school, I took a few Creative Writing classes and was the poet laureate my senior year (fancy!). I majored in English in college, with a concentration in Poetry; my senior thesis was an original collection of my poems about our island in Maine. I also took a Creative Nonfiction class which I loved; no surprise, since that’s pretty much what I do here now!
All along the way, I had people – teachers, mostly, but also family members – who reflected back to me that I had talent, and encouraged me to keep developing it. I am so grateful for that.
Where do you get ideas for posts? Do you store them somewhere? Do you have a content calendar?
I get ideas everywhere and all the time! Far more than I would ever have time to write about. There are a few main buckets:
— Ideas that grow out of our family’s season or activities. If we’re learning or doing or experiencing something, it’s a natural fit for a blog post, since I’m already spending a lot of time thinking about it. Examples include this year’s garden party and my post about baking with June.
— A trend in the culture or a theme I’m noticing. Conversations with John or friends, sermons at church, posts on Instagram or blogs, articles or essays, podcast episodes, and the things that pop into my mind before I fall asleep at night can all spark ideas for posts, especially if my take on a trend seems different from the dominant narrative. Examples include this post on children and the passing of time, this post on trade-offs, or this post on the standards of parenting.
— Reader feedback. Sometimes this comes in the form of a direct suggestion or query, like from an email, a DM, or a blog comment. Or, I might notice that a particular post generates more conversation than usual, which tells me the topic might be worth expanding upon. Examples include my photo organization series, this post on self care, and this post on organizing your own childhood memorabilia.
While waiting for their time to shine, ideas for posts reside in a Google Doc. It’s just a simple bulleted list; right now it has sections for reader requests, work, home, parenting, Marvelous Money, and “everything else.” As of this writing there are 116 post ideas in the doc, which should keep me busy for many years to come.
And yes, I do keep a low-key content calendar! I wrote more about it here, including the sheet I print out six months at a time to house my schedule and month-by-month ideas.
Is there anything you’d never write about?
Yes! Hundreds of things, probably! I want to discuss things that bring people together, things where it’s possible to find commonalities, so you generally won’t find me writing about the divisive issues of the day (except maybe screen time with kids, ha). I’ve found that it IS possible to think deeply and feel passionately about something without broadcasting my thoughts to the widest possible audience.
I rarely say “never,” but one thing I can *almost* guarantee you will never see me write about is my vote. This is a practice I picked up from my Dad, a Coast Guard officer and political science professor; he has kept mum on his personal picks all my life, even in the face of pestering, curious children. (As you’d expect for a professor, he was happy to talk about any issues on the ballot, and even the merits of the candidates, just not the boxes he checked.) I’m not sure if this is a policy common in the military or just a personal preference, but I’ve grown to respect (and adopt) it in my later years. It’s not for everyone (in fact, it would probably seem quaint, or even wrong, to some), but it feels right for me.
A mostly unrelated photo, but I wanted to share the Four Things bag that was a gift from my sister-in-law! It’s mostly my library book bag, so it is related in a way :)
What would you love to write about, but haven’t?
Oh gosh, so many things. (See: list of 116 blog post ideas in Google Docs.) I would love to do another round of Marvelous Mamas, and a series of interviews with my favorite dads. I’ve been kicking around ideas for a post on patriotism for YEARS. I’ve wanted to have a discussion about our relationships with our alma maters. I want to finish my Triangle guide. I want to share my advice for new college students. (I’ve already shared advice for new college grads!) The Toni Morrison essay with the line “your real life is with us, your family” has been so resonant with me for the last few years that there must be a post in there. I want to write about parenting with a higher risk tolerance, my most-recommended books, helping our kids develop executive functioning skills, and soooooo many Marvelous Money topics (lifestyle creep, our rhythm of generosity, college savings, working with a financial advisor, the financial implications of having three kids…!!).
For almost all of these, the limiting factor is time.
For having written for such a long time, is there anything you regret writing about? Any posts that embarrass you now?
This is an excellent question, because I have, indeed, been writing here for a very long time. The answer, though, is no, there’s nothing I can think of that I regret writing about.
Of course, some of my earlier posts are a bit cringe-y (whyyyy wasn’t my first post something more astute?! and why did I think I was a DIY blogger??). But I don’t think I need to be embarrassed by posts like that – I was doing the best I could with what I had, and where I am now was built on what came before.
I think the most important reason that I have no regrets and few embarrassments is three-fold:
1. I am a naturally moderate and (in many ways) cautious person, and I tend to think deeply about things. I have a good sense of how I and my writing will be perceived by others, I think about the future a lot, and I have long looked to mentors and experts older than me to model myself on.
2. I have been a pretty fully-formed person since about age 16. The core of who I am and what I believe has been intact for a long time, and I like to say that core is embodied in my spirit age of 36, ha! Even as a college sophomore, I was a wife, mom of three, homeowner, and working professional at heart :) I have not weathered wild swings, but instead seem to have gently evolved over the years. This might sound boring, but it does come in handy when you share your life on the internet.
3. If there is a post I’m particularly nervous about or where I want to make extra-sure my meaning and intent is clear, I’ll ask John to read it before publishing. It’s very helpful to have someone who can catch your blind spots.
What is your approach toward blogging for yourself and blogging for your readers? Do you feel you write more for yourself or do you consider your audience first?
I’d never quantified it before, but this question helped me realize I have a few hurdles that every post must jump over before being published. In order, they are:
1. Am I passionate about the topic? Do I have something unique to share? Am I eager to sit down and start writing? Am I forming sentences and jotting down notes as I fall asleep at night? Am I looking forward to the comment section, eager to discuss with you all?
3. Will my readers find it interesting and helpful? There might be topics I’m passionate about, and that are admirable, but that simply aren’t a good fit: I’m thinking of topics that might be too niche or obscure, too specific to my personal situation or interests, to be widely useful.
In the end, this blog is a record of my personal life, written firstly for my family, but it’s also a public record, not a diary. I don’t think I would have spent so much time pouring out here over the years if I didn’t think it could have an impact beyond the walls of my home.
How do you manage the balance of being personal, yet protective of your and your family‘s privacy? Does it ever feel scary or strange sharing so much about your personal life in a public format?
It’s impossible to know how I’ll feel in the future, but thus far I feel comfortable with the balance I’ve struck. I think about this very deeply, on a consistent basis (at least with every post I publish!), and am regularly examining my comfort level and fine-tuning my approach. I know it will continue to shift as our kids get older, too! The guardrails above help. A few others that come to mind:
— Aside from their nurseries, I don’t plan to share photos of our kids’ rooms. Those feel like personal, private spaces.
— I have never felt comfortable sharing a day-in-the-life post or a specific schedule of our days. Though I love reading those posts from others, they’ve always felt out of bounds for me. (One exception: I did do a DITL Stories series on IG in spring 2020. Things were so nutty and outside our normal with COVID that it seemed like an alternative reality, ha!)
— If I’m deciding between similar family photos, I choose the ones where my kids look better, rather than myself.
— I try to ask permission when I’m sharing photos of other people’s children (like cousins!) and do my best to be considerate of any details I share about others.
— Again, if there’s something I’m on the fence about sharing, I’ll ask John for his opinion or to read through the post.
And the biggest, though perhaps most nebulous one: I always want to be telling my story, not writing theirs. I never want to box them in or make them known here in a way that would preclude their own development or self concept.
It is possible to share some without sharing all, to share generously but not excessively. Do I do it perfectly? No. But I have found it is a worthy pursuit.
And that, my friend, brings us to the edge of part three’s topics, so we’ll pause here for today! I’d love to hear any of your thoughts on today’s post, or feel free to share a favorite past EFM post or post idea you’d love to see in the future!
18. Dream trip destination? Switzerland or Austria! The mountains look unreal.
19. Favorite fun perks of working at Cultivate? Ooh, so many! Getting as much product for personal use as I’d like is obviously great, and we get $500 a year worth of product to gift to our friends and family. We also have a monthly allowance to spend on the “personal growth” book of our choice, which for an avid reader like me is gold! (And has helped me grow a fun lending library over the years.)
20. What are the attributes you’re striving to cultivate in your kids? In no particular order – integrity, personal responsibility, generosity, gratitude, thoughtfulness, optimism, confidence, faithfulness, and a capacity for wonder.
21. Do you still Irish dance? Are you teaching your children? I’m not dancing in any formal way, though I have been known to throw out a high kick under the right circumstances. (For those who didn’t know, I was a competitive Irish step dancer from about 5th through 12th grade!) As for whether I’ll introduce June, I am undecided. I feel like the competition world has gotten even CRAZIER since my exit in terms of the appearance expected (exhibits A, B, C, D – this was the look when I performed) and I do not like that. However, it is an amazing art form and I loved dancing it!
For now, June has taken parks and rec ballet since about age 3, and we’re both excited for her to continue once it’s safer to do so.
22. Are your kids messy? I find it hard to buy investment clothes or furniture because I’m worried they’ll get stained or broken. I try to set us all up for success by eating snacks or doing crafts that might be messy at the kitchen table or outside, or finding another workaround. For example, this winter, they’ve been really into eating our after-school snack on the carpet by the fire, so I just make sure we eat something that won’t stain (cheese and crackers, grapes). Our Eufy vacuum sucks up the crumbs every night :)
The only furniture I worry about are our cream club chairs, but Jenny Komenda recommended this spray a few years ago and in my experience it’s never met a stain it can’t get out – AMAZING.
I wouldn’t say I buy investment clothes at this stage of my life!
23. What is something you think brides forget to think about or is underrated about weddings? I LOVE THIS QUESTION! So much so that I think it deserves its own post. In the meantime, I would say a lot of aspects of the wedding morning tend to get overlooked – where you’ll be getting ready, what the space looks and feels like (in the moment and in pictures), who will be with you, what you’ll listen to, what you’ll eat — and how that all adds up to the vibe that will carry you into the rest of your day.
24. What would you never give up in order to save money? Assuming my life-preserving basics are accounted for, I would cut back but never completely cut out money for travel (or adventure of some sort). We have reduced our travel deliberately some years, but even if it was just a day trip for fancy ice cream on the coast, I’ll always preserve some money in our budget for that category if at all possible. We also tithe to our church, and I would never eliminate charitable giving.
25. What is one change you made to your routine during COVID that you hope to continue? Several times a week, John and I are able to have lunch and take a quick walk together, and it is a JOY! We both will continue to work from home at least a few times a week even after the pandemic “ends,” and we definitely plan to keep this up.
26. How do you and John show each other intentional love in the little things? I get asked versions of this question often, and I find it a hard one to answer – I guess because the things we do repeatedly (which probably are the things that matter most) have become so ingrained we don’t realize they’re notable. A few things that come to mind: we are in tune with each other’s moods, and are quick to check in if the other seems off. We try to take an evening walk together as often as we can. Though we could be better about this, we’ll take on a chore or parenting duty for the other without being asked (or sometimes after being asked, ha!) if we’ve had a hard day.
27. What do you usually eat for breakfast? On weekdays, almost always a very unglamorous Nature Valley granola bar and water, sometimes with a banana. On the weekends, we usually make pancakes with a blackberry jam syrup on either Saturday or Sunday. I also make award-winning cheesy scrambled eggs, and I love a good everything bagel sandwich with bacon, eggs, and cheese :)
28. Do you hope to retire early? John and I joke about how parents should be able to retire between the ages of 30 and 40 and then go back to work… BUT IT’S TRUE. Barring that disruption in our work culture, yes, we do hope to retire earlier than the average (which apparently is 61-ish). We’re not willing to make the trade-offs necessary to be FIRE people, but John has loosely targeted 55 for himself. I don’t have a clear vision for me! I think there are a LOT of factors that could affect this over the next few decades, and for now, we just feel really grateful to both have jobs we don’t want to escape from.
29. Favorite childhood memory? The biggest (and truest) answer would have to be the summer stays on our island in Maine. On a smaller scale, I have very fond memories of “mystery rides.” A parent would announce one as dinner ended, we’d rush to get our shoes on and pile into the van, and then we’d invariably drive down the hill for ice cream – but because it was a mystery ride, we could have been going anywhere! :)
30. What’s your favorite part about being a mom? That’s like choosing your favorite child! I love teaching them things and sharing new experiences with them, especially ones I loved as a child. I love building a family culture with John and seeing them adopt and uphold it. I love one-on-one time and conversations where I get a glimpse into their thought processes and those rare but very special moments where you see some aspect of parenting pay off in a big way (like when they display one of those attributes from above we’re trying to cultivate).
I also think it’s a very unique responsibility to have someone depend on you so deeply, and I’m proud that they seem completely assured I will continue to fulfill it.
31. What’s the silliest show you and John watch together? That would have to be The Bachelor. We watch The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, but no other franchise spin-offs.
33. How do you celebrate friends’ birthdays? My very favorite way to celebrate a local friend’s birthday is to make an unexpected porch drop-off on the big day – flowers, a sweet treat, a little gift, a note. The item doesn’t really matter, but, having been on the receiving end of such a surprise, the idea that someone took the time and cared enough to drive all the way to my house (usually 15-30 minutes away) bowls me over every time.
34. What are you most excited about for the next decade? Watching our family grow! I have heard the ages of 6-12 described as the “golden” years – the sweet range where kids are more capable and able to communicate, but still just love being around you and are up for anything. I see lots of big and little adventures and many game nights in our future :)
Thank you again for playing along, friends! I loved, loved, loved hearing from you on yesterday’s post, so please feel free to chime in again! Did anything stick out to you, or do we have anything in common? Is there an itsy-bitsy blog post here you’d like to see turned into a full-blown blog post? :)
Here is a goal success story! And it’s not even one I highlighted on my January list! Actually, you might call it a habit success story. As part of my number one goal for 2021 (making room for God’s presence), I committed to a discipline of “Word before words” – reading something from the Bible before I tuck into my current book at night. Reading before bed is a deeply-ingrained habit and something I look forward to, and when you’re looking for something to tie a developing habit to, this is exactly what you’re looking for. I didn’t fudge a single day!
Consequently, in just a month, I read through the whole book of Mark!! (You may recall it took all last year for John and I to read through Matthew together.) Did I have any major revelations? No. But I believe deposits of scripture like this can and will be used by God, and I am grateful for that. On to Acts!
On my calendar: — Making valentines with June! She has decided we’re going with a bunny theme this year, so I think I’ll add bunny grahams as the treat. — Our Valentine’s Day fun. — Celebrating Chinese New Year! Charnaie has some great book recommendations and we will 100% be eating dumplings. — My birthday! Hoping we get a sunny day so we can go for our traditional walk in my favorite Raleigh neighborhood.
What I’m loving right now: — It feels funny to recommend a podcast I routinely fast forward through 50% of, but here we are! Brooke and T.J.’s casual banter can get a little long-winded (hence the fast forwarding), but I appreciate their takes on topics that matter to me (family life, faith, generosity, marriage, intentional living). They cover topics that many others don’t touch in a way that feels personal and helpful. — I hesitate to recommend skincare because it’s so individual, but this toner is too good to keep to myself! I’ve long struggled with dry, flaky skin on my forehead, and this is the first product that’s ever made a difference. The flakiness is gone, overall my skin is smoother, and I do think my pores look a bit smaller, too! (Fun fact: I discovered this via an online order sample. I don’t try 90% of the samples I receive, and I’m not sure what made me pick this one up, but I’m VERY glad I did!) — After being eh on June’s balance bike, we picked up a different model for Shep, and are loving the Kazam so far! He’s already coasting after just a few weeks!
What I read in January: — Such a Fun Age: Ooooh, y’all, for the most-recommended book, I expected a little more! It did hold my attention, but ultimately left me feeling empty. The snarls of modern life often feel icky and complicated enough in real time, without reading about made-up complications in my leisure time. Plus, Alix was just weird. Am I missing something?? — Oh Crap! Potty Training: I maintain that potty training has so far been the roughest developmental stage because I did not read a book on the subject beforehand. Skimmed this to remedy that before we dive in for a second time… — Essentialism: About halfway through! Will review next month once I’m finished.
Revisiting my January goals: Research all school options for June. Watch the Theolaby bonus materials with John Print our favorite Instagram photos from 2020 Finish culling and sorting 2020 photos (January-June done!) Write our sweet girl a note for her fifth birthday (continuing a tradition) Complete her birthday interview Prep for Valentine’s Day fun Focus on small tweaks and refreshes in our foyer(Magic Eraser-ing made SUCH a difference! I also picked out a pretty linen light fixture but am holding out for a President’s Day sale :))
February goals: — Book our annual camping trip (going in the spring this year – hopefully we’ll avoid the cold weather!) — Book our mountains trip for this fall (places book up SO early!) — Watch the Theolaby bonus materials with John — Focus on small tweaks and refreshes in our bedroom, including a new paint color (!), new curtains, and a new grid of photos. Maybe not so small :) — Finish submitting June’s kindergarten paperwork — Finish culling and sorting the second half of 2020 photos
As a reminder, many of these are drawn from my 2021 goals!
Making travel plans last month for spring break left John and I so jazzed (reminding me that a big portion of the enjoyment from travel is in the planning and anticipation!). In that spirit, I’d love to hear something you’re looking forward to this year, whether travel or otherwise!
Today is the fifth anniversary of Articles Club! Five years ago this month, Stephanie and I posted an invitation on our respective blogs: would anyone be interested in reading articles together and discussing them once a month? It would be like a book club, but with articles! That first night, we sat around my living room with snacks and drinks in hand, 10 or so strangers who just happened to have a little blog in common. I didn’t know anyone in the circle except for Stephanie… which is a pretty crazy situation for an introvert to find herself in.
Five years later, the faces around the circle are beloved friends. Some of them are the very same, and some we have been so lucky to welcome in for a season or for good since then.
Articles Club this year, like most things this year, has looked a little different. We canceled our March gathering as the lockdown descended, then met via Zoom for several months. In August and September, we were overjoyed to gather again – outside, at Dix Park, with the most gorgeous sunset view of the city skyline and individual dinners on our laps. For our meeting this month, we’ll walk around the side of Stephanie’s home and spread out on her back deck, and we’ll toast to five years with cupcakes.
Though we have read a few sets of articles this year, many of our gatherings have simply been social – a chance to check in on each other and share the hard and the good of the past month. After all, the world has given us much to discuss even without assigned reading, and it has been a special gift to sift through all that 2020 has thrown at us with a group of people who care deeply about each other, who believe there is gray in the world, and who are capable of approaching differing opinions with good will and thoughtfulness – and even a little humor when needed.
Earlier this year, I came to the realization that these people are my friends. That might sound like a strange thing to realize, after five years – of course these are my friends! – but they haven’t come with all the trappings I typically associate with friendship: we don’t tend to gather much outside of our monthly meeting. I haven’t met many of their significant others or children. I don’t have all of their numbers in my phone.
And yet – I have sat around a table for hours in conversation with them. I have tried, and adopted, their favorite recipes. I have learned about their childhoods and their work lives, their meet cutes and political opinions and financial situations and beauty routines and Enneagram types, their thoughts on parenting and generosity and home design. We have laughed and cried and laughed until we cried. We have brought each other meals for new babies and exchanged books and beauty products. Our gatherings are always one of my favorite evenings every month.
So yes, these are my friends. Stephanie, Kelly, Ginna, Pressley, Chelsey, Stacy, Adelyn, Bethany, Libby, Julia, Mackenzie, Robyn, and everyone else who has joined us over the years – thank you! What a gift you have been to me.
While I don’t have my usual list of reads from the past year to share with you today – I do have this: my encouragement to step outside of your comfort zone and reach out a hand in friendship. Even if it seems scary, even if it seems risky, even if it seems complicated or likely to fail – a hand extended in love is always worth it. It might sound cliche, but it’s true.
Friends, I’d love to hear about a time when you took a risk on a new friendship, if you’d like to share! Almost all of my adult friendships have required a risk on my part, so I love hearing about other’s happy endings :)
