Welcome to the first EFM gift guide of 2024! No better place to start, as there’s no one I know better how to shop for than myself :) And I actually do plan to shop for myself this Christmas, as funny as that might sound. There are a few reasons why…
First, I am committed to a Christmas morning that is not simply my children opening gift after gift. I want them to see other people (a.k.a. me and John) opening and enjoying gifts, too, and understand that this morning is for them, but not all about them.
This is tricky, though, because while John and I try to exercise restraint in our giving, the handful of gifts we select for them are just the start: our kids also get gifts from two sets of grandparents. And aunts and uncles. And great aunts. And their siblings.
Which is so wonderful! But in contrast, John and I get gifts from… each other. Maybe one or two or three. And as both sides of our families have moved to swap systems or exchanged gifts for experiences, the balance of boxes under the tree has become more and more lopsided.
So yes, I’d like to even things out a little, and if I need to buy myself gifts to do so, I’m okay with that: I like getting things that I believe will improve my days or bring me little glimmers of joy, but gifts are not my main love language.
Second, I’m frugal. For years, in our early life together when we were living on less, I built my Christmas list with great care, earmarking things month in advance that I wanted but that simply didn’t fit in our budget. I’m grateful for all the gifts from parents and in-laws and siblings that for years filled in the gaps.
Though our budget has expanded, my frugal ways have mostly stayed the same — it still feels like I need an excuse to buy the special items that add a little joy, delight, comfort, and flair to my days but that I don’t need.
Christmas, then, becomes an opportunity to choose a few items that no one is going to buy for me… but me. (Usually at a discount – thank you, Black Friday!) And wrapping them and putting them under the tree kills two birds with one stone: I get a few things that have been on my wishlist, and my kids are reminded that Christmas joy is for everyone.
Is Christmas all about gifts? Of course not. But I do think the way we handle them in our homes can shape our children’s norms, expectations, and understanding of the world around them, and I want to handle that with care.
Now that we’ve got the (overly) deep discourse out of the way, let’s get to the goods! While these are gifts on my personal wish list, here’s hoping you might find something that would appeal to your sister, mom, mother-in-law, or friend, too. I’ve linked them below and rounded them all up here, if helpful!
On my wish list:
— The prettiest blue floral dress | I’ve been loyal to Lake’s pajamas for almost a decade but have never branched out into their other offerings. This dress looks like such an easy, swingy number to pull on.
— A personalized charm necklace | A dear friend has one of these necklaces and I think it’s an effortlessly chic (and meaningful!) piece. I’ve mocked up the Jane chain with four charms and am hoping for a Black Friday sale.
— A Blackwatch quilted pullover | Is this me embodied in a top? It just might be. I’d pull this on all fall and winter as a cozy extra layer and am always happy for an opportunity to buy from my favorite Maine company.
— A fluted mixing bowl | Our stand mixer is a permanent fixture on our kitchen counter and I think this would be the prettiest upgrade.
— A family snack box | I upped my snack game considerably from our first to second neighborhood swim season but this little guy would take it to the next level, keeping the plethora of fruit, veggies, goldfish, chomps, and treats we pack in place.
— A cozy sweatshirt that gives back | Hope Heals, a camp where families with disabilities experience respite free of charge, is precious and dear.
— A book of poetry | I’d keep Mary Oliver’s Devotions on my bedside table and slice off a poem to savor each evening.
— A family hymnal | I researched many options to find what I was looking for – music and lyrics for a wide selection of favorite hymns – and think this is it!
— A sun hat | I love my current sun hat but it’s not very packable and it doesn’t have a chin strap. A friend has this one and I think it would work well for boat rides and plane trips!
— A block print tablecloth | The loveliest neutral tablecloth that would be on repeat on our table throughout the fall.
— A cozy Christmas puzzle | Though I might have to break this out in advance – I’d rather see it on our table all month rather than under the tree on Christmas day!
And now, here are a few things I own and love that I think are worthy of adding to your wish list – or considering for your loved ones!
Clothing:
— A soft, chunky sweater | I bought this a few years ago and it is one of my favorite things in my closet. It’s easy (and so comfortable!) to wear, but looks really refined. The dark moss this year is so good! — Sleeveless linen dress | My favorite thing to wear in the summer! (Or this dupe, which my friend swears is just as good!) — Clementine shorts | Made for athletic pursuits but they look cute enough to wear out and about with a tee. My favorite colors right now are the Peri and Crushed Ice. — Kule tee | My favorite striped tee. I have the Classic in cream and navy, but it reads black and white to me. — Summersalt swim suit | I have the Sidestroke, the Oasis, and the Marina and I love them all. I would order up at least one size, as I think they run small. Very fun one-pieces and they’re always getting compliments from other mamas at the pool! — Lake Pajamas | It’s been almost a decade since I’ve worn any other pajamas (and in fact, still wear my original pair!). I wear the long-longs year-round and they feel so cool and silky. (I even added a holiday pattern last year!) — Joggers | My one and only pair of joggers, and they are regrettably worth it. I have the lake heather.
Shoes and accessories:
— Shearling slippers | At hours-of-wear, this item of clothing would probably clock in at the top of my wardrobe – they’re my go-to from when I walk in the door to hopping into bed. — Maylis shoes | I own and adore the Ella heels (in cream) and the Catherine loafers (in Maylis blue). Both pairs are comfortable, beautiful, well-made, and required almost no breaking in. Still in awe one of my bestest friends has seen a dream come to life in this company! — Ugg Classic Mini II Bootie | I was dubious about adding these to my wish list a few years ago, but I am fully converted. Priceless for staying warm in the winter, especially with walking June to school and hanging with friends and neighbors outdoors. — Hunter Play Rain Boots | I used to own tall Hunter boots and almost never wore them, because they were uncomfortable and hard to take on and off. I received the shorter version for Christmas a few years ago and ADORE them! Perfect for rainy walks and school pick-ups. — Julie Vos Penelope Demi Studs | I wear these 99% of days. Classic pearl studs with the loveliest gold-rim upgrade. — Bogg bag | Have you been to a public pool in the last few years? You’ve likely seen one of these tall-sided bags. We tote ours daily for neighborhood swims in the summer!
This post is already long, so I’ll save the non-clothing ideas – many of which feel more fitting for gifting to others – for next week! I also have posts in the hopper for grown-up and kid stocking stuffers as well as everyone’s favorite post: what we’re actually giving our kids this year!
A highlight of June: hosting a kindergarten breakfast in our neighborhood! This was a very, very low-key event – so low-key that it almost feels not worth detailing – but it’s been a sweet tradition in our neighborhood for many years and was a great comfort to me when June was a rising kindergartner. Today, I thought I could offer a few ideas (and lots of encouragement) if you, too, might like to host one!
The background on our neighborhood’s kindergarten breakfast:
Our neighborhood has been holding a breakfast for rising kindergarteners for at least as long as we’ve been here. (I remember thinking it sounded like the coziest tradition when we moved in ten years ago, sans children!)
The first time I actually attended was in 2021, when June was getting ready to make her elementary school debut. Though I had nothing to compare it to, it felt like a bit of a muted event – which makes sense, since things were still opening back up after the pandemic. There were just a handful of families in attendance, but what we lacked in quantity was made up for by quality – including a pair of powerhouse moms with four kids each, all of whom attended June’s future school. Getting to chat with them and ask them questions went a long way toward putting me at ease.
It was my desire to pass that sense of ease onto another new kindergarten parent that made me say “yes” when a request went out for a breakfast coordinator earlier this year. After confirming a date with the head of the social committee, I was given a budget of $200 and carte blanche to do pretty much whatever I wanted… my ideal scenario, ha!
Planning a kindergarten breakfast:
In our neighborhood, the kindergarten breakfast is open to all rising kindergartners, no matter what school they’re planning on attending. Since our public and private options include year-round schools, we hold the breakfast in June. (This feels early for those on traditional calendars, but the year-round school year starts in July!)
We got the word out in a few ways: we included the details in our neighborhood’s email newsletter. We made a Facebook event and posted in the neighborhood Facebook group. We set yard signs at a couple of key intersections, and put a signboard out by our neighborhood clubhouse a few days before the event. Thankfully, this was all taken care of by the social committee!
We ended up with about 15-20 kindergarteners (and their parents and siblings) in attendance, which I was pleasantly surprised by!
Kindergarten breakfast ideas:
We hosted our kindergarten breakfast at our neighborhood’s clubhouse, which has a wide, covered porch and is right next to the neighborhood playground. The event was from 9:30-11am on a Saturday.
We did, indeed, keep things very simple. I set out tablecloths I already owned and added this paper ruler runner on top. We arranged the food on one table: juice boxes, chicken minis and coffee from Chick-fil-a, donut holes from Dunkin, and mini muffins from Publix. Simple, simple, simple!
The main activity for the adults was simply mingling (we set out name tag stickers!), chatting, and swapping information :) We also had a little bracelet making station, inspired by June’s and my kindergarten tradition. At just $9 (!), this bead kit was perfect and we still had plenty left over after the party.
We also printed copies of Whitney’s summer book BINGO card as a sort of parting favor. Aside from making bracelets and scarfing snacks, the kids pretty much just ran in a pack from the playground to the porch and back – and seemed to have a great time.
And that was pretty much it! I loved getting to meet other kindergarten parents, loved seeing Shep meet some kindergarten buddies, but I think my favorite part (rather selfishly) might have been knowing that I played a small part in keeping a beloved neighborhood tradition alive and well. In a world where a lot of people don’t know their neighbors or the families at their kids’ schools, I’m grateful for the tight-knit communities we get to be a part of – and willing to do what I can to strengthen those bonds.
And you can do the same! If you’re reading this with a bit of sadness because you wish your neighborhood had an event like this, you can be the one to make it happen! You don’t have to wait for someone else to create the kind of place you want to live!!
That’s just what my friend Bethany did, and to round out this post, I thought I’d share a bit from her perspective. After hearing me yap about my plans, she decided to put together a little celebration for the kindergarteners on her street (including her son!). Here she is with the details:
One of my big, dreamy adult hopes is to be the home where the kids hang out. So it feels like we hit the jackpot when we landed on a street with more than 50 kids in middle school or younger. My oldest and four other pals on our street are starting kindergarten this summer (year-round school!). Always looking for an excuse to gather friends with all the comings and goings of summer schedules, we threw a kindergarten ice cream party to celebrate their transition.
Most of the kinders will attend the same school, so we scheduled the party in the afternoon, following Meet the Teacher at our school. The logistics were simple: I texted the other parents to share the invite, and each family graciously asked what they could bring to the party. Our menu included ice cream, lots of fun toppings, fruit, a veggie tray, and crunchy snacks. Our only non-food purchases were a set of very popular color-change spoons and school-themed napkins. (We also bought these adorable ice cream plates, but I don’t think a single one was used.)
Most of the kinders have older siblings who pass our house on the walk home from their bus stop. We planned for the kinders and parents to arrive a bit before the bus dropped for some quieter time with just the younger kids, and then the older siblings and their friends joined a bit later for an ice cream bash for about 40 people. (Reader, you should know that when I bought extra ice cream because I was worried the three Bluebells tubs would not be enough for 40 people, I was very wrong. If you’d like to have ice cream tonight, please come to my house; we still have plenty!)
I hope our time together excited the kindergartners and maybe helped to quell some fears or uncertainties about their start at a new school. And, if I’m being my big, dreamy self, I hope it’s another moment the kids look back on when they remember the big team they had cheering them on as they moved through childhood.
Isn’t that the best? If nothing else, I hope this post inspired you to make a little community magic right where you live :)
You know those podcast episodes that you hit play on as soon as you see them in your feed? Today’s post was inspired by one of them – a recent Lazy Genius episode. In it, Kendra shares 20 helpful decisions she keeps repeating across four areas of life: personal, kids, food, and money.
“Decide once” is probably my favorite Lazy Genius principle – it speaks to my heart which loves both efficiency AND intentionality – and though I’ve written about some of my “decide once” decisions before, we’ve never discussed money-related decisions specifically. Since I loved hearing Kendra’s, I thought it might be helpful to share some of John’s and mine, especially since we love chatting personal finance around here :) Let’s do it!
P.S. This is probably obvious, but “deciding once” means making one decision about one thing and continuing to make that decision over and over until it doesn’t work for you anymore. Boundaries AND freedom!
A mostly unrelated photo, but you know these Articles Club gals are a great source of riches in my life!
1. I sign up for every Meal Train that crosses my path, and I bring a prepared meal from a local shop. In this season of young kids, trying to prepare and deliver two meals in one day (for my family and the other family) was causing enough stress that it had begun to dissuade me from signing up in the first place. While it’s more expensive than cooking from scratch, I love that I can choose a meal that matches the family’s needs with ease (gluten- or dairy-free, vegetarian, etc.) and support a local small business, too.
2. When a school or teacher asks for money, we give it. Our oldest attends a public elementary school, and our middle will soon join her. We believe strongly in the importance of a vibrant and healthy public school system, and because I’ve done the mind-numbing math of what we’d pay if we sent our kids to a private school, it feels comparatively easy to drop by the store or send money on Venmo whenever a request circulates.
3. When we can help a foster family or a family in need, we do. Similarly, our church helps support foster families and at-risk families in a few different ways (buying diapers or baby gear for vulnerable pregnant moms, buying backpacks and school supplies for foster kids), and we always say yes when asked. Caring for the orphan, the widow, and the generally vulnerable was near to Jesus’ heart, and because we will likely not be a foster or adoptive family ourselves, it feels like a duty and joy to tangibly help those who are.
4. We will keep John’s car as long as we can. John’s Ford Focus is currently 12 years old, with less than 100k miles on it. He drives it to and from work twice a week… and that’s about it. While it does have power windows and AC (ha!), it’s a basic trim level and nothing fancy.
But that’s kind of why we love it :) It’s been paid off for almost a decade, and it works just fine. We have money sitting in an account for his next car, and it will be wonderful when he gets it, but that day won’t be until this one needs repairs that no longer make sense. Until that day comes, we just don’t think about replacing it.
5. We have a date night every month. And we almost always go out to eat, because the Triangle has incredible restaurants and all we really want to do is talk to each other :) Both the restaurant bill and the babysitter are expenses, but it is a non-negotiable for us and has been since June was small (back when it was a lot harder to fit it into the budget!).
6. We give 10% of our income each year to our church. While not a command to Christians, we believe this guidance is to our benefit, and a way God graciously cares for us as He partners with us to care for others. It took us several years of slowly increasing our percentage until we hit the 10% mark; we hope to increase it over time from here.
7. We give annually to our college. This feels like a direct inheritance from my maternal grandmother, who was a devoted alumna of her school (and heavily involved with my grandfather’s college even after his death). There was never a question of whether I’d give after graduation, and I’ve done so every year since. (I think I gave $50 the first year!) While it’s debatable how much of an impact my four years of undergrad had on my professional trajectory, I nevertheless feel incredibly grateful for my career path – and this is one way to pass on that gratitude.
8. We max out our HSA. While a bit more arcane, we prioritize this over maxing out our 401ks in this season, and have for many years. (I wrote a post about it in 2018!) It’s simply a part of building our budget each year: we look up the maximum contribution limit, then plug that into our budget.
9. We save a certain amount in our Home Free account each month. When I think about decisions we don’t think about, this is a big one. In fact, in many ways, it’s best not to think about this too much :) And luckily, we don’t have to! The money is automatically transferred from our checking account to our investment account each month. After almost a decade of doing so, we don’t miss it – which is very much to our benefit, as it quietly adds up in the background.
10. We make a budget every year. I know I’m a particular type of person, but it is truly hard for me to grasp how people maintain their mental health without a budget. Our budget is a plan. It reassures me that we’ve taken care of everything that we need to, and that if we stick to the budget, we are free to spend money without guilt, we’ll be able to pay our bills, and we can rest assured that we’re making progress on all of our savings goals. A budget has worked for us when we’ve had little money and when we’ve had more; it has helped keep our marriage (and minds) happy and peaceful in every season. I am so grateful.
Now I’d love to hear from you, friends! What’s on your financial “decide once” list?
One of the most frequent requests I get, on all platforms, is for a mortgage plan update. This is funny to me (the requests are usually random and out of the blue!), but I welcome it, and I understand it: there are not many people willing to talk about finances in a personal and detailed way. But here I am! Willing to talk! So let’s get into it, because we have made a shift since our last conversation…
A brief overview of where we’ve been:
Spring 2013: We buy our house! We pull together a 13% down payment, because that’s the most we could afford.
Fall 2014: After paying off our car loans, we use about half of what we had been paying to make an extra mortgage payment each month (directly to the bank), and the other half to build up a fund for our next car purchase.
Fall 2015: Car fund complete, we shift that amount we’d been paying toward our mortgage, too. Instead of paying down our mortgage directly, though, we begin transferring the extra monthly amount into a specific home brokerage account and invest it, with the goal of paying off the mortgage balance in one lump sum once we reach the amount we need. I talked about that here.
2018: We shift our strategy. Instead of paying off our mortgage as soon as our home brokerage account reaches the right amount, we plan to keep saving a little longer, until we’ve reached a large-enough amount of money that, if carefully invested, the returns themselves would be large enough to cover our monthly mortgage payment (meaning our mortgage would no longer need to be a part of our household budget). I talked about that here.
2022: With June in (public) kindergarten, we shift most of the money we had been paying for preschool each month towards an increased monthly transfer to our home brokerage account.
2023: Our home brokerage account reached the amount where we could begin taking withdrawals for the monthly mortgage payment… but we didn’t begin taking withdrawals.
Wait, what?!
Yes, indeed. In yet another change to the plan, after much discussion, we agreed that we wanted to keep rolling with our current situation indefinitely: paying the monthly mortgage payment to the bank out of our salaries, and contributing to the home brokerage account each month while letting it grow.
Why?
To put it simply, our standard of living was (and is) perfectly comfortable. We don’t see a compelling need in our budget for our mortgage payment right now. Our current plan is to do this for the foreseeable future, or until our needs change, or until it no longer makes sense. Just as I shared in my last post, the hope is that this account will eventually pay for college tuitions, weddings, a rental property, some really extravagant generosity, or – most likely – all of the above.
Suffice it to say, this gives us an incredible amount of flexibility, and peace of mind. We knew that, I think, but we recently had an experience that drove home just how much we value living below our means. Story time? :)
Recently, a house came on the market that we were very interested in. Though we had a few alerts set up, we didn’t consider ourselves actively looking, and so scrambled to get in touch with a realtor and get prequalified for a loan. We went to see it on a Friday, the day it went on the market, and then debated whether we should put in an offer almost constantly for the next 36-ish hours.
We ultimately decided not to. As we were debriefing on Monday (when, naturally, the house went pending), John asked me how I felt. Relief was my overwhelming feeling. The weekend had been incredibly stressful: not only because we were thrust into making a fast decision (when we are two of the slowest decision makers on the planet!) but, had we gone forward, we would have taken on a much larger mortgage with a much higher interest payment. Our monthly discretionary payment to our home brokerage account would have been essentially redirected towards paying our new mortgage.
Could we have done it without much change to our lifestyle? Yes, because we were already used to forgoing that money.
Would it have potentially made us feel more stressed? Almost certainly. When we’re paying ourselves each month, we know we can always skip a transfer if something comes up – but you can’t skip a mortgage payment. At work, John doesn’t have to hustle harder than he wants, or feel pressure to take the extra appointment at the expense of our time together as a family. We feel the peace of knowing we can release my salary if something were to change with our circumstances.
There’s a part of me that doesn’t like our current plan. It’s so open-ended! We don’t have a specific goal we’re trying to reach! The larger part of me, though, is extremely grateful. This margin that we’ve fought for — keeping our standard of living stable while our income has risen and costs, like daycare/preschool, have gone away — has given us an incredible peace of mind. It has helped us to be more present, joyful parents. It has helped keep our marriage happy and stress-free. It has allowed us to give generously and freely to the people and causes we love. All of this is of almost incalculable value to me.
As I was writing this post, chapter 10 from Morgan Housel’s exceptional book came to mind. “You don’t need a specific reason to save,” he writes. “You can save just for saving’s sake. And indeed you should. Everyone should.”
Does this mean we will never move to a more expensive home? It does not. Our run-in with the market last month actually gave us a lot of clarity on what we’re looking for in a next home, and what we would and would not be willing to move for. With a narrowed scope, we feel ready to go if the right home comes on the market, but also perfectly content to wait several years should it not. And while we wait, that brokerage account will (hopefully) continue to grow – making action even easier when the time comes.
And now, to one more practical question before we close:
Over the years, readers have asked whether our feelings about this strategy have changed since we shared it, especially given the market volatility during the pandemic. Did the market drop in March 2020 make us wish we’d made payments directly on our mortgage? What has been the emotional impact of this plan, now that we’ve been at it for a bit?
This is an excellent question, and one of the most important ones to get clear on before embarking on a plan like this yourself. In a way, I’m grateful that the pandemic drop proved what we thought all along: that we both have a high tolerance for market volatility and risk. We set out on this plan knowing what we had set aside could decrease in value – and we were okay with that, considering our time horizon and the purpose of these savings. Also, not all of the money is invested in stocks, and most of it is managed in a defensive style which is more protected from volatility. We also have a fully-funded emergency fund, which helped assure us that even if something really unfortunate were to have happened (like, both of us losing our jobs WHILE the market plummeted), we still would have had options.
Key to our plan? We practice dollar cost averaging, or investing on a regular schedule, whether the market is up or down. No trying to time the market over here! Some months it will be up, which is great, and some months it will be down, which is also great – we can get in at a discount :) Over the long-term, though, we believe the market will continue to go up.
I’ll end this post the same way I’ve ended previous ones: if you like the idea of trying something like this, I would highly recommend working with a financial advisor. Of course, it’s possible to make investment decisions on your own, but I don’t want to give you the impression that it’s just me over here knowing all the things and that you should be able to do the same — John IS a financial advisor, and if he weren’t, we would definitely be seeking expertise on decisions of such magnitude.
And finally, I know this is a bit more of a niche Marvelous Money topic than we usually cover, and perhaps it feels wildly out of reach for you right now. I get that. I share this not to brag (!!!) or make you feel defeated (hopefully you know that!), but to perhaps stretch your imagination of what’s possible. At the very least, I hope it encourages you to value the peace of mind that comes from living below your means, whatever that looks like for you.
A final reminder: I am not a financial professional, and nothing I say here should be construed as investment advice! I’m just one gal sharing her story :)
Let’s discuss! What questions does this post bring up for you? Anything we could discuss in a future Marvelous Money post?
